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Bad joke of the day

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by wormhole, Jul 14, 2016.

  1. oghuman

    oghuman VIP Whale

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  2. topcard

    topcard Older than the Stardust!

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    Annual Spring Trip - April 2nd!!
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  3. GeorgeandTheBear

    GeorgeandTheBear High-Roller

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    The Lysol bottle said to disinfect the things I touch the most.

    It really burns...
     
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  4. booker

    booker VIP Whale

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    My physician just diagnosed me with anxiety disorder and constipation. I'm scared shitless.
     
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  5. makikiboy

    makikiboy VIP Whale

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    :kill:

    :evillaugh: for those that got what George is implying.
     
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  6. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    Q: What do you get when you find a dead blonde in a closet?

    A: The hide-and-seek champion of 1996.
     
    That 70's Breeze
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  7. oghuman

    oghuman VIP Whale

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    A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope and, with trembling hands, read the letter...

    "Dear Dad,

    It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

    I've been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

    Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

    Love, your son, Joshua

    PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call me when it is safe for me to come home!"
     
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  8. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    Sign on building: "Greek Cultural Center of Greater Baltimore. Entrance in rear." :)
     
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  9. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    Two hunters were stalking through the forest when one said to the other that he has to take a dump. His friend replies, "Well, go in the bushes."

    "What should I use to wipe my ass?" he asks.

    "Use a dollar bill," his friend says.

    A few minutes later, the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands.

    "What happened?" asked his friend.

    He replied, "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
     
    That 70's Breeze
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  10. ardee

    ardee VIP Whale

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    Did you hear about the Italian cook who died?

    She pasta-way.
     
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  11. ardee

    ardee VIP Whale

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    impasta.jpg
     
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  12. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    Q: What is the definition of agony?

    A: A one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.
     
    That 70's Breeze
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  13. ardee

    ardee VIP Whale

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    irishjoke.jpg
     
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  14. oghuman

    oghuman VIP Whale

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    A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a
    stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing
    only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a
    conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was
    obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying
    to maintain eye contact.

    After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said,
    "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

    He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against
    it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him,
    "What would you say is my best feature?"

    Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be your ears."

    Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts;
    they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and
    my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a
    blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my
    ears?"

    Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming... that was me."
     
  15. Catzilla

    Catzilla Low-Roller

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    I haven't read through the whole thread, so maybe this has been posted before. If so, here it is again!

    [​IMG]
     
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  16. ardee

    ardee VIP Whale

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    Boner clips. :evillaugh:

    bonerclips.jpg
     
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  17. makikiboy

    makikiboy VIP Whale

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    :kill::kill::kill::kill::kill::kill::kill:
     
  18. flyguyfl

    flyguyfl VIP Whale

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    pyscho.gif
     
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  19. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    I'll take "Months Ending in -ber" for 100, Alex! :)
     
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  20. ardee

    ardee VIP Whale

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    How To Write Good...

    howtowritegood.jpg
     
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