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Bad joke of the day 2020

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by wormhole, Jul 14, 2016.

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  1. flyguyfl

    flyguyfl MIA

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    I renamed my toilet Jim instead of John. So I can tell people I got up and went to the Jim(Gym).
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  2. mrem3200

    mrem3200 VIP Whale

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    If you have sex with a hooker without her consent...is it shoplifting?
     
  3. roycpa

    roycpa High-Roller

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    Why are fire engines red?
    Two plus two equals four.
    Four times three equals twelve.
    Twelve inches make a ruler.
    Queen Elizabeth is a ruler.
    Queen Elizabeth is also a ship.
    Ships sail on the sea.
    The sea has fishes.
    Fishes have fins.
    The Finns fought the Russians.
    Russians are Reds.
    and that's why fire engines are red
    Because they're always rushin'
    all over!
    .
    (I've been saving this one for 60 years.)
     
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  4. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    I'm working on my lesson plans right now.
    I could use this for reading, math, social studies, and science!

    Plans for tomorrow = done! Thanks, @roycpa!

    RICHARD
     
  5. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    Yes, and how many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house? :)
     
  6. eaglejohn

    eaglejohn VIP Whale

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    A Czeck and jewish kid went to the zoo.
    Go to lions where there is a male and female
    Czeck kid gets to close to the lions and one swallows him
    Zookeeper rushes over and asks the jewish kid which lion, the boy or girl lion swallowed him
    Jewish kid points to the male lion and says that one, the male
    Zookeeper rips open male lion and, nothing there
    He then goes to female lion and rips her open, and saves kid.
    Moral of story:
    Never trust a Jew when they say the Czeck is in the male.
    "hope I didn't cross the line" I don't mind Pollock jokes.
     
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  7. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    This joke Czechs out okay IMO...

    RICHARD
     
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  8. nostresshere

    nostresshere Mr. Anti Debit Card

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    Be careful, if you are Russian you might break the China and spill the Greece. Of course, if European before you Finnish, you not gonna Havana good time.
     
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  9. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    I'm just being a Turkey! :D

    RICHARD
     
  10. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    It's a tad Chile tonight so I'm Ghana cover up with my Afghan.

    RICHARD
     
  11. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

    He felt his presents.
     
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  12. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    What do blondes do if they are not in bed by 10?

    They pick up their purse and go home.
     
  13. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    "Luke, damn it! A TIE [fighter] again?"
     
  14. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    What did the biker scout do when he crashed his speeder bike on Endor?

    Ewoked.
     
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  15. The Stig

    The Stig VIP Whale

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    I was playing crown green bowls with my granddad who is a little hard of hearing. After bowling first he asks a guy who is passing by how far off he is with his bowl.

    "Your a foot in front." Replies the guy.

    My granddad said. "What did he just call me?"
     
  16. Electroguy563

    Electroguy563 Vegas Joker

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    Ha Ha! This reminds me of a comedian (I wish I could remember his name) who passed away a while ago. He had a joke about Las Vegas. Really funny but please realize this joke was back in the early 80's and made in good spirits and would not be "politically correct" nowadays, what-ever that means. Here goes:

    A man was walking down the Strip one night and found a black man beating up an old jewish man. After stopping the beating the man asked the black man why he was beating the jewish man. "This guy called me a black bastard..." The man asked the jewish man "Why did you call him a black bastard?"

    "Heaven forbid, I did not call him a black bastard. He asked me where the Sands Hotel is located and I said 'you're a BLOCK PAST IT.'"

    Well, it's funnier when the comedian says it......:thumbsup:
     
    • Wow! Wow! x 1
  17. flyguyfl

    flyguyfl MIA

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    I have seen protest signs before but when somebody puts up an orange and black one that says "End Highway Construction", I draw the line.
     
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  18. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    I heard this one one on a recent trip to one of the Indiana riverboats. They guy sitting next to me jokingly said, "I need to find a different GA group. Every one in my current one is betting against me."
     
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  19. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    Yeah, and the deer never cross right at the deer x-ing signs around here either!

    RICHARD
     
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  20. chitownjohn

    chitownjohn High-Roller

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    At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

    The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie.

    The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.

    He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In fact,' he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.'

    After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'

    'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?' asked the couple.

    'Because I'm the guy who painted it,' he replied.

    'In fact, there are no black men depicted at all! They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.'
     
    • Funny Funny x 9
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