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Twisted Sisters - July 9-13

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by PaigeTurner, Jul 9, 2019.

  1. PaigeTurner

    PaigeTurner Tourist

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    I don't have anything witty, intelligent or constructive to add here. Just an update from yesterday.

    I'm not gonna lie, things are a little fuzzy today. The Twisted Sisters got shitfaced yesterday. Absolutely shitfaced. When we last checked in we were trying to sober up to go meet up with ShelteredSis. That was an unsuccessful endeavor. We made ourselves as presentable as possible. SisterT looked hot and I had on fresh deodorant and clean teeth.

    We stopped by the Excalibur to pick up our tickets to The Thunder and scored one for ShelteredSis and then hoofed it over to the Mandalay to pick up the littlest one. Holy shit! Blind people everywhere!

    ShelteredSis was super excited to go to a bar. We grabbed an Uber rather than walking back to the Excalibur because Sheltered tripped me twice with her cane within 2 minutes of greeting me. She got a cornea transplant in one eye last summer and while it helped she can only see a little bit, mostly shadows and color. However, she now refuses to hold an arm unless we are in very loud, dark places...it drives me f-ing nuts. And somehow she only trips me, never SisterT. I'm convinced it's on purpose.

    Anyway, we took her to the lobby bar for an adult beverage. She got a little tipsy on her one strawberry daiquiri. SisterT and I slammed a few more vodka sodas that we didn't need.

    Then we went to one of the worst shows I've ever seen outside of The Showgirls of Magic. It was so bad I couldn't quit laughing. One of the dancers must be new. He was counting out his steps the entire time. We put Sheltered right up front so she could hopefully get an eyeful. In hindsight that was probably not the wisest choice, but we were pretty seriously pie-eyed by that point.

    Let's just say, Sheltered got up-close-and-personal with at least 3 dancers who jumped down to bump and grind in her face. We're pretty sure she tried to "Braille" one of them.

    She had a lot of questions after the show. We took her back to the Mandalay and stopped at the bar to answer all her questions. Now you're likely all thinking she's a Sheltered 21, but the truth is she's 35. Hers is not my story to tell, but Sheltered has been very, very Sheltered. She's brilliant. Has a masters degree and lives on her own two states away from us and teaches at a school for the blind and deaf. But all those smarts and she still hasn't figured out that I get a kick out of serving her tea in a three blind mice cup every time she visits. But, I digress.

    Anyway, since SisterT and I had both lost good judgement 20 drinks ago, we thought it would be fun to find a cute blind guy to introduce her to. It wasn't a hard task; over 3,000 blind people were wandering around the hotel. In between eavesdropping on their conversation we were panicking about MormonMom finding out about our shenanigans. So we made her pinky swear to keep her trap shut. She won't.

    SisterT had insisted on wearing heels and then spent the entire night complaining that her feet were bloody stumps, plus the vodka had kicked into overdrive so we had Sheltered exchange numbers with cute guy and we escorted her to her room; a serious case of blind leading the blind. But it was a success because she finally tripped SisterT with her f-ing cane. SisterT went down hard, ass-over tea kettle, landing with her feet up in the air with her dress around her ears. Totally, "I see London, I see France" except frustrated that her panties had been riding up she had ditched them earlier. You get the picture, except hot SisterT isn't as well-groomed as I thought...she's got a 70's bush going on. Now I know and wish I didn't.

    To be continued. Thanks for reading! Cheers!

    P.S. gambling has been dismal. More later.
     
    • Funny x 13
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  2. tringlomane

    tringlomane STP Addicted Beer Snob

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    Hilarious so far! Keep it going!
     
  3. pressitagain

    pressitagain High-Roller

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    The sentence of your sister falling was...BY FAR... the most comical description EVER posted on this forum.....LOL....it’s going to take a while to stop laughing.

    Great stuff!!!!
     
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  4. Astribling

    Astribling VIP Whale

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    Omg you are hilarious! So loving this TR!

    I now have this picture in my head of two totally drunk ladies and a blind girl. And I say girl because you do make her sound like a teenager. Lol

    2 drunks and a blind girl... That has to be the start of a joke somewhere.
     
    Fall Getaway, Cosmo - Subject to change upon better offers
    Fall Getaway - Solo trip
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  5. Scott Blair

    Scott Blair VIP Whale

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    Loving this report. Keep up the shenanigans. Your comment about your sister’s grooming reminds me of a book I just saw. Look up “Brenda’s Beaver needs a Barber”. Hilarious children’s book.
     
    Fall Fun & Gaming
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  6. darlene

    darlene Low-Roller

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    Loving your writing style and TR. Can't wait to see what happens next.
     
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  7. booker

    booker VIP Whale

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    Pictures or it didn't happen.
    ~ Kidding ~ But if pictures appear, I swear that I'll not "show" them to ShelteredSis or MormonMom.
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  8. robert m.

    robert m. High-Roller

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    Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction.

    I don’t think that anyone could have made up the previous trip report!
     
  9. Texas Steph

    Texas Steph A Work in Progress...

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    Nope. None of your posts have been witty. They have been hilarious!!!

    Hoping to read more updates!
     
  10. Valgal

    Valgal VIP Whale

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    OMG so needed a laugh this week. Can’t wait for more.
     
    Because Texas is not hot enough in August
  11. casinokid68

    casinokid68 VIP Whale

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    Should have ordered her a drink called " The Blindside ". There actually is a drink like that.:drunk:
     
  12. casinokid68

    casinokid68 VIP Whale

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    ShelteredSis wouldn't be able to "see" them anyway. Sorry!!
     
  13. booker

    booker VIP Whale

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    Ergo, the quotes on the word show. :peace:
     
  14. PaigeTurner

    PaigeTurner Tourist

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    Haha, IKR?

    This made me laugh! So I went straight to Amazon and ordered a copy. SistefT will be getting it soon!

    I don’t have a picture of the incident! But we have plenty of others, just haven’t been successful getting them to “stick”. The site must require a certain amount of posts prior to adding attachments.
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  15. PaigeTurner

    PaigeTurner Tourist

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    I don't have anything witty, intelligent or constructive to add here. Just a few thoughts and a confession.

    First, the thoughts:

    1). Caesar’s Palace is like the Hotel California for the Twisted Sisters. We get all turned around in there and wander around for hours trying in vein to get out. Every. Single. Time.

    2). Spanx don’t work for everyone. The chub can only be squeezed in so much and then the pressure forces it out somewhere. For me it all comes out to the armpits, which then become arm-cantaloupes. Still, that’s probably better than the FUPA look.

    3). Coconut water is excellent for hangovers but tastes like camel spit.

    Now, back to the report:

    Yesterday, yours truly was the Director of Fun. I’m competitive by nature, so wanting to outdo SisterT I over-planned weeks ago. If I would have known the The Thunder was what she came up with, I could have relaxed.

    It was a rough morning. I must have been eating chocolates in bed because when I woke up the remnants of one was stuck to my cheek. I had a scary minute when I looked in the mirror and thought I’d been bludgeoned in my sleep. Then I tasted it. Chocolate. It was almost as scary as accidentally seeing myself in the mirror getting out of the shower and thinking, “Mom, why are you here? And why are you naked?”

    We put on our pool gear and SisterT and I headed to the pool where I had a daybed reserved.

    We had a lovely and blissfully uneventful morning at the pool. We ate breakfast poolside and guzzled water. Then we headed to our room to get presentable for a day of fun. Being as hot as SisterT takes a lot of time but I was ready to go in no time. She wanted to “make a few calls” which I took as “take a nap”, so I left her behind and spent much of the afternoon gambling away all my $$$ . Like, I have $7 left in my bankroll. I haven’t been able to catch a break this trip so far...that’s ok. I know where to restock.

    We met back up had a nice little lunch at the Oyster Bar in Harrahs (which
    wasn’t part of my original plan - that got derailed by “phone calls”.) We didn’t get the oysters because they grow in my front yard at home, but we had some fabulous bacon wrapped prawns, scallops and shared blue cheese crusted filet sliders. Pretty yummy. I’d post a picture, but I didn’t take one and newby status wouldn’t let me anyway.

    We wandered around the strip until evening and then went back to the Park to grab a bite at Eataly and get presentable for the evening’s entertainment. Beatles Love. It was my 3rd time seeing it and it was just as enjoyable as the 1st time. SisterT was a Love virgin and thought it was wonderful too.

    Finally, the confession:

    SisterT and I are starting to get on each other’s nerves a bit. It started tonight when we were getting out our outfits for this evenings festivities. She saw me getting dressed and had a big fit that I wasn’t wearing a slip. In her view, a lady should always wear a slip. Panties are optional, apparently, as several blind people in the hallway of the Mandalay Bay saw last night, but a wearing a slip is a must! Hence the thoughts about Spanx.

    Then it was my turn for a tiny fit. She had another pair of heels ready to go. Luckily, that wasn’t a battle that had to be waged because she discovered the source or her pain from the night before. Big blisters on both big toes. Blisters that rivaled the Juvederm marble on her lip last year. She wore flats that didn’t further aggravate the situation.

    Most likely our source of petty irritation with each other stemmed from not being plastered.

    All-In-all, a lovely day.

    Thanks for reading and for the feedback. Cheers!
     
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  16. Astribling

    Astribling VIP Whale

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    Ok, seriously, I think you should write a novel! Hilarious and I totally want to know what happens next!
    Hope you and sis don't kill each other before the trip ends. LOL
     
    Fall Getaway, Cosmo - Subject to change upon better offers
    Fall Getaway - Solo trip
  17. drac999

    drac999 Low-Roller

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    I agree, Astribling. Book Clubs across America would read it! I get tired of coming of age and historical fiction:p
     
    Getting excited......
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  18. win4me

    win4me High-Roller

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    Yep, it's a.... Paige Turner!! Hilarious :beer::popcorn:
     
    Kacey Musgraves and too much good eatin'!!
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  19. zerofan

    zerofan VIP Whale

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    So damn funny this report. Keep going, please.
     
  20. kathys0522

    kathys0522 Tourist

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    What an delightful HILARIOUS trip report. Girl - if you dont currently write for a living... you need to rethink your life! You are an amazing story teller! Please - if you ever decide to write a book - post a link here so I can buy it. I very rarely laugh out loud reading anything.... maybe a smile or two - but dang... I was seriously belly laughing through each one of your updates. And, now I am sitting here bummed out because there is nothing else to read right now.... please update again soon! :)