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Short and Sweet -- Pinny Long's Report

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by Pinny Long, Mar 1, 2011.

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  1. LaRae

    LaRae Low-Roller

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    Brutal honesty. Too funny!!
     
  2. Pinny Long

    Pinny Long VIP Whale

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    Don't worry, Kids. I'm heading back tomorrow morning to stay 2 nights at Cosmo. I got a plan to get even and win my money back with a surefire system. Here's a little secret . . . it involves gambling.
     
  3. trooth

    trooth Low-Roller

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    You can't go wrong with a gambling system. Take them down.

    Sent from my DROID2 using Tapatalk
     
  4. Reed

    Reed High-Roller

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    I know the feeling of being up a good amount the first night and dumping it back within a short amount of time, but hey, you gotta try right? Hopefully your luck will never fade on your upcoming trip!
     
  5. Pinny Long

    Pinny Long VIP Whale

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    I'm at Cosmo now. We got a wraparound terrace suite and $225 dining credit and $300 gambling credit.

    We ate at Scarpetta. The food was okay but, holy crap, were they slow. My wife just lost about $600 on high limit slots in about 30 minutes.

    You might think this would make me mad but it doesn't. I actually like the fact that my wife is as bad at gambling as I am because, well, I'm not such a bad guy now, ya dig?

    Okay, let's just cut to the chase, right? Tonight, after showing my wife our suite I heard what could only be described as the sexiest sentence I've ever heard from anyone ever . . . .

    "You better gamble a lot so we can get offered this again."

    I swear, I've never been more turned on in my entire life. It was amazing. Last week, when I was wearing tight black pants and t-shirt she called me Patrick Swayze and I was honored beyond belief . . . .

    But this eclipses that even. In 7 minutes it will be 1am and I will prowl the casino like a zombie looking for brains. I will come back a poorer, uglier, and sadder man. But I will still have a smile on my face because of the wonderful things my wife told me tonight.

    Yes, I'm drunk.

    VEEEEEGGGGAAAAASSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  6. jfn111

    jfn111 Low-Roller

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    I love your reports. :evillaugh
     
  7. techie223

    techie223 High-Roller

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    That's awesome:peace:

    Hope you got lucky ... I mean at gambling, of course :evillaugh
     
  8. Pinny Long

    Pinny Long VIP Whale

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    The Cosmo was wonderful.
    They housed me.
    They fed me.
    They raped me.

    OK, not literally. But my wallet definitely felt violated and told me to express his sentiments (Yes, I have a talking wallet).

    I'm really not sure what went wrong but my failsafe system didn't work out as calculated. I'm thinking I forgot to carry a "1" or something. It was totally sound, scientifically speaking, but somehow I still lost. So much for science.

    Anyway, I wasn't thinking super clearly last night and I let a hooker try my drink (Baileys and coffee with whipped cream and a cherry on top because I roll hard, yo!) when she inquired about it. I also let her have the cherry.

    I realized perhaps this was a lapse of judgement when she took her sweet time taking the cherry off the top and dropped it in her mouth like it was something other than just a really gay piece of drink garnish. I was really only thinking, "Oh, crap! My friendliness is probably being misread as 'ready for business time'." I was right, of course, and next thing I know, Miss Cherry-gobbler is sidling up next to me and asking me about the game I was playing and what not. I move my chips to the other side away from her because I'm afraid she's gonna steal from me.

    I stare straight ahead at the game and have to focus on NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT as the awkwardness factor of the situation is now at about a 63. She finally gets tired of my unexpected cold shoulder and went back to the other table. She wasn't gambling at either, so I was kind of surprised at how lax the staff was about it all.

    I'm not a germaphobe or anything but after all this I started tripping out and started imagining all kinds of viruses and bacteria running rampant through my body, digging little tunnels like Dig Dug and blowing up my good white blood cells and other friendly and needful organisms. I also made my brain literally explode when I envisioned the doctor telling me I have Type 12 Gonnorrhea or something and me trying to explain to my wife that "All I did was share my drink with a hooker."

    That's all for now. I'll update y'all later if I start pissing laser beams in the morning.
     
  9. arkansasrebel

    arkansasrebel Tourist

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    Just remeber "What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas" except for Herpes and a few other "Fun" STD's.

    Actually there were probably more "nasties" on the chips your had, than she left on your drink.

    At least you realized what she was. I was approached at a local casino a few weeks back... about two days later I realized why she was so interested. Ok, I the "Slow One"!!!!!
     
  10. nottooshabby

    nottooshabby Low-Roller

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    . . . this has got to be some of the funniest sh*t I have ever read, anywhere . . . you sir, win the internet . . . the whole thing :nworthy:
     
  11. Pinny Long

    Pinny Long VIP Whale

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    Thanks, Homie! I always wanted an internet. I just hope I can figure out how to work it.

    As for my gambling . . . . . I mean, sure, I get out of control sometimes. But it's not like I get so far down past rock bottom that I resort to playing really gay ladies' games or anything . . .

    Oh, crap.
    [​IMG]
     
  12. Jinx

    Jinx VIP Whale

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    Outstanding Dig Dug reference, and although you figured that one out, yes, bad call on the drink share, as it's definitely the open the door signal she was looking for.
     
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