I'll preface this report with these words....just to get them out of the way: WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!?!?!?! THIS GUY!!!!!!!!!! Thursday the 16th, the fun begins. I awake in my nice warm bed at home to...snow showers! Thrills....oh how I "love" New England in spring....... Luckily they ended before noon and the sun was out warming up to a balmy 40 degrees. Head to the airport extra early 'cause I'm bored and excited and score first place in the A line. Plop my bag down to hold the space and take a seat nearby and dive into a book. I brought my portable DVD player and several guy movies to entertain myself (no, not THOSE movies!!) on the plane. Little did I know that I would not need them. Took the 2nd row (hobbits don't need first row leg room) aisle seat. Score my first "comp" as a total 20 something hottie settles in next to me. Nothing warms a dirty old man's heart more than that. As it turns out she's a friendly and talkative hottie! We engage in conversation hoping to keep the center seat empty but to no avail, the plane is booked solid. In settles this 20 something, skinny, model California GQ type guy (at this point I'm now feeling glad I brought the DVD). Hottie's atention is now quickly diverted. It turns out this kid is part of a group of about 10 med students from Yale who just got their matches for their residency programs and were heading to Sin City to celebrate. He is studying to be a Plastic Surgeon and matched to UTC in Dallas. Turns out hottie is in school to be a Nuclear Medicine tech. Figuring gramps here is now totally out of the loop, I decide to finish my book. This was not to be. Dr. GQ turns out to be a really nice guy and not only involves me in their conversations but decides I have to join in their celebrations as well. 7 hours and about 8 Jack and Cokes later we land. I remember that my sides really hurt from laughing. Hottie programs my number into her cell and promises to call me (yea right!!!!!!! ). Hey, at least it made me feel good!! We stumble to baggage where they depart for her Vegas friend's place and a hot tub and I stumble out to grab the Dollar Shuttle. I walk out the doors to...Freakin' New England Type Weather!!! WTF???? I flew 2,000 miles to freeze my ass off??? Oh well, it's still Vegas. Get to Dollar and slip the attendant a 20 so as not to get the Neon I rented. He points to the rows of 300's and says pick one. Comp nbr 2! Quick drive over to Terribles to check in for night number one. Not a bad place at all - like GC but a lot cheaper. Throw the bags into the room and head over to Mix for the Meet. 2 words: Mix Sucks! The company rocked but the joint stinks. It was great to see everyone again and caught my first high class hooker sighting (I'm figuring she was probably going for 2k and looked it). Time for my rez's at Fleur De Lys came quickly and off I went (see R&B for my review). Drove carefully back to T's, signed up, got the Shirt and quickly lost a couple of hundred. Off to bed but slept for only and hour. Friday: Ate a comped breakfast at Borgainvalia Cafe and headed over to check in at the Rio. Since I stayed in the Masquerade Tower last year, I thought I'd try the Impanema. What a mistake. My "sweet" talk got me only as high as the 12th floor with a cruddy view of the strip. The room was old and worn. The wallpaper was torn in the "dressing" area, the room was about 1/3 smaller than the Masquerade Tower rooms, the closet door was off it's tracks and later I would discover that the A/C was broken (constantly ran drowning out the trains!), the towel racks in the bathroom (what's with the old shower curtain?) were ripped off the door and the shower - freezing cold. I wrote up a list, went downstairs and asked for the manager. I nicely informed him of the poor quality of the room and he quickly upgraded me to the Masquerade Tower, 28th floor, and comped my 4th night. Headed downtown to the Plaza to meet up with everyone and get my poker "lesson". I think Cyndy attacked first, nipping off one fin. Sticky quickly moved in and sliced off the other as I was swimming in circles. Then the feeding frenzy ensued. It wasn't pretty. I limped out of there (picture the typical "injured" scene in a cartoon) and got my car to go find Blackjack and friends who was constantly calling me to tell me to get my ass over to the "greatest bar in Vegas", Hogs-n-Heifers. From the amount of slurring, I figured they may need a ride out of there. Found the place and was quickly handed an Irish car bomb. Angy was with them and she decided to join the bartenders in dancing on the bar. Great job Angy!!! Angy soon left to get ready for the night's party and left me to babysit. Judging by their condition, I was debating on giving them a ride in the car at all (hell, I ain't spending all day at a car wash!!!). Blackjack disappeared into the bathroom for about 25 minutes where I found him just standing there intently staring in the mirror. :haha" The guys stumbled out of there claiming to be hungry and weaved their way down Fremont. Fremont Street claims another derailment. I headed back to nap, shower and change and headed over to the party. I remember being handed a shot of Patron, a whole bunch of JaegerBombs, guzzling about 5 cans of Redbull to stay awake, a spicy beaver or 2 and not much else. Oh yea, I did go to CC with Mikey Cyndy and Drea and did some dancing. The streets and CC were packed with college kids getting blasted for St. Paddy's day. I guess I made it back to Angy's room and eventually my car. I vaguely remember a really, REALLY tall guy in a bathrobe (Marty) and saying good-bye to them all as they headed for DT. I made it to Harrah's and shuttled back. Well I was way to jacked by all the RedBull so I settled down on a Dollar BP machine which became my personal ATM for the trip. Put a Hundy in, Pull 2 out. Repeat. I needed that as the Strip took great delight in spanking my ass. Went up to bed and tossed and turned for the next few hours. Fell asleep for a few hours as daybreak hit. Saturday: Rambill's Revenge. Headed DT for the pony seminar and made my bets before heading to the tournament. Out of 10 placed only one hit for $16.40. Oh well. Paid my money and took my seat (#3 at #6 table). Doc_Al and Sticky are also at this table. Gulp!! My fins had just magically regenerated and I was about to be chewed up again.....or so I thought. It started slow and I was cautious (ok scared). Al raised, I ducked. Then the cards started coming. Jennifer busts out and claims the shirt (don't remember who did that, was it me??). Later on I draw 5's in the pocket and decide since I'm now NOT going to get shirted, I'd take them against the great white, I mean Al, bearing down on me. Flop and turn come up and there's the 2nd pair! I'm burning holes into Al's chest and he folds out. I show him the 5's. I ended up catching quite a few full boats and another 4oak. My sweetest victory though was personally taking John, CoasterKikky's husband and a hell of a player, out. That was on the final table. I don't know how I got there, but I was there. My hands literally shook each time I put my raises and calls out. I remember at one point SteveB, the chip leader, left to go to the bathroom and announced that when he came back, he wanted to see the table down to 5 from 7. I was happy to oblige, busting 2 out at once (I think it was Blackjack and/or his buddy??). It finally came down to Steve and I and we went back and forth until we ended up with similar hands, except mine was 1 better. I still can't believe I won. It was an incredible experience. Saturday night I went to Pinot Brasserie with John and Becky. Later Becky and I gambled at the Wynn where apparently Steve Always Wynns cause I got spanked and hard! Dog tired and brain dead from the tournament, I headed home by 11:30 and crashed. Sunday: Slept late and headeded over to Bally's to meet up for brunch. From there, we headed downtown (I don't know nuttin' 'bout no lobster shells!!) Hung out with Angy, Patti,Sticky and Sin before heading back to the Rio to meet up with a guy from LVA - tex2mex, and his buddy Billy. Had a great time with them and after dinner at Delmonico, we hit the Royale and the craps table. Ended up winning over a hundred there thanks to Tex and some other guy having monster rolls. We colored up and headed to Harrah's where Tex knows a couple of the bartenders really well. Had a few drinks and laughed as a couple of hookers tried to pick up his buddy. We cabbed back to the Rio where I played VP and spot the hooker. Headed up to bed to rest up for tomorrow's golf game. Monday: An awesome day. The only downer was discovering that I had left a couple of pairs of shorts in the Impanema room when I switched. I checked with security but housekeeping didn't turn anything in (you'd be surprised how much clothing gets left in rooms there!). At least I had 1 pair to wear for golf! It was pretty windy and cool and pants may have been a better choice but I'm used to the cold. Rio Secco is awesome. Amazing views and an amazing course. Ken was right when he warned me to bring lots of ammo!!! It didn't help that I haven't touched a club in like 4 years. Luckily Tex and Billy weren't pros either! Headed back and got ready for dinner at Delmonico, again. While enjoying a pre-dinner cocktail in the I-Bar at the Rio a lovely young lady (early 20's) came over to chat with us. I figured her for a buzzed spring breaker as she was dressed in jeans and a regular t-shirt and was holding onto a Corona. Nope! Once again off to the Royale after dinner but no luck in Craps. Back over to Harrah's where another hooker tried to pick all three of us up on the street. Cabbed back and we went to have a night cap at Shutters. I sit down and yup, another 20-something dressed as though on spring break tries to engage me for some paid company. Tuesday - homeward bound. I get up at 6....ok 7ish and check out. Gas up and headed for Dollar and the airport. Dollar only charged me 144 total for the rental (20 bucks cheaper than quoted). The check-in line wasn't too bad and I had plenty of time. Had breakfast at Alejandro's, bout shirts for the kids and went to get in line. I wasn't number 1, but I was in the top 10. While sitting there, another VERY lovely young woman (early 30's??) remembered me from the flight out and we struck up a conversation. We ended up sitting together and chatted away. Turns out she's a nervous flier and wished she had something to take her mind off the flight. "How about a movie?" "SURE!" Out comes the DVD player and we share the ear buds I had. Made it a nice, cozy flight. Hopefully I'll be seeing her again....... It was great to see everybody and meet new people!! Patty and Carmen, you 2 are awesome! Sin, thanks so much for the backrubs during the tournament! Ron, Jer and Terry; wish we could have spent more time together!! Larry - great to see you home, man! Angy - luv ya, babe! Becky and John; as always a great time!!! Dougie, great to meet ya! Drea, dang girl! If only I were oh say, 20 years younger or a million or 2 richer!