How to reason with S.O. and family who are against you going to LV ?

"Gone Girl" was fascinating, with numerous twists one cannot anticipate. If it is possible for people to be that smart and yet that blind, think how easy it is for regular people to fool themselves.

Practically everyone I know labors under one delusion or another. Some delusions are relatively harmless. Yet it's most important to look clearly and avoid posturing when deciding on a life partner.

 

Well said! Actually, could not say it better myself!!!

 

My in-laws used to be snarky about my Vegas trips. The wife doesn't drink, smoke, gamble or eat meat (but the woman I married did!). She's grown to accept that I will continue to go to Vegas anywhere from once to 3 times a year. I always ask, but she's never taken me up on my offer to bring her along.

In any event, one afternoon when the in-laws were visiting, Vegas came up in the conversation. As I listened to how it was people like me that pay for all of the extravagance of the casino/hotel properties, I deftly changed the subject to my FIL's last duck hunting trip.
He gladly shared with us the great time that he had. At one point, I asked him about the lodge and meal costs...he told us...then I asked if they were permitted to drink while in the lodge, or out on the hunt....and, of course, they were, but it was BYOB. (By this point in the story, his total trip expense was well over $1000).
Then I went, "hmmm...let's see then... my room, meals and drinks cost me about $20 total on my last Vegas trip, and I lost a total of $150 in gambling money. Seems I'm ahead of you by about a grand."
(To her credit, the MIL pointed out "he's got a point, you know.")

To the OP - if the GF's parents are critical, I would tactfully ask them if they were planning on paying for your next vacation trip, as long as it wasn't Vegas. When they say "ummm...no, not really", then say, "oh...ok...I see" and then change the subject.
If the GF can't go with you on every trip, just let her know that you wish she could be there with you, but you understand why she can't be.
Call her once or twice while you're there to give her updates.
When she gets time off and wants to plan a trip together, let her pick the place. If she asks you about Vegas, tell her the truth - that you'd LOVE to go, but since you already get your Vegas trips without her, it's not as important to you as spending a vacation with her is.

(Give me full credit in your mind when she throws her arms around you and tells you what a great guy you are!)

 

If you think your future in-laws might be meddlers, the success of the marriage depends upon presenting a unified front and defending turf aggressively. So the previous advice about telling them to butt out if they are not planning to pay for a trip is good advice. This means, of course, that as a couple you are prepared not to depend on in-laws for financial assistance of any kind.

 

Nothing worse than getting harassed for going to ones "happy place" especially when it from those close to you.

Even if going just twice a year it could be one of those issues that never go away and continue to build with each trip.

As far as family members they should just hold their comments if they don't have anything nice to say.

Seriously, it sounds like an issue that needs to be addressed right away.

 

Sounds serious.

Absent the new GF plan, and strictly as a last resort, you might have to "go nuclear."

Repeat the following words in exactly this order:

"I don't ask you how many pairs of shoes you have!"

This will work every time, if used sparingly.

Enjoy your trip to Vegas!

 

Oddly enough, In-laws are not an issue at all. I've realized reading this thread that just because some of my immediate family isn't thrilled, doesn't mean i should avoid going. Financially, for the amount of time i spend there, it's a pretty good value. I don't think it's much of a money thing for those around me who say I'd be better served going elsewhere.

I'm heavily leaning towards going solo next trip, which i've done before and had a great time with. I'll see which friends can make it out. If not, whatever. If S.O. can handle me being away for 5 days, letting me go to my "happy place" without deterrence, then maybe i should put a ring on her finger.

 

Gil, I'm going to make this short and to the point.

Go into the bedroom or bathroom, and drop your pants and undies.

Pretend you are in the shower, washing the boys, and tell us what you feel.

If they are where you left them, man up and continue you're plans to Vegas.

If they're gone, go to your girlfriends purse, or safe, and try and get them back.

After getting them back, say bye-bye to your 20 something old girlfriend.

Put them back in place, and think nuptials again when you hit 30. Life will be so much easier the, I promise.

In the meantime, you will have 25 or so Vegas trips under your belt, and the fiance will love Vegas.

Spoken from experience.

Good luck and Man Up.​

 

It seems to me that what is really happening here is that some are questioning your maturity and decision-making ability. Add that to the negative image given to some who have never been to Las Vegas. I think I can see your problem.

My wife and I have been to Las Vegas many times, lately going 2-3 times each year. We don't gamble or drink so we are somewhat of a rarity there. But we have been going there since the 70s and Las Vegas works for us.

Our children are in their 30s; they work for their money and pay their bills like everyone should. Wherever they wish to go for vacation is strictly up to them. I wouldn't dream of criticizing their choices. They are adults, they act like adults and they are responsible adults. As long as you are self-responsible, friends and relatives should stay out. Now your girlfriend, that's between you and her. And no one else.

And for those who criticize your choice of Las Vegas, tell them "don't knock it until you've tried it."

 

I was certain whom I wanted to marry. No one thing my S.O. did or didn't do made the difference. Call me old school, or perhaps just lucky.

I also have a terrible time comprehending the culture of debt and dependency that is rampant among the young, and wondered if it played a role. Again, old school.

He did ask. Butting out now.

 

To the OP:

In every relationship, there are compromises. But I have to tell you, being with someone who rains on your happy parade, KNOWING this parade makes you happy is someone I cannot be with. It's about giving each other love through compromise.

And anytime you have to come to a discussion board to ask for this type of advice means you can't talk to your significant other about something that is important to you. That's a red flag with sparkles on it.

I wish you well. And I wish you would go to Vegas, enjoy yourself and come home with a HUGE smile on your face!

 

I absolutely LOVE Vegas!!!! I've only been a handful of times, but to me there is no more fun place on the planet and I've been to a few....

My husband has gone with me twice - once for our honeymoon, and again this past May. He has made it clear he doesn't want to go again. Fine.

I wanted to go back this year and initially, when I couldn't find a friend who could get time off/afford to go, I thought, heck, I'll go myself. I'd probably have more fun than ever as I wouldn't be responsible for anyone else's entertainment. My husband said no way, you can't go alone.

I'm 48 years old and I have to say that p&**ed me off! I am still mad about it when I dwell on it. He doesn't think its safe for me to go alone. Gimme a break... I'm not a little kid - I know where to NOT go in Vegas....

Luckily, to save the big argument, two of my friends have decided they want to go so its going to be a birthday trip in December. WOOT HOOT!! Cannot wait to get there!!

This is long and drawn out, and I apologize for that - I just had to get it off my chest and figured this would be a safe place to whine.... I know, suck it up!!!!

Thanks for reading!

 

Just go and enjoy yourself! I'm thinking of a solo trip in mid Nov.. just thinking how it'll be, hopefully weather is still half decent.

 

I can talk to her about it, but it just doesn't seem to bring out much of a positive discussion. I plan on going next year, solo or with friends. This thread has convinced me i should do things that make me happy, things that i look forward to. I always come home with a smile on my face from LV.

I'm going to set some personal goals for the next 8 months or so, and if i am within reach of them, i will reward myself with a trip. S.O. has said she would be on board with that at least.

 

I wish you well, GilGunderson. Everyone deserves a happy place to go, let loose and have a blast. For us, it's Vegas!

When you do go, enjoy and win big!