The 18th annual bleach and Botox tour started with a 10:30am flight out of Tampa on 2/28. I got to the gate twenty minutes before boarding, and since I was holding a B14 boarding pass, I asked about an upgrade. $50, and I could have A13. Even though I’d get reimbursed the $50 from the Southwest Visa card, they only allow four of those each year. I didn’t think it was worth wasting an upgrade for A13. I decided I’d just grab the first aisle seat with an empty window I saw. They announced there were 16 empty seats, so I prayed for an empty middle seat. Imagine my shock when I boarded and the exit row aisle was open. I was sure it was a mistake, and being held, but alas, a married couple was in the window and middle and it was open. Score. First win of the trip. The woman next to me had a blackhead in her ear the size of a dime. I am a picker, and find Dr. pimple popper to be soft porn, so I was fighting the urge the whole flight to pop it. I couldn’t stop looking at it! Somewhere around Albuquerque, I had pretty much convinced myself it would be okay to ask her if I could just pop it. I’m glad a level head prevailed, and I hope someone somewhere got to witness that mama jamma popping. The last time I flew, I was 90lbs heavier than I am today. What a difference. It was a five hour flight, and being thin now, matched with having an aisle in the exit row, I was downright comfortable. I watched three episodes of Shameless I had downloaded, ate my packed lunch, dozed for a bit, and before I knew it, we were making our descent. We actually made it in four and a half hours, but spent 15 minutes sitting on the tarmac waiting for the gate to clear. I grabbed my bag, and an Uber, and got to Harrah’s VIP check in at 1:30. Ginger was due to arrive at 4:30 from Philly, so I had a few hours to kill. Since I am a fake diamond member, I felt pretty fancy in the VIP check in. I also felt like a poser. I upgraded to Wyndham diamond from Hilton Gold, and CET matched the Wyndham, so I was a diamond member with zero tier credits. I was given a room in the Valley tower, all resort fees waived, and it was ready! I went upstairs, showered the plane funk off, unpacked what I could ( The rooms have three very small drawers, so I ended up living out of my luggage.) I headed downstairs, got my new diamond card, and put $100 into Fortunes 88,spun three times at $5.28, and hit a bonus. I was pretty happy to start the trip a winner, cashed out, went back to the room and tried to nap, with no luck, until G texted she was in an uber, and on her way. G arrived, she got as unpacked as she could, and it was around 5:30pm. We set out in search of food, and ended up at In-And-Out Burger at The Linq. I got contact highs at least three times on the walk over- I am amazed at how openly people smoke in public. At first, I thought there was a skunk problem on the strip, and then realized I was smelling weed, goddamn, I am old. After dinner, we played some more Fortune 88 in Linq. Seeing as how I was up quite a bit, I got brave, and started spinning for $8.80. It was a profitable decision, and by 8pm, I had hit a wall. We went to the room with plans of changing into nicer clothes, and heading to Carnaval Court, but, being 44, and on East Coast time has its disadvantages. I took a quick shower (by shower, I mean stood under the shower head while it slowly drooled water on me,) and by the time I got out, there was no way in hell I was putting clothes back on. I crawled into bed and that was the end of me. Ginger said she heard a huge boom around 9pm, and tried to wake me, as we had a view of The Mirage volcano, but I was dead to the world. The next thing I knew, I was awake, bright eyed, and ready to rock after a very restful night sleep. I rolled over to check the time: 3:47am. Damn it. Day two up next.