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Trip Report 5/5/18 - 5/8/18: Clampetts go to Vegas! Part One

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by The Toddster, May 10, 2018.

  1. The Toddster

    The Toddster Tourist

    Joined:
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    Location:
    South Central... Kentucky
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    4

    My Trip Report

    A couple of notes... I'm not hard to please. As such, I'm not much help when it comes to the finer points of most things. If it's really really good or really really bad, it will the corresponding impression on me. Anything in between is good enough and I'm a happy camper. This is a general day-by-day account of our trip. Part two will be specific things that I really liked/hated and anything else that comes to mind.

    Day One
    Flight from Nashville via Southwest was without issue. Took a while to go through security but the line kept moving and BNA has the friendliest TSA staff I've ever encountered outside of Binghamton, NY. Binghamton gets the nod because the airport is so small and laid back that I think the TSA guys are just glad to see anyone.

    Uber was quick, friendly, and safe (5 stars). Checked in at the Linq kiosk (Deluxe room; king) and that went off with no issue. Room was fine and included a nice view of the side of Harrah's and the A/C rooftop units of the shorter parts of the building below. Had lunch at the In-N-Out at the Linq Promenade and it was fine. Five Guys is better!

    Did some gambling and promptly began losing money (best description of the trip!). Mrs. Toddster wanted to go the the Miracle Mile mall so I went to Planet Hollywood and walked out a winner. Not from anything that happened there but from the Kentucky Derby. I found out in there that I won the work pool.

    Went downtown to Magnolia's Veranda for prime rib. No wait, service was fine, and the food was perfectly acceptable for the price. More gambling and then sleep.

    Day Two
    Didn't sleep worth a crap because I drank six beers the afternoon and night before. We started off with breakfast at La Salsa Cantina in the Miracle Mile mall. Food was fast and cheap. The breakfast special is $4.89 (or something like that) and consists of 2 eggs, bacon or sausage, potatoes, and a couple of tortillas. I've had friendlier servers, but we ate cheap and didn't have to wait long. Fair enough.

    A little more gambling, a little more losing.

    Dinner was at California Noodle House in the California Hotel. Ohh, FANCY! Hostess was either having a bad day or is just a bitch. Maybe both for all I know. Being hillbillies, we stuck out like sore thumbs. Our server was Donna and she was an absolute sweetheart. Food took a while to arrive despite it not being busy. Mine was great. Wifey loved hers (I thought it tasted like stale ass). Donna apologized profusely for the wait, though it wasn't really a big deal. Fun fact: We ate directly from the plates that the entrees arrived on because a) we didn't know any better, and b) slinging the food off of one plate onto another seems like an unnecessary step and waste of my VERY VALUABLE time. Went back to the room and went to bed early because we didn't sleep worth a dime the prior two nights and we need all the beauty sleep we can get due to how ugly we are. Especially her.

    Day Three
    WOKE UP REFRESHED AND READY TO SLAY VEGAS!!! It's off to Denny's we go because we're too high-falutin' for Waffle House. In the land of gambling and decadence, wifey wants to... go to an outlet mall. Not a problem but she wants me to go with her because her sense of direction -- it isn't bad, it's non-existent. We go to the Northern Premium Outlet place. I sat at an outdoor table and fiddled with my iPhone for an hour or so. She says the stores were nice. Don't blame me if that's not accurate, I wasn't paying attention.

    From there we go to the Fashion Show Mall. They had an Apple store, so I was happy wasting my time there. Then they had the fashion show right outside the store. OOH LA LA. I told my wife about it and she said, "You pig, those girls are young enough to be your daughters." I did the math. She's right, but I'm 45 and if they're 25 I don't think it's that too creepy.

    I don't remember what we did after that, but whatever it was, we did it until time to eat supper. Or dinner. Whatever. I think we took a nap. Anyhow, we got up and went to Tony Roma's at The Fremont. If you said, "I bet those bumpkins got the $9 prime rib special," go collect your prize. It was fine for $9. The service wasn't. Waitress wasn't bad but she wasn't all that great and had an attitude.

    We head back to the hotel. At this point I'm $739 in the hole and I decide that I'm going to spend no more than $400. All I want to do is make some progress and take the edge off the losses. Lo and behold, the Linq craps table gets hotter than Hell and I made $1000 off of a $200 buy-in and puts this trip into the black. Goodnight, thank you, I'm outta here, CHAU BABY. I get to bed at 2 AM.

    Day Four
    Didn't sleep very long and what little sleep I got sucked. We pack up and go to the Hash House A Go Go because we hear it's good. A Googlin' of it on the elevator down confirms this and also tells us to order one entree and split it. I'm cheap, so that works for me. The place is like a hip Cracker Barrel. Server was great, food arrived quickly, and there was a ton of it. It took some effort but we ate it all. Go back to the room, get our stuff, check out without issue. The Lyft guy arrives quickly, he's cool (five stars), and gets us to the airport.

    They have the self-tag baggage kiosk thingy and my wife has to check a bag. Her technology skill is somewhere between Lite Brite and an electric can opener, so it takes a few minutes. The TSA app has the thing where you can see how long it'll take to get through security, and it said "You may die of old age." Of course, crowdsourcing information being what it is, after 10 minutes we were already putting on our shoes (not something we do often, being from Kentucky) and heading to our gate. Plane took off, landed, we went home, all is well.
     
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  2. WelshBlonde

    WelshBlonde High-Roller

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    You sir, are a funny guy!! Had a good laugh to myself reading this thank you for posting!!

    Apart from this....
    Blasphemer!
     
    17 day blow out <3 Mirage - Golden Nugget -Linq - Planet Hollywood <3
  3. The Toddster

    The Toddster Tourist

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    OK, this is part two. Too lazy to start a new thread and don't see any reason to do so. This is just random stuff.

    Service everywhere was good overall. There were a few dealers and a couple of servers who could've been nicer, but nothing really to complain about.

    There were no issues with the food. We are cheap, and the prime rib dinners were good for what they were. Ditto for Denny's. We don't really shoot for "good," but instead we're looking for "good enough."

    The SDX bus cops were all very nice and professional. We were talking to one of them and said he was from Auburn, AL, only he pronounced it "Arbrun." TRIVIA: The proper black hillbilly mispronunciation is indeed "Arbrun." The proper white hillbilly mispronunciation is "Orbun."

    The Linq is really nice these days. I kind of miss the dealertainers, but I guess I can live with a nice new modern facility. I like the addition of the Promenade even though all I cared about was going to In-N-Out. It adds a nice vibe. O'sheas was nice, too. I've ALWAYS had fun with the people at their craps table. Always.

    Housekeeping at the Linq BLOWS. We didn't need to have the bed made on the 2nd day but we did need towels and washcloths. At around 4PM I asked the housekeeper nearest our room if she would be the one servicing our room. She said she was and apologized for being behind. I told her it wasn't a big deal and that all we needed were some bathroom linens and not to worry about the rest. We eventually got them at around 9 PM. We never again had any contact with housekeeping. The bed was never made. If I wanted to live like a pig, I would have stayed at home.

    FSE was lively, as always. The buskers are vastly overrated. Some of them that are original are very entertaining and I think they help make FSE what it is. The rest? NO. The guys who play drums on empty buckets? That's cool but I've seen that a million times and you can see it anywhere. Guys with signs. The first time I saw a homeless-looking guy with a "No point in lying, I NEED BEER MONEY" sign I thought it was funny. It wasn't unusual to see a few of those at FSE. If not something in that vein, then some others ("I'll babysit your wife while you gamble" and so forth) that are neat but DAMN, how many is enough? And sexy girl cops. OK, that's good, but there are too many. Be original and, most importantly, fit into the outfit. There's "Hee hee, I'm spilling out" and there's "This is too small for my fat ass." There were a few too many of the latter. Ditto for the showgirls. And don't beg me for business. I was very impressed with a gal who had on a red, white, and blue one-piece swimsuit. She had plenty of business, more than the gals with thongs and pasties/painted up boobs. Father and daughter with a half-assed zombie makeup job. Whoopee. Be creative, please.

    Oh, those timeshare clowns. I ignored most of them. Some got a polite, "No, thank you." Others got me being an ass ("How are you today?" "You don't really care and you know it." / "Where are you from?" "Mars." / "How is your trip so far?" "I'm passing kidney stones, thanks for asking."). I really did feel like an ass when a guy asked my wife where she got her Tennessee Titans t-shirt. I replied "Tennessee" and kept walking, assuming she was walking behind me and also assuming he was just some guy trying to sell us something. No, he's also a Titans fan and was showing her his Titans tat on his arm and didn't try to sell us a timeshare. On the bright side, I'm no stranger to feeling like an ass so I didn't lose any sleep.

    Fritz and Kevin were working the craps table at the Linq when I started winning and they are great guys. Very young, but very professional. There was another guy who joined mid-shift and he was good, too. The box man was also really nice and laid back. In my experience you don't really know if you're winning or losing when you've got a good crew like that because they're making the game fun. There were no issues and they did an outstanding job of helping out a couple of newbies.

    At the Pai Gaw table, there was a gal named Selam. She's a doll, just a very beautiful and sweet gal from Ethiopia. She did about as good a job as the craps table guys. We asked her how she ended up in Vegas and she said she took a vacation there and never went back home. She sneezed and I said, "Bless you," as is the custom especially in the south. She thanked me in disbelief. I explained that where I'm from, you ALWAYS bless someone upon sneezing and that it's considered a gentlemanly show of good manners, which are A BIG BIG DEAL. "And if you don't show proper manners, someone will whip your ass." She got the joke and laughed. The Canadian kid sitting next to me looked at me as if I'd lost my mind. I get that a lot.

    That's about it. Cheers!
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2018
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  4. Texas Steph

    Texas Steph Semi-reformed Degen

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    Hilarious and fun read, thanks!!
     
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  5. breanna61

    breanna61 Super Moderator

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    That was a fun read; thanks for sharing your Vegas adventures and thank you for the laughs!!
     
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  6. BobLasVegas

    BobLasVegas Low-Roller

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    Great report!
    Very funny!
    Nice craps run!

    Fun fact: as an Atheist, I prefer
    People not to “bless me” anything.
    Just too religious got me!

    But I know they mean well, so
    I just say thank you!

    Yes, we Atheists have manners
    Too!

    LOL
     
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  7. ronc

    ronc VIP Whale

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    Nice report...some funny stuff in there...
     
    Barry Manilow Trip
    Two 21st Birthday Celebrations
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  8. Bonzai

    Bonzai Low-Roller

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    This was my favorite line from a very funny trip report! Thanks for starting my morning off with a few laughs! I love your attitude about things being Good Enough.

    Just wondering if you ever stay downtown - it seems you went there everyday. You might want to give it a try on your next trip!
     
    4 days to get 25,000 points to maintain Sapphire status!
  9. Vegas28m

    Vegas28m Tourist

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    Loved your trip report!
     
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  10. Niteshade

    Niteshade High-Roller

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    Great report - loved all the funny descriptions
    of things you did and places you went. Thanks
    for sharing!
     
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  11. zerofan

    zerofan VIP Whale

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    Great report. So many lines cracked me up.
     
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  12. ardee

    ardee VIP Whale

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    That was some good reading right there @The Toddster. :clap:
    I hope you get back to Vegas soon so you can write up another report.
     
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  13. yooperguy

    yooperguy Low-Roller

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    Thanks for sharing! Funny stuff.
     
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  14. nancyf

    nancyf Low-Roller

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    such a fun read.... you have quite the sense of humor and know how to make us readers laugh!
     
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  15. luridludicloco

    luridludicloco Low-Roller

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    Fun report. Are you sure you are not a counterfeit hillbilly? :haha: Your writing is mighty fine. Thanks for sharing. :wave:
     
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  16. The Toddster

    The Toddster Tourist

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    I'd give a slight edge to the In-N-Out burger patty if it's one plain patty vs. a FG plain patty. A loaded burger? No contest, FG hands down. Too many goodies! And those spicy cajun fries... if you ever have to have a face-to-face meeting with someone you hate, chow down on some of those bad boys. Make it interesting.
     
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  17. The Toddster

    The Toddster Tourist

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    Take it as an all-purpose, general blessing. Works wonders!
     
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  18. The Toddster

    The Toddster Tourist

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    We haven't stayed downtown. One of my home casinos is a CET property and I accumulate TR points and offers that I use for Vegas. That, and I had a boatload of TR points from a Comenity credit card promotion. I plan on giving it a shot at some point but there's that part of me that enjoys the free/cheap CET rooms in the heart of the strip.

    "Good enough" has helped me stay sane. :)
     
  19. The Toddster

    The Toddster Tourist

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    LOL, you think anyone is gonna LIE about it to gain street cred? Born and raised in SoKY by two parents who were born and raised in KY by four parents who were born and raised in SoKY. OK, that's a lie. One of my grandfathers was born in northern TN. Thanks to you and the others for the compliments. Glad to provide some entertaining silliness.
     
  20. BobLasVegas

    BobLasVegas Low-Roller

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