Le Diplomate Américain sur la Côte d'Azur: Live from Cannes, Nice, and Monte Carlo

Bonjour, je m'appelle @diplomatic, and welcome to a SURPRISE trip report!

A lot of people, perhaps even some here, make assumptions about my profession, mostly as a result of watching too many movies. I’ve decided to lean into the stereotypes. Join me in living out all those 007 fantasies as I spend the next three days drinking martinis, ogling fast cars, flirting with exotic women (Mrs. Dip doesn’t object as long as it stops there), and — most importantly — gambling in Monaco and the south of France.

“But Dip, you were just in Vegas four weeks ago. What are you doing in the French Riviera? Are you actually James Bond?” Don’t worry about it.

Flying to Nice via Zurich. Two nights in Nice and one night in Monte Carlo. Punto Banco, posh meals, and Champagne: it ain’t Vegas, but it’s something. Not sure how live this will be, but I’ll try to hit the highlights, at least. If anyone wants specific info, ask soon or forever hold your peace.

Allons-y!

 

First win of the trip: Got the absolute ideal parking spot in an otherwise jam-packed airport parking lot.

Second win: Picked the right lane for checkin desk and had my boarding pass in two minutes flat.

First L of the trip: Flight delayed and the 55 minute layover in Zurich is now in doubt.

Second L: This sandwich.



For a majority Muslim country, this place LOVES Christmas.



No line at security or customs. You love to see it.

 

Flight ended up leaving 20 minutes late, but the Edelweiss Air pilots flew like Maverick and Goose and made it all up in the air (and then some) so we arrived 5 minutes early.

Swapped out my crowded emergency exit row seat 11C for this empty and spacious 9C. Other than the guy behind me who has never showered in his life, it was paradise. Also gotta say that I’ve never flown Edelweiss before, but the crew was outstanding and I would highly recommend.



First time in the Zurich airport. Seems nice, small, and easy to manage.



Welcome to Switzerland, @jpw711.

 

Over the Alps…



…and there she is.



Je suis arrivé.


Not quite the same as the “Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas” sign, but it’ll do.

 

Can't wait to see a pic of you in a tux driving an Aston in front of the casino

 

Had the pleasure of taking a cruise out of Port Hercule back in the day. Made the trek up the hill to the casino. The exotic cars were as plentiful as Hondas are back home.

I definitely recall enjoying lunch at the Monaco Brewery before we caught a train back to Cannes for a week.

Enjoy the trip, Agent 007!

 

Monaco is just a council estate with sunshine. Although I've only ever been there for the F1 weekends, it might have other charms the rest of the year.

Old Town Nice is nice.

 

Looking forward to your Bond like adventures.

 

Let's hope he steers clear of Xenia Onatopp

 

Try to hit the restaurant right outside of the casino in Monte Carlo. The marble bar is fabulous and the marble restrooms downstairs are stunning. Oregano scented soap Surprisingly, the cappuccino costs the same as my local Starbucks in the states.

 

Bon chance, Mon Ami! Apprecier les villes!

GG

(Edited - dang autocorrect!)

 

Give us a look at some Monaco food and beverage pricing, it will put things in perspective for VMBers who complain about “high” prices in Vegas…it has been 15 years but I seem to remember €100 breakfasts and €40 glasses of wine

 

There’s a tram that leaves right from the airport (and I mean it’s RIGHT outside) to the center. The ticket machine was only selling roundtrip tickets for €10. Even though I thought it was supposed to be €1.70 each way, I was so happy to be here and be in a place where everything more or less works the way it’s supposed to, I wasn’t fussed over a few bucks.

On the tram, each stop has its own, gentle theme song. An hour 15 from wheels down to in-my-room.

 

Hôtel La Villa Nice Victor Hugo



Take note, Las Vegas. This is all I’m asking! Instant coffee and a way to heat water. Is it so hard?!??



It’s a three star place, but it’s centrally located, breakfast included, and feels sufficiently “French.” I also booked with points, so the two nights will cost a grand total of €0.00. Regular cost about €300 for two nights, even in off season. This part of the world ain’t cheap. I’m splurging in Monte Carlo, so I can go (relatively) budget here.

 

Ever since I spent a drunken weekend in Sevilla when I was in college, seeing orange trees in an urban setting triggers pheromones in my brain.



Nice is a very old beach town. Kind of beautiful, kind of rough. Reminds me a bit of Thessaloniki but, you know, French. I’ll see more of her tomorrow, but so far I’m a fan.



Because I haven’t had enough traveling today, I hit the train station and took a ride to Cannes.




The train ride is fine, but definitely not glamorous. Think the Long island Railroad. But French.

There was an old guy sitting next to me who was absolutely tweaking and had a shopping bag full of prescription pills and a pizza that he was meticulously spreading ketchup onto. He’s my best friend.

 

Welcome to Cannes.

This is where the fancy people watch movies and applaud for 45 minutes. Looks smaller in real life.



I was starving and dying for a drink. Glad I waited. The Christmas market in Cannes is excellent. Champagne and oysters as a first meal is pretty tough to beat.



James Bond drinks his martinis straight up, but I like mine on the rocks.

 

Sweet sassy molassey, this might be my favorite trip report of the year so far. Starting off with a parking spot and a sandwich? You won before you even left the airport.

Snowy mountain ranges is also one of my favorite genres of photography. Please keep those coming!

 

For dinner I wanted something fancy, but not stuffy. Decided on the Michelin gourmand recommendation Aux Bons Enfants. It opens at 7:00 and I got there at 6:57. You guys. This place is perfect.



Hilarious that they’re in the Michelin guide, but also advertise that they’re recommended by the guide book that showed me which hostels I could stay at in rural Vietnam for $2 without getting stabbed (probably) when I was 24.





The artichoke tartine was one of the best things I’ve ever eaten.



The calamari was as fresh as can be (I have no doubt it was swimming last night) and grilled to perfection. But it missed…something. Not sure what. The chorizo crème was perfect for dipping the bread.



The real reason I chose to eat here is that their specialty is a rum baba. My old Italian grandfather Ernesto who I loved more than anything in the world loved rum baba.



Wines were stupendous. Champagne dry as the Sahara with tiny bubbles, the Chardonnay deeply mineral but surprisingly fruity.

Overall, the meal was worth twice what I paid, which was €80 including tip. If you come to Cannes, this is legitimately a “can’t miss.” Note: it’s cash only!!!

 

Drunken French stumble.

 

Rick Steves (An American who’s literally written the book and made the TV show on visiting Europe) did a segment on Monaco during Summer. Seems like a nice enough spot to visit and say you’ve been there but you seem to be right that F1 and Cannes are the major claims to fame for that part of the world.