I am so depressed right now that I would cry if it wasn't for the Zoloft. I have just come to realize that trips to Vegas, gambling and nice extras are no longer financially doable. I don't want to go into details because it's just too maddening to express. I am trying to live off my pension and a small Society Security check. Old timers may remember my story about my deadbeat sister who always has her hand out for something. She has not worked in over a year. She doesn't pay her taxes or utility bills until threatened with a Sheriff's sale or shutdown. I also kept her in heating fuel over the winter which cost about $1K. I also send $200 every other week so she can buy cat food for her four cats, cigarettes and food. She lives on pasta and frozen broccoli. She is not actively seeking work, just answering those online job seeking sites. She never follows up on interviews, blows off interviews she thinks are below her dignity and believes that at age 55, someone is going to offer her $40K to be a retail Assistant Manager. In the past month I have given her $2K for utility bills and car repairs. The car is 2004 Ford Focus, which is actually mine and for which she owes me $20K, which I will never see. I have paid for all insurance, registration and repair since 2004. Next up within a week or so is around $1500 in back property taxes. I also have plenty of my own bills. I need a new laptop. I'm going to have to settle for something cheap instead of the custom made one that I really want. I will not be able to go to Vegas or even a local casino because I don't like to gamble when I am afraid to lose. Dear Audience, you are sitting out there and calling me a damned fool and I am. I am also a huge coward. I almost hate myself again, the way I did before treatment. I will keep posting in the Non Vegas area, because you guys are my social network. I am of no use in the Vegas advice areas. I never for a second foresaw any of this.