Wedding gift help?

Our friend's daughter is getting married next month. The wedding is out of state and because of the virus, limited to family only. The couple is in their 40s, first marriage for both and they both have successful careers and are well off.

Background: My wife went to high school with the bride's mother and we get together with them (parents) maybe once, twice a year for dinner.

My wife has been frustrated scouring the internet looking for a gift and I suggested cash. Her comment was, do people give cash to well off people?

What say you experts on VMB? Any gift suggestions are also appreciated.

Its been about 20 years since we have been invited to a wedding, so amount of gift or cash, also appreciated.

 

Do they have a gift registry? I would also suggest asking the bride mother's for a suggestion. Find out their favorite restaurant and get a gift card.

 

Maybe a bit off track, but we've decided we're not giving wedding gifts any longer unless we attend. The reason is that it's been years since we've received a "Thank You" note for gifts we've given without prompting the parents to inquire as to whether the gift was received. Seems those in their 20s and 30s don't feel it's necessary to acknowledge gifts. Not only is it inconsiderate, but it makes us genuinely concerned as to whether they got it. Maybe a couple in their 40s still has "old school" manners.

 

If you can find out where they are going on their honeymoon, if that is a thing right now, you could send a gift basket to their room. It's something they wouldn't expect or buy for themselves and will probably be around $100.

 

$200 gift card to a good steakhouse, or $$$ Amazon Gift card.

 

Thank you all so far. All suggestions have been passed along to my wife. keep em coming!

 

Turns out they are registered on a site named Zola.com. One of the items on there is a "group gift". $3,800 for their honeymoon trip. 3% raised so far. I don't know why, but that rubs me wrong.

 

I would be ok with that. Once upon a time, people married in their early 20s when they didn't actually own very much stuff. In the case of your wife's friend's daughter, they probably already own a home and have already purchased pretty much everything they need, and they are spending a bunch of cash on the wedding. So the one thing they want but isn't currently a budget priority is a honeymoon trip. if you are uncomfortable with the web site, I think this also provides you some cover to give cash, because it sounds like that is what they could use for their honeymoon, and it would avoid the 3% or whatever surcharge that zola.com would keep.

 

For our age group that does come off as wrong, but hey, it's what 'they' want.

 

1) agree regarding registry...
2) agree that funding someone's honeymoon does not appeal to me. I understand registering, getting the word out, for supplements to a honeymoon... like excursions on a cruise. But the honeymoon itself?

I was once asked by a new friend... knew the couple only a few months... "please promise to never tell <the groom>" .... to loan her money for the wedding. I think we'd been to 4-5 parties together, weren't particularly close. I declined. Then the invitation included printed solicitation of gifts. Reinforced the life-lesson that we all have very different values, norms, expectations regarding everything - including weddings.

 

There is a fee charged by the web site? I didn't know that. Even more reason to dislike the concept.

 

I'm guessing. At least to cover the credit card fees. Or it may earn commission on the travel booking.

 

Gift registery is really the best. Most weddings we have been part of over the past year had multiple registeries.

 

I guess wedding registries such as the department store ones like Macy's, Dillard's, etc. are considered passe by today's newlyweds. My policy for years has been to skip giving knife sets to newlyweds. They may be happily married now, but things can and do change!

 

Since they’re going on a honeymoon, perhaps you could offer to pay for an airport limo with champagne for them? That will probably run somewhere in the upper $100/lower $200 range for a one-way trip.

 

Knives "sever" friendships - I would never give as a gift! Also I'm picky about what I use in a kitchen....If you can't find a registry, I like the restaurant gift card or honeymoon "extra" idea. When my sister married, we called the resort and gave them spa credit.

 

Likely, though Amazon wishlists perform a substantially similar function.

 

Do the parents share the view of a bit awkward? Soliciting funds? I don’t think I’d of solicited but any ca$h that came in would be directed to pay for the honey’smoon.
We (I) married what was thought to be late in the 80’s....35 and I felt totally awkward about registering here and there and patterns and colors and all. We were doing well as two middle (lower) aged people should be. I felt sorta cheap. But everyone else was fine with it so we went forward with the crowd.
And we paid for our wedding too which was sort of a present to the parents financial goals (at some point you’ve left the shelter. )

 

We’ve always been properly “thanked” for a gift, but that’s not why we give anyways. This is a HAPPY occasion folks! Celebrate!

We’ve got lots of family friends in their 20s-30s who’ve been married in recent years and electronically contributing to the honeymoon has been our choice on several events.

Others, we’ve given cash. We think cash beats a gravy-boat all day long!

 

If a gift is appropriate to give then it should be appropriate to the couple getting married -- within your budget -- not what you would request if it was your wedding. Man, it sounds like a whole lot of grass is being trampled here.