Buffoonery trip 10/9-10/14

Thursday:

Arrive in the afternoon, get settled in, head over to the Golden Gate for shrimp cocktails, then four of us jet off to the Callaway par 3….I just love starting a trip there….right about sunset, it’s probably in the high 70’s / low 80’s, little breeze blowing….the beer girl shows up right on cue as the sun goes down and the lights come up on the Strip. Perfect. The Huge moonrise, and low flying aircraft make it almost surreal. On the way back, we take the Strip…windows down, sunroof open…all good. About halfway down we dodge to the curb and call the porn guys over…load us up!! They do, and the one guy who stayed and worked instead of going to Callaway spent the rest of the trip pulling porn out of various places.


Friday:

Up early for two rounds of golf at Angel Park…perfect day…probably low 80’s. On the second 18 we are constantly harassed by the ex-stripper beer girl. Nice. Back to the hotel for showers and beers. As I’m washing my hair, a large glass of Padron Silver (tequila) gets handed into the shower…..uh-oh…now it’s on. There are eight of us….it takes about 45 minutes to kill the entire bottle, and put a dent in the beers. Aw yeah. Friday night is the traditional night for everyone to eat together at the MSS buffet. The line is out the door, down the bar. My buddy figured now would be a good time to pay off his golf wagers….three of us step to the bar for an ice cold micro brew…and Padron? What the?! I’m standing at the bar, and there is a cute girl smiling at me, I smile back, she waves me over, says hi, and gives me her cell phone #....what the? Uh-oh….gotta go. I turn around, and my buddies are staring right at me….. uhhh… next round on me! One of our group has reconned the buffet line, and say it’s an hour and a half wait… I don’t think so. Someone decides we should go to the Chinese buffet at the Plaza… whatever, I’m feeling no pain, whatever you guys want…half the group takes off to get a big table, the rest of us get another beer and stumble over….load up a plate, but I’m not hungry…couldn’t tell you if it was good or not…we Did have a bunch of laughs though, which is better than food. Back under the canopy, some of us venture into the Gulch….no narrative required….a couple of hours later, it’s time for shrimp cocktail, and then off to bed.

Saturday:

Off to Tuscany GC in Henderson….it’s brand new, and still growing in in areas (like the greens). It’s going to be a good track once it matures a bit. Highlight of the round: my buddy in the group in front of us misses a hole in one by three inches…he stays there to let us know about it, but gets to watch me make a ten foot birdie putt….not only does he not get the ace, I push him on the skins! Worthless!! Hahahahahaa some of us thought this to be funnier than others. We get back to the clubhouse, and someone asks what the replay rate is. $15. What, for the cart? What about the golf? Nope, $15. Everyone is in for the (basically) free replay…..but..but..but…I’m supposed to meet Hoyaheel and Hoyahubby for hurricanes!! Dammit! Can’t bring down the whole group for my own gain, so I bite the bullet…of course the cell phone # is back at the room, so I have to be Completely rude. I hate me. More golf, then it’s back to the hotel. At the hotel, we find out that the geniuses in the other car stopped to get Another bottle of Padron…. I don’t feel so good.

Showers, fresh clothes, kill the bottle of Padron, and it’s off to the Haufbrauhaus!! Five guys pile into each cab…in ours we play “you ask a question / I ask a question†with the lesbian cab driver….I will spare you the details (stupid Padron). The Haufbrauhaus Oktoberfest is in a Huge tent in Terrible’s parking lot, across from the Hardrock. There is a band from Germany playing, lots of picnic tables lined up, everyone is eating good food, drinking good beer….I have to admit, it had a very 1942 feeling to it. The waitresses, all wearing their Saint Pauli Girl uniforms, are scrambling…ours flys by a couple of times, telling us she’ll be back…I stop her on the third fly-by and ask her to please take her time, that we are not in a hurry, and not to worry about us (she loves us for the rest of the night…actually hanging out with us when not working). As we are waiting for our beers, my buddy busts out with “for $50 I will Goose Step the length of the hall, giving the Heil Hitler signâ€â€¦.in unison, nine guys stand up, pull out wads of cash, and begin waving them in his face….we are in hysterics….he has to rescind the offer. After a few beers in those giant glass mugs, we are, well… hammered. The various forms of sausage are tasty. Our waitress, and her twin sister (both blonde and wearing the saint paulie girl uni’s…don’t get me started) are lots of fun, we get them to say funny stuff to our friends (like when my buddy orders the small beer instead of the big one, I convince her to give him a hard time about his “size issuesâ€â€¦â€¦believe me, you never want to be a guy in a packed beer hall, with the waitress giving you the “tiny†hand signal). At one point she brings her five year old daughter over to say Hi, then takes her back….I ask if that is her husband, and if so, to Please stop cutting his hair….she finds that Quite amusing, and tells me it’s not her husband, it’s “just her baby’s daddyâ€â€¦. Oh. It’s finally time to go. Pile back into taxis. My taxi somehow ended up at Cheetah’s, where one of my friends was treated to the “I’ve been sitting on your lap for 45 minutes, that’ll be $400 experience….Dude was not happy. I was able to convince him that it’s better to pay the money and go, than have the judge agree that you were right the next morning. We pay and leave… first bad experience ever at Cheetah’s. Back to the LVC. My buddy needs a beer, because he is Way pissed off. Over to MSS for some microbrews and a 5 cheese pizza…both yummy. It’s 3am…time for bed.

Sunday:

No golf today…..gonna watch football. I get out of the shower about 8:30, and there is a bloody mary sitting on the bathroom counter. Nice. I continue to get ready, and figure it’s time to find out what’s up next door….so, wearing boxers only, brushing my teeth with one hand, and carrying my bloody mary with the other, I head out into the hallway…..sure enough, two women get off the elevator and start down the hallway….damn. I’m halfway between rooms, so I just keep going…they give me applause, so I guess it was all good. Hahahahaaa Classic Vegas moment.

We go down to Jillians and get a great table. The management treats us like Kings (other than seating us next to a huge table of Chiefs fans…gggrrrr). The food is good, the beer is good, all the games are on. Outstanding. Do that most of the day.

Take a bunch of my friends down to the LVC craps table to teach them the game….we all have fun, and they thank me for their $60 corona’s. Play some black jack, and win about a hundred. The crowd disperses, and my buddy and I play black jack for a few more hours and call it a night. 3am…our wake up call is in three hours….did I not specifically say I did not want to hear that on this trip? Damn.

Monday:

6am wakeup call…..I hate wakeup calls. Today we play The Legacy, a U.S. Open qualifying course….a Greyhound appears in my cart…I’m going to need it. I get spanked all day (by the course)….I start calling for stuff…â€get in the bunker!â€â€¦â€be short! gimme the lake!†… I hate golf.

Back to the LVC. Shower, beers, back to Jillians for MNF. The food is good, the game is bad. Our drunk friend is out on the patio with two women he should not be with….they are scaring us. With the help of the very nice hostess, we keep a close eye on the situation…of course it gets out of hand, and we have to go into full intervention mode. Pull him inside back to the table and sit him down…. “look, I know you just got divorced, and I know you’ve had some drinks, but look at our faces….would we all look like this in Vegas if you weren’t blowing it?â€â€¦. he sees the logic. One of the girls comes in…..I have to get rude with her…I buy them a round and ask them to drink it walking….they are not happy with me… my buddy Is….I win. The party disperses, with my buddy properly supervised. One of my friends and I go upstairs to shoot a couple games of pool…the girl puts us in the special room in back that is like a little club….big leather chairs, big screen… very nice. The hostess stops by and says hi on her way home. Time to call it a night.

I stop to play some black jack on the way in…my buddy, who is driving tomorrow, goes to bed. Soon, I’m headed back to the room. It’s 1:30am. I open my door and see the icechest that we've been using to keep the door open (and of course, hold lots of cold beer).....I think, "better check it"....I open it, and sure enough, floating in ice, are the last four beers. Now I think... you know, it would be just plain stupid not to drink the last four beers. On go the lights....my roommate is out. F that. Get up! We gotta drink the last four beers! He doesn't wanna. I'm not havin' it. We spar verbally for about five minutes.... fine. Down the hallway to my other two buddies' room. knock knock knock. what? I have four cold beers that we need to drink! It's our last night in Vegas, it's only 1:30ish, time for one last Vegas story.... besides, it would just be bad ju-ju to leave beers un-drunk in Vegas. Get up! no. Get Up! no. I hate you guys. Ok, one guy gives in to peer pressure, gets up and dressed...other sissy buddy will only agree to drink beer in bed....loser.... we pound beers…the dressed buddy and I head back down to my room with our half finished beers, to get my roommate to drink the fourth. We get in there, and he has no hope, now there are two of us letting him have it. With fresh alchohol in my system, I have a new genius idea...last night, one last chance for a good story....we’ll go next door to Glitter Gulch....drink the two beer minimum and stuff a couple of G-strings.. I'll pay for everything, let's go. Twenty minutes tops, and we're outa there...no harm no foul. Down we go. Somehow it gets to be 3:30....time for bed. Go back up, but we have to pass another doorway that we know. knock knock knock You guys have any beer left? yep. You know that's unnaceptable, right? yep. Let's get on it. drink drink drink 4am... we need breakfast. Off to whatever restaraunt is upstairs at the LVC....my roommate crashed, so there are four of us, one of which is from Hawaii, so he orders a side of Spam for everyone...nice. Anyway, we get back to the room, it's 6am. We were supposed to leave at 8. Why don't we just roll Mark's ass out of bed and leave now?! So we did. Did I not say I did not want to stay up all night on this trip?!

Tuesday:

I try like hell to be a good co-pilot, but Iâm basically worthless….I’ve had three hours of sleep in two nights….I’m on day three….â€not good Mav…â€.

We’re home by noon. Get all the laundry done….that talc/stripper perfume does Not fly at my house. Time to pick up the kids, get home, get dinner started. I’m in bed by 9pm. I have tomorrow off, so I can sleep in. I wake up feeling pretty good….must be at least 10am…..2:30pm!! Ohmygod, I slept for over 17 hours!! I have never done that in my life! Oh well.

So there you have it…..I do not need to drink for several months.

 

Now that, Terry is a Vegas story!! I would give anything, well almost anything, for a guys' trip to the greatest city in the US. The only problem is my wife enjoys Vegas as much as I do. You are a new hero of mine: sleep deprivation, booze, questionable women and tequila in the shower, it just doesn't get much better than that!

Enjoyed the trip report...Mikey better watch out, you're on his heels!

[ October 17, 2003, 01:49 PM: Message edited by: VegasDon ]

 

Feelin' that....therefore I'll be going back next month with my wife...staying at the Mirage, playing lots of poker, eating at nice restaraunts, see a show.....completely different trip. You gotta sell the "I don't want to subject you to the buffoonery...let's you and I go seperately" angle. You should grab a friend or two and come out for March Madness next Spring!

T.

 

Terry...

You make me proud, bud! Man, I had a tear in my eye as I read that. Nothing I'd rather read than tales of Vegas buffoonery.

March Madness...is coming..be afraid...be very afraid...

Mikey

 

Terry, pencil me in as a buffoonery instrument for March... hopefully I will be able to golf by then, too.

Bazootch

 

You are gonna wait till March. The plane tickets are cheaper than my last dinner at Soaffe's. Superbowl man or forgettaboutit.

 

Way too funny. It's just what I needed to read to get me pumped for this weekend. I can't frickin' wait.

Ahhhh yesss, the power of alcohol:
“for $50 I will Goose Step the length of the hall, giving the Heil Hitler signâ€â€¦.

wearing boxers only, brushing my teeth with one hand, and carrying my bloody mary with the other, I head out into the hallway…..

Our drunk friend is out on the patio with two women he should not be with….

Why don't we just roll Mark's ass out of bed and leave now?!

...classic...

 

Yep, way too funny! I laughed my a$$ off at this one. Especially when you said "my taxi somehow ended up at Cheetah's"!

 

oh man....must not be fully recovered....I was waiting in line at Starbucks Sunday morning, and barista asks if she can start something for me.... "bloody mary, extra spicy, two olives"... uhhh... damn... ok, venti drip with room... I hate being back... hahahahahaaa

 

Terry,
Tooo funny ! I love the "side of spam"

Sunni

T-34