Since this trip is scattered in my head, and I’m not real good at blow by blow sagas, I thought I would just categorize my trip report and skip the sequence. Travel Not that I’m superstitious, but the number 13 chased me through the trip. Our flight was departing out of Gate 13. Not a good start.. There is a lot of stress with connecting flights to Las Vegas. There is so much that can go wrong. It was almost an issue on this trip. Nothing like a wind sprint through Atlanta’s airport to get the heart going. Having a girl sitting beside you on a flight that puts on her ipod and starts to sing and dance in her seat is entertaining for about 3 seconds. Thank God I had my portable DVD player to get in the Vegas mood by watching “Casino.” The only problem was the pen in the throat scene was giving me ideas for my dancing and singing travel companion. We waited 1hour and 15 minutes for our luggage to get on the carousel. Upon arrival, that seems like an eternity. When the belts finally start moving, my wife’s suitcase was one of the first, then mine popped out 25 minutes later. Talk about pressurized anticipation. I was ready to personally strangle Bette Midler or a Chippendale’s dancer after seeing their promotion video 50 times. Maybe it was the “Casino” thing again. My wife told me making cattle sounds as we wound through the taxi stand wasn’t funny last time, and it won’t be funny this time. I told her she would laugh if Carrot Top did it. Then the guy that tells you were to go says “Go to taxi station number 13, sir.”(sigh) I want to be the supplier that sells brakes to the cab companies. Or new interiors that had to be replaced from the fingernails gouging the upholstery. The new buses are very nice. They seem to attract a classier clientele also. Being a bus driver in Las Vegas has to be one of the suckiest jobs ever. Dealing with people that smell bad that doesn’t speak English that give you attitude while dealing with strip traffic has to suck. Big time. Flying home is always depressing. Even when you’re exhausted and burned out and ready to go home. Room $20 dollar trick crashed and burned big time at the NYNY for the first time. No hot tub on Sunday. Check back again come Monday. Our lovely room was on the 6th floor with a great view of the back corner on the Monte Carlo. So this is where they put the low rollers….. Monday I upgrade to a Spa room. With even a better view of ….a wall!! I have never stayed in a room that had the view of… a wall…before. It’s just not meant to be this trip. Get the M &Ms and fill up the hot tub, honey….. Gambling I give up on blackjack. My first hand I have a ten and a three. (13 again?) The dealer has a three. I stick. The dealer gets an 8. And this went on and on and on. Three sessions of blackjack in 4 days, three spankings. And they can take that continuous shuffle machine and shove it up Joe Piscapo’s rearend. My 100 hand video poker machine turned its back on me. It doesn’t love me anymore. This machine and I spent countless hours together over the years to fill the void between blackjack and craps and the wife’s potty breaks, but not this time. It just ate my money. I don’t think it likes being next to that dreaded “Rok” nightclub. Can you tell I spent waaay too much time with this machine? The “Rok” has totally changed the late night complexion of the casino at the NYNY. Drunken idiots stumbling up to the craps table saying “I always wanted to play this game. What’s that field thing mean?” get old real quick. Granted, the groups of females that are determined to show you as much of their body as legally possible put your head on a swivel, but the male hyenas that have been drinking vodka and testosterone waiting for one of them to tire and fall away from their pack ruin the enjoyment. I have a weakness. I like to put $20 in the fun nickel slots video games and play for a few minutes. I’m surprised how many times I hit for a profit. I just can’t bring myself to play penny slots. I love “Lobster Mania” There, I said it. I feel better now that I confessed that. And Sea Monkeys. And Texas Tea. And Cleopatra Mermaids smells worse than I remember. But the people that work there are extremely nice and helpful. But that smell…. But their slots were loose, but all that change…. I loved playing craps at Fitzgeralds. I fought my dice off at the Fremont. And I played craps until I won my money back that I lost at some stupid 2 hands at a time, dealers uses their first card twice, watch your chips disappear Blackjack game at 4 Queens. Craps tables giveth, and craps tables taketh away. I did like it this trip because the number 13 can’t bite you in the ass. It can be a blast, or it can stink like my ex wifes attitude. It’s a social game that you can bond with total strangers who are your best friends in the world until the table gets cold. My personal highlight was hitting 5 sevens in a row on my come out roll, and I kept pressing it. I gold cold feet at number 5 and pulled my money back, but it was thrill better than sex. (well, it was a close second, but it took about the same amount of time.) Then I shot the dice for 45 minutes. When I started, there were 4 people at the table, when I finished, it was packed. Participants were carving an ice statue of me by the time I crapped out, but no casino host came up to me and told me they were impressed with my play and offered a room that didn’t have a view of a WALL. I love that Primm casino. The shuttle was free because we were at the NYNY. The wife shopped and I played craps. The casino giveth, the outlets taketh away. I had a blast with an interesting cast of characters at the $3 craps table. An 80something woman that threw the dice so hard I thought they were going to blow through the tableside. A high roller that couldn’t walk away even though he was supposed to be checking out. A gentleman that bought in for $1500 while I was shooting. I told him to lay low, I’m coming off a hot roll and cold rolls always follow hot rolls with me. He lost it all on my fourth roll. The best part of the session was when the stickman reminded me about my $1 yo bet I always make. “Dollar yo, sir?” Not this time . “You sure no dollar yo?” Nah “You should bet dollar yo” Ok, but you guys are in it with me for a buck When it hit, You would have though he won a lot more than $15. “I TOLD YOU DOLLAR YO!” Entertainment The Amazing Jonathan seemed tired of his act. It was very funny and gross, but there were times he was going through the motions and got a little hacky. Granted it was a Monday night and a small crowd And the VIP extra was not worth it. I did buy his book from him for my son after the show and he gruffly asked who he should make the autograph out to. When I said “Jonathan,” his assistant said, “Oh that’s ok, he already has one.” Well, I thought it was funny. “Ka” was cool, but we sat too close. (row K, I’m surprised it wasn’t M) I did enjoy the beginning of the show when they demonstrate what happens to people with cell phones and cameras. The pool at the NYNY was claustrophobic. You no longer felt like you were in Las Vegas. I was surrounded by WALLS. It was almost 90 degrees, which was hot, but when I jumped in the pool, I now know what the people on the Titanic felt—my nipples popped off and parts of my body did things they just shouldn’t do. But the music on the sound system was great, I don’t know who it was, but it was modern music that made you feel good. Until I was charged $22 for a margarita and a fuzzy navel. I better hit on Jackpot Party tonight….And then there was the Zumanity commercial every 15 minutes. I’ll buy a ticket, just stop with the commercial…pleeeze. And the Bikini Gods were not kind. Some people must not have a mirror in their room. WE had a mirror, along with the view of a WALL. I would have traded my mirror for a more scenic view. M&M World was a Zoo. Coke World had tumbleweeds rolling through it… Palazzio shopping…..what were they thinking? What a cold, inaccessible mess. My favorite shop was the rare bookstore. Only $55,000 for Abraham Lincoln’s autograph book. A pressed flower from Robert E. Lee’s coffin. Audobon’s original book of drawings. First edition Dr Seuss. George Washington’s loading slip for a delivery of goods from England. Opposite pool effect. Food BLT at the Mirage was good, but I like the Burger Bar at Mandalay better. Slow service, cool onion rings and fries, but we were too hungry to complain. Pizza at the NYNY food court is always good when its 2 AM, you’ve been drinking and winning. Any other time, Meh. Il Fiorentino at the NYNY kicks ass. But 10 bucks for the tomatoes and mozzarella cheese appetizer is a bit much. Emerils at the MGM was awesome. The service was impeccable; the catch of the day killer, and the Banana Cream Pie put me in a coma. Final Thoughts Why aren’t these kids in school? Porn slappers are getting really aggressive. I’m carrying something in both hands, they still step in front of me and try. Go away. Unless my wife’s picture is on that card, then I need to talk to somebody. I was so flattered that hookers don’t find me repulsive. I have never been hit on more times than this trip.(At least thirteen) The best was a girl that started talking to me by the Brooklyn Bridge on my 5:00 AM first morning because I’m still on Ohio time water run to CVS. She wanted to give me her number if my wife and I wanted to party. My wife got hit on and she wasn’t even there. Harumpf. There is a nasty smell between the MGM and Planet Hollywood that is very similar to the smell in Mermaids. City Center is beyond words as far as size goes. I hope somebody knows what they are doing. If anybody finds my nipples, please PM me.