Poof! Here's Your TR!

Here it is. I will post pics when I get them from Juggles and Mufasa! Enjoy!

Day One-Wednesday

The Flying Pain in the Rear

So we get to our friend’s house-his Vegas name is Juggles-and we proceed to long term parking where we catch a shuttle to the airport. All is fine until we see that our flight has been delayed. After talking to the gentleman at the desk we find out that there has been rain in Phoenix (Oh No! Say it isn’t so!) and there are delays aplenty. Our flight was supposed to be 45 minutes late and our connecting flight was on time. This schedule would give us approximately 10 minutes to get to our new flight. So much for the A passes I printed. Our flight actually takes off 20 minutes earlier than expected and arrives a mere 10 minutes late. A little note here about the female body-why is it that when your period isn’t due for another 10 days, you start bleeding like a stuck pig as soon as you get on the plane? Why is it that your body knows you are on vacation, but refuses to allow to you to partake of vacation sex? Why is it that I trust my body and it betrays me? Why is it that after 20 years I still haven’t gotten smart enough to know this will happen and bring tampons with me? Anyway, as we get off we are greeted with everyone and their mother in Sky Harbor. I have never seen an airport so packed! We get in line for our flight, stand there for 10 minutes, and then are told that this really isn’t our flight after all. So we get out of line and stand around waiting to be told to get into line again. I decide that now would be a great time to go on a tampon hunt, but as I’m walking away from the gate they tell us to line up again. About 10 minutes after that they again tell us that this wasn’t our flight, so we all get out of line again. So after finding a new place to wait to be told to get in line again I decide to go on a second tampon hunt, and wouldn’t you know it, as I’m walking away from the gate they announce that our flight has arrived-at the other side of the airport and boarding has already begun. Lovely. We haul down to the other gate and are told that this plane isn’t our plane again, but as soon as this one leaves ours will arrive. At this point, I know better than to go on a tampon hunt. We get in line again and finally boarding begins. After about 12 people walking over from their spot in the B line in front of us, we finally get our seats and proceed to sit there for the next 20 minutes waiting to pull away. Then we sit on the runway for another 15 minutes waiting for our turn to take off. Finally arrive in Vegas an hour and a half late. That doesn’t matter, because we are in Mecca and I am a happy girl.

Praying to the gods of Dollar Car Rental Upgrades

Walking out of the airport we receive our first score of the trip. The Dollar shuttle is there when we walk out so we don’t have to wait forever for one to show up. On the shuttle and off to get the car, of course I’m a fast lane member but my name isn’t on the list-go figure. I had reserved a full size car for our trip at 19.99 a day-a score in and of itself, but as soon as we got off the plane, I began praying to the Dollar upgrade gods because I really wanted to have a luxury car. When we pull into the lot, I see 3 full size cars and my heart sinks-no upgrade for me. We go inside and promptly find out why I’m not on the list, the security deposit has been upped to $350 as of Dec. 1 and I didn’t know it so I only had the $250 available on my card. Luckily Juggles is king credit so we just put it on his card. When trying to decline their insurance, they tell Juggles that my insurance won’t cover me as driver since it’s in his name. BS I say and call Progressive who informs me that hubby and I are covered if we are driving regardless of who rented the car. So there Dollar counter lady. We get the contract signed and head out to the parking lot, where I find that there are NO full size cars. Yippee!!! We go with a Dodge Magnum and head off to In-N-Out where I had a foodgasam while eating my Double Double. After that, it was off to check into our hotel. After a quick stop at Walgreens where I FINALLY got some tampons.

Emerald Suites Cameron

Located next to the Orleans, we quickly find the hotel and check in. I have reserved a 2-bedroom suite for a quoted price of $646 before taxes and fees. We get into the room and are pleasantly surprised. The website said they had been recently remodeled, which I usually take to mean the hotel has purchased new bed coverings, but this was truly remodeled. We could smell the new paint when we walked in, the couch in the living room was new, as were they TV stand and coffee table. The dressers and nightstands were also new and they were quite nice. I’m not going to go into a detailed description since you can see the pictures we took, they were taken quickly before we checked out so it’s pretty messy, but you’ll get the idea. As an additional bonus there is a balcony, which works for me since I’m a smoker and no one else is. Now I don’t have to schlep downstairs and outside. After unpacking and relaxing for a bit it’s time to get ready and head off to dinner with our Vegas friends.

They Made Me Eat Mexican

Now I’ve mentioned before how because I’ve lived my whole life in New Mexico I am seriously picky about Mexican food. I eat New Mexican food often and don’t like to eat other types, but this apparently doesn’t matter to Juggles who suggested that we go to dinner at the Guadalajara in Sunset Station with our friends. Of course, he tried to play it off like Joker (Vegas name for Vegas friend) chose it, but he gets busted out on that little lie. Anyway, we meet our friends there and it was really great to see S & J and their 2 girls, one of whom we met for the first time as she’s 2 months old. I was really good to see Joker too, because he’s incredibly hilarious and just all around great. The company was good even if I didn’t like the food. I won’t really review it, because I couldn’t give a fair one. Suffice to say, if you’ve ever had a Banquet frozen Mexican dinner, you wouldn’t miss out at Guadalajara.

Errands for Booze are Good

After dinner, Joker went with us to the Wal-mart Superstore to get booze. We get 2 12 packs of Corona, a bottle of Ketel One, 2 bottles of Cranberry juice, some Margarita mix, and a bottle of Cuervo. Heading to the check out we note that we forgot limes, so we send Juggler to get those while I run over to get some shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, and body wash. I get back to where hubby (whose Vegas name this trip is Mufasa) and Joker are waiting. Juggles still isn’t back and Joker isn’t doing well (he weighs about 550 pounds, and can’t stand for very long periods of time), so we check out and head to the car. There is still no sign of Juggles, so we call him and he’s looking at something in electronics. Fine, I’m going to drive through the parking lot to Del Taco and get a Diet Coke, call us when you check out and we’ll pick you up in the front. Yes, I already paid for your booze, and please get some ice. We get my soda and start aimlessly driving about the parking lot waiting for Juggles. He finally calls and we head over there when Joker thinks it will be funny to drive up to him, slow down, then shoot off really fast. Mufasa and I (my Vegas name this time is Fluffy) know that Juggles won’t find this funny, but we decide that since we will it’s worth it. As I’m pulling up to him another car gets in front of me, foiling my plan. Juggles puts his stuff in the trunk and Joker says “Take off now!†I do, and Juggles is very pissed when I circle again and pick him up, but we don’t care since we’re all laughing our asses off. After dropping Joker off at home we head back to the hotel and dump our booze in the fridge.

Errands for Other’s Suck

Juggles had some errands to run at the Flamingo and so we went there. We were told we’d have to wait until after midnight to do what it was he had to do, so we ambled about the casino people watching and basically doing nothing for an exceptionally long time before returning to complete his business. It took the lady a hour and a half to do what she needed to do. We were supposed to go to the Nudie Bar tonight, but hubby and I were tired and because we had to pick up Juggles’ girlfriend, Grambo Napkin (Vegas Name) from the airport at 10 and pick up the Porsche shortly thereafter, we went back to the room and called it a night. Not an outstanding start, but we’ll be here for 3 more days so it’s all good.

Day Two-Thursday

Airport Pick-Ups and Dream Car Rentals SUCK

Grambo Napkin arrived on a 10 am flight, so it was up at 8and in the shower for me. I was the first one up due to the extremely loud construction going on in the lot next to the hotel and I was ready to go by 9. I woke Mufasa and he and I just dorked around for a while waiting for Juggles to get his lazy butt up. At 9:30 I got him up and he immediately began to panic. Apparently he thinks it takes 45 minutes to get to the airport. I’m not wholly sure where he was when we drove to the hotel from Dollar. I thought he was in the back seat, but apparently not. Anyway after waiting for him to shower and get ready it was 10:15 when we left. He was irritated with me for waking him up so late, but I didn’t think it would take him 45 minutes to get ready. We needed to leave at 10 and that would get us there about the time Grambo Napkin hit the street-I had told him that the night before, but everything is my fault-after all, I do have some strange and god-like powers in the universe-at least you’d think so by the way Juggles went on and on about how late we were. Anyway we get to the airport and Grambo Napkin is nowhere to be found. Juggles hops out of the car to look for her and I proceed to drive around and around in the short-term pick up lot because I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay to pick someone up at the frelling airport. About 20 minutes later he calls and says they’re on the way. About 20 minutes after that they show up. I’m thinking Quickie in the bathroom, but have no confirmation on this. They hop in and Grambo Napkin informs us that she is ready for a burger at In-N-Out so we stop again and I have another foodgasam, as does Grambo Napkin, when we bite into our Double Doubles. I got mine Animal Style this time and boy was that a tasty burger. After our food we head back to the hotel, drop Grambo off to nap and head over to Dream Car Rentals on the Strip.

As I’m turning around I spot Vegas luggage! I ask Mufasa if I can get some and he says sure. So I park the car at Dream Car Rentals and head down the street to purchase my luggage. I’m a happy, happy girl especially when it only costs $20. Score. I head back to Dream Car Rentals and Juggles and Mufasa are hanging about aimlessly outside. It will be 10 minutes until the car is ready. Okay, lets go into the little cheesy store and browse. I buy a bottle opener since I neglected to do so last night and will have a hissy fit if I have to forgo my Corona for another day. We head back outside and are told it will be another 10 minutes. Fine. Back into the store where I buy a cool yet cheesy and very sparkly Vegas shirt. Back outside where we are told it will just be a couple more minutes.

While waiting we are approached by reverse-time-share-guy. He doesn’t want to sell us one; he wants us to hear a presentation about selling them ours. I inform him that I don’t own a time-share and he says that doesn’t matter; he’ll still give me $75 for an hour of my time. I inform him that my time is worth more than that. He asks me if it is worth more than that at home. I say-and this is an exact quote: “Bitch please. My time back home is worth $90 an hour.†He says he doesn’t believe me, so I ask him for his card and then inform him: “I’m glad you don’t believe me now because when I send you a bill for my time that you are currently wasting, the sticker shock will be AMAZING to you!†He laughed, but I printed up a bill this morning and mailed it to him. The total amount billed was $45, which is half of the hourly rate my firm bills for my time. I thought that was pretty funny.

Well after this little diversion, there is still no car. We are now informed that they have no idea when they can have the Porsche ready, they give us some BS about someone leaving the lights on and the battery is dead meaning they can’t even get into the car since the locks are electric. Whatever. I now know why the call it Dream Car Rentals, because if you think you’ll get a car there you’re dreaming. After trying to get us to rent a Hummer for about 10 minutes I lose it. I tell they guy they can shove this particular $430 daily rental fee because we aren’t going to rent a car from them. I march in and after a very loud argument over whether or not it is possible for them to reverse they charge they have already made on Juggles AmEx and a phone call to AmEx asking them to deny the charge. I walk out of the office and up to the guy who is looking at renting a Ferrari and tell him what has happened and asked him if he would like to ride with us over to Exotic Car Rentals. He happily hopped in, thus costing Dream Car Rentals another $600. Assholes shouldn’t piss me off.

We head over to Exotic where we decide to forgo the Porsche since there is no way all 4 of us can fit and rent a special edition Mini. Random guy gets his Ferrari for $100 cheaper and all of us are in and out in less than 20 minutes. So there Dream Car Rentals.

Naps Become An Issue

We return to the hotel and it is now 4. We have dinner reservations at Delmonico at 8:30 and I’m ready to go play for while, but Grambo Napkin needs to nap (what the hell has she been doing for the past few hours!). Fine, Mufasa, Grambo Napkin, and Juggles all take a nap while I watch TV. I’m not real happy about this, but decide I’ve been enough of a bitch today, so I pop a Corona, then another, then another, then another, then I decide I’ll get in the shower. Mufasa joins me almost immediately as the shower that has nearly zero water pressure makes a hell of a lot of noise in our bedroom. Nice. At least I have someone to keep me company now. We shower until there is no more hot water (apparently there are individual water heaters in these rooms). Mufasa makes himself a vodka cranberry and I pop another Corona. I pop another, then another, then another and decide that it’s 6 and 2 hours is enough of a nap, so I wake Juggles and Grambo Napkin who aren’t happy, but I don’t give a shit. While they are getting ready Mufasa and I continue to drink like fish and get ourselves ready for some good food.

Delmonico Rocks

When everyone is ready we had over to the Venetian where the idea of the tiara is born. We find one for Grambo Napkin at a kid’s store, but none of theirs are cheesy enough for me. If I’m going to be in Vegas and have headgear, it better be super silly and super cheesy. We head over to Delmonico and check in about 15 minutes early, so that we can have a drink in the bar. Juggles gets a margarita, Grambo Napkin and I get Corona, and Mufasa gets a fuzzy navel. We were already drunk when we got there and these just keep the fun going. We are taken to our seats where we are informed by Scott that he is our server for the evening and that Chris and Chris will also be helping out. We give him crap and he gives it right back. Scott is our kind of guy. He said they always give him the troublemakers, and I told him that was good since we were drunk and having great fun. At some point I said something about butt-munch and he said he hadn’t heard that term in years and was amazed that anyone even knew it anymore. When he returned with our appetizers later we were talking about weird foods and he chimed in with butt-munch salad. Chris 1 & 2 looked horrified, but we all thought it was great and clapped and laughed. Yep, Scott was our kind of guy.

We place our order. Mufasa, Grambo Napkin, and I order the bone in rib eye, Juggles orders the filet and we get sautéed mushrooms, garlic smashed potatoes, and green beans. Juggles and Mufasa ordered shrimp cocktail as an appetizer and Grambo Napkin and I got mozzerela on foccacia. Both were very tasty. After a couple more drinks we got our meal and I must say that was the best steak I have ever had. I know some of you have a problem with the “best†classification, but I’m using it because I think this steak is worthy. After dinner Grambo Napkin and I split the bananas foster pie, which was absolutely dreamy. All in all it was about $165 for Mufasa and I, which was a great value in my mind.

Here’s a funny thing. When you get up from the table, they rush over to re-fold your napkin and leave it on the table for you looking very nice. I’ve never been anywhere that did this before and the first time Grambo got up to go to the ladies room, I about died when Chris 2 did this. When she got back she couldn’t stop laughing about it either and started going to the ladies room just so they’d re-fold her napkin. Hence, the Napkin in her Vegas name. I’m sorry to disappoint all of you who are not blondes, but apparently this service is reserved for blonde people. When Mufasa got up, they re-folded his napkin. When Juggles got up they re-folded his napkin. But when I got up they didn’t re-fold mine. Thus leading me to believe that only blondes get napkin re-folding service at Delmonico since I was the only non-blonde at the table and the only one who didn’t need napkin re-folding. Perhaps they simply don’t want the blondes to lose their napkins and have to bring them a new one. I don’t know, but I did feel a bit discriminated against.

Gondolas and Godiva

Juggles gout tickets for a 10:30 gondola ride which we went to immediately after dinner. It was nice an all, but in general I have to say that it really wasn’t all that great. It was very quick and not really romantic although the Gondolier tried with the kissing under the bridge thing. At $15 each it wasn’t ridiculously expensive, but I could have spent $15 on something a bit more fun.

There is a Godiva right next to the entrance so I went in and Mufasa bought me some roasted almond truffles-TO DIE FOR-and we got Grambo Napkin a chocolate macaroon, but didn’t tell her about it. I figured I’d spring it on her later. After this we wandered about for awhile, but Grambo Napkin got a headache from the perfume they pump into the casino and so we headed back to the hotel to change and go to Cheetas.

Sleeping Becomes and Issue

Upon our arrival at the hotel, Grambo Napkin and Juggles decided they needed to go to sleep RIGHT NOW. So, once again, Cheetas was put off in favor of sleep. I didn’t want to sleep, but couldn’t bitch since I had punked out the night before. I popped a few more Coronas and at about 3:30, went to bed myself.

Day Three-Friday

Construction Sucks

Good Morning! It is 7:00 am and construction workers of Vegas are working. Which means that the noise next to the hotel begins. At 7:30 I give up and get out of bed. Looks like a nap is in my future

Law and Order: SVU Marathon

Luckily, today is the day that the Law and Order: SVU marathon is on so I have something to watch while waiting for the construction to wake everyone else. In the middle of the next episode Grambo Napkin comes out and happily plunks down next to me on the couch. During the next episode, Juggles comes out with his laptop and displaces me on the couch. See what I get for smoking? Grambo Napkin and I are hungry so she and Juggles head off to McDonalds for some breakfast while Mufasa jumps in the shower. We eat and the Juggles and Mufasa head out to have some fun in the mini leaving us girls to our TV.

The Quest for Silly Hats

We meet the boys at 2 over at Exotic Car Rentals and then head over to Excalibur in search of silly hats. We park and then have the brilliant idea that we’ll leave the car there and cab back to the hotel for a nap, thus enabling us to drive the car back after the new year festivities. We find silly hats for the boys and a super cheesy purple fuzzy tiara for me. We don our headgear and head off to the Monte Carlo Brew Pub.

New Year Thwarts My Quesadilla Quest

We walk on over to the Brew Pub only to find that I will not be allowed to obtain my much loved quesadilla. Apparently, it takes 9 hours to set up for the New Year celebration. The Brew Pub closed at 2pm and will not reopen until 11pm. My luck.

That Waitress Needs My Fuzzy Tiara

We are all starving so we decide to just go to the Monte Carlo Café. The waitress there is extremely stressed out, but very pleasant, as she explains that several people did not show up for work today and she’s doing the best she can, but things are moving a little slowly. She also comments on how she likes my tiara as we place our order. Grambo Napkin and I had the Club Sandwich, Mufasa had the Ruben, and Juggles had some shrimp and veggie thing. While it did take quite a while for our food to arrive, it wasn’t a ridiculously long wait, and since we had been pre-warned we weren’t griping about it. The food was good, standard café fare.

After we get our check, I overhear a group of drunks yelling at our over-worked waitress because they didn’t get a side of ranch for their potato skins quickly enough. This makes me feel bad. They did get the ranch about 2 minutes after they got their potato skins. I know the waitress told them the same thing she told us, so this makes me feel bad for her. I decide that in addition to leaving an obscenely large tip ($25 on a $40 ticket) I will give her my tiara to make her smile. When she walks back by I ask her if she’ll wear it and she says yes, so I make her kneel down and I place it on her head dubbing her the #1 server in the Monte Carlo. This gets a huge round of applause and some great laughter out of all of the surrounding tables. The best part is, it puts a huge smile on her face. On the way out I made sure to sweep by the bitchy table where we all stopped, clapped, then dropped to our knees and did the “We’re not worthy†bow to our waitress. Ah, sometimes it’s the littlest smart-ass things in this world that make me happy.

Quest for the Purple Fuzzy Tiara 2

By giving my tiara away it now meant another quest for a new tiara. Luckily I had chosen a cheap kiddy type and we just hopped over the magic shop in MC and low and behold, the purple fuzzy tiara was there. Another trip SCORE was found here as well. They also had a matching purple fuzzy scepter. Ah this will create lots of fun later this evening as I wander the strip.

Forum Shops Don’t Want My Money

We cab over to the Forum Shops at about 5:45 and guess what? They don’t want none of my cash, because they’re closing at 6. Now I ask you, what the hell is that? You’re going to have thousands of people milling about on the strip until midnight waiting to take their place on the street. Many of those people will be drinking and thus, loose with the wallet, and you feel the need to close the Forum Shops at 6? This makes no sense to me. We walk into Coach and are met with, “I’m sorry, we’re closing, so if you want to buy something I hope you know what it is, where it is, and have cash.†WOW! Now there is a fine example of how not to make me drop hundreds on a handbag. Buh-Bye!! At this point we give up and cab back to our room.

Nap? What’s That?

When we get back to our room I call Jazz to find out what the plans are for the evening. She’s one of my best friends who transferred to Boyd this year. She answers and tells me she’ll call me back in a few minutes, so while everyone else heads to napville, I settle on the couch for some more SVU and wait for a call back. At some point, I conk out because Mufasa comes in and makes me go to bed. No sooner do I lay my head down on the pillow than the room next to us begins their party. And it is LOUD! I can’t blame them, it is New Years Eve after all, but after about 15 door slams and countless WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO’s, my nap is gone. Mufasa can’t sleep either so we move out onto the couch. Just as we doze off Juggles the insensitive gets up, grabs a bag of chips, plops down on the floor next to us, loudly opens the bag and begins to eat chips at a volume level I was previously unaware possible. So much for nap time.

Dink, Dank, Dunk

Since I’m up I decide now is a good time to start drinking. It’s 8 and that gives me a couple of hours of pre-drinking before walking over to the Orleans and catching a cab back to Trop & Industrial to head to the Strip for some fun in the street. About 3 Corona’s in, Juggles the insensitive yawns and heads back into his room to sleep some more. Or so he thinks. I didn’t get more than 15 minutes of sleep, and I’ll be damned if he’s going to sleep after depriving me. So I begin operation the hell with you. I wait about 5 minutes then creep into their room and gently wake Grambo Napkin for pre-drinking fun. She comes out pops a Corona and I inform her of our napless adventure. It is about this time that my plan comes into its full glory. With the unopened bag of ice in hand I creep into Juggles’ room and tear the bag open. I then proceed to stand on the bedside table and pour the entire bag onto him. Needless to say, he was not a happy camper, but the rest of us found it highly amusing.

Poof! You’re Happy!

After several vodka cranberries and a couple more Coronas, I open a fresh one and we head over to the Orleans to catch a cab. Maybe it was just me in my drunken stupor, but I’ve never seen a more gloomy group. As we’re walking through the casino there are more sourpusses than I’ve ever seen in one place that wasn’t a funeral home or a cemetery. This is where the Poofing begins. I, in my purple fuzzy tiara and with my purple fuzzy scepter decide that my mission for this evening will be to bring smiles to people and what a better way to do that than to walk up to those without smiles, wave my wand in a circle, hop into the air, and yell “Poof! You’re Happy!†You can imagine the looks. We catch a cab and ride up to the gas station on the southwest corner of Trop and Industrial where we begin the trek to the strip. I had to slam the rest of my Corona since it was in a glass bottle (I was too blitzed to remember to put it in a plastic cup-which I bought just for this purpose-go figure). We walked over the freeway and I’m Poofing people right and left. We get to the strip and head towards B, but are sidetracked by Grambo Napkin’s need to pee. Into the MC we go and wait in a seriously long line, then out to the most ridiculous booze line I’ve ever seen. After much silliness with our fellow line mates, we get to the front and get our midnight booze. Vodka cranberry for Mufasa, nothing for Juggles (?!?), and footballs full of beer for Grambo Napkin and I. Luckily, the bartender is overwhelmed and gives me 2 footballs of beer. SWEET!

Since I needed a free hand to Poof! people, I was carrying my 2 footballs against my chest with my left arm across them. I made a comment that I felt like Pam Anderson must fell with those big ole plastic boobies of hers. Some dolt decides to say: “Too bad you don’t look like her.†Well poo-poo on you buddy! Here’s a Poof! You’re Happy! to help you be a nicer person! Hee-Hee, he didn’t like that very much, but I don’t care.

We make it down just past the Boardwalk and midnight hits. The fireworks were great and the green lasers shooting out of the Eiffel Tower were pretty cool too. After much screaming, kissing, hugging, and general loudness, we begin to walk back towards the Excalibur to get the car.

Poof! Happy New Year!

The Poofing has now changed, as you can tell. On our way back down the strip Grambo Napkin and I are Poofing everyone in sight.

We meet random break-up girl who hints like mad that she’d like an invitation back to our room.

We meet the ultimate I-Know-You-Have-A-Mirror-In-Your-Room-Lady and get her to take a picture with us. Now comes the part you should have all been waiting for: the outfit description. It doesn’t show up so well in the picture, but this lady was wearing some type of tin foil/snake skin suit with a fur coat that looked like a cat does right after a bath. We got much laughter out of that one.

Some comments received after being graced with the Poof!: What is she on and where can I get some? Ah, the power of Beer! Beer, it does a body good. Hey, you spit on me!

We went into the Boardwalk as Grambo Napkin had to go again, and this is where we ran into random divorce girl. She looked sad, so I Poofed! her then gave her a hug. Then I started making random people give her a hug. Then I made Juggles give her a hug. Then I made Mufasa give her a hug. This is when she asks Mufasa if she can come back to our room with us. Too funny. While waiting for Grambo Napkin to traverse the never ending potty line, I begin to drunk dial my friends at home. You know how those conversations went: Me: I miss you. Friend: I miss you too. Me: I wish you were here. Friend: I wish I was there too. It sounds like you’re having too much fun and have had too much booze. Me: You’re so right! Anyway, Grambo Napkin finally emerges and we continue our march, Poofing! the whole time.

We get to NYNY and Grambo Napkin has to go again. Lord! I’ve finished one football and am ¾ of the way through the second at this point. While waiting for Grambo Napkin to traverse that line, I am recruited several times by random irritated guys to go on a paging mission into the bathroom to make sure the girls they were with are alive. Luckily they all were. Unluckily, they all had their heads in a public toilet. Grambo Napkin finally emerges and we begin our march once again.

I was, of course, thanking all of the police officers lining the streets for working New Years and for putting up with us drunks. One of them informs us that the strip is closed all the way up to Russell. So much for getting our car-we just continue walking on Trop over the freeway.

Rocks and Drunks Don’t Mix Well

As we crest the hill of the overpass, there is a glowing light calling us. It is the almighty In-N-Out! We must eat! Now, for those of you who are familiar with this particular establishment, there is a very long hill covered in rocks between Trop and the building. Being as I was shit faced, I decide that I don’t want to walk all the way down and around the corner on the sidewalk, I want to take the short cut through the rocks. I shall now impart the tale to you as Mufasa tells it:

The magic of Fuzzy when she’s drunk is that, somehow, she can’t walk in a straight line on a flat surface, but when going down a steep hill covered in rocks she’s more graceful than she’s ever been. As I’m watching her run down the hill, she is nimbly gliding over the rocks in a perfectly straight line. There is no teetering. There appears to be no danger of her tumbling over or falling on her face. At least it appeared that way, until she hit the flat surface.

Yes, boys and girls, good ole Fluffy can traverse a steep rock covered hill, but once I hit the flat part I am unable to walk and face plant. I roll over onto my back laughing my ass off, because I know that must have been hilarious to see. Hell, it felt funny. I sit up and realize that I have lost my tiara, so Grambo Napkin-the other drunk in the party-tries to put it on my head. She’s laughing, I’m laughing. She’s swaying, I’m swaying. It’s pretty damn funny to watch-Juggles felt the need to take an avi with his camera. After pulling me off of the rocks we head into In-N-Out for some much earned grub.

In-N-Out Issues

We grab a table and the boys go order our food. There is a fight brewing at the table next to us. Lord knows what started it, but it seems that the employees get things under control so I’m no longer worried. Wait! Drunk fat guy is back talking crap to the young brothers sitting next to us. Great. The poor employee manages to get him to leave and I strike up a conversation with the table next to us to relieve some tension. It works, and soon we are all laughing and happy. We get our food and begin to consume it at record speed. Damn, didn’t know I was this hungry.

Some new people came and sat next to us and I glance over to see a young man throwing up all over the table. Nice! Luckily, I’m drunk and hungry so I don’t care. I told everyone at my table not to look, but they did anyway. Dumb Asses!

We see Drunk fat guy walk back in and head to the bathroom. Just after this I see a large group of young men standing in the food line start to step to one another. Not good! At this point, all I can think is “Character and Fitness†and I don’t really want to answer questions about why I was there when this huge fight breaks out. I stand up, throw down my burger and announce to my friends: “Get up and get out.†Grambo Napkin wants to hang around and be nosy. Fine I tell her, I’m leaving, and out the door I go. Just as we get out the door they are locked and the outside lights go out. As we make it across the parking lot to the sidewalk there are 5 cop cars pulling up. WHEW.

It’s A VERY Long Walk to the Hotel

Great, I’m now in full paranoia mode and I have to walk down Tropicana to our hotel. That’s a really, really, really long walk. Especially when you’re drunk. We finally make it to our room, put our jammys on and notice that it is 4:30. I decide some more booze is in order and so I pop a Corona, then another, then another. Everyone else is in bed and at 6 I decide it’s time for me to get some sleep.

Day Four: Saturday

Why Can’t I Sleep?
We had made plans to go to lunch with Joker today. Juggles the dork has told him we’d be there at noon. Not gonna happen. I get up before everyone else-WTF is this?-and am just hanging out watching TV when Juggles comes out at about 11:30 and informs me that we’re supposed to pick Joker up in half an hour. I tell him to call and let Joker know it’s going to be about 1:30 before we get there. Jazz calls and apologizes for not getting back to me last night and wants to get together today. I invite her to lunch. Juggles calls Joker and asks where he’d like to go so I can tell Jazz. He picks the Sunset Station Buffet-ugh! Grambo Napkin isn’t feeling social today and decides to stay in the room and sleep so Mufasa, Juggles and I get ready and head out to Henderson.

The Buffet Experience

What can I say? It’s a buffet. It’s marginal at best. It’s only saving grace is that they have Carrot Cake on the dessert bar and actual shredded hasbrowns instead of home fries.

Jazz meets us there and we have some great laughs. It’s really good to hang with friends who are funny. We begin to talk about our Cheetahs outing and Jazz says she’ll meet us there later so that she can see me in “action.†Not sure what that means, but okay.

Juggles is nodding off at the table, so it’s back to the room for a little nap time before we have to get up and get ready for “We Will Rock You.†I get my first real nap this trip, about an hour, then its up and out the door.

We Will Rock You ROCKS

I can’t say enough about how fun this show was. It’s full of pop culture references and song references and is simply great silly fun. I don’t want to say too much and give anything away, but you know it’s good when a strapping black man is called Brittany Spears!

Steak and Karaoke

After the show we head over to Ellis Island as I’ve convinced everyone we need $4.95 steak specials. The best part about it was the karaoke that was going on. The service could have been faster if a snail was our waiter, but the steak was great! The entertainment was even better. Most of the people were actually pretty good, but there were a couple that had me nearly losing control of my beverage! Good times!

The Nudie Bar: FINALLY

What can I say? It felt good to be home. The place was packed, but Juggles got a table and the games were on! I am going to leave out information that doesn’t pertain to Mufasa or I because I like to protect the “innocent.†Poor Mufasa, the first girl to plunk down in his lap had stinky underarms. Now, I’m not talking a waft on occasion, I’m talking could smell her at the table behind us. She asks me if I want a dance, and I promptly tell her “Not from you.†She finally leaves physically, but leaves her scent behind-on Mufasa’s shirt. EWWWWWWWW! Not a good start to the evening!

I’m generally pissed because I’ve been stuck in the no dancers are coming near me corner. You know wedged behind the table, in between 2 other chairs. Basically, access to my lap was cut off and that’s not cool. No one will switch seats with me and I’m pouting. Fine, I’ll just have to wait for someone to get up and then snag their seat. Problem is no one moves! Talk about frustration. I see how this night is going to be for me so I resign myself to it and start looking for lap dance material. I’m very particular about the girls I’ll have dance for me. They MUST have real boobs. They MUST have some curves. They MUST not be stick figures. They MUST be soft, not fat, just soft. Well I don’t consider them fat, but Juggles thinks the girls I like are fat. Take that for what it’s worth.

I finally spot one and convince Juggles to switch me seats long enough for me to get my lap dance. He’s not happy, but he switches. He paid for this dance, and I’m sure he’s a bit upset he didn’t buy this one for himself. This girl was all about the boobies in my face. She was also all about licking my boobies and kissing my crotch. Oh, by the way, did I mention I was wearing a skirt? Any way, the dance was hot hot hot! I was much happier now.

The Lady in Red

I have $20 burning a hole in Mufasa’s pocket and so I start scanning for girl #2. I finally spot her and tell Mufasa to go grab her for me since I’m stuck in never, never land. He comes back a short while later saying he didn’t catch her before she started with another guy, but she knew which table we were (apparently described Grambo Napkin and I) and would be over when she was done. At this point it’s 3am and we have to be at the airport at 8, but I’m waiting, and since I’m the one with the car keys, so is everyone else. Mufasa doesn’t mind (wonder why?), but Juggles and Grambo Napkin aren’t happy. Too bad, I’ve been stuck in ignore land all night, so they’ll just have to wait.

My phone rings and Jazz says they are just now on their way. I tell them not to bother coming since we’re out after I get my dance, just meet us at the hotel. Now, you know nothing brings a stripper faster than being pre-occupied and here comes my girl. I hurry off the phone as she plunks into my lap. She smells very good and looks very good too. Pretty face and everything. Bonus. We chit chat for a while waiting for the next song to start and wouldn’t you know it? The next song is Erotic City-PERFECT!

Well the dance is sweet. The kisses sweeter. Her butt is soft her boobs are firm. Did I mention she smells good? Anyway, Mufasa and Juggles thought it was a great dance. All I could say was DAYUM!!!!

Quick Visit and Quicker Packing

We get back to the room and Juggles and Grambo Napkin go to bed while Mufasa and I speed-pack so we won’t have to do it in 2 hours when we get up. Jazz arrives and we hang out for about an hour talking and being silly. It’s now nearly 5 and we have to be up in 2 hours so I say my farewells and off to bed for me.

Final Score of the Trip

We check out of the hotel and it is $100 cheaper than the quoted price. SWEET!

Homebound

We drop off the car, no problems. We get to the airport and have C passes on a completely full flight. Blech. We do get seats next to each other so life is good. Take off on time, land on time, get the car and head home. Stopped at Wendy’s for some grub. Wolfed it down then laid down on the couch at about 3 pm and slept until 11 am Monday.

Final Thoughts

So much happened that I can’t put in this report since publicity was forbidden by other parties. I didn’t get to the monorail and thus the mooning will have to wait for another trip. We didn’t do the spa thing because I didn’t get the coupon before we left, but I really appreciate the effort Chef. All in all, it was a wonderful journey and made me look forward to MM that much more.

 

Oh my god, sounds like you had a very exciting trip....
You have some of the best trip reports

 

Whew! I'm exhausted from reading that!

Great report. I don't know how you remembered all of that, but I'm glad you did!

 

That's a beautiful story, Sin. No wonder they nicknamed the city for you.

Mikey

 

Great TR--Can't wait for the photos!!

So if your nickname is Sin already, how come you need a special Vegas name??

Also--since I am one of those people who has expressed "issues" with the use of "best" in the past, I'd like you to know that YOUR usage is acceptable--you told me that the steak was the best steak you have ever had. Now, if you asked me what the "best" steak place in Vegas is, I might have a problem But I've had some vino-counseling and am trying to overcome my issues.

 

Great TR Sin,!! Glad you had a great time, I enjoyed every minute of it.

 

Wow.

 

Great trip report. It was a great read. Glad you had a great time.

 

Nice. I'm wore out after reading that one. Sin...sounds like you're holding up your part of that name!

 

WOOOOOHOOOOO!! Great TR Sin!!! But what else can we expect? Can't wait to finally meet ya! Too bad about your uncouth friends. I would have gladly offered you my seat at Cheetahs. Watching you getting a lap dance would be a lot more fun than getting one myself! Well, I better get back to waxing my snowboard!

 

You know that any trip report that has the phrase, "Bitch, Please!" near the beginning is going to be good, and this one did not dissapoint.

Great read, looking forward to the pics.

T.

p.s. napping is for the weak

 

Tiaras, nasty dancer pits, and Delmonico's....what more can a man ask for in a TR?

Thanks for posting..

Jack21

P.S. I'm glad your dancer smelled better.

 

Now THAT'S a trip report! Thanks for posting!

 

Casinos...what casinos ...too bad you guys didn't feel like partying !. Man...I'd have to check myself into a room next to George Carlin after that trip ....awesome !.

 

I feel dirty just from reading that TR. Sin, I think I love you...no...I DO love you.

 

After reading that, its a shame that that MM2 has to me in March, LMAO instead of April when i plain to be there. Thats an awsome report.

 

Awesome TR wild child!! Mufasa is one lucky muchacho.

 

Sin,
This is my first read of one of your reports and all I can say is... "Chicks who go to nudy bars are cool" -spoken like Butthead
Marty

 

And just when can we expect photos to be posted?
Great read!

 

Great eats, much partying, and hot strippers...what more could a gal ask for from a Vegas trip? Except maybe a few more days of the same Great read!