I Saw Macker Kissing Santa Ho's: Beejay, Gaggles, Macker Inc 5th Annual Xmas Live!

Another View on this Epic Trip

This is my first trip report and has gotten rather long. My apologies if it’s wordy, but I got to the end and figured, damn it, I wrote this stuff down, I might as well post all of it. I do not have pics to shares because in order to protect the innocent (read: “me” aka Hielo) I am the paparazzo on these trips, not the celebrity.

My trips of debauchery with this ragtag crew of misfits began in December of 2010. After half a decade of hearing Beeejay’s tales of good fortune, ridiculous quantities of quads, and untold numbers of “hookers and blow”, I couldn’t resist the siren song that is Vegas any longer. I was sick of getting his late night/early morning texts of premium quads and stacks of bennies. They say ignorance is bliss…I have come to learn just how right whoever they are, were.

This would be my third trip with Gaggles and Beeejay, second with JCNVH and Tyler, and first with Macker, Borat, BNK, and T. Given the accommodations that Beeejay had managed to steal from Cosmo, I was pretty pumped for this one. My goals for this trip were to last 24 hours straight the first day, play craps and blackjack at the tables for the first time, and hit another royal (after hitting on my first ever trip I just figured these things came easy and I was due). I accomplished 2 of these 3 goals.
T-Minus 1 Vegas and Counting

This trip comprised my third dance with the devil. A couple texts from Beeejay, a rearranged flight on his end, and I was soon booked out of ORD on the same flight with the legend himself on a very early Thursday morning. This presented a bit of a problem for me, as my trips to Vegas usually coincide (read, EXACTLY coincide) with out of town trips where I learn how to work even harder for the man. Now, Mrs. H. is known for being pretty quick to bust me on my bullshit, and she wasn’t going to buy a 1.5 day training knowing full well the Man I work for is too damn cheap to pay for airfare/accommodations just to lock me up for 12 hours of grueling conferences. This dilemma was best resolved the only way an aspiring degenerate could think of….local casino day.

So bright and early on Wednesday I caught the first “flight” out of ORD and headed my silver sleigh east, to what Beeejay has dubbed to be the “Whore”shoe in Hammond, IN. First problem….the damn casino didn’t open til 9am. A few hours spent working at a local Starbucks, a quick stop for some bankroll, and one scary damn ride through the ghetto that surrounds the Whore and I found myself strolling in alongside untold numbers of walkers, scooters, and canes to start this trip off right.

For this trip I scratched together about a $2k bankroll in the hopes that I could at least hang with the crew for a few hours before needing to hang my head in shame and walking away to play $.25 DDBP for the remainder of each night. Inside the smoke-filled, geriatric halls of the Whore, I hoped to build this bankroll up a bit to minimize this walk of shame risk. I quickly began to feel like a true degenerate. Perhaps it was the 400 pound man with the Santa-esque beard in his scooter screaming like a school girl each time he hit something on the nickel slots with that month’s rent check, or maybe it was the lack of free booze, but I actually contemplated turning around and walking out of there before even playing a single hand. Well, luckily the $1 progressives soon made an appearance and I managed to slip my first benny of the trip in before running for the exits. I quickly hit quad A’s, unfortunately only playing Boner Deluxe on the advice of eh ummm…one Mr. Beeejay. Pissed off at this unfortunate fortunate hand, I quickly switched to DDBP. Well, the $4,500 progressive remained solidly intact, but I did hit quads (no prems) a couple more times and walked out of that casino up about $400 for the effort. Not a terrible start to what would turn into one hell of a trip.
Feeling hungry I headed south to one of my favorite breweries, 3 Floyds in

Munster, IN for some nosh and a couple brews. I’ve never been on to drink alone in a bar, but feeling a bit pumped about the good fortune that morning, and having half a day to kill still, I figured what the hell. I saddled up to a packed late lunch crowd, ordered a fantastic brew and a killer pulled pork sandwich. Now, this may get taken the wrong way, but I’m pretty confident when I say it’s actually harder for me to strike up a conversation with another dude than it is a hot chick. For whatever reason this day I figured, what the hell. An hour and a half and a couple more brews later I’d met a really cool guy from West Lafayette, IN and another dude from Wisconsin who were both out on the road on business. Spent the time talking about different breweries/beers, our families, and the pending fiscal cliff with a great couple of guys before heading into the city for a co-worker’s going away party (In my line of work this is code for “free drinks from the partner who wants her business in the future”).

After a few drinks with friends and co-workers I headed over to Beeejay’s lair where I dropped my bags and he quickly ushered me into his car for a quick trip to what has become his second home, Rivers Casino. The plan was for a quick hit and run. Well, true to form, he hit, and I got ran out of there giving back half of my winnings from earlier in the day. No matter. After quick BJ lesson from his kids and the standard pre-Vegas ritual of The Hangover, it was soon time to hit the hay because the next day promised to be a long one. Many thanks to Mrs. Beeejay for letting me crash on the couch to avoid wasting precious Vegas bankroll on a hotel room for the night.

T Minus 0 and Vegas Coming

Bright and early Beeejay and I headed for the F Lot at ORD. This is the $9 a day economy lot and (see earlier sentence) saved me some more precious Vegas bankroll. A quick bus ride, tram ride, traditional full nude pics in security, and Beeejay and I found ourselves soon saddled up to the same bar we’d hit before last year’s trip. This will become a Winter ritual for sure.
Flight was uneventful but did manage to get 3 jack and diet cokes in me before we landed. We couldn’t help but singlehandedly find a solution to all of the airline’s financial woes of the past few years. Tell the damn FA’s to get out of the galley and push booze on degenerates that are drinking in the morning. If I ordered a double jack & diet at 9am it only stands to reason I’m gonna’ order a couple more midway through the flight. Beeejay had splurged for a limo to the Cosmo so we avoided any taxi lines (if there were any at 11am). I got the tip and we headed for a smooth checkin and dropped our bags up in our room. Beeejay already covered it, but the first night’s room was a standard terrace suite. Really, if I hadn’t seen the wraparound on my first stay here, I would have thought this room was amazing. The view was great, the balcony was plenty big, and other than the odd blinds into the bathroom, it was perfectly fine for 3 guys. Especially 3 guys who probably spent a combined total of 6 hours in the room the entire first night.

After dropping bags and depositing bank rolls into the safe, we headed downstairs for the $100 Identity Free Play. We saddled up at the bar tops where the bartender bore a striking resemblance to one of my co-workers. This was obviously a sign that I was destined to accomplish my third goal of this trip right off the bat, so I burned through that $100 in freeplay in about 10 minutes. Heading back to the Identity counter I felt a sense of misdeserved pride when the girl at the counter commented “you lost $100 already?”. Fortunately the second $100 in at the bar top proved a bit better and I hit quads cashing out up about $200. A couple goose and sodas down and we were off heading northeast.

Just a few weeks after the trip and my memory is a bit hazy, but we definitely crossed and I recall some time spent at Paris where we later met up with JCVNH fresh in from his flight. The goal here was to get as drunk as possible before crashing for a power nap and getting ready to head out and meet the Canucks who were (laugh laugh) expected in on Allegiant around 10:30pm. At some point in our drunkenness we completely forgot about the original plan. Needless to say, no nap was ever had.

Now, I’ve had the good pleasure (or maybe it’s misfortune) of knowing Beeejay for 9 years. I’ve drank with him on countless occasions (even one fateful night where he managed to convince a much younger Slowrolla aka Hielo while we were drinking shot for shot that he was taking shots of vodka which I now have a strong suspicion his were in fact shots of water). The point being that I’ve seen the guy drink. Well, at one point I remarked to Borat who had arrived at some point in there with a magnum of Goose (like feeding chicken to a turkey) that I’d never seen Beeejay this drunk before and I was concerned he wasn’t going to last the night. Boy did he ever prove me wrong.

More to come so long as this thing doesn't get shut down.

 

Nice!

Another version of the very hazy events should bring back some lost memories.

its funny when you are so drunk everyone remembers different things. I was pretty sure I was the one who slept on the couch at my house. :evillaugh

and you really missed out tonight Slowrolla, as the daughter rolled 12 straight points including a full fire bet during our craps training. Mrs. BeeeJay told us to focus on the math homework....I was thinking more about getting a fake ID and heading out to meet Natedog at the Wynn!