Trip Report - Degeneracy and Kilts

Hi guys,

A little bit of background info. I (Gary - 23) went to Las Vegas with my brother (Iain - 25) for 10 days of drinking & gambling. We had a brilliant time, and really glad I kept notes as I went on my phone (even though some of them were pretty hard to decipher the following morning). Enjoy...

 

Day One – Wed 11th & Thurs 12th December

Four hour bus journey to Edinburgh airport at 6pm, slept a little. Met up with my older brother at the airport (he flew in from Belfast) at 11pm. Slept in the airport for a little while, and watched Con Air on the laptop, never gets old. Boring few hours apart from my brother deciding he was going to unplug the ATM so he could charge his phone. Flight to Amsterdam at 5.50am. A couple of hours in Amsterdam Airport (which is huge), and then an 11 hour flight to Los Angeles. So bored and uncomfortable, I watched “We are The Millers” on the flight and slept for a bit. From what I saw LA is pretty cool. Customs gent was incredibly rude, huffing and sighing and moaning. Finally got to Las Vegas at 4.45pm. Told the taxi driver to take us to the Quad with no tunnel. He said “Tunnel? Sure, no problem!” and then tried to tunnel us. Check in line was fairly long. Tried the $20 trick with the receptionist, she never even acknowledged it and gave me it back at the end, but she was very friendly.Dumped everything in our rooms and decided to go down for a long overdue blackjack session, promised to be 30 minutes maximum. Sat down at about 5.30pm and was there ‘til about 1am. My brother (who doesn’t gamble) lost $60 over about 2 hours and then proceeded to watch the rest of us, and seemed to also have the most fun. I bought in for $200 and lost that steadily over a few hours, pulled out one last hundy and eventually cashed out for $500. Played with Luke from Australia and Kelly from Cleveland (who was in her mid 30s and smoking hot). Brilliant fun and a great way to start the trip. As the drinks flowed, the shouts at the dealers got more ridiculous. Our younger brother has a friend called Jack, who we like to call Jake to annoy him, and sometimes ‘Jacqueline’ (pronounced Jake-a-leen). Any time an ace was dealt we’d be screaming “blackjack!”, which led to “Jack Black!”, which then led to “Jake-a-leen!” in tribute to this freckly 11 year old kid from the north of Scotland. We cashed out at about 1am, exchanged numbers with Luke (although we never got round to hanging out with him – great guy though) and went to eat in Hash House. I had the blue cheese burger, my brother had the mash potato burger. Mine was great, but a little too cheesy, couldn’t finish it. My brother swears his was the best thing he’d ever tasted. We each ordered an orange soda but just looking at it hurt my teeth. Considerably drunk, well-fed and happy to be back in Vegas, we headed to bed after a long day of travelling at around 1am.

Day two – Friday 13th December

Despite going to bed at 1am, I woke up at 5am and instantly knew there was no chance I was getting back to sleep. Got out of bed for a pee only to find our door wasn’t properly closed. Having left all of my $ lying out I got the fright of my life. “Iain, wake up, all of our money’s gone! All of our fuc….oh never mind here it is, go back to sleep.” Got myself dressed and slipped out to find a poker game somewhere. The room at the Quad was deserted, so off to Harrahs I went, where they had a seat open at 1/2NL. I bought in for 200. First impression of the table was that it was quite fishy, but with one or two solid players. First hand I won I called an UTG raise with AQo in middle position, flatted the c/bet on the 345r flop, checked back the 10 on the turn and bet the 7 river, even though I was most likely ahead. A few hands later with a $4 straddle on, I overlimped 2 other players with 22, the straddle made it $24 total, the 2 limpers called, and so did I. The flop came down J62dd, and one of the fishy players at the table led out for $30, I re-popped it to $80 expecting her to put the rest of her stack in with AJ, I certainly never expected her to do what she did - fold. The table broke about 30 mins later, and I took my $80ish profit to Caesars, and joined in a $1/$3NL game. Pretty interesting table with everybody playing quite loose, but very competent at the same time. I was card dead for a few hours, until I picked up two black aces UTG+1. UTG had straddled, and I made it about $20 total. Can’t remember the board but it was Kxxxx with no straights/flushes, and I bet/bet/shoved for maximum value. Another interesting hand was vs a tight female and 1 other player. I overlimped her with 69dd, another caller and the straddle checked. Flop came down 10jqdd. It would’ve been less obvious she had flopped a straight if she stood up and screamed “I have just flopped a straight!” I called her pot-sized flop bet (as did one other player), and the turn was an 8. Again she led out for a lot, and I thought about it for a bit. Try as I might I couldn’t find a fold, and called, as did the other player. River was the Qd to give me my flush. She pounded the table to check, and for reasons unbeknown to man I checked as well, as did the third player. I could’ve value-bet them both hard on that river, God knows why I never. Was funny to see her berating me for not folding on the turn. I cashed out for a $270 profit there, putting me up $350 for the day and about $550 for the trip in total. Stopped off for a bit of breakfast at McDonalds and back to the room for 11am. I was on a high from a great start to the trip so before we went to do some shopping I insisted we stop off at the Blackjack table. Bought in for $200 and about 15 minutes later I cashed out for $560, I just could not miss. I’d been in Vegas for 8 hours and I was up about $800. Fast forward to the present moment, and sitting in my office 12 days later oh how I wish I had just stopped there. We never do though, us gamblers! After that it was about midday. We went off to the mall at Caesars Palace, an incredible building. Looking around for Xmas presents, I went into one of the shops and asked about the price of one of the necklaces. The lady took it out of the display, gave me a shpeil about it and then quoted me $15,000. I’ll never forget standing there trying to save face as if I knew it’d be about that and that it was totally in my price range while my brother had to turn away laughing. I settled on something a little cheaper but just as thoughtful from Swarovski. I toyed with buying a watch for $450 with my winnings but decided not to. After spending a couple of Benjamins on presents I jokingly said to my brother “It’s not gonna feel nice having to return these gifts after I lose all my cash by the end of the trip…” it didn’t quite come to that in the end, but it was close! We went for a pint in Gordon Ramsey’s pub, which is a very smart place. We had a young bartender that was full of energy and very funny. He was shouting at his colleague and had the place in stitches. “Sergio, sup braw?! You steal my quarters Sergio braw?!” Back to the room to get kilted up. Any fellow Scots reading this will know that there are fewer things in life cooler than walking through Las Vegas in a kilt. In 2011 we were in Vegas for 10 days. We took our kilts to wear for one night only (the first night), and then proceeded to wear them every night thereafter. Same as this trip, we wore them every night. We met up with our cousin Karen and her boyfriend Ben for dinner at Misa Grill in Caesars (they were there for 2 nights before they were going back to LA). We all had different starters, and shared the fish tacos (which were unbelieeeeevably good). The three lads had the pork tenderloin, and Karen had the rabbit. I thought the pork was nice, but the barbeque sauce accompanying it was pretty average. The other two were raving about how good it was. Karen’s rabbit was great. All in all a great meal, and the service in that place was exceptional. There was a slight issue with the rabbit and they couldn’t have been more helpful. After dinner Ben took us to a craps table to teach us how to play. My cousin was a little hyper and she proceeded to lose her ass chasing the elusive hard eight, it was very funny. The one time, the ONE time she doesn’t bet the hard eight, it hits. I was betting on the pass line (I think) and a few random numbers. When Ben was rolling he was trying so hard to do that super cool thing where you call out the number and roll it. Try as he might, he just could not do it though. Between him hilariously trying to do that, Karen’s obsession with the hard eight and the dealer telling me she loved my kilt and had 12 kids and me saying I’d make it 13 but it might come out playing the bagpipes, there were few moments in the trip that’d top the time at that craps table. After we went to teach Karen how to play blackjack, where she made her cash back (and then some) and I lost a mini-fortune. Iain and I parted from them at around 11pm as they were shattered. We went for a couple of drinks before ending up in The Bank nightclub in Bellagio. We danced like fools until around 3am before deciding to leave. After walking back to The Quad we got into the casino and my brother claimed he was going to bed, we had a jokey argument about it and I took a $1 bill out of my pocket and threw it at him. Before it had hit the floor some middle aged bald guy out of nowhere slid through the crowd, grabbed it, rolled over a few times, jumped to the floor and absolutely bombed it outta there, within about three seconds he had dropped, rolled, picked up the $1 and was gone. I was doubled over with laughter, you just had to be there to see how athletically this guy stole a dollar off of me. After that we drank at the bar until 6am before going to bed.

Day 3 – Saturday 14th December

Woke up at 2pm with the hangover from hell. I did a little gambling after the drinking last night(impressive I could even function considering how much I’d drunk), a small loss but nothing awful. We got kilted up again for 4pm and went to meet Karen & Ben at the Bellagio to say goodbye. Won a little bit playing blackjack with an American couple and an absolutely smoking hot Asian girl who kept trying to high five me. I had a great laugh with them trying to get the dealer, an older lady called Dawn, to high five me. She said she’d only high five me if I put a bet on for her. I told her I’d only put the bet on if she promised to deal us a blackjack. She obliged, and down went the bet. I thought it was going to be one of those amazing moments when the first card was an A, but alas, it was not to be. I got my high five from her though. Bode the other players farewell, cashed out, said my final goodbyes to Karen & Ben and Iain & I were off to the concert. After a bit of a disaster with directions (someone told us the House of Blues was at the Hard Rock so we went all the way there to find obviously it isn’t) we finally got there with plenty of time. The band that were on before them, TEAM from Texas, were awesome. After they had finished, and a little wait (and a lot of binge drinking), it finally happened. 3 planes, two buses, 31 hours and £900 for this moment, and it didn’t disappoint. Third Eye Blind were absolutely amazing. They played about 20 songs in total, and they were just incredible. Just before the show started we met two guys our age dressed up as Santa. Afterwards we drunkenly agreed to go Downtown with them. I paid for the taxi down, so they bought us all a bottle of tequila to share before going anywhere else. Standing there with my brother in kilts and 2 guys fully decked out in santa suits binge-drinking tequila from the bottle with people all around us was yet another memory from the trip that’ll last me a lifetime. After that was done we went into Four Queens casino where the santas wanted to do a roulette bet. They each put $10 on black. Being the degenerate that I am I smiled and pulled out a crisp Benjamin and also bet black (should’ve seen the look on their faces). My brother and I did this last time we were in Vegas, and won. I’m happy to say that we won again this time. One of the Santas was yelling “For Mandelaaaaaaaaaa!!!” as the dealer spun the ball, it was too funny (but in sober hindsight maybe a little offensive to others there). Delighted with our fortune, we went to the cage and cashed out. We then went to a bar called Mickie Finns. The band in there weren’t great but that didn’t stop the four of us dancing like two guys in kilts and two guys in santa suits drunk out their minds. I drunkenly decided I was bored of them all, and went myself to a biker bar place. Got a few funny looks being in a kilt and on my own but never did I feel unsafe. After a long conversation with three older ladies and their two older male friends the 6 of us went for a slice of pizza (I had 4 huge slices myself, naturally) and we all shared a cab back to the strip. I got out at the Wynn with them, as I was bursting for the toilet. Bode them farewell and then went to play a little blackjack. I shan’t go into detail about how bad it was, but it wasn’t good. Some drunk Asian kid kept buying in for $40, losing, and coming back. He came back at least 5 times. Betting $10 a hand and doubling down on 14 vs 20 etc, I felt like the dealer should’ve done more to stop him, maybe she did and I was just too drunk to remember. The Wynn is a beautiful place, with a beautiful casino, with some seriously beautiful women walking around. I’ll stay there one day. I walked back to the Quad at about 5am, and played some 1/2NL there. Doubled up a short stacker early on with TPTK on a 2310 flop (he had AA), before going into grind mode. I got my stack up to about $440 when it happened. I three bet this guy pre-flop with AJss to about $40 (there was a straddle). The flop came down 23J. He checked and I checked behind. The turn was a J and he bet pretty big into me. Knowing he’d never put me on a jack I re-raised, he insta-shipped and I insta-called. I’d played it perfectly, the dealer threw a 9 out on the river and he turned over 99. Sickening. I had about $60 left after that but it was 8am and I was pretty tired, so I wished them well, told the guy with the 9s to spend my money wisely and departed for bed. Apart from the bad beat, it was a great table. There was a guy there from Taiwan who I nearly made die with laughter; some American guy was eating chips at the table, and gave another guy a napkin-full of them. I made the obvious and intentionally bad joke of “uhh, dealer, isn’t that chip dumping…?” to send this guy into absolute hysterics.

Day 4 – Sunday 15th December

Woke up at midday after 4 hours sleep with no hangover (success!) but a sickening feeling due to that 9 on the river. A potentially $700 difference in my budget on a 2-outer on the river. Win some, lose some I guess. I went to McDonalds for some fast food before going back to sleep until 7pm (in hindsight what a waste of a day in Vegas). Kilted up and down to the casino we went. No comment on results but a tonne of free booze playing with the Dealertainers (worth staying in the Quad just for Shakira alone…). We wandered through Harrah’s after that and poked our heads into the Duelling Pianos bar. My brother persuaded me to go in for one drink (at about 9.30pm) and thank God he did, we were there until well after 2am. We spoke to a young guy from Glasgow who was the beverage manager there called Danny, who was great to talk to and even gave us a couple on the house. We exchanged numbers but again never got round to getting in touch, he was a top bloke though. The night in there was a blur, but I remember doing a conga round the bar with about 40 other people to the tune of 500 miles by The Proclaimers, only for the pianist to say afterwards “That’s for our two Irishmen over there!” at the end of it. I spent the night chatting away to a group from Texas celebrating one of their 50th birthdays. I’m awful with names (even more so when I’m drunk) but one of them was called Hayley, and boy could she line dance! My brother was chatting to a few people on the other side of the bar. I went to collect him after Hayley and her family (who were all great people and brilliant fun) departed for bed. One of them proceeded to tell me the best chat up line I have ever heard…

“Hey, what winks and f*cks like a tiger?”
“I don’t know…?”
*winks*

After this we went to the bar for a quick drink in Harrahs. My brother used his super power of striking up plutonic friendships with good looking girls. We got speaking to the bride-to-be of a bachelorette party. Fantastic fun that turned a tiny bit sour; the security guards came up to my brother and I and demanded that we leave because of our sgian dubh’s (a tiny piece of plastic that is shaped like a knife that is part of the kilt attire). He could’ve been a lot nicer about it. Our new friends accompanied us back to the bar at our hotel, where within two minutes of ordering a drink the security guards came up to us and said “Ok which one of you has the knife?” A little frustrated I pulled out this bit of soft plastic and he told me that there was “a good chance” I could be shot for having that on me. Jesus wept. I somehow managed to bite my tongue (was tempted to stab him to death with a bit of soft plastic but I let him live) and took them back up to our room. I went back down to meet up with Iain and the two from the bachelorette party. We decided at about 5am that it was Hash House O’clock. I had the cheese & mushroom burger, too drunk to remember what everyone else had. Three of us then had a big drunken debate about religion while one of the girls was falling asleep at the table. I departed for bed at 6am but the girls were due to leave at 1pm (can’t remember where they were from), my brother insisted he would stay with them doing fun Vegas things until that time). A very different sort of night to what I was expecting, but as I headed to bed I couldn’t help getting a bit philosophical about it. We were very close to not going into the piano bar, as I climbed into bed I remember thinking how different (not necessarily for the better) our night could’ve turned out being had we kept on walking. I could’ve maybe won some money. Fat chance I spose…

Day 5 – Monday 16th December

Woke up at around 3pm. No losses to speak of, and a great night the night before. No hangover either, as I’d hit the waters quite early the night before. I decided to walk over to McDonalds. Connected to the WiFi and sat for an hour or so catching up with things from back home. Football scores, Facebook etc, was good to sit and catch up with everything. Back to the room for about 4pm with a McDonalds for my brother, who is wide awake after just 3 hours of sleep. I listened to his tales from the morning. He went with the bride-to-be, Kayleen, up to the Stratosphere , rode a rollercoaster and didn’t get in til 1pm. True to his word, he stayed with her until her bus departed, the crazy b*stard. I went down to the poker room at the Quad for their 5.30pm $30 tournament. I was 5 minutes late, and was put ‘on reserve’. I got in after 30 minutes with the blinds at 100/200, 3k stack. I was surprised at how poor the standard of play was. People were limping in for 400 and folding when I put them all in for another 600 etc. I made the break with 7200 and about 13/14 players left. I was trying to text on the break and all of the alcohol/junk food/sugar I had consumed was really catching up with me; I was shaking like mad. I think at that point I said to myself I wouldn’t drink that night (ha!). Back to the poker, and I made the final 4 with a huge chip stack. We agreed to put $10 each so 4th would get their $30 back. 1st paid about $230. I shoved with A10 and got called by a middle aged lady with JQ, 25k flop, A on the turn turn and, yep, you guessed it… 10 river. A few hands later I shove with A10 and again she called with JQ, and again I lost. From chip leader to out within about 6 hands. C’est la vie. She bust me on the river twice, and coulda been a lot nicer about it. I smiled, wished them good luck and went back up to the room. Kilted up and downstairs for about 8pm, my brother’s looking a little tired. After about 20 minutes he left to use the bathroom, and then text me 10 minutes later to say he had gone to the room for a 40 minute power nap. 4 hours later and no sign of him, and I was about even and quite drunk. I went up to check on him, burst into the room, flicked the light on and shouted “wake up b!tch.” He was obviously having a bad dream because like a shot he jumped out of bed, stark naked, flexed his arms and started screaming “Ohhhhohohohoohohohohohhhhh!!” like some sort of gorilla. Never have I sobered up so quickly in my life. After a few minutes of us both not really sure what had just happened, he apologised profusely and went back to sleep, and I went back downstairs. I played with Adam Levine in the dealertainers pit, he was a good laugh, as well as a few female dealers. Again a great laugh, despite not having Iain there. I was ordering tequilas and telling the dealers that every time they dealt anyone at the table a blackjack I’d shot it. At one point even one of the other guys at the table was shouting “no ten!” when the dealer put an A down first (I hate tequila). After a couple of hours I was really drunk and up a bit, so left the Dealertainers pit and went to the main area to up my bets and find some better odds. I can’t remember much, but I can remember having about $400 in front of me at one point and betting $100 a hand. There was a guy at the table with me who was in stitches when I lost a hand and when the cocktail waitress asked if I wanted a drink I said “no, but I’ll take a hug?” she obliged to my delight. The dealer was a cool young guy called Pete. I cashed out for a few Benjamins, went for a McDonalds and then went to bed at stupid o’clock. The quietest night of the trip, but still great fun.

Day 6 – Tuesday 17th December. Woke up at 7am because of Iain’s snoring. Remember playing $100 a hand, and thanked God I had enough sense to cash some out. Was feeling awful and couldn’t sleep, so I got up and went to sit in McDonalds for water only and wifi. I was starting to get weird heart palpitations and I was shaking quite hard. I committed there and then to no drinking for that day (which obviously never happened). There was a bit of drama with a girl in the bathroom and her pimp but I got outta there before anything went down. I decided to walk around and go to some of the buildings I hadn’t seen before. It was really cool, calm and quiet, and I was wandering around with my headphones in, it was very peaceful. I went into the Palazzo, took a few pics etc, very nice in there. I was back to the room for about 12, couldn’t sleep again though. At about 2 I went with my brother exploring. We went to Planet Hollywood, Cosmo (great memories from the last trip in there) etc. We ate at Bacchanal buffet. Words can’t describe how incredible that place is. What a price for all that food! Bargain. Afterwards I bought into a 1/3 game at Caesars. I waited for about 20 mins for a table, and eventually a new table opened up, with pretty much everyone buying in for $300. The very first hand there was a $6 straddle and a call. I made it $25 to go with 108dd (showing the table who’s boss early etc). The guy to my left calls and we’re heads up to the flop, which is Ajxddd. I bet 45, villain thinks for a second before min-raising to 90. Knowing he has JJ I shove, he calls, A on the turn and he flips over his JJ. Again, I got it in with the best hand, and again it was me tapping the table and saying nice hand. I thought about re-buying but was tilting hard so thought it was best to just walk away. The table had 3 young foreigners sitting close to each other talking away in their own language anyway, not sure what that was about. Back to the room for 4pm, slept until 7pm, kilted up and out the door for about 8pm. Walking through Harrah’s we were stopped by a lady (as we were a lot of the trip for our kilts). She was a little hyper and told us she was the drummer from the 80s girl-band Heart, Roseanne Caravan (I think that’s what she said). As she was telling us Heart was playing in the background, 100% true. We went on our way and went into Casino Royale for a few cheap drinks. I dabbled in a bit of blackjack and won $60 (if only my hands would hold up in poker, $60 would be pocket change!). I had 2 $2 footlongs at about 9pm. We were meant to leave at about 11pm to find a club but it was too much fun. We bumped into the girl who told me the chat up line from the piano bar the other night, Jenna (short for Genevieve – is that how it’s spelt?) from Ohio. She stayed with us all night, what a laugh. My brother, being an ex-serviceman, got into conversation with a few older guys who were ex-soldiers and chatted to them for ages. We then got into a conversation with two guys from Texas who were really good fun. Then they ruined an hour of great conversation by trying to convert us into Christians. Using simple math (as they called it), they proved that there was a God and everything else was impossible. I’m all for letting people believe in what they want to, but forcing beliefs onto others is something I can’t deal with. We left them to it after that. At about 2am we decided to go to Denny’s for some food. My brother was very drunk, and did his “I’m just going to the toilet” trick, only to never return. Jenna and I decided to stay and have some food, and thank God we did. I had a Philly steak sandwich, she had pancakes, and we shared some nachos. Best meal of the trip, hands down. It was incredible (or maybe that was just the $2 screwdrivers making me think that?). After the mountain of food we had another quick drink at the bar at Casino Royale before saying goodnight (and goodbye, she was leaving the next day), and off to bed for 4am. Not the craziest of nights again but much like the piano bar, the company was second to none, those servicemen were excellent company. I never got Jenna’s last name, would’ve been nice to add her on Facebook and keep in touch, oh well.

Day 7 – Wednesday 18th December – up at 11.30 as Iain’s snoring is, once again, horrendous. A very cheap night yesterday, just what I needed to bring the budget back in line. I woke up Iain and boasted to him about how good Denny’s was. He apologised for ditching us, and off I went for some food. I grabbed a Subway quickly and then went to Harrahs to play some poker. I ground out a profit of about $400 with some exceptional bluffs, before bluffing once too many. A new guy to the table, loose aggressive but again very competent and made a few great folds, and I got into a few raising wars. I straddled from the BTN to $4, he was UTG and limped. I raised him to $25 with 109dd. The flop came down kk8 with 1 diamond. He checked and I represented AK with my pre-flop squeeze and tank-check-back. He led out on the 2diamond turn for about $40, and I came over the top to $125. He thought about it and then called, leaving me praying for a diamond. The river was a blank, he checked and I bet huge. He snap called and I threw my hand away, didn’t even get to see what he hand, although he claimed it was AK (doubtful as he limped in pre-flop). An interesting hand, but it took away almost all of my profit. After that I wished them all good luck, and left. I went for 2 footlongs at about 5pm, that’s 48” of hot dog in 24 hours! Kilted up and ready to go for 8pm. As we walked through the Quad I noticed a few dodgy stares, but again, never once did I feel unsafe. Casino Royale again for us for some cheap drinks. We came up with code-words here for crazy people and hookers. Crazy people were called ‘Bert’ and hookers were called ‘Ernie’. Great fun quietly saying “Bert! Bert! Bert!” anytime someone crazy came along, and likewise for ‘Ernie’. Again, great fun in Casino Royale, but no conversations I could remember the next day worth mentioning. We wandered over to Mirage but no clubs open, someone in there recommended Surrender at the Encore, so off we went. We went via Gillies, a karaoke bar, which was quiet and full of cowboys, but I got some cider in there at least. Finally arrived at Surrender. Paid the $32 cover, and instantly regretted it. A very smart club, but full of young Asian kids in suits with their tongues out screaming “YOLOOOOO!”, just not my kind of place. Paid $14 for a drink but at least it wasn’t watered down like they normally are in those places. After a while my brother and I got talking to a nice girl called Julia (pronounced You-lee-ahh) who was originally from Russia but now lived in the Middle East. She was about 10 years older than us, though you’d never think it looking at her. She had lost her friend somewhere in the club. Iain used his plutonic friend making power and we chatted for ages. We eventually found her friend, and the four of us left together. The friend’s mother picked us up and apparently never spoke a word of English (I was too drunk at this point to notice anything). Apparently she was playing a Blue CD in the car (a 90s boyband from the UK) and I was apparently singing it word for word (Iain delightfully told me this the following morning). Iain, Julia and I went to Dennys for some stupid o’clock food. I can’t even remember what I had, but it was Denny’s so it must’ve been good! I left them to it and was asleep for about 4am.

Day 8 – Thursday 19th December – woke up at 1.30pm, a little worse for wear. Iain and I went to a place called BLT Burger (I think?) in the Mirage for food. I had the basic burger with American cheese & bacon. Iain had some other burger and a huge milkshake. We shared nachos (God I love nachos). The food in here was really good. After we ate we walked down to Circus Circus and back up again. We stayed at Circus at our last time in Vegas, it was nostalgic being back there. I think it gets a bit of unfair criticism; quite like it in there. Back to the Quad and decided to try my luck at some of the Slots. Broke even after an hour, but what a waste of money (in my humble opinion). I say that as if blackjack isn’t a waste! Kilted up and off to our drinking haven, Casino Royale, for about 9pm. I met a ‘Bert’ in there who claimed to know the King of Scotland. A very obvious ‘Ernie’ then sat down next to me and, after an hour or so, took a real dislike to me. I can’t quite remember why, but I’ve never had a hooker annoyed at me before. We left Casino Royale, no idea what time, and went to a club called Haze at Aria. It was really good in there, but I was insanely drunk. All I remember is waking up in my bed the next day.

Day 9 – Friday 20th December. Second last day of the trip, and I’m starting to feel really sad about going home. I woke up at around 9am (no hangover somehow) and went for a walk myself. Denny’s was too busy, so I decided to go to Hash House on my own. I ordered quesadillas with fries, which wasn’t nice at all. I just didn’t enjoy it. Back up to the room and spent the day sleeping and watching Law & Order on TV. I needed a day of relaxing, and I felt fresh when I woke up at 5pm. Off to Hash House again for dinner with Iain, I had the mash potato burger and an extra portion of fries. The waitress bet me I couldn’t finish it all, trust my luck to win the only bet that doesn’t have money involved! It was nice but again not totally awesome. Kilted and out to Casino Royale for 9pm. By this point we’re on first name terms with the dealers, bar staff and even the guys outside who offer free rides to the strip clubs. At one point these guys with huge religious signs and a tape recorder blaring marched in with their religious messages, only for security to march them back out again to applause. Iain and I wanted to go to a rock club tonight. We got a taxi to a bar called Double Down to start us off. It was an incredibly cool bar full of tattood up punks and ladies, smoke filling the room, and the walls covered in stickers & newspaper cuttings. Again, a little unusual but not even close to feeling unsafe. The music was blaring and there was actually cider, my brother was in his element (he loves that kind of thing). They were doing some sort of radio show thing on the stage. At one point the girl on stage turned to everyone in the bar and told them to put their glasses up in the air. She then asked us “What does it say on the wall?!?”, obviously referring to the sign that says “Shut up and drink!”, which was the reply from everyone in the bar, before they all shut up and… er… drank. We went to a bar called The Ainsworth inside the Hard Rock afterwards for a drink. There was a solo guitarist in there, a big guy, doing all sorts of covers. Great artist, and I liked his pop-mash-up that he did. In there we met a guy called Lucas on his own who lived in Vancouver but was originally from Germany. He asked if he could tag along for a bit, we didn’t mind at all. He was a nice guy and was the spitting image of our old childhood friend. After a few drinks in Ainsworth we went to a place called Vinyl also in the Hard Rock. There were about 15 people in that place, but it should’ve been packed to the rafters. There was a band on that were brilliant. They were doing covers of The Clash, The Offspring, Green Day etc. Got a few cracking videos and even got to high-five the singer mid-song (he did insult me for being Scottish but hey ho). After the band finished a young girl came up to me, pointed at her parents and said “my dad said he’d give me $100 if I touch your knee.” I tried to negotiate $50 for myself, but settled on a screwdriver. After she bought me it, I raised it in the air and shouted all the way across the bar “Thanks dad!”, good times. After that I was fairly smashed. We went to Body English at about midnight. The doorstaff said we had to pay $25 to get in and to finish our drinks we’d taken with us. After about 10 minutes of chatting about football hooligans from the UK and my favourite football team (Motherwell FC) they let us in for free AND with full drinks. Doorstaff in Vegas are usually pretty cold, but these guys were a riot. In we went. The rest of the night is an absolute blur. All I remember is going home and lying on top of the bed with the balcony door open trying to fall asleep before I started spewing (if I started I’d not stop all night). I blame the cider…

Day 10 – Saturday 21st December – f*ck me gently what a hangover. I woke up freezing my ass off at 12.30pm. I could barely move. After a little while my brother and I got up and went to Caesars (he was fresh as a daisy somehow). There was a moment en route to Caesars where I was crossing the road in the heat outside Margaritaville listening to Van Morrison playing in the background. I was not only happy, but hungover, and sad that it was my last day, but content at the same time. Was a strange moment. Walking through Caesars I had another ‘stay with me for life’ moment; I noticed 10 of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life all crowding round one blackjack table all learning the game (dealer training). I swear at least six of them looked twice at me. They were insanely beautiful. We had intended to destroy the Bacchanal one last time but the queue was outrageous, so we went to a place called Munchbar. It was a little pricey for what it was, but the food was brilliant, one of the best meals of the trip. I had a Philly Sandwich Hoagy that was oozing with cheese, my brother had fried chicken, and we decided to share some nachos for a change. The nachos themselves were nice, but the steak we ordered with the nachos was badly burnt and generally horrid. Apart from that minor detail, the food was incredibly good, definitely one of the best meals of the trip. I remember a group of teenage girls walking past and the one at the front turning and pointing to our table with a look of shock and amazement on her face at the amount of food we had. I felt weirdly proud. Afterwards we we went for a walk so Iain could buy some souvenirs but half way down to where he wanted to go I felt too ill to go on. Back to the room I went to relax. Paid for some wifi (I hate paying for wifi, especially in a hotel!) and relaxed for a long time. I had a severe argument with my brother when he got home and we almost never bothered going out. As much as I love my brother, ten days with him gets a bit tiresome. We both manned up and decided we couldn’t spend our last night in Vegas sitting in. Kilted up and out for 9.30. I needed 2 footlongs to fuel the carnage ahead. We stopped and had a drink in Rhumbar (we had a blast there last time in Vegas), then off to Cosmo, not before getting absolutely soaked by the incredible fountain show. We had a couple of drinks at the Cosmo bar, where we met this guy dressed as an elf called Todd. He introduced us to his two buddies (can’t remember their names though). The two buddies left and Todd chatted to us for 5 minutes. He was small, chubby, 39, married and bald, and spoke to us for 5 minutes, but was easily one of the funniest characters we met on the trip. Within about 30 seconds he had insulted me for my rubbish beard and my brother for being the fatter of the two of us. After we left Todd we went up to the Chandelier bar, where we were greeted by two Russian girls who shrieked at the sight of our kilts. Happy to pose for photos, we got chatting. We asked them if they’d accompany us into the club (we had a pass that got us in for free if we had 2 girls with us), but they were under no obligation to stay with us if they didn’t want to after we were in. They were very friendly and agreed, so after about 30 minutes off we went to Marquee. They were called Elena (pronounced Lee-Anna) and Irina (I think), both 28, originally from Russia where Elena still lived but Irina now lived in Vegas. Brilliant girls, and again would’ve liked to keep in touch over Facebook, but was too drunk to get a surname! We eventually got split up from them in the Club, and off home we went at 3am after a night of dancing away. Special mention to Marquee, it is a hell of a club, the best I’ve ever been to. Once I got home I changed into jeans and a hoody, and off to Denny’s. I sat alone and drunk in Denny’s with no socks on under my shoes, and no t-shirt under my hoody, eating nachos and fries by myself with drunk people all around reflecting on what could only be described as the best ten days of my life. There is so much I forgot to add and so much I was too drunk to note on my phone for the report, but it truly was an amazing trip.

Viva Las Vegas.

PS – the journey home was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

 

Wow! Best trip report ever. I don't think anyone ever really wants to leave Vegas. Well played sir

 

Awesome trip report!!

 

Well that was just a great report. I got a great laugh at the girl getting paid by her dad to touch your knee. Thanks for taking the trouble to write this up. Sounds like an incredible time!

 

Awesome report thanks for posting. Reports like those makes the time between trips less painful

 

Thanks for sharing your good times. Wearing a kilt has to invite all kinds of fun.

 

Awesome report! I was hesitant to read this because it looked like a wall of text, but I'm glad I did. After one of the first sentences about your brother unplugging the ATM at the airport in order to charge his phone I knew this was going to be a fun ride. Really funny and well-written. Your reaction to that $15k necklace had me rolling. I'm glad I'm not the only one who's done that and tries to play it off like it was totally what I expected. You guys sound like a blast!

 

So glad you posted the TR over here. I was afraid I would not be able to read the entire sage. It sounds like you did Vegas right!

 

sounds like you guys had a hell of a trip great report thanks for sharing!

 

Good job... glad you came over to the Hard Rock for a bit... I like your brother's "super power of striking up plutonic friendships with good looking girls." Ha!

 

You wore a kilt the whole time?

The pianists thought you were Irish?

I bought my son a kilt, plus all the other accoutrements(no knife or sword though) this past summer as he has wanted one for awhile. He has yet to wear the darn thing.

 

One hell of a report Thanks

 

WOW- great read. I am hungover just from reading it.

 

Hilarious. Loved all of it.
You're a fantastic report writer.
You (and your brother and your kilts) must go back to Vegas many many times, so I might enjoy your tales.

Thanks so much. A laugh out loud report for me.

 

Thanks for the kind words guys, glad you liked my report! I'll be hopefully going back to Vegas April 2015-ish (the gambling results in the report are very watered down; I lost my a$$!), will be sure to do a report then too!

 

Thanks for taking the time to post that here.

Sounds like you had a great time!

 

Great report, thanks for posting it. Sorry about some of the bad beats in poker

 

Quality mate. 10 days!!!!! Impressive. I went for 5 and by the last day i was a gibbering wreck.

Best bit was the middle aged bald ninja that nicked your $1.

 

Superb trip report. I love the trip report where the smallest thing makes for the best story, good on your brother for sticking it out until the following afternoon with the females!