Live, spotaneous 48-hour dilapidation

This is fantastic. You seem to be headed in the general direction of a trip report that appeals to my true inner scumbag; a strange, yet kind interaction with whores, heavy amounts of good alcohol, gluttonous food intake, drugs (while I prefer much harder substances than marijuana, because of the newly recreational use laws, I fully intend on abusing a massive amount of it in November) and copious amount of frivolous gambling - you and I are going to be pals, sir. Carry on my man...

 

Love the report! Thanks for the info on your dispensary purchases, looking forward to checking them out on my November trip. Patiently awaiting your next update...

 

My quest for a Verbena on the 1.5th floor of The Chandelier Bar never came to fruition. I had lost track of time and the area was already roped off. Instead, I take the elevator to the ground floor of Cosmo and sit down at a video poker machine. I start with $1000 on $5 (so $25 for 5 credits) Double Double Bonus. After a few three of a kinds and a couple straights, the first $1000 yields me one $15 drink ticket. Not ideal. Another $1000 in and a horde of working girls circle me like sharks. This is my first video poker session of the day and I'm already down over a grand on it so I have no trouble focusing on the computer and not the girls. Regardless of how much you are wagering, the machine will only print a drink ticket once every 15 minutes. The $2000 turns into $300 with a couple full houses being my best hits. I order more tequila (Casamigos añejo) and a shot of an herbal spirit (Fernet-Branca). Before I cash out a nice young lady visiting from London sits down next to me who isn't on the clock and we have a great conversation while she redeems all 3 of my drink tickets for vodka and Red Bull. About an hour passes and around 4 AM we go upstairs to check out my cannabis purchases. For anyone else who is in Vegas right now you may have noticed the temperature dropping from 91 degrees Fahrenheit to 55 in just a few hours. The north winds screamed into town yesterday afternoon and the first casualties of the trip were sacrificed. Before I left Cosmo yesterday night I put the pre-rolled joints and vape pens on the balcony in a bag so the room didn't reek of marijuana. When me and my new friend made it to the room, all of the balcony furniture and every last one of my joints and vape pens were no where to be found. The balcony looked like a war zone, with every piece of furniture besides a really heavy table toppled over. Somewhere down below lay all of my purchases except the edible cake pops and one vape pen I had in my pocket. Maybe I will walk down to the area Bellagio keeps their foliage and see if I can find any of them. We get a good laugh about it and hope no one below was injured by airborne drugs. We turn in for the night around 5 AM and I set my alarm for 5:30 AM because I want to wake up to photograph the sunrise. Had a great first 16 hours in Vegas, and I'm ready to go back to the dispensary to reload and ready to get those hand pays coming. First stop, coffee.

 

Awesome report! Really enjoying the ride so far!

 

After a brief farewell and exchange of numbers with my new friend from over the pond, and I jump in the shower to wash the first day of Sin off. Ready for my only full day in Paradise, I hop on an elevator and take it down to the casino. First stop is the Cosmo sports book so I can make some MLB bets. After making the bets I walk around for a bit searching for coffee to no avail. I really wish I was at Monte Carlo right now with a cup of joe from the only place I've been on the Strip that respects the bean: Sambalatte. Instead, I get frustrated and add another to my first in Vegas: a buffet. That's right, after 30 or more trips here in the last decade I mosey into my first Vegas buffet, Wicked Spoon. I'm not even hungry, but I fully expect my $35 entry fee to be waived at the back end of my trip. Hopefully the coffee is at least decent. When I tell the cashier I don't want a table and just a coffee she says that's not an option. She has a manager come over who brings me a to go cup and takes the $50 (with tip) I just charged to the room off. Really nice guy, and he even said if I come back to just walk up and find him and my next meal is on him and I can skip the line. The staff at Cosmo are some of the friendliest people I have had the pleasure of being hosted by. I may just have to give one of them a hug after a day of drinking.

 

To go coffee in hand and I'm ready to grind away in the high limit slot room at Cosmo. I start loading cash into the first slot I see and an employee offers to print me a Ticket-In/Ticket-Out (TITO) so I don't have to spend 10 minutes adding cash. I decline because I don't want to interfere with my destined timing of spinning the wheels. I change my mind when I discover the machine won't let insert more than $3000 cash (you can insert much, much more in vouchers). Finally full of credits I start off with Cats at $150/spin. One hand pay early on and I'm back to about even for the trip. Next up is Kitty Glitter at $60/spin. Best hit is $800 and I lose some of my winnings from Cats. I did trigger my first bonus of the day on Cats but it only paid 12x my bet. Next up is Cleopatra II at $20/spin and after a ton of modest line pays and a couple hand pays and I'm all of a sudden way up for the trip. The roller coaster ride is much more dramatic when you only play a machine for less than 20 spins. A TITO that could buy a Chevrolet Spark in my pocket I decide it's time to ditch the coffee and jump on the booze train. I end up in the high limit table room and sit down at a video poker machine. For anyone wondering these machines and the ones in the high limit slot room are the only ones with FASTPAY enabled. The one W-2G you sign at the beginning of the day (see anyone in the high limit slot room to sign up) lasts until 3 AM the next day. They will mail you the tax forms or you can pick them up before you leave. I ask the slot attendant what she thinks of this system since their tips must be taking a hit and she says most players don't even use it so she doesn't mind it. Others will tip after they are done gambling, which is what I opt for and I hand her $100 for her attendance. Back to video poker, at $25 per credit and $125/hand, a full house pays $1125 and any four of a kind pays $6250. A bottle of water to cleanse my pallet and Rob Zacapa 23 year old rum and I'm ready for more electronic-hand pays.

 

What an awesome report so far! I'm in awe you got a room at Aria just to use a clean restroom, so great...

 

Damn wind. I was going to see if two ships passing in the night could exchange cargo. Haha. Good luck completing this trip without having to make bond somewhere.

 

wow - I have never read a trip report like this - love your pictures!

 

Oh how fun to read. Looking foward to the rest.

 

That meal looks amazing! Love all the pics too. You just reminded me that I really need to get into the banana business. Looking forward to more updates

 

I spent the last few hours wasting away just over $20,000 on $50/credit, $250/hand video poker in the high limit slot room at Cosmo. Nothing better than three of a kind. There's a couple playing here that have half of the high limit room closed. There are about 15 employees and the couples own body guard standing behind them watching them gamble $100,000+ easily on Cleopatra II and Diamond Queen. I want to play Diamond Queen and a casino manager informed me I may need to wait five days because they have it and 9 other machines reserved. Instead he points me to the same computer-programmed game but with Chinese symbols. Not only that, I'm not allowed to gamble on the bank of slots against the back wall or the video poker by the exit. Distraught from my losing session I walk back over to the downstairs high limit table room for tequila (Clase Azul silver and reposado) and Cleopatra Keno. I have a few good hits but no hand pays. It's time to catch a ride to The Apothecary Shoppe to replenish my supply. Interestingly, one of the pre-rolled joints I purchased yesterday was partially smoked even though it was in a sealed container. Luckily I have photographic evidence of this so I'm gonna see if the dispensary can give me one for free. I can't wait to tell them what the wind did to my last order.


Random aside: any win over $99,999.99 must be hand paid and not FASTPAY because of the IRS.


Random aside #2: if you are like George Costanza and myself and you refuse to go #2 in public restrooms but don't want to get a room then you can use the private one in the downstairs Cosmo high limit table room. Just walk fast and don't make eye contact with anyone before locking yourself in the bathroom.

 

Lots of fun and great photos! I wonder if there will be a 100K royal!

 

Wow, the new patio furniture must be a lot lighter than the previous furniture; you'd near break your back trying to move it.

 

Did you give Ninja Warrior a go in the H/L room? It's one of my favorites. keep up the run of luck

 

Sorry I meant Ming warrior in H/L room....it's by Ainsworth

 

I make my way out of Cosmo to the valet area and am overwhelmed by what looks like 50 taxis. I decide to wait 10 minutes for a limo that will take me anywhere I want for one hour at a rate of $68 plus tip. Amazing driver with great stories and he actually gets a discount at the dispensary if he takes me. Win, win situation for both of us. I tell him my story about the partially smoked joint and sacrifices of the wind and he says he must come inside to see the employees reaction. Before we can even get in the doors an albino pigeon goes ape shit and starts ramming into the glass of the store front. I love rogue mutant animals, so the driver and I have a good laugh. In we go and with no line I am loading back up on my medicine of choice. I once again order one of each joint and four single-use vaporizer pens (so everything I lost to the still fierce wind). This is the best Vegas weather in my opinion though, dry and cool with shit flying around everywhere. They are out of a few of the pre-rolled joint strains but with less than 24 hours left in Vegas I think 7 joints and 4 vape pens will suffice. The staff look like they saw a ghost when they hear my story and just can't believe that they sold me a partially smoked joint. The photo quells their doubts and they they apologize ad nauseam. After I pay for the marijuana, the driver spends 5 minutes securing his cut backs and we are off. I request he takes the back way to Cosmo because I don't think I can handle the Bellagio fountain music anymore this trip. I zigzag my way through the second floor of Cosmo to the Boulevard Tower elevators and a couple Cosmo employees get on my elevator and use a card to access the 71st floor. Awkwardly standing in a tiny box with $300 of drugs I can't legally consume on site I start a conversation with the employees. They tell me there are 4 tables you can reserve on the 71st floor and they politely decline my request to snap a few photos up there. They say the view out the window is great, and the dealers have to get a manager to even let them up there. I make it to my room to find someone has stolen my "Do Not Disturb" sign so I call down to the front desk to have another one brought up. I'm 12 spirits in today and buzz is wearing off, so I take a few swigs of vodka, mix a vodka Red Bull, and head downstairs. I'm sad to see my MLB parlay bet just lost along side the Nationals. It was a blast watching the Astros roller coaster ride; I love the emotion and won just over $400 on my $500 bet, so after losing the parlay I'm close to even on sports bets. Maybe I'll go throw some money at some horses and NFL Monday night football. I'm feeling great but lacking energy, likely from 17 shots of liquor and not having a bite of food all day and it's now after 5:30 PM. Time for a late lunch/early dinner; perfect, since that means I get some late night indulgence. Secret Pizza anyone?! I grab another tequila (Gran Patron Burdeos añejo) from my new friends in the Cosmo high limit table room and I ask them for a dinner recommendation on property. The tequila is $90 and they can't comp it so they ask who my host is. I don't have a host. Within 60 seconds a friendly host arrives at the bar and disappears with my players card. Upon returning he tells me my $2000+ hotel bill is comped and if there's anything else I need while I'm here to call him. I'll take it. Now let's eat!

Can anyone guess which photo below took about 25 takes?

 

After all the weed and booze you have consumed I'm guessing all the pictures lmao. This TR keeps me looking forward to whats next...

 

When I first read this I thought you were talking about the two working girls

 

My new bartender friends recommend momofuku, and I can't wait to see them when they come back on shift tomorrow at 10 AM because this was one of the better meals I have had in a long time. Carbone was a great experience last night, but the glamorous ambiance, phenomenal service, and rhum selection are what made that meal for me. The food was great, but in my opinion not world class. momofuku, on the other hand, blew me away. I started with a glass of Akashi 5-year old white oak sherry cask single-malt Japanese whisky. As with most spirits aged in casks that previously housed Spanish sherry, this spirit is bursting with almond and dried fruit notes. For dinner I order the rare Bigeye Tuna and Hamachi (Pacific yellowtail) and Shrimp Bao Bun. The tuna comes with shaved foie gras and stone fruit. It is simply amazing with a perfect mingling of fresh, citrusy flavors from the fish and fruit and savory notes from the foie gras. The hamachi dish has a creamy texture because of smoked potato vichyssoise (traditionally a chilled potato soup, here it's room temperature and used as a sauce). The caviar on top and nori (edible seaweed) compliment the yellowtail well. The shrimp patty has a slightly chewy texture but amazing flavor. It pairs quite well with the spicy mayo and pickled red onion. The bao bun itself is steamed to perfection. Even the iceberg lettuce tastes great. Maybe that's the drugs talking, but therein lies the reason I take them. In addition to their regular menu they have a large format dining/family dining menu with limited availability. The food was so good I forgot to mention the ambiance in here is also stellar. In the back of the restaurant there's a small table (2-top) that overlooks Las Vegas Blvd and The (other) Eiffel Tower. Desserts come from Milk next door but I pass on ordering one because my next stop is my imaginary local friends private residence for some cake pops.