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Those Acts of God.. (Death in my family)

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by wanker751, Jan 24, 2017.

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  1. wanker751

    wanker751 Dutch Rudder Enthusiast

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    https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/579e48c2-21b5-4630-ae73-a6eabf0f5c28

    My mother-in-law passed away this past Saturday. Wake was today, funeral tomorrow. She was 63 years old. It doesn't make any sense. I got back from my Vegas trip, she was here helping out (more on that later). She had a deep cough, nothing too bad. A week later she calls her doctor who prescribes here antibiotics and cough medicine. She was going to go yesterday to the doctor to be seen. She woke up Saturday, had a hard time breathing, my SIL called 911. We all were thinking, ok she will get meds, may Oxygen and be home. She died in the ambulance on the way to the ER. They said her lungs filled with fluid and her heart gave out. We will never know what really was the issue. An autopsy was 2k, and maybe I should have pushed harder for it, but my wife and BIL, SIL didn't want it. And it was a crazy day. Piece of mind may have helped. Who knows.

    It was so sudden. My dad had cancer for years and suffered. My FIL had cancer and even though he did in a car accident was suffering and near the end. We could justify that. This.... this we can't. Fuck... My MIL lost her first husband to cancer, my wife's dad, young as well. The tragedy this woman had, and she had the strength to get beyond it all.

    I don't know how to feel all I do know is I am pissed. I have so much anger inside me I cannot describe it. Looking back there were signs I suppose. I sent her and my wife to Vegas in October to see the Stones (cancelled show), and my wife said she had hard time getting around. We assumed it was her hips or legs. My wife really feels bad, blaming herself for not pushing her more to get it checked out. I know it is natural but I do not need her feeling this way.

    I really feel bad for my son (6). He lost 2 grandpas and her in 3 years. My dad March 15, her husband Feb 16 and now this. It's too much for a little boy to go through. I know it's life and there are lessons he will learn but it is much too young for such lessons.

    My MIL was a wonderful lady. There was never anything she would not do for her children. Always there to watch the kids help us out. My SIL is 23, works a min wage job,lived with her... well life has to come at her fast. She can handle it, but we will have to help her "adult" really fucking quick. Get her a condo with what we have left after we sell the house ETC.... The hard part really hasn't begun.

    The worse part is after my FIL died, she finally had some money ( they delivered papers) but with his death the house was paid off, she could travel she could be comfortable, she was finally retired... it all lasted less than a year (see clip this is what I am talking about...)

    So please people if you feel ill, see a doctor. If you can retire, fucking do it, enjoy life. Cause you never know when it will all be taken from you.

    As @Packer told me when I told him, you are supposed to out live your parents. That is life. But this one is hard. We have a long road ahead of us as a family to get past this. I ask that you please pray that we will be able to. If you don't pray, keep us in your thoughts.

    Thank you in advance and sorry for the rambling but this has helped, even a little bit.
     
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  2. Sonya

    Sonya Queen of VMB

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    I'm sorry, wanker. It sucks and in my experience, nothing but time will make it any better.

    When my father died suddenly, my emotions ran the gamut. I was angry and sad and relieved and guilty and then back to angry again. I asked all those questions about why didn't he... why didn't my mom... why didn't I... etc. We had the autopsy and it didn't make anything better, just reopened a wound that had been healing over.

    Please hug your wife and keep telling her that none of it is her fault.
     
  3. Camp Rusty

    Camp Rusty VIP Whale

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    No words really work.......so very sorry for the loss for your entire family.

    It's OK to feel however you want as long as you need to.

    Sometimes it helps me if I take a deep breath and remember a good time.

    All good energy to you.
     
  4. Geogran

    Geogran Whooo. Whooo.

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    @wanker751 - my heart goes out to you and your family. The pain you are feeling comes through so clearly in your words and I hope, in whatever small measure, sharing your feelings and accepting our thoughts and prayers will be of comfort to you and your family and especially your wife and young son - it is a lot to deal with especially when it is so unexpected. Such a blessing that you had a caring and loving relationship with her and that she got to have that special love and bond with her grandchildren. Your wife can take solace in knowing that everything she did, she did with love for her Mother.

    With deepest sympathy,
    Geogran
     
  5. Electroguy563

    Electroguy563 Over-Fried Gambler

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    You and your family has suffered so much in so short a time. I've often wondered why things turn out the way things do and many times it seems unfair, cruel, and just not right. Therefore the anger, despair and frustration, all understandable.

    My prayers go out to you, your brave little boy, your wife and the rest of your family; that they may receive strength and peace through these trying times.

    Thanks for letting us share in your time of grievance.
     
  6. vegasdev

    vegasdev VIP Whale

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    "So please people if you feel ill, see a doctor. If you can retire, fucking do it, enjoy life. Cause you never know when it will all be taken from you."
    i agree with you on that retirement part. i have been saying a lot lately i am taking my SS at age 62. i have paid so much into it, and when you are single there are not many options or strategies. i don't know what i will do for insurance from 62 till 65 but don't want to still be working, at least not full time.

    losing a loved one is always difficult, suddenly or not. 63 is way too young. it was very unexpected, your wife must not blame herself. godspeed healing and peace.
     
  7. rob889

    rob889 High-Roller

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    Way too young. I'm so sorry for your loss
     
  8. nostresshere

    nostresshere Mr. Anti Debit Card

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    Sorry for you loss.

    But - I hope when it is my time - it just happens similar to her experience. Be thankful your Mom did not go through the terrible drawn out hell that many cancer victims go through.

    Be thankful for her time here and that she was able to go without all that pain and suffering.
     
  9. carolineno

    carolineno VIP Whale

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    I am so sorry for you loss, sudden death is so shocking. I'm glad your son has a loving family to turn to during this sad time.

    I'm going to pass your advice about seeing doctors and retiring to the people around me.
     
    Entire trip at my favorite hotel!
  10. STPFan

    STPFan High-Roller

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    So sorry for your loss.

    My mother (73) is still recovering from the flu she caught while in Vegas at New Years. She has COPD and other health concerns and is a miserable mess and I feel so angry/guilty/frustrated cause she doesn't listen to my advice to pay attention to her health as she should. She is currently in a deep depression (i think brought on by the illness, medications and quitting smoking) and won't tell her doctor about it. I am at a loss on how to help her get better.

    Try to remember that your feelings will swing in many directions and they are all valid. Be sad. Be Mad. Be Guilty. Be Frustrated. They are all normal reactions.
     
  11. TrewBrew

    TrewBrew I may be right, I may be Crazy.

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    Sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

    I lost my mother 7 years ago. It is a long road to travel but it does get a lot smother as you go down it.
     
  12. Ty

    Ty ?

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    wanker, sorry to hear.
    Praying.
     
    July Trip
  13. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    Sorry for your loss.
     
  14. Peachiekeehn

    Peachiekeehn High-Roller

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    So sorry for your loss Wanker. We had a bit of a similar situation with my Mother-in-Law in 2010. She had COPD so coughing was normal for her but one day she couldn't get out of bed in the morning so we called the ambulance. At the hospital they determined she had pneumonia and had her on life support and told us we needed to make a decision about keeping her on it. The next morning when we got to the hospital she was sitting up in bed eating breakfast. In the end, it took 5 weeks in the hospital before she succumbed. My husband felt so guilty that he hadn't recognized the signs in time but sometimes you just can't. Please don't feel guilty, she wouldn't want you to. Instead, try to remember all of the good things she brought into your lives. I'll be thinking about you and your family.
     
  15. Bond

    Bond Low-Roller

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    So sorry for your loss Wanker. Please don't feel guilty for not seeing the warning signs. I had a young friend (31) who passed suddenly who had been complaining of not feeling well and it turned out to be a heart condition. I wish that I could say I recognized it but I kept thinking he was fighting a bug of some kind.

    Take the time to grieve. Be angry, be sad. I think each person needs to experience grief in their own way, and on their own timeline. Don't be too hard on yourself. Be there for your wife, your son and your family. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts over the coming weeks and months.
     
  16. win4me

    win4me High-Roller

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    Wanker, I am so sorry for your loss. Sending healing thoughts to you and your family.

    Margie
     
  17. Patti_H

    Patti_H Low-Roller

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    So very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom 3 years ago to pneumonia/complications. I am an only child and had to make the decision to take her off life support. They told me she would pass quickly once they took her off the ventilator, but she hung on for 4 more days. It's always hard to deal with, but I understand how your MILs sudden passing at such a young age could really throw you for a loop. It is a blessing you all had such a great, close relationship. I will include you and your family in my prayers. Hugs {{ }}
     
  18. WDMJB

    WDMJB Low-Roller

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    So sorry to hear. We spent he Christmas weekend in the hospital in Vegas instead of the casino Yes, it all goes to fast.
     
  19. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    Prayers and thoughts coming from NW Wisconsin for you and your family, wanker!
    Wishing you all peace at this time...

    Respectfully and Sincerely,

    RICHARD
     
    Return of the Alperts!
  20. flyguyfl

    flyguyfl VIP Whale

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    Damn guy, that is way too young. You give good advice and sorry for your loss. Hope the wife is doing well.
     
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