Bally's 3/24 - 3/28 (R rated warning)

This story happened in Vegas, you are hereby forewarned that some of this may not be PG rated.

We had planed a Thursday through Sunday trip to the desert, there were 5 of us going from NC and one friend was coming in from CA. The crew consisted of myself, HotTubJohnny (HTJ), Scotty, JK, BK, and Grenade (the one from CA). HTJ had a free room offer at Ballys, so we figured we would take advantage of that and watch some of the NCAA games. The direct flights on America West were too expensive, so we found a deal on Orbitz for America West through PHX outbound, and Airtran on the return leg.

The main pre-trip conversation revolved around the mathematical properties of THEsequel, a revised version of THEsystem that HTJ and Scotty had used on their last trip to THEhotel (which resulted in big losses and no comps from the bastards at Mandalay). HTJ and JK managed to go standby the 7am flight but the only had 2 seats fso Scotty was left behind, hoping that the good karma of spending the day with the wife and new baby would result in huge winning, so me, Scotty and BK were on the 7pm departure, which turned into the 8:30 departure after they fixed some electrical issues on the plane. Of course we missed the connection in PHX, but we were still on the strip by 11:00, which wasn’t too bad.

BK had a message from grenade upon arrival – something along the lines of “I’m with a friend, he’s going to the airport about the same time you arrive; I’ll catch up with you tomorrow afternoon†Huh?? His friend just left but he won’t see us for another 15 hours?? Sure enough, this is exactly what happened. JK was already passed out upon our arrival. Turns out he and HTJ had been in the Bellagio book all day long drinking and watching the games, so he was wiped out. HTJ managed to work himself over to the lovely Barbary Coast, where he dominated a little craps session before meeting up with us. So now we were all together (for the most part).

The first night of gambling was some craps for HTJ and Scotty, and I played some poker, both at Ballys. The craps was a losing effort, I had a nice profit at the $4-$8 game. Gotta love the new poker craze. I guess once you show one bluff with J-7 offsuit everyone thinks you play shitty cards. BK and I ended up playing until the wee hours of the morning until the game finally sucked and BK realized that the blond that was playing no limit wasn’t feeling his vibe.

I got up fairly early on Friday morning, I wanted to hit the café for some breakfast but I was alone and the line was fairly long, so I decided to walk down to McDonalds. The walk was a little longer than expected, but I eventually got there and then headed over to Caesars to sit in the book and watch some of the Players Championship. Turns out the golf was postponed due to weather, so I walked around and was pleasantly surprised to find a 9/6 25 cent Jacks o better VP game by Shadow Bar (turns out that Caesars has a lot of 9/6 JoB) I played for a while on my $100 and then HTJ called and wanted to meet up, so when he heard about the pay tables he decided to come on over. We played for a while, and then out of the blue I hit my first royal flush ever. I was dealt 3 to the royal in clubs. What a great win that was. I jumped out of the chair, gave a few high fives, and somehow totally missed the cocktail waitress when she came by. So here I am having just won $1k and I stiff the waitress, she must have been impressed. Best part about the whole thing was right after I hit it a short Asian maintenance guy came over and said in a thick accent “You so lucky – what you do to be so lucky??†Too funny. I was expecting to get a hand pay, but since it was only $1k that was not needed. Bonus!! No big tip required!

Eventually JK and Scotty came over as well and got down on some JoB and some Multistrike, unfortunately no more royals were to be had. By this time there had been a shift change and we now had a great cocktail waitress – what a character. We stared some small talk with her, mainly just giving her a hard time like only HTJ knows how to do, but she’s just eating it all up. We told she had some mad game and she replied, “I got game? You mean like the rapper??†Good stuff. That led to an accappella version of Candy Shop. Need less to say the cocktail service was top notch from tat point on. Other highlights included the waitress telling us that she was a MILF, and that she had DSL’s.

BK finally dragged himself out of bed and called, and then promptly got completely lost in Caesars and had to call 3 or 4 times to find us. Even that didn’t work, but I eventually saw him walking around in circles and managed to track him down. So we gave him the short rundown on the waitress and he jumps into the action too. I forget what other songs she belted out for us, but no matter what you say, hearing a 49 year old white mother of 5 singing some 50-cent is entertaining stuff. Eventually we found out that she had a daughter named Coco, which lead to this exchange:

Waitress: “My daughters name is Cocoâ€
HTJ: “Like Coco the monkey?â€
Waitress: “Like Coco Channelâ€

You probably had to be there to appreciate it. So now BK is all about getting the scoop on this daughter, he couldn’t are less that she’s 16 and he’s 28, he’s willing to wait. Well the waitress has a better suggestion – so she says “What you should do is hook up with my son†Wow, before she has any chance to explain we are all over that comment. Good times.

So anyways, after many more drinks we finally get ready to go, and on the way out Scotty claims that he could have gotten her number if he wanted to. So HTJ leads the onslaught of ribbing him enough to get him to go back and actually get the number, but of course he’s too scared to do it and finally backs down. This pattern would repeat numerous times during the rest of the trip.

So we head over to Bellagio for some snacks and to watch the NC State game. We didn’t finally see Grenade for the first time though, he had been playing some NL poker and devising his strategy to win $5 grand and then turn that into $1 Million. I ended up walking back to the room without ever seeing the games since I was working on about 3 hours of sleep since Thursday morning.

I woke up at the end of the late games, and got back in touch with the crew. JK, Scotty HTJ and I headed down to the Bally’s steakhouse for dinner. I was still stuffed from my lunch at Bellagio, so I only had a salad, but I did take the waiter up on the offer to add “shrimps†to it. The meal was good, the steaks got good reviews, Scotty had the surf and turf which had a lot of lobster on it. Plus we almost witnessed a 90 year old woman die in the middle of a very exciting tale of her and ‘The Captainâ€

From there we headed down to Mandalay to check out MIX on top of THEhotel. JK made the mistake of wearing sneakers so he eschewed the club and hit the poker room. The crowd at MIX was pretty weak, but the waitresses were rock solid. We took up a spot near the waitress station and just sat back and watched the parade while enjoying a few drinks. Overall it was a little pricy, but if you were trying to impress a girl, it’s a great spot to hit.

We headed down the casino and hit the craps table. HTJ and Scotty played some $15 full odds with a come bet, I was just on the line with 2x odds. The session was a big hit. I had a nice roll which made me a little money, and made the guys next to Scotty and HTJ a lot more. I hit 3 or 4 4’s in a row which really made them happy. This session was a success. I managed to shed my Cooler reputation and proved that I can indeed have a solid craps session without being totally terrified of a 7. JK also managed to repeat his performance form last September, where he buys into the craps session while playing poker. Needless to say, he dominates craps while losing at poker.

From there we were ready to see some titties and cabbed it off to Cheetahs. I remember the cab ride being interesting but I can’t remember why, maybe HTJ will save me on that one.

Cheetahs was pretty packed, we ended up staying near the front stage the whole time. There really weren’t too many real hotties in there, maybe they were all in the VIP room or something, but I was disappointed for the most part. The experience got much better towards the end of the night though. One girl told Scotty that he was an asshole after he talked her up for a hile and then didn’t get a dance. Scotty then tipped another girl with JK’s dollar, and when she went over to JK for a tip he tried to explain the situation, but she still called him a cheap fucker. Then there was a skinny guy on one of the couches who had passed out and pissed in his pants. Once the bouncers saw him he was done. The tried slapping him to wake him up, but that didn’t work, so they just picked him up and dragged him out to the curb. He woke up about 5 feet from the couch but had no clue what was going on. Good times. The end of the night was the highlight. A guy and his girlfriend sat on the couch right in front of us and a tall blonde stripper joined them and proceeded to give the girl a lap dance. She was all nervous and shy at the beginning, which made this all the more interesting. Eventually she got a little frisk and her hands started exploring. It was all very erotic. Once the dance was over she just used her own body to do a little more exploring. Wow, what a show.


So we left on that high note and headed back to Bally’s to meet up with BK and Grenade, who were rolling the dice after hitting ICE for some clubbing earlier. There wasn’t really much room at their table so Scotty, HTJ and I settled in for some $25 double deck blackjack. I had never really played too much blackjack before, but with my winnings form the royal I felt OK stepping into the quarter level right off the bat. The session was pretty good for me, I cashed out up a bit and had a good time. Not sure how the rest did though. BK and Grenade were still hanging around at the craps tables, not really making any money, but drinking a ton and having a blast. I headed over to the poker room and joined JK for some $2-$4 action. As expected the poker was terrible, those lo limits are never any god, but we were having a good time. I was pretty much hated by the whole table, but I was going heavy on my bitter old man routine, so I wasn’t expecting too much in the way of friendships. JK knew it was all in fun too, so he played right along. We didn’t make squat, but we didn’t lose either so the whole experience was well worth it. I did get up a couple times to check on what all the commotion was about at the craps table. Turns out BK and grenade had a craps table on full tilt, which is not easy to do. The place was going nuts and everyone was winning. Numbers were being hit like mad, everyone was chanting for every roll, the dealers were having a blast, and the house was getting its ass kicked. The box man literally had a triangle of chips in front of him. Most all the reds and green from the edges of the bank were completely gone. There were dirt rings exposed in areas of the table that have been covered with chips for months without being disturbed. I have never seen that much of the mirror right there. It was great. All told, those two probably cost Bally’s a good $25K over the course of 3 hours or so. They weren’t playing a very high limit, but managed to take home 7x their buy in each (including $800 in tips!) One guy a couple spots down from them only managed to win $18k – poor guy! We finally called it a morning but not before JK and I hit Johnny’s for some solid eggs and has browns. It really hit the spot.

After I woke up things are somewhat blurry, I think I headed back to Caesars for some more VP. Scotty and HTJ were down at Mandalay having no luck with the craps tables down there, so they called and headed on over to meet up. Our waitress made another appearance at the bequest of Scotty, who had already checked in with her earlier that morning. He tried to get a ton of credit for having her come over and give us drinks, but HTJ and I were not buying that shit. It was entertaining again though. I can’t remember if we headed out from there or not, but the next major event I remember was heading to Delmonico’s for dinner.

Man what a great dinner. I had the tomato and mozzarella bruschetta followed by a pepper-encrusted filet with some asparagus. Wow, they do a hell of a job there. Everyone came away pleased, and full. We followed up the meal with a group craps session at Venetian and all walked away with some profit although we should have quit a few rolls sooner. No biggie though. BK and grenade headed out to the clubs again – Rain and Light I believe, but I guess neither one was great otherwise there would surely be some more stories. The 4 of us headed back to Bally’s for some more double deck BJ. This session was not nearly as profitable for me. I was up a little bit before this big tittied hot chick started dealing. While she may have been nice to look at she was a killer. It felt like about 10 minutes and all my money was one. She did a number on me. With that beating I headed up to the room, where things got comical.

So a little bit about my thoughts on Bally’s rooms. The size is actually pretty decent. We had 3 of us in each room and there was plenty of closet space and you were never having to step over bags or anything, but that was about the only good thing I can say. We were in the north tower looking at The STRAT , and even on the 19th floor we could hear horns and sirens on Flamingo down below us. Plus we had a connecting room, and there absolutely no insulation or soundproofing in the whole place. So we could hear just about anything that the people in the room next to us were doing. So I am dozing off and I guess the guys next door are having a party. Well at some point I wake up and I am greeted by a very loud shouting match between the hooker they brought up for some partying and one of the guys in the group. She was calling the cheap fuckers who weren’t gonna pay for shit, he was calling her an ugly bitch who didn’t deserve to be paid…this went on for a good 5 minutes. Finally things quieted down and I ot some sleep. Then BK and grenade came back after having another good post-club craps session, and I tell them the whole room next door story. Well, no sooner than I finish then we hear another girl’s voice coming from next door. Apparently they got someone else to join them for another party. Well, things seem fine but sure enough there is eventually another argument. The facts as I understand them are as follows – the girl got the guy to sit on the bed, she blew him until he was hard and then I guess she got naked – and then the argument began. Apparently she wanted ot get paid, he didn’t think she deserved it. By this point BK and Grenade had been up for a long time and wanted to sleep, so Grenade called security. When they asked what the problem was he said with a straight face: “Well, the guy’s got a hooker but apparently she couldn’t get him hard, and now their fighting†I could hear the security guard laughing on the other end of the line – great comedy. Needless to say, the noise was gon not too long after that.

So I woke up early again and decided to hit Caesars again to chase down another royal. That didn’t work out to well, I put $100 through the JoB machine and then played some multi play JoB, I was dealt a full house on the multi play, but that only lasted a brief moment before those credits were gone again. Oh well, it was fun. So I walked over to Bellagio and sat in a very slow $4-$8 game which was just plain frustrating. HTJ finally saved me from that and once again we hit the VP at Caesars. This was by far the most VP I have ever played in one trip and I was glad I hit that royal because that was the only successful session I had.

No good waitress this time, but HTJ and Scotty did have a nice Multistrike session. Most of the time that game ills you, but when you hit quads on the 4x line it’s really really fun. From there we headed back to Bellagio, did some shopping and then played some craps. My money vanished very early on thanks to a couple very quick rolls, but my buddies mad a comeback I guess and managed to do OK. I went back to the room for some rest and to watch the NCAA games. Caught the end of regulation in the MSU game before heading over to Bellagio for some poker. BK and Grenade were already there playing some 15/30, so since the list was short I sat down with them. The game was really loose for that limit, but it was a good time. BK was down $700 and all in before making a great comeback and ended up only down $50 or so after hitting 3 or 4 big hands in a row. I managed a slow but steady profit, which was really nice because even though I was up for the trip, I had lost over half my profits since dinner at Delmonicos. That was not a good feeling at all.

That was about it for the gambling. I played some Pai Gow with HTJ at Bally’s while Scotty played some Wild Cherries and Grenade played some Megabucks, then we all headed out for the airport.

Well, Scotty HTJ and I had a pretty terrible cabbie. Even though he did manage to avoid the gridlock on Flamingo by going though the Bally’s parking lots, he dropped us at terminal 2, which is Air Trans Air, not Air Tran. Luckily there was a lonely Smartcart outside the terminal so we piled the bags on tha walked over to terminal 1 only to find out that because of the weather in ATL, our incoming plane had only just left the east coast. So that was a 4 hour delay there where we all caught some sleep on the floor by the gate. We were lucky enough to get standby on the earliest connection possible out of ATL, but it was still a very long day of travel and no way to end an otherwise fun trip.

[ March 29, 2005, 02:57 PM: Message edited by: King of Spades ]

 

Great trip report. I was laughing my ass off reading it. Sounds like you guys had a great time partying, gambling, and chatting up the girls.

Darin

 

What are DSL's

 

Darin - yeah it was good times for all,at least i think so. There were the obligatory "I am never coming back" comments, but come september (maybe sooner) people will be on board in a heartbeat. I'm sure I missed some details, hopefully some of the involved parties will add to the stories.

Matt - Dick Sucking Lips

 

Great TR King. Thanks for sharing. Next March you should hook up with us for MM3. It sounds like you would fit right in... then again, just about anyone would fit right in except Camel Clutches buddies .

 

**** sucking lips.

(Big Lips)

 

Super entertaining TR....one question....MILF ?

 

Mother I'd Like to F$#@.....ie one of the Desperate Housewives....

 

Great report, very entertaining. Thanks!