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Need some parenting help, maybe a venting session

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by kansaisupra, Apr 3, 2017.

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  1. kansaisupra

    kansaisupra Low-Roller

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    Sorry this is probably the worst board for asking these questions but I figured most people enjoy Vegas to get away from something or to take a break from something so here goes.

    Background.

    38 wife is 37, we have a 10 month old boy with wife being pregnant with #2 due sometime in July 2017

    Just a few questions.

    1) Does parenting get easier, because at this stage of the game, its not that fun. I mean, sure there are highs but there are more lows then highs.

    2) This child does not sleep. A typical routine would be, wake up at 7:30 am, take a 1 maybe 1 1/2 hour nap from 1pm to 2 2:30 pm and go to sleep around 10:30pm. During the night he at least wake up and cry 3 times a night often just staying awake till he falls back to sleep. Any tips on this. Milk is the obviously being used to induce a nap.

    3) Has anyone dealt with Eczema before? He doesn't have it too bad but his entire arms, and a few spots on his legs are covered with eczema marks. We have tried all the creams and it seems to be getting better but he does scratch and itch occasionally.

    4) Are we just really stupid for having kids this far apart. Life is tiring now, I can't image what another one is going to be like.

    Sorry for the complaint/questions. Just feeling tired and frustrated.....
     
  2. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    Hang in there, kansaisupra!

    My bride and I had almost the same number of months between our first and second minion and again between our second and third. It's quite common to have kids that close. Most of my siblings are only about a year apart, too.

    Our first had a really hard time getting to sleep. For a few months I had to drive, drive, and drive because he would only fall asleep in his car seat. It took about a year for him to really sleep soundly. Second and third kids were awesome sleepers! (The first minion is now 12 years old and is still the nightowl!)

    I can't comment on the eczema except that my sister had it as a child and by her teens it had subsided a little bit with tanning, I believe.

    Please don't be discouraged.
    Parenthood is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

    There are some adjustments to life/lifestyle that take place, as with any major changes in one's life, but take them in stride, keep breathing, and remember the time you invest with your precious little one (soon to be ones) will only make your and their lives that much sweeter!

    I wish you all the best! :)

    Sincerely,

    RICHARD
     
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  3. h0llywood

    h0llywood VIP Whale

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    My wife was 36 when she had our last child so don't worry about the age as more and more women are having babies at later stages of their lives. We have 3 kids (20, 11 and 5)

    As for the baby not sleeping, I can feel your pain. My baby (daughter) didn't sleep until she was 3 years old and she is 5 now. Worst 3 years of our lives in terms of sleeping but you cannot control what type of baby you get. The way we handled the child care was we alternated nights. Whoever had the night had to get up for the baby, no matter how many times. That way, atleast one of us got to sleep somewhat since we both were working.

    My daughter also gets eczema on her arm. Short of calling it normal, I wouldn't be too alarmed by it. She even takes her eczema cream to her school in her backpack.

    Our son is 21 years old this month and our daughter will be 6 in June. They are like best friends and it doesn't hurt to have another adult helping out with baby sitting.

    Good luck to you!
     
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  4. Hogman

    Hogman VIP Whale

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    Just wait till they get older. It will be much worse
     
  5. Geogran

    Geogran Whooo. Whooo.

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    It does get better and easier - a little sleep for all concerned will help. Being supportive of each other helps - and it is good to vent occasionally and afterwards things don't seem so overwhelming. All parents have been there!

    Work with your baby's pediatrician for suggestions on how to improve his sleep habits - sometimes a little baby cereal (rice) in his bedtime bottle will fill up the tummy and do the trick for better nighttime sleeping - check with the ped..

    Grab a nap at any opportunity! Try to work out a sleep schedule between you and your wife taking turns on who gets up so the other can sleep. Enlist the aid of a grandparent one night a week if possible to stay with the little one while you both get some sleep.

    By the time your next precious bundle arrives, you will be an expert at dealing with a baby and smooth sailing!

    Wishing you and baby plenty of peaceful sleeps.
     
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  6. BostonJP

    BostonJP Low-Roller

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    I am your age and i have three kids aged 9 to 4. You're right at the cusp of when parenting becomes fun. The next few months your kid's personality will start to come out, and a year from now he will be talking and entertaining you for hours.

    The sleep thing does get better. One of the most disputed parenting tactics is whether or not to let them cry it out. My 5 year old was an extremely difficult baby but after 2-3 nights of letting him cry at night (knowing when he was hungry and when he just wanted attention, of course) his sleep habits improved dramatically.

    As for the eczema try the Aveeno oatmeal bath. It worked wonders for my oldest's eczema. This is also fairly common in babies though, so it might just go away with time.

    Don't doubt yourself as a parent! You're doing awesome and the best and most rewarding is yet to come.
     
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  7. Bgoll279

    Bgoll279 Low-Roller

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    I will chime in on 1&4.

    1. It will get better. My wife and I had twins at 40. They are now about to be four. It was HARD, and I have cursed A LOT! More lows than highs early on, but it has gotten better. With the exception of mealtime it is really nice now. Keep doing what you are doing, and vent when you must. You will both make the right decisions for your family.

    4. You must be NUTS. Had we had only our son first, I would rather never have sex again than repeat that nightmare. I would have only a son and no little girl. He never slept well, and never ever ever ever gave up when we tried to let him cry it out! I wish you the best and hang in there. :beer:
     
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  8. leo21

    leo21 VIP Whale

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    3) The way to manage eczema is make sure you are using the right products. Using soaps and lotions with the wrong ingredients will aggravate or even start a breakout so you want things that are gentle with simple formulations. Get used to products like Cetaphil and Eucerin. They get pricey so watch out for when they go one sale. My sister has also had luck with Shea Moisture Baby products on my niece if you want something more organic. Also make watch the temperature on bath water. Water that is too hot is another trigger. Show the rashes to the doctor and get their advice on how to treat. It sounds like you may need something more than what is available OTC until you get it under control. Oatmeal baths help. Adding baking soda to a bath can also be soothing.

    And I can't say it gets easier but once they start walking, it gets more interesting!
     
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  9. Drewm1972

    Drewm1972 VIP Whale

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    Yeah I hear you loud and clear...we have two, now teenagers they are 18 months are apart silmar to your situation and my friend it will get easier and sure does.... I'm sure you read all these parenting advice I'm sure you will learn a lot. oh one thing since they are only 18 months apart even it's girl and a boy they have silmiar interest on everything not to mention common friends which always make it easier "keep them in track" when they are in teens.

    I be honest I was very miserable when my kids were baby's (early 30sthen) I didn't really know how to take care them either my wife deserves most credit but now I look back I get mad myself not trying harder. I wish I could go back and try again but since I can't I'm doing best as I can to connect with my kids. Gotta go my son ask me to wash some fruits for him. Lol.
     
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  10. KimiCoconuts

    KimiCoconuts Low-Roller

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    First of all, YES it gets easier! So much so, pretty soon this will be a distant memory. If he is 10 months he should be sleeping through the night. You should be sure there is nothing medically wrong other than the eczema that is bothering him. Otherwise, you need to put him on a sleep schedule with a nap in the afternoon, as long as he is fed and not wet you should not need to do more. He should go back to sleep, let him cry a bit, maybe he's a light sleeper and he needs to find a way to fall back asleep. (?) Does he have a comfort object? That can help, as well if you give him something that smells like Mom especially if he is nursing it will soothe him. You shouldn't have to worry about him smoothering at his age so you can give him one of her shirts for instance.

    We had our children close in age and it was great. The early times were tough, I mean you are not getting much sleep in the early stages, so you are understandably worn out!

    Oh, and for the eczema, try eucerin cream on it, it is the ONLY thing that has helped my daughter who has had it her whole life as well.

    Hang in there and remember this time is short and it will pass!
     
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  11. Big Tip

    Big Tip VIP Whale

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    Well, you can always:

    [​IMG]

    But don't! lol
    We were older first time parents too. It gets better. Babies really aren't good for much other than holding and looking at them. But they do get real entertaining when they start to move around, then walk, then talk, then play sports, then do stuff in school, then bring girls home, and finally end up going to Vegas with you to drink beer and gamble. Fun.
     
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  12. pleasemum

    pleasemum High-Roller

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    It will most definitely get better - not sure if it will be easier but different issues as they get older. But the joy they will bring you will be worth all the sleepless nights. Sleep deprivation is tough. Like others have said, check with the pediatrician about sleep issues. They will be able to direct you with some suggestions that suited for you and your baby.

    My boys are 2 years apart and it was nice when they were young to keep each other entertained. Now that they are teenagers, they tolerate each other!! I hear that will change and my hope is that they have an amazing brotherly relationship into adulthood.

    My biggest advice is to make sure you and your wife take time for each other. I know this is probably difficult with two young children but even if it is an hour coffee break with someone watching the kids. Then move this to an overnight as they get older and then a short Vegas trip. We have been doing this for years (mind you we have family to watch the boys overnight) and now it's easier as my retired mom lives with us. There is always family time, family trips, family holidays but we always made time for just us!!
     
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  13. LucyR.

    LucyR. VIP Whale

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    My advise is to put BABY RICE CEREAL in his bottle before bedtime. Think about it.... he is a growing baby and they needs foods
    that stays longer in his stomach. He is almost a year old and needs more food before bed time. I hope he has started on the baby foods that are very smooth and easy to eat. Your baby might be hungry.

    Both of my baby boys would wake up singing in the mornings at your son's age. They sang like little birds. I made sure they had lots of baby foods before going to sleep. I do remember that for a few times we did have to take our baby boy for a car ride when he was a few months old.

    Must wash his clothes and blankets, bed sheets, etc with a special soap that will stop a allergic rash to his body. You will find that in the stores that sell the none allergic soap for washing clothes.

    Also take away any stuffed animals that could be causing him some allergies. He could be allergic to some of the fibers from
    the toys that are fluffy.

    The house rugs or carpets could also be causing the rashes on his body if he is put on the floor and he moves around it.

    Cats and dogs can cause allergies too.
     
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  14. pultzar

    pultzar Low-Roller

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    #1 rule of parenting babies.

    ITS OK, TO WALK AWAY

    Don't let yourself get frustrated. There is literally 3 things that need to be addressed when baby is crying.

    1. Feed me
    2.Change me
    3. Hold me

    If 1 and 2 are covered then do your due diligence and then let them scream until forever. They will go down. Your ears will become immune if u let them. Setting a routine and sticking to it is MANDATORY. No giving in unless 1 and 2 need to be addressed.
     
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  15. Echo27

    Echo27 High-Roller

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    First of all, I have to say that I feel your pain. My son never slept. He went through a phase at about 5 months where he woke up every 25-45 minutes. I damn near lost my mind. You guys have to decide if crying it out works for you or not. For both my husband and I, that was a no. We didn't agree with the school of thought that if the baby is fed and changed then he doesn't need anything. We believed that wanting your parents close IS a need for a child that age. No disrespect or judgment for anyone who feels differently. Crying it out just wasn't for us.

    What did work for our family was co-sleeping. It saved my sanity. It was so much easier to just roll over, give the kid the boob and get us both back to sleep. Now, if you ever decide to go that route you must research safe co-sleeping, because doing it without proper precautions can be dangerous. It doesn't work for every family, but it honestly saved me because my kid started sleeping through the night for the first time ever (or waking for very short intervals).

    I want you to know that this part of parenting will get better and easier. It doesn't feel like it now, but it will. Congrats to you and the missus on baby #2.
     
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  16. johnnytwofingers

    johnnytwofingers Low-Roller

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    Note sure if this is politically correct, but I from time to time will put on my pair of hunting ear protector things (the ones that go over year ears and block out almost all external noise), or for extra isolation add ear buds and play music or white noise on your ipod. Insensitive maybe, but if it gets you back into a good mood to take care of family, that's what counts.

    Another thing to consider is getting into meditation. I don't actually even know what it's all about, but there is a lot more to it than most people think. I have read so many people in highly skilled professions say it has made an absolutely massive change in their mental well being and how they handle what life throws at them.

    https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/may/26/five-of-the-best-meditation-apps
     
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  17. abraxis

    abraxis Low-Roller

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    Look on the bright side. Having kids so close together means you get to consolidate your misery over only a few years, then they'll both be old enough for family to babysit and you can travel just the two of you again if you want. Or take a family trip.


    Also, think about parenting like being in an airplane emergency... they tell u you put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others because, if you pass out, you can't assist anyone. Same thing. You're just trying to survive here, make sure you take care of one another because, without you guys operating at your best (As best as you're able to, given the circumstances) your kids don't get the best care. This could mean letting mom stay in bed overnight once and dad gives a bottle or two... Or whatever helps you keep your sanity . Good luck and hang in there!
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2017
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  18. carrie_dave_and_cody

    carrie_dave_and_cody Low-Roller

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    It will get better. I had my son at 19 and he just turned 23 last month.. He was never good at sleeping through the night. In fact to this day is still a night owl. I agree try putting baby cereal in his bottle, it helped with my son. Once he was asleep he slept well it was the getting him to sleep that was the challenge.
     
  19. ItsVegasTime

    ItsVegasTime Vegas Addict

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    Mom of 4 kids here. They are now ages 18 (on Wednesday!),16,13, and 6 (almost 7).
    I can promise you it DOES get better!

    A few of my kids were not great sleepers. I did co-sleep with each for the first year or so, and after that worked on getting them to their own room with some sort of a sound machine. The one we got for my youngest also projected images onto the ceiling and played sounds and he loved it.

    As for the eczema.. if your wife is nursing breastmilk is actually great for eczema (rubbed directly into the spot flaring up). If not, my son has had good results with coconut oil on his itchy/dry patches.

    At 10 months it could also be a reaction to laundry detergent, food, his formula, a pet, anything. Was anything new introduced to him around the time you noticed the eczema?
     
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  20. tribegiant

    tribegiant Tourist

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    Feel your pain. My girls are 16 mos.apart. First one was a little angel...slept through the night immediately. Second one was screaming all night every night till she was a year old. Also had excema. We found out towards the end that she was having reflux whenever she layed on her back. We elevated her upper body and that seemed to do the trick! Fyi..excema and reflux are a couple of symptoms of asthma or other breathing issues. Kids are 14 and almost 13 now and I can't imagine having them further apart! They're such good friends as well as sisters. Btw...I was a stay at home dad so I took the brunt of all of it!
     
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