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Bad joke of the day

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by wormhole, Jul 14, 2016.

  1. kevin853

    kevin853 High-Roller

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    Little Tommy walks in on his mum and dad during lovemaking.

    Mum says to Tommy "I have to bounce up n down on Daddy to keep his fat belly down"

    "That won't work Mummy" Tommy says "as Auntie Tracey keeps blowing it back up".
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
  2. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    Knock knock!
    Who's there?
    Wayne.
    Wayne who?
    Wayne down upon the Swanee River ...
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. mickyblueeyes

    mickyblueeyes Low-Roller

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    An american and Canadian are walking down a country road and notice a sheep with it's head stuck in a fence so the Canadian says I've got an idea and he pulls down his pants and screws the sheep. Once he's finished he zips up his pants and said that was pretty good now it's your turn - the american pulls down his pants and puts his head through the fence :D.
     
  4. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    The worst air disaster of {fill in a country} occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
     
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  5. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    A dirty joke:

    I fell in the mud. :goofy:
     
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  6. flyguyfl

    flyguyfl VIP Whale

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    The fact that There Is a Highway To Hell and only A Stairway To Heaven ought to tell you something.
     
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  7. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    I fear I'll get tunneled either way! :faint:

    RICHARD
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  8. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    Stephen Wright Joke:

    "I just bought a camera that's so advanced that you don't need it."

    Seen on one of the photo boards this morning. :)
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. eaglejohn

    eaglejohn VIP Whale

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    What is the difference between a Canadian and a canoe.

    A canoe tips
     
    • Wow! Wow! x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  10. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    **MEOW!** :)

    (Hey, I'm Canadian by heritage! I can joke about it, eh!) :)
     
  11. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    What's the difference between a zit and a priest?

    A zit waits until you're 12 years old before it comes on your face.
     
    • Wow! Wow! x 2
  12. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    Several years ago, I had a hospital stay (forced me to postpone a Vegas trip :mad:). After I had been in there a few days, my nurse walked in and asked how I was feeling. I said, "Well, my hair hurts and my teeth itch. Other than that, I feel fine." She looked at me funny, then realized I was messing with her.
     
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  13. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    Almost earned yourself a psych hold...:poke: :D

    RICHARD
     
  14. flyguyfl

    flyguyfl VIP Whale

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    I childproofed my house but the little suckers still get in.
     
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  15. Rush

    Rush MIA

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    Guy comes to work one morning and one side of his face is beat to shit. His co-workers ask for the scoop.

    "I called my wife a two-bit whore".

    "Did she hit you with the car?"

    "No, a sack full of quarters".
     
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  16. Texas Steph

    Texas Steph A Work in Progress...

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    Saw this recently [​IMG]
     
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  17. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    A redneck heard some statistics that said that most accidents occur within 10 miles of home. So he moved.
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2017
    • Funny Funny x 1
  18. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    Sadly that led to...

    moving.jpg

    RICHARD
     
  19. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    Topical one heard the other day:

    Q: What's the difference between a Unitarian and a Reform Jew?

    A: Try getting in to the local Country Club!

    (If you don't get it, don't worry.) ;)
     
  20. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    A funny story from a place I worked at many years ago,

    One of the engineers had a one night stand with one of the secretaries. The next day, she said he was such a lousy lover he could put his hand to sleep. :eek:

    Apparently, Studly B. Hungwell he was not. :p