BioTech's Very Long Trip Report

Flew into Vegas Aug 8 from OKC with a uneventfull flight except the drunk lady that sat behind us complaining about kids in Vegas. There were some kids on the plane but were well behaved and quiet.


After getting off the plane and getting to baggage claim we only stood there about five mins before the luggage started coming out. Ours was the third suitcase out. YES!!!

Walked over to the Thrifty car rental booth where there was nobody in line. Walked right up and signed the paperwork from our reserved "standard" rental ($13.99 per day). Got in and out quickly and walked out to the shuttle just as it was about to leave. Didnt have to wait at all. Once we got on he headed toward Thrifty to get the car. Once there we find that all the "standards" are out. I thought bummer I bet we get stuck with a friggen 2 door windup car. To my surprise we get bumped up to a sweet new Dodge Charger(very nice car).

Of we go in our hoopty to the Stardust to check in for the Slot Tournament I was entered in. The slot tourny entry fee was $99 with three nights comped. There was a bit of a line at check in. The time was right at 5:15 when we got inline. We were able to skip the line when I noticed a dedicated checkin spot for slot tourny players. Everything went smooth and the agent asked us if we wanted a low room or high room. I requested the highest we could get for a good view of the strip. He tells us our room is on the 16th floor. I was hoping for higher. On the way up I mentioned to Mrs. BioTech that the Stardust was an older property and to not expect much for three nights at $99. We get to the room and open the door to find we had a friggen suite! Hell Yeah!
It probably had to be everybit of 600-700 sq. ft. Bathroom was awesome with jaquzzi tub and the shower made for like 5 people with mutliple shower heads and a bench to sit on inside it. Friggen sweet bathroom. Even had a phone by the shitter.

We went down to eat supper after getting settled in. We ate at the Buffet and was not too bad, but seemed like the choices were limited. It almost had the feel as if we were getting the last of certain items before they brought out more. Overall it was a decent meal. Service was excellent by our Asian waitress.

After the meal wifey wanted to go "freshen up" so I told her I would be up in a minute because the Craps table was hollering my name. I went to the table and confidently threw down a Benjamin and asked for change. 20 minutes later I was headed back to the room down $100 . Not a single person hit their point or threw a Yo or Seven on the come out. Never seen such a cold table like that.

That evening we went down to the Freemont Street Experience. It was pretty cool seeing the setup and all the wierd friggen people wondering around there. There was some dewd playing a Saxaphone in the middle of it all and was pretty good. We sat there and listened to him for about 30 minutes.

The light show was about to start so we looked for a place to sit and saw a Starbucks at the Golden Nugget that had seating out on the street. So Mrs. BioTech and I both got us a $5 drink Vanilla bean Frap.) and sat to cool off and watch the show. Afterwards we headed back to the room.

Tuesday:

Got up early to go to the Slot tournament booth to get my packet. I was scheduled to play at 9:45 A.M and at 11:15 AM. I hung around downstairs and met some really nice people from St.Louis, California, Florida. They seemed like real pros at the slots and I could only hope to keep up with their mad slot skillz.

Finally the first round started and I was in the Zone. I was kicking butts and taking names. Ended the first round with a high score of all the people around me. I felt good that this Rokkie's game could hang with the seasoned veterans.
After I scorched that machine and left it smoking I went up to see if the Mrs. had washed her hind end yet. Luckilly she was just finishing putting on her war paint and we headed our for some Brunch. We ate at the Paradice Cafe next to the Buffet. It was very good and the service from our waitress was so excellent that I almost wanted to purchase her and take her home to serve us all the time. Alas she was not for sale. I think she just didnt want to go to Kansas, but that was just me.

After eating I walked out and that damn craps table was going "Psssst, over here" I gave into its calling and was confident that I was going to get my money back from the day before. After losing $80 in the exact same manor as before I cursed the table and left with my dignity between my crack and what was left of my second hundred dollar bill. Damn that cold biatch of a table!!!

We mosey'd over to the slot tourny area for my second session. Now I had a freaking cheerleader (Momma)and I knew those oldtimers were in trouble. I went mid-evil on that poor little slot machine and wore out the "spin" button (at least I like to think I did). It yielded a decent number not not as well as my first round. If I had a gun I would have put a bullet in it to put it out of its misery after the beating it took from me.

We decided to wonder outside the hotel and instantly got mobbed by the timeshare people. I am going to invent a spray to kill those lil' bastages and make a fortune. I mean hey if they can make a spray to keep the mosquitos away, surely I can make something to fend off those people. Next it was the freaking "Card slappers" What the hell? Cant these non English speaking fine individuals not see the hottie I am holding hands with? Hopefully the Mrs. didnt see her either....(lol j/k) anyway I give them my best "La Migra" look and they leave me alone....until the next group ten yards away

After a nice stroll we decided to get some tix at the 1/2 price wagon across the street from the 'Dust. We got two tix for the magic of Rick Thomas. Damn he was good. I really enjoyed that little freak. The wifey enjoyed it too. I think what she liked best was his nice sized hog (motorcycle for you pervs, geez!) We had great seats and was impressed with his showmanship.

After the show we scampered over to the results board to see if I finished in the money. They placed the last place score and stated that if we scored higher that that we wasa in the money. Thats when I knew I was in the money. Those poor little machines gave their all for me. Come to find out I was number 30 out ot 287 and got a hundred bucks for me effort. I guess I just didnt bring my "A" game after all, but hey a hundred bucks and I got my money back from the cold azz Craps table (that biatch!)

After cashing in the hundred we jumped into the BioTech mobile and headed to the New York. I had signed the Mrs. and I up for the ESPN Zone MVP club and had gotten the $20 voucher (each)for both of us along with the 40 credit game card each. We got seated and orded an appetizer. Momma wanted the Cheesy fries with bacon and difibrilator. Gawd what a mound of spuds and artery clogging cheese and bacon. They should also send out a set of rib spreaders along with it 'cause that shizzle is gonna give someone a corinary. We both ordered the Philly Cheese Steak. I didnt friggen pay attention and our side order was...yep, you gessed it..a friggen mound of french fries. AAARRGGGH!!!!! I liked my sammich but ended up having to dig out the meat and eat it. The fries had gotten me so bloated I couldn't get much of the bread down. We got the check and was $35 and change. We whipped out our Vouchers (I know what you were thinking you pervs) and didnt have to pay a penny. We left the gay waiter a nice tip so he could go get his nails done or something. Seriously he was a good waiter, besides he looked more like a pedicure guy than manicure.

We waddled upstairs to waste our gaming tokens. Actually was going to give them to some kids untill I saw this wicked azz racing game. The 13 year old in me took over and I blew all my credits in that game. It was a good chance for the food to settle down and the onions to start brewing the gasious bubble from deep inside. We walked out of the Zone and wondered around the York. Nice place. I liked the layout, and decided that I had been to New York and never had to actually go to the East coast and visit the real thing. I just saved myself about $2000 by seeing the one in Vegas. Yesss Baby!

We went out on the strip and walked down to the Bellagio to watch the fountains. The music, lights, water spouts and the smell of French sweaty people sure made a nice evening. Once the first show was over we walked down a little to escape Pierre's massive body funk. I am not sure Lava soap coulda helped on getting him clean. We wend down a little more and watched with a group of Asians. Man these people grin all the time. It was nice to see them enjoying all their technoligy working in Vegas. Seriously I never ran into one rude Asian the whole time. Maybe thats because I couldnt understand them, but I am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. Their kids were well behaved too.

Finally, my friggen dawgs were barking and I had to get off my feet. We headed back to the hoopty and drove (at about 2mph) back to the Stardust.


Wednesday:

Slept in a little bit. The dawgs were still howling from the night before and so I plopped down on the couch and kicked my feet up on the Granit slabbed table. Switched on the news to see what depressing news CNN and Fox was reporting. Typical shizznit and realized I hadnt missed anything.

Once the BioTech clan got the energy to go we got in the car and drove around. We ate lunch at Mr Lucky's 24/7 in the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. Ask for it its not on the menu. It was a very good cut of meat (strip steak) and the shrimp was pudry tasty too. We both got the special and water and was able to get out of there for under $26 bucks, and that included an appetizer.
This place is where I realized that the young women dont always wear draws under their mini-skirts. (dont tell the Mrs. I now know this)

We went over to the Alladin and walked around. We had printed off a coupon for 2-for-1 V The Variety Show. I presented the coupon to the lady at the ticket booth then let the misses pay since I had a sneazing attack and didnt want to spray the lady. We then go walking around more to kill a little time before the show starts. I asked how much the tickets ended up costing with the coupon and they didnt even give us 2 for 1 . We go back and wouldnt you know the lady we purchased the tix from was gone and the new girl pretty much said "sucks to be you", so we got screwed on that deal. I think she intentionaly sprayed me with a sneeze agent to get me to lose my concentration on nailing that 2 for 1. ticket.

They start seating for the show and we are usherd into a freeking sardine can. I was very disappointed with the V theatre. there was just chairs shoved up to ech other in tight rows. They were so tight there was no room to move in there. Not sure the fire code was being observed either, but hey its Vegas right? Rules dont apply there. The show starts off and the Gay MC guy was pretty funny. A few acts went bye that were entertaining. Then there was this act with a couple gymnists. They did all kinds of counterbalance things that were pretty kewl. Then they did this one pose and the female got hurt. I had hardly noticed that she had implants in her bewbies They did this one move and she grabbed her left breast and doubled over in pain. They left the stage and had a long pause in the show. I hope that she was ok, but its not everyday you see a woman burst her bewb. Hopefully things were not serious. Show continued with a few more snaggs and mishaps. Didnt think it was worth the $35 per ticket we paid. If it was 2 for 1 maybe.

We walked over to the Venetian. Man this is one classy joint. I am Sure Zuess and Apollo and the rest of their God Clan wouldnt mind catching a Texas Hold'em game here. This was probably my favorite casino we visited. Cant speak highly enough about it. Our feet and backs had started yelling so we plopped down at a video poker and blackjack machine so we could score a free drink (yeah thats right, I am one of those people) We actually threw a couple bucks in to play and did pretty well. Momma put in three dollars and left with $20. Not bad for someone that never played blackjack in her life.
After that we headed over to the TI show. I guess the wind kicked up so the cancelled it. so that was a nice 1 hour wait for nothing. Wouldnt you know that Stinky Pete and Peppy Le Pew made a guest appearance right behind us again. WTF? No body tell the French how to bathe? (Mega Angry Face)

We headed back to the car and after only thirty minutes wondering around the parking garage we found the car. (note to self...remember where the hell you park). Went back to the room to hit the hot tub


Thursday:

I got up around 8:30 and did the three S's and told Mrs. BT that I was going to drive over to the Circus and cash in some chips that I had forgotten to on my last Vegas trip. I just ran in and ran out. Didnt see roving wild packs of unruley children just waiting to pounce on vacationers. Hell I didnt even smell any bad odors that everyone says the Circus has. Maybe my nose was still in lockdown from the French Connection the night before.

Got back to the car and headed over to the Frontier. I had printed off a $5 matchplay for BJ and since it was right next door to the Dust I zipped in to redeem that little fella. The dealer said I needed to get it validated at the players club desk. I went there and got it validated and the guy told me that if I sign up for the players card I could get another matchplay in the fun book. So now I am armed with two $5 match plays and I am gonna bankrupt the Frontier. I plop my butt down at the BJ table (not my game of choice) and prompty win both hands of BJ. I thank the dealer and ask for a dollar chip as I do all the casinos I go in for my collection.
I was headed out the door when I heared those words again "PSSSST over here" had to be a relative of the Stardust Craps table so I stopped armed with the chips I had just won at the BJ table.
This table must have been the blacksheep of the casino family because everyone was hitting their points and throwing the bones for long turns. I look at my watch and its almost checkout time at the Dust and so I color up. I started off with a single $5 bet in the Frontier and walk out with $357 dollars. Sweetness!!!

We check out of the dust and head to the Stratosphere . I knew the Mrs wanted to go to the top and so I agreed. I was shocked to find out that its $11 to go to the top per person. So the wheels start spinning in the ol' grey matter in BioTechs head and I ask if you get a free pass to the tower if you have reservations to eat at the top. The Answer is yes. So I go to the house phone and dial up the restaurant asking if there are any reservation openings for that afternoon. Bingo! They had an opening in an hour and a half. I gave them my name over the phone "BioTech party of 2" and headed to the tower.
Went to the VIP desk and stuck out my chest and said we had reservations at the Top of the World Restaurant. Bingo they said go on up. We walked around and then Momma decides to address her thrill issues by wanting to go on the rides. I say go ahead I have the insurance paid up on the life insurance, knock yourself out.
While she is risking her life on those death trap mechanical devices I walk arount the inside observation deck snapping pictures of the surrounding mountains, strip, and downtown area. I lean out and notice a pool down there. I get the zoom kicking and snap a pic just to see how well I can get a pic from that high...guess what, it was the topless pool. lol The Zoom on my cam picked up a couple of lovely ladies sunning their funbags.
I couldnt believe they would have that where it could be seen. But you do have to lean over to see the pool. For you guys it is on the North end of the tower. They might get suspicious if you are going to the tower with a telescope, so leave them at home.

Momma rode two of the rides then came back down so that we could go eat. The food was not too bad. I had the $14 burger and momma had the chicken fettuchini (spelling?) Good food, but you are paying for the view.

Sitting there it dawned on me that you could make reservations to the reastaurant and never even eat there just to get the free pass to the top of the tower. You just give your name and they dont check any ID's.

Just a thought to all you budget minded travelers. :evillaugh

After the meal Momma still had two rides to ride and I told her that I would be down at the Craps table when she was done just go there.

I started out pretty cold on the table but it warmed up nicely. Momma came down and was just standing there looking bored. I threw her a hand full of chips and told her to get in here. She had never played craps before and was real shy about it. She started warming up to it and before I knew it she bets all over the place, even more that me. WTF I created a monster. She was shooting lights out too. Beginners luck I guess but guys were tossing her chips for her good shooting(at least I hope thats why they were tossing her chips. Mega worried angry face ) We walked out of there up over $150. Thanks Strat!!!

We headed to the Luxor to check in. What a nightmare. We stood in line for over thirty minutes and every check-in booth was open. we finally split up into two lines to see who got to the counter first. She won, damnit!

We didnt even get to the room before momma wanted to see it there was any Blueman Group tix left. Sure enough there was and we got dead center tix. Very good seats. We then headed up to the room to drop off the luggage. We had a 2 for 1 IMax coupon so we went to that. Some African mumbo jumbo about Lions, Elephants, Rhinos, etc... It was in 3-d and about made BioTech want to throw up. Didnt enjoy it at all.
Right after getting out of that we had about 20 minutes before seating for the Blue Man Group. We hadnt eatenand were starving so we sniffed out a Little Ceasers Pizza. Normally I dont care for their Pizza, but I was so hungry I coulda eaten the ass end out of a Rhinoceros. It was a pretty tasty pizza, but then again remember the Rhinocerous thing.

We headed to the Blue Man Group theater. We sat next to some freaky California couple. They were nice and all, but I couldnt help but feel that the wife was trying to pick us up. She was good looking and all (I'd a hit it.....j/k geez) but she had a weirdness about her. Maybe she was from Berkely or something.
The show started and it was totally wicked. I enjoy drums so it was right up my alley.

After the show I got to have my pic taken with Blue Man #1, ok I dont actually know if he was the #1 or not but its my story and I can say he was if I want to.

After the show and pics we went to a cafe and ordered a Shrimp Coctail each. Big ass Shrimp. We had a $30 dining credit so it just cost us the tip. Pedro our waiter can get another gold tooth with the help of our tip.

We were so exhausted we went right to the room and didnt even gamble. We woke early to take the rental back and get to the Airport. Everything went smoothly until we went to the Curbside check to get our boarding passes when that same drunk lady that was on our incoming flight was leaning up against the counter smoking her cig and dumping ashes all over the counter. The guy looked pissed and kept wiping off her ashes. She was drunk again and it was friggen 8:30 AM. I wish I hadnt packed my camera because she had about a 18" length of toiletpaper hanging out of the back of her pants. We laughed our arses off. The pic would have ben priceless too because she was wearing an Oklahoma Sooners shirt. (key the redneck Jokes)

Anyways the book is coming to an end, I hope at least one of you people read this damn thing cause it took me overt an hour to write all this crap!


Cliff Notes Version of trip report:

Had a good time, got upgraded to a suite, upgraded on our car, seen up a girls miniskirt and she had no draws on, French people have body smell issues, saw a womans bewby explode, Bue man Group Rocks.



BioTech

 

LOL! Great TR! You guys sound like a lot of fun!

 

a very good inagural post.

 

When I got to this, it brought a tear to my eye...

I nominate this trip report for "TR of the year..."

 

An incredibly enjoyable read. Too many great lines to quote. Very nicely done. Sounds like you and the Mrs. had a great time.

 

Thank you. We had a blast. It was our second trip (first was over 10 years ago) and she had food poisoning while there so she spent the whole time in the room. So this was more like our first trip.

We are already trying to set plans for our next trip.

 

Dude, you had me cracking up the whole time reading this TR! I find it funny you even remeber all the details about each server you had, asian, gold-tooth, this guy lol!
"We left the gay waiter a nice tip so he could go get his nails done or something. Seriously he was a good waiter, besides he looked more like a pedicure guy than manicure." (not that there is anything wrong with that.)

And wow a phone by the shitter! Good times!!

 

Had to read your trip report because I thought you were from OKC. Glad to see you are from Kansas. Whew, I was actually friggen worried for a minute. Leave your redneck jokes north of the border.

Kewl LOL

 

You have a real talent for writing! Great report - - entertainment value is A+++. (Write something else....I want to laugh some more!)

 

BioTech should write a series of travel guides. He'd put Fomer's right out of business!