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My Father passed away tonight

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by DaiLun, Dec 10, 2016.

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  1. DaiLun

    DaiLun R.C., L.C., and A.A.N.G.

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    My father passed away tonight. He was 90. He died painlessly in his bed from kidney disease.

    He had suffered from kidney failure for the past 7 1/2 years, caused by Abdominal Aorta Aneurysm surgery. They were Installing a stent, and his artery was so fragile that it burst. Normally, if you aren't in a hospital when this happens, you will die in a short period of time.

    My Dad was in the ICU for over 30 days, but survived.

    His condition had deteriorated over the past few weeks, and it got to the point where I was forced to make the decision to remove him from dialysis, which he had endured for 7+ years three times a week.

    He was under hospice care for the last 10 days of his life, and I did my best to care for him and Mom. Mom passed away in 2012.

    I had a crisis of conscience as to whether I was doing this for him or for me. It had been really difficult to get him up in the mornings to go to dialysis, but a couple of weeks ago, when he heeded to be carried from the transport vehicle, it became clear that it was his time "for rest".

    There will be no funeral services. He made a decision several years ago to engage the Nautilus Society, who will handle the cremation and scatter his ashes at sea.

    Thank you in advance for your thoughts.
     
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  2. Nittany1

    Nittany1 VIP Whale

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    Very Sorry for your loss.
    It sounds like it has been a difficult time.
     
  3. makikiboy

    makikiboy VIP Whale

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    Condolences on your loss. Good that he lived a long life.
     
  4. Frankr163

    Frankr163 High-Roller

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    So sorry for you loss,
    May your father rest in peace, and know he was proud of how you cared for him.
     
  5. Fet297

    Fet297 113 survivor North Vegas

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    The death of a loved one is never easy. Wishing you strength & peace in this difficult time.
     
  6. Multifarious5

    Multifarious5 VIP Whale

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    I am so, so sorry DaiLun. I don't know you personally, but have always enjoyed reading your posts. I absolutely think 7+ years of helping him with dialysis 3 times a week is much more than many, many children would do. If you were making the decision just for yourself, you never would have lasted 7 years. In my book, you absolutely made the decision for him as well.

    Instead of focusing on guilt over whether it was for him or for you, focus on how much time, dedication, and love you gave him, well beyond what many would. The younger him (the version that wasn't exhausted and hurting from fighting such a hard battle for close to a decade) would absolutely tell you the same I believe. You are a dedicated and loving son, and I absolutely wish you comfort, support, and peace, as I know so many others on VMB will. My heart goes out to you and my prayers are with you.
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2016
  7. Snidely

    Snidely VIP Whale

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    Sorry for your loss
     
  8. NCISfan

    NCISfan Low-Roller

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    My condolences to you and your family.
     
  9. hotreds

    hotreds Illegitimi non carborundum!

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    Sincerest condolences!
     
  10. ShelbyCharger

    ShelbyCharger MIA

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    Please hear my heart break for you. My mom passed 3 years ago. My brother and sister made the decision for her to be taken off life support. I was her Hospice for 13 years. I do hope I will see her soon.
     
  11. pleasemum

    pleasemum High-Roller

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    So sorry to hear about the loss of your father. You a very caring daughter.
     
  12. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    My sincerest thoughts go out to you, DaiLun.
    You are a very caring person and I wish you continued strength at this time.

    RICHARD
     
  13. SH0CK

    SH0CK Stylin' and Profilin' Quasi Tech Admin

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    It's never easy to lose a parent, but take solace in the years you did have with him and the good memories.
    Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  14. wanker751

    wanker751 Dutch Rudder Enthusiast

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    Sorry sorry for your loss.

    Prayers to you.
     
  15. Geogran

    Geogran Whooo. Whooo.

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    @DaiLun - my sincerest condolences to you and your family.
    Let your memories bring you comfort; remember all the good years.

    Geogran
     
  16. Electroguy563

    Electroguy563 Over-Fried Gambler

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    You did well. Your father is very proud of you, you need not feel guilty. My sincere condolences.
     
  17. salemorevegaslover

    salemorevegaslover Low-Roller

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    Dai Lun.........I, too, had o make that decision many yrs ago. Asians ( I am too) have a difficult time dealing with this dilemma. You made the best for BOTH you and your family. Rest in peace knowing that what you did was the right decision.
    Peace.....brother.
     
  18. Bond

    Bond Low-Roller

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    So sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  19. johnvic

    johnvic VIP Whale

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure he led a full life. Don't question your love for your father.
     
  20. Camp Rusty

    Camp Rusty VIP Whale

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    So sorry DaiLun

    LOve & Light be with you

    Rusty
     
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