The events of this report took place on and around the 21st of October. The report is kind of long, as I like to write and ramble. Day 1â€”The flight out was very uneventful. Midway to Vegas on Southwest with a plane change at LAX. We had a plane change at LAX, which of course was delayed. We checked in 23 hours and 59 minutes in advance, yet we were at the very bottom of the A group for both flights. Going to LAX we were seated alone in the exit row! We somehow managed to get the same thing going to LAS, until the last two passengers that is. A large man and his larger wife decided that one of them was going to sit between us, so I took one for the team and moved to the bitch seat. Happy wedding wife, hereâ€™s your present! We landed at LAS. My parents live in LV and decided to surprise the wife with a Limo! I like a good surprise as much as the next guy, but I like the build-up to the surprise even more. We came down the escalator to baggage claim, and I noticed the driver with my name. I promptly sent the wife in a different direction, telling her it was a little shorter way to our claim area, and told her I needed to use the facilities. I then went to the driver, told him I wanted to screw with the future wife, and asked him to wait by the escalator down to the waiting Limos. I met the future wife at our bag claim, we got our luggage, and went over to the taxi line. We waited for five minutes and didnâ€™t move, which was exactly my plan. I looked at the wife, said F it babe, I know a shortcut. She had no idea, it was great! We went over to the driver, who was waiting with a big cheesedick grin as he saw me walking over smirking. He raised the sign with my name, and I got a punch to the kidney from the wife. The driver was great. He was personable without being too much. I highly recommend Presidential Limo to anyone. As it turns out, a 15 minute ride to the Imperial Palace is the perfect amount of time to Pirate Style down a bottle of champagne, and I think the driver was impressed with our drinking. As great as the Limo service was, the check-in experience at the IP was the exact opposite. The wife is Diamond at CET, so we went right to the Diamond check-in even though no one was in line at either. There was no one behind the desk. Five minutes later, a lady that looked like she was not in love with her job finally showed up. We were comped four nights in a Deluxe Luv Tub Room smoking room. One was left, but it was only noon. This one was on the second floor back in the corner of the hotel. We asked if waiting until check-in time would help us get a room with a view or something on a higher floor and were quickly told no. We then offered the $20 trick, letting her know we were getting married in a few days and were wondering if we could have our room upgraded. Quickly and without checking her system, the answer was no. Her answer was that our room was free, and that should be good enough. Ok, no problem, weâ€™ll take the room on the second floor overlooking the driveway to Koval. We got up to the room, dropped off our bags, and the wife hit the casino. I too pretended to hit the casino, but I had another surprise for the wife. I had shipped a bottle of Dom Perignon to the IP. I had called earlier in the week to find out what to do, and was told just ask the front desk, that they would make sure it was up there waiting for me. Ok, fine. I did just that, and after a few minutes of waiting, I was told to go over to the baggage check. Their desks are one door apart, but apparently I had to walk the three feet over there myself. Ok, sure, I can do that. I took my slightly less happy ass over to that line and waited. And waited. It seemed like half an hour, but Iâ€™m sure it was 10 minutes. Front of the line and growing irritated, I was ready to drink my expensive champagne like it was Franzia. But not so fast there sailor, no champagne at the baggage claim, and they werenâ€™t sure where it was. They were pretty sure it was downstairs, but they didnâ€™t have the keys to get downstairs. I needed to go to security, and they would go downstairs to retrieve it. My Ok fine attitude was rapidly turning into a WTF attitude, but Iâ€™m in Vegas! Surely security, the men with the keys to get everywhere, would be able to get me my champagne. Walfway through the casino to the security desk, and of course Iâ€™m spotted by the wife! This was supposed to be a surprise, and due to the indifference shown by the IP staff, my surprise was ruined. Damnit IP. She comes up, and rather than lie, I vent my frustrations. Apparently I was a sweet and thoughtful future husband, but I was quickly becoming an angry future husband. Up to the security desk and wouldnâ€™t you know it, they could/would do nothing for me. I had a $100 bottle of alcohol missing in the IP; Lord knows what kind of idiot could have their hands or stomachs on it. Security steered me back to the front desk. I let him know, calmly as possible, that this is where my quest began, and that I would really prefer to skip this if possible. Nope, not possible, we had to go back. So we did, this time wife in tow. Now at the front desk, there was a line. We waited 17 minutes, timed very carefully, only to get the same cranky desk attendant. If it was possible to do less than nothing, that is what she did. I, again fairly calmly, let her know that I needed to pick up my package. She did no checking at all. Her response was to ask if we went to baggage claim, as this is technically baggage, and it is ours, and we needed to claim it. She, in her lovely demeanor, let her know that this is their department, and the only way to get resolution was to talk to them. I told her the saga, she said there was nothing she could do and to go back. Sure, weâ€™ll go back to baggage claim I told her but I told her Iâ€™d make her a deal. If I have to come back here, Iâ€™m going to speak with your supervisor and let him know exactly how helpful youâ€™ve been. Even still, she did not care. She again told me that this is obviously in her opinion their department and they need to help me. No apologies, no solutions, just headaches. Angrily we walked to that line. Another 10 minutes and we speak with someone was helpful! I forget his name, but he appeared to genuinely care, he took ownership of our problem, and told us he would make sure we got our champagne. Great, I like good champagne, and Iâ€™ve been looking forward to this bottle for a while now. We waited while he made a few calls and he has now located our bottle! He told us to go to our room, and that he would meet us up there shortly. Back to our second floor palace in the sky, I opened the door and was hit in the face by the smell of feces. Now Iâ€™m a larger guy who loves Mexican food, so Iâ€™ve come to love the smell of my own brew, and this was not it. This was sewage. Iâ€™m not a picky man, but this I cannot tolerate. Luckily we had not yet fully unpacked. I threw all our stuff back into the bags while the wife waited in the hall, then we headed back down to the front desk. Another 20 minute wait and, of course, we got the same bitch. She didnâ€™t even speak, she just turned around and got her supervisor lol. He was as helpful as he could have been, but his first suggestion was that we go back up to the room and wait it out. He was sure that the sewage smell would pass and we would never have it again. My response was really guy, thatâ€™s really your suggestion? I shook my head, said thatâ€™s not at all going to happen, and that he should question his ability to do his job if he suggests to a customer that they basically just deal with the smell of sewage. He was sorry, of course we were right, but there was no room of the same class available. Ok, whatever, just bump us up a class then and weâ€™ll be on our way. This of course was not an option. We took a room with two queens on the 8th floor, the room was non smoking but we could smoke on the balcony. Fine, we donâ€™t care, we just want to drop off our crap, hang up the suit and wedding dress, and start getting very drunk. Wait, drunk, thatâ€™s right, we forgot about the Dom Perignon! Damnit. We took the keys to the room and walked over to the baggage claim, where our bottle was waiting for us. He had walked around the second floor and the whole casino floor looking for us! Finally, customer service. We like thrill rides, so we wanted to go to the top of the Stratosphere . My mother was going to meet us up there, but sheâ€™s not the greatest traffic driver so we didnâ€™t want to make her meet us up there. We decided to take the monorail to the Sahara and just hoof it up there. No problems here at all. We were scheduled to meet up with mom in a few hours, so we decide to play some slots at the Sahara. I have to say I didnâ€™t hate the Sahara. It gets a lot of ungood press, but I didnâ€™t hate it at all having just seen the casino. We played for an hour or so and broke completely even as did the wife. The cocktails were quick and strong. Up to The STRAT and one of the first things we notice is a little blue wire and a blue blur going down it. Skyjump! I told the wife that I would jump if it werenâ€™t so damn expensive, but really I think my testicles are just too damn small. We meet up with mom, walk around the casino for a while, and decide to go to the top. The weather was very overcast up to this point. Buy the tickets, wait in line, get to the top, and of course the rain starts. Back to the bottom and we are reimbursed but disappointed. Mom is ready to go back home, so we have her drop us off at the Rio, as we have heard good things about their buffet. Itâ€™s raining at this point. Itâ€™s not pouring, itâ€™s not raining hard, itâ€™s just plain old raining. In the rain, the Las Vegas highway turns into a drunken Nascar race. People were whipping around us at 85 mphâ€™s in the fast lane, then darting over to the exit ramp five lanes away and slamming on their brakes, but they donâ€™t know how to handle rain, so they were fishtailing. Multiple cars did this! Well, we safely made is to the Rio and we were looking to starting off our 24 hour Buffet of Buffets pass. The best thing I can say about the Rio buffet is that it is big. It was decent, but man it was big. Free shuttle over to Harrahâ€™s and the wife is tired. Itâ€™s 7 PM, but we had been up since 3 AM Vegas time, so Iâ€™m starting to feel it too. Plus, itâ€™s time to get drunk. We decide to spend the rest of the night at the IP gambling and drinking. The best thing I found up to this point is the Blue Moon on tap at the center bar of the IP. The bartender, whose name escapes me, was very good. He kept the drinks coming without having to ask. While the VP may not have been the greatest pay scale and I didnâ€™t have any decent hits, I was able to play very slowly and get very drunk. As the machine was getting foggy I decided to call it a night. I was getting married tomorrow after all! I collected the wife to find she did not do too well on the slots. We found ourselves asleep by 11 PM. Day 2â€”Wedding Day. Our day started at the Harrahâ€™s buffet for breakfast. We had eaten there on our previous trip and knew what to expect. Itâ€™s a solid breakfast highlighted by a fluffy French Toast and very good coffee gelato. Back to the IP to get ready, as our wedding Limo would be here at 11. Itâ€™s now 8 AM, which means I get two and a half hours of Sports Center while she pretties herself up. I get half an hour to get ready, and she starts taking up some of my time sheâ€™s so slow. The only things that gets her moving quicker is threatening to get drunk. Ok, she moves faster. Walking thru the casino in her wedding dress, the wife and I received the only decent service we got at our whole stay at the IP. The dealertainers announced that a bride was walking thru, many of the players looked up from their games and clapped, and a good number of them stood and applauded. She thought this was great. We decide that we are going to do the drive-thru package at A Special Memory Wedding Chapel. Their service was very good. They picked us up on time, took us to the courthouse for license, went thru the drive thru and dropped us back off at the IP, all in a matter of two hours. Nice work folks! We were very satisfied with everything. As neither of us is a terribly high maintenance person, this was the extent of our wedding extravaganza for the day. We went back to the Harrahâ€™s buffet for lunch. Not too bad, it was again solid and tasty but not spectacular. Thatâ€™s ok, itâ€™s just what we wanted. As we were not able to go on any of the rides at the Strat yesterday, we really wanted to do it today. Back to the monorail and back up to the top, where the rides were interesting. Big Shot was pretty neat and was the favorite of the wife. I had a seat with a great view of the strip. Insanity was next, and it was by far my favorite. The way gravity moves you back and forth softly while you spin quickly a thousand feet in the air, it was pretty intense! It was the wifeâ€™s least favorite, as she doesnâ€™t like spinning. My least favorite was xscream. It was too jerky. The wife liked it though. Ok, weâ€™re done with the Strat now, and itâ€™s time for downtown. The wife has never been downtown, and I love it. $15 cab ride and we were there. I love the neon, so we walked thru Four Queens and I wanted to show her the Golden Nugget sign. The subtle flash of their sign is among my favs downtown, but it wasnâ€™t on! Weird. Back to the queens and we found an extreme personal rarity, a Star Trek slot right next to a VP machine, and the VP had decent pay scale. The waitress found us quickly and we were gambling. Two solid hours and I was up 20 bucks. The wife had a different experience. We found out that the reason the GN sign was off was that there was a power issue downtown, and this impacted the wifeâ€™s slot machine. It went down for about half an hour, right as the wife was hitting a bonus. The slot attendant was there quickly, the supervisor was there too, and the waitress definitely took care of us. By the time her machine started working again, I was good and drunk as was the wife. We told the supervisor we had gotten married hours before, chatted for quite a while, and they brought us all the top shelf alcohol they could. Nothing beats Kettle One screwdrivers while playing nickel VP. We next decided to play at the Nugget, noticing that their power issues were apparently solved. We went into the back corner and settled down on a Press Your Luck machine. Staying for all of 20 minutes, the waitress passed us up twice, and there are far too many options downtown to deal with this. We were getting hungry at this point, so we headed over to Binions to eat at the little cafÃ© thing just off the casino. I had the burger and the wife had a hot dog, both were amply acceptable for the price. We played for a bit there, as I am a serious hit and run slot player. If I get up $10 on a machine, I move to a different one. I know, this may not be the best strategy, but I enjoy it. The wife will camp on a machine if sheâ€™s having fun. I coaxed her into moving over to Mermaids as I love the clang of the nickels hitting the aluminum. They may not serve the stiffest drinks or the best quality alcohol, but they were by far the fastest and we got a ton of mileage out of $20. Itâ€™s pretty late now, so we should head back to the absolutely dreaded IP. While it was about midnight and we were both getting tired, neither of us had any desire to be conscious in that nasty place, so we wandered over to Casino Royale. I had been looking forward to craps all day, but the tables were several deep the whole time, so we both settled down on WOZ Ruby Slippers machine. I did very nicely. Played for a few minutes and found myself up 120! Cocktail service was very slow and she wouldnâ€™t bring us two at a time as they had done previously for us there. No matter, we played, both up, for a few hours until exhaustion set in and decided we could handle looking at the IP, so bed time. Day 3â€”We got a late jump on the day today, both waking up slightly hungover. We had our Monorail pass and decided to take that down to the Paris/Ballyâ€™s. Yeah, it was two stops, but we were hungover. We mistakenly thought that the monorail would take us somewhere near Paris, but we would have been better off just walking from our hotel. I love the crepe place in Paris, so there we headed there first. We waited in line for several minutes, getting nowhere. The wife gets cranky when sheâ€™s hungry and my uh huh reflex kicks in pretty quickly, so I find myself walking away from the lovely crepes in search of something else. We wandered over to PH and all the way thru the Miracle Mile shops until we found Earl of Sandwich, and we were very glad we did. I forget which sandwiches each of us had, but both were spectacular and we are sure to be back. Ok, wife is now much less cranky, so off to the south strip we wandered. We got all the way to Mandalay Bay via the tram system, and back up to Luxor for both Titanic and Bodies. Titanic was better. Bodies was neat, but meh, Titanic was neater, plus I could walk around singing Celine Dion and question my sexuality less than usual. Next up to NYNY, where we wanted ride the coaster. It was too slow and too jerky and this ride will not be winning any Golden Ticket awards any time soon. Next, we went over to MGM where we decided to take the mono back to IP, as we needed to get ready for dinner at Nobhill with my parents based on the recommendations received on this site, thank you Ken2v, vegasBj, Coaster Kikky, vegasbound, and obrien73! Down to IP and back to MGM for Nobhill which was absolutely awesome! I had by far the best pork chop of my life. Everyone else was very pleased with their food as well. We had a good bottle of wine, solid service, good apps, and a very nice ambience. My parents do not really drink, but they were having so much fun, they pounded thru a bottle in no time flat and were sneaking nips from ours shortly! Nice work Nobhill, weâ€™ll return. We said our farewells and took the monorail back up to IP. Up to the room and holy shit of all holy shits, we had forgotten to drink the champagne we had worked so hard to get! Granted, we can be very strange people, but nothing beats pirate styling a bottle of Dom P at the IP while playing penny slots. Liquid velvet, and it was worth every bit of hassle. We played for a while on the middle of the strip with nothing of note, then back to the hotel for a little late night gaming. We decided that we wanted to drink Belliniâ€™s, they were ordered, and the waitress returned with the most awkward thing I had ever seen. She brought them to us in little plastic glasses and on ice. What the heck kind of drink is this? A bellini is not meant to be served on ice. Whatever, thanks again IP, this meant that it was time for bed on our last night. Day 4â€”Going home. Checkout was uneventful. We had charged a few things to the room throughout the week, they were taken off no problem. Breakfast was at Hash House, big and decent. I forget what we had, but it was decent. Presidential Limo picked us up on time, again with great service. Flight was a little delayed b/c Obama was taking off at the same time, and of course he had the right of way. In conclusion, the IP is a failure. They would have to make a ridiculous offer for us to ever set foot in that place again, let alone stay there. Outside of the one guy at baggage claim on our second stop there, the bartender at the center bar from Chicago, and HHAGG, no one seemed to care about anything. It just seemed like a collection of employees who genuinely hate their jobs. CET needs to make up their minds about it. Either they need to raise it to the level of mediocre without raising the price, or just implode the damn thing. When a room reeks of feces and the supervisor suggests that you just deal with it, thatâ€™s not a good sign. The rest of the trip was solid. Stratosphere rides were neat, the monorail is efficient and pretty good if you donâ€™t mind walking a bit. Next time I mary my wife, I would not hesitate to do it at A Special Memory chapel. Downtown is still very much downtown, and Nobhill is a great place. Weâ€™re looking forward to our next trip in the hopefully not too distant future.