The Hooker got Pai Gow

...as long as Pai Gow means "nothing" like the dealer told me it does.

Better late than never I guess – story of my life. Flight was average but approach was way cool. Whatever runway we came in on, it took our approach right down the strip from downtown to McCarran. Harrahs, Paris, MGM, all just outside the right windows. It took forever to taxi to the terminal (new D concourse), but when we finally stopped I had two messages from Beach Crazy & another call before we got off the plane… and another at baggage claim… and another in the limo… Speaking of the limo, I ordered a standard six pack & Robert showed up in a stretch Escalade – nice. “Am I paying for this?” I asked with a hint of laughter. Robert is the man. He had it stocked full of Bud Light & took us up the strip in style.

Got to the Evil Empire & was offered a suite upgrade but only for the 1st two nights. I declined because I can’t go from a deluxe apartment in the sky to living next to Archie Bunker in one weekend. I did get a room high up in the newer Carnival Tower with a decent view of Mirage. The room was fine for our purposes.

Our room




Our view


Settled in and went downstairs to meet up with Angy, Sin, Jer, and Chef who were all coming down from partying downtown. It was great to see my old friends & to meet Chef for the first time. Chef seems like a really nice guy & I wish he could have hung out longer but from the day he had mountain climbing, I don’t blame him for wanting to get some rest. Jer was glued to a craps table so Angy & I sat at a blackjack table while Sin watched. After going up a quick 200, I should have walked but that would be too easy. Three hours later I was down a banana chip & awake for 24 hours so it was time to head up to the room.

The next day (Thursday) started with room service breakfast. Not bad, but the coffee was rancid. Brian & I decided to check out Hooters & watch some hoops. I was never in here when it was San Remo and I had very low expectations. Maybe that’s why I was somewhat impressed. There are not many tables & the rules suck (which usually means that I do well), but I found the overall atmosphere very comfortable & the girls of course were simply outstanding. I did play some blackjack & walked out up $200 – baby steps.

Hooters casino bar as you walk in the front door


Casino floor


Bartenders & Waitresses






And my FAVORITE dealer Eve


Later that night I went to Mix while Brian stayed back to wait for Joe who was arriving on the 6:10 flight. I met up with the usual suspects and found that although the view was most excellent, the vibe just wasn’t there like Voodoo. It’s almost too classy I guess but nevertheless, this group made the most of it. I did enjoy the view from the bathroom. That was worth the ride up itself.

This pic looks familiar


Hey Jer, what are you covering up?


The Dynamic Duo


Buddies now but wait till the poker tourney


Just a Gigolo


3 of the nicest people I've ever met (nice pic girls )


All Aboard!!!


View from Mix


I ended up talking to a girl of questionable intent (that’s a hooker boys & girls). I disappeared with her into the humidor (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it ) and ended up talking for an hour at the bar. She did have good taste in cigars. After a couple of $20 stogies (which I'm sure would have been $10 anywhere else), she realized that I was wasting her time and started hitting on the gray haired feller with the fat wallet sitting opposite me. He was married & waiting to meet his wife. Normally a stopper for a hooker pursuit, but this is Vegas & anything goes. The wife shows up but instead of a cat fight, this hooker found herself a couple of swingers. Talk quickly turned to an orgy & this mid-west boy wanted no part of that. I exited stage left & called my buddies who insisted that they saw a leprechaun & were now at Barbary Coast gambling. That was music to my virgin ears.

Funny, but she looked better in the dark bar


I got back to Barbary & found my friends playing Pai Gow. I’ve never played but always wanted to try so this was a good opportunity. I’ll just say that I liked it as a change of pace game but you definitely have to be in the mood for a slow relaxing pace. I can play five hands of blackjack easy in the time it takes to play one hand of Pai Gow. I caught on right away but some people would just stare at their cards blankly for minutes. Like I said, you have to be in the right mood. Unfortunately, I was impatient at the pace so I started doubling & tripling my bets (I’m sure alcohol played a role in this “strategy” as well). I played all night & ended up down $300. I walked back to Harrahs at 7:00am dodging joggers & heroin sheek hookers along the way.

Friday – St. Patrick’s Day & after a few hours of sleep, we headed downtown to meet Don D and the rest of the gang at the Plaza to put in our shares for the horse bet and head to the Neon Boneyard for the tour. After meeting Don in the book, it was time to head to the Boneyard. We pile in two cabs with me, Brian, & Joe in one and the ladies (Sin, Cyndi, and Patti) in the other. Forgive me if I left anyone out but the fear of being shot at all but washed that entire memory from my brain. To say this place is in a bad part of town would be too kind. “Roll ‘em up” I said with a fearful smile. Even the cab driver looked scared. We found the Boneyard but could not locate the entrance. After one trip around the block, we were the obvious center of attention for the locals. I asked the driver how much it would cost to wait for us & he said that I didn’t have enough. OK, we saw the fence – time to go. We promptly headed back to safety of Fremont & had a good laugh about it. I wonder if that driver will get docked for the “Honky Lips” painted on the side of his cab.

We left the gang on Fremont & my buddies & I decided to head to Hogs & Heifers for some refreshments. This bar rocks & is officially a must stop for future Vegas trips. The bartenders were awesome fun and the Irish Car bombs were coming fast and furious. I remember leaving messages for Terry, Angy, Becky, and Bill to come down there. Eventually Bill & Angy showed up only after I was lit up like a Christmas tree. Aside from Angy dancing on the bar, the rest of the afternoon is a blur. In hindsight, ten Irish Car Bombs before 4:00 on no food was probably not the best idea.

Some Vegas history on the way to H&H


Before the Irish Car bombs (thankfully there are no after pics)




Gotta love these girls




Hey Angy, whatcha doin' on the bar?


A little ass grab to get things started




Did her bra end up on the wall behind the bar???


That's all the H&H pics I can show :evillaugh

Bill & Angy left to go prepare for her party that evening while me & the boys made our way back to Fremont for some much needed corned beef. I remember a drunken call to my friend back home and some girl flashing us for our beads. She had a nice pair with pierced nipples but as I fumbled for my camera, I missed the money shot – sorry guys.

It was now 5:00 & time to head back. I had every intention of making it to Angy’s that night after a quick power nap – yea right. All three of us passed out until 12:30 at night. We woke up & talked about the day only to drop again until 6:00am. 12 hours of sleep in Vegas… are you kidding me??? I was seriously bummed at my misfortune but today is a new day and I’m well rested and ready for the poker tourney.

We started with breakfast at Peppermill where I ordered the Maserati Omelette – 10 eggs stuffed with sausage & mushroom & who knows what else. I gave it my best shot but was unable to conquer the beast. On our way out we ran into Doc, Baz, Mikey, and Cyndi having drinks in the lounge. They were waiting for their table so we chatted for a bit & then headed off downtown.

A little appetizer


With some time to kill, we played some blackjack at LVC where I left down another hundy. We met everyone at the Plaza at 12:30 for the tournament and like everyone else has said, this was a smashing success and a must do on future MM trips – kudos to Baz and Guilt and the Plaza for putting this thing together. I slow played with the intent that I was not going to wear the “Strippers direct to you” shirt. Don’s wife Jennifer ended up with that honor & what a good sport she was. I won a few hands and found myself at the final table. Guilt was a little pissed at me when I went all in on him with an A-5 off suit and caught another ace on the flop. Sorry buddy but I was short stacked & ready to leave. A couple hands later I got quad sixes & busted out the Terminator who was looking at a full house aces over sixes. Unfortunately my luck ran out as Rambill took Larry & me out on the same hand. 7th place wasn’t too bad & I learned quite a bit from the experience. Congrats to Rambill for winning it all!!

Outstanding entertainment




And the winner is...


I bought in for a hundy at the side 2/4 table with Ross, Larry, Mikey, Don, Sin, and a few others but poker just wasn’t my game today & after donating that pile to a couple of old locals, I headed over to a blackjack table where my luck would finally change.

Fun with friends (nice shades bastard )


I'm blind!!! :eek2


I was doing very well at the BJ table (up about $400) when Brian said it was time to go. We had 8:00 reservations for Samba but I never leave a hot table so I sent Brian & Joe on their way and I settled in for the long haul. Don was there with his wife & a couple of friends of theirs and the table had the mojo going. I’m not sure how long we stayed but when the dust cleared, I was up $1200. I cashed in and was on my way out when another table just felt right. I sat down & bought in for $200 and played for the next three hours or so with some fun ladies who were new to the game. Later their husbands who were drinking at the bar behind us thanked me for keeping them occupied while they had some guy time. The pleasure was all mine because the four of us just had the mojo going strong and I ended up pocketing four $500 chips before the run came to an end. I’ve never had good luck at the Plaza but when it’s right, it’s just right. Three banana chips and I’m finally on my way back to Harrahs.

A smart person would have just gone to bed. I’m an idiot. I decided that three grand was just not enough and I sat down at a table for what I thought would be a $500 buy in & if it’s goes bad, then I go. Well I stayed for two more such buy ins before finally heading up to bed – still up $1500 but feeling like I just got raked. There’s a lesson to be learned here – I’ll let you know when I figure it out.

Sunday we head down to my friends pub (Boulevard Bar and Grill) which is across from Southcoast. The idea was to get lunch and watch the Ohio State game. We walk in and can’t locate the game on any of his four big screens so I ask what’s up. The bartender says that they can’t get it because they are locked into whatever regional game was being broadcast. WTF??? My friend who owns the place will not be in until later so I can’t bitch to him but c’mon – you mean you can broadcast every Browns, Indians, and Cavs game played but you don’t have the March Madness ticket with your satellite company??? You see, this is a Cleveland sports backers bar and either the bonehead was too damn lazy to figure it out or someone effed up big time and didn’t order the proper package. Either way we were out of there and I can no longer recommend this place to anyone. We walked across the street to Southcoast and settled into a nice lounge in the sportsbook to watch the game… Stupid Buckeyes got crushed. Southcoast is very nice & open. Cocktail service was awesome as were the waitresses. Unfortunately my bad luck continued here and I lost another 600 clams.

Southcoast casino floor


A pic of me with our cocktail waitress


We headed back at 11:00pm and I was going to make one last effort to hook up with Angy. We agreed to meet at 2:00am in the Piano Bar at Harrahs if we didn’t hook up sooner. Well 2:00 rolled around & no sign of Beach. I tried several phone calls to her & Chicago Cyn and even went to IP to call her room direct – nothing. Sorry for all the messages girls but the reality of a trip to Vegas with such little time with Angy & no time spent with Cyn was setting in – damn. I ended up playing Pai Gow with Brian and Joe until about 5:00am – lost another $200. Having taken such a beating at the usual games, I decided to give Let it Ride a chance. I quickly hit a full house followed by a straight and left on a good note up $600. I put a $20 into a quarter Wheel of Fortune on my way up to the room & hit on about ½ dozen spins. I parlayed it into $80 and went to bed.

The Piano Bar at Harrahs at 2:00am with no sign of Angy


The next day it was time to go. After lunch at BK we headed for the airport where I finally got to spend a little time with Angy who had a similar flight time out. Unfortunately, by this time, we were both dragging our asses but it was still nice to see her again. Next time I promise we’ll spend more quality time together drinking & gambling!!

Final thoughts:
I wish that I had spent more time with everyone from T2V.

How did I lose $500 playing Pai Gow???

I’m really upset that I still haven’t met Andrea.

I’m equally upset that I did not get to know Marty & Sticky (love the bathrobe man – classic!!)

If I dumped any of my personal problems on anyone while in a drunken state, I apologize. (Hooker not included)

Don D & his lovely wife are really good people. Thanks for sharing my BJ table!!

Midgets are always fun. Midgets dressed up as leprechauns running around outside of O’Sheas when you’re stupid drunk are side-splitting entertainment.

This was not my typical trip. I wasn’t able to fall through the rabbit hole this time and leave reality behind. I’m very much looking forward to seeing everyone again either later this year (long shot but ya never know) or for MM4

 

Great report & pics. It was wonderdful meeting u and hope we get a chance to meet up again. Luved almost getting mugged and rampaged with u on the seedier side of town........lol

 

Nice report Ron!!

I've also been told that "Pai Gow" means "9 high", which is the worst nothing hand there is in that game, but it also puts an interesting spin on your TR title

 

Classic TR, Ron, love the pics. Incidentally, do you burn the hard copies so they're not lying around the kitchen table at home?

Sounds like you ended up some without there being some climactic win.

Nice job.

 

Another great trip report....
Reading all these reports makes me want to do it all over again. Maybe MM3.5?

 

Thanks for finally explaining why there weren't any descriptions or photos from the Neon Boneyard!!

 

Fabulous Report, Ron. Now we know what you were doing since you were MIA most of the time! Glad you won a little money and got to have your own little "tits festival" for the weekend! Sorry we didn't get to really talk or hang out....there's always next time!

 

Now, you know I'm gonna hold you to that!! How about next weekend?

What a great read, and I love the photos, well...most of them. Wish we could have spent more time together but it sounds to me like you had no problem keeping busy. Next time, sweetie. :wink

Are you sure? Better look closer. :evillaugh

 

Now that's funny . I can't believe that I missed you .

 

Baby, it sure is good to finally know what the hell you were doing all weekend! I thought the bone yard thing was hilarious...was I scared? A little, but you know how I love the seedier side of life! Hopefully next time we'll party together a little more....and I know you had my phone number so I'm very hurt that I never got a call to head down to H&H

 

I got the call... but he was slurring his speech so much it sounded like he was waiting for me or someone else he knew to come hold the lid up while he puked. So I passed!

 

Ron

Awesome report! Sorry I missed it. Love the cocktail waitress pic, but why did you have to ruin it with that O.S. shirt!

 

Great report Ron, Awesome pics too. It was good seeing you again. Hope to see you next time!

 

So ... what exactly was it you liked about the San Hooters? or Hogs n Heifers? Looks like I should've rolled down there at some point...

Oh, and nice room pic, but where's the rollaway? Three guys, there must've been a rollaway, right??

 

Awesome report man! Who knew I flashed so many people this trip? I guess after Bill did it during MM2 I felt the need to be THAT guy. Damn!

Thanks for the Bomb at Mix. And you're right about the leprechaun outside O'Sheas. I saw him last weeken and almost stepped into traffic laughing so hard. And when he says free shots on the bar at (whatever time), he means it, as he runs along (on) the bar pouring shots into peoples mouths. Good times!

If you go back for MM3.5, make sure to give me a holla. I'll be there!

And thanks again for letting me use your design for the chips...

 

What hard copies?

Actually I came home down money this time... but the tits were spectacular . If I would have just gone to bed after winning the three banana chips at the Plaza, I might have finished up a bit. I made no mention of my hoops bets that were less than stellar.

For this faux pas, please accept my apology. I forgot that I had your number. Gotta blame this one on the



Definitely my loss!!

...not that there's anything wrong with that. Actually, Joe got in a day later than Brian & I so we didn't order the rollaway until we had to.

I missed the shots but we started with the Lucky Charms jokes & I could barely stand up I was laughing so hard.

If I can swing another trip later this year, I'll make sure you know about it!!

 

Baby, I forgive you. That stuff would knock the sense out of me too!

Next time my friend it is ON! As Tonya would say

 

Nice report and VERY nice pics!! (0) (0)!

 

Great TR Ron!!! I was really bummed this trip to have spent so little time with y'all!

 

Nice TR and pics Ron.

Too bad we did not get to hang out much. I remember talking to you on Angy's phone on Wed. nite and being introduced before the tourney on Sat. and I was a little hung over that day. We'll hook up at MM4 for sure.

Go White Sox! :evillaugh

Marty