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Bad joke of the day

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by wormhole, Jul 14, 2016.

  1. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    Two kids are in a hospital each lying on a stretcher next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “what are you in here for?”

    The second kid says, “I’m getting my tonsils out. I’m a little nervous.”

    The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep and when you wake up, they give you lots of jello and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”

    The second kid then asked, “What are you in here for?”

    The first kids says, “a circumcision.”

    The second kid replies, “Whoa, good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year and a half.”
     
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  2. BlacklabberMike

    BlacklabberMike VIP Whale

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    why did the fish blush?






    it saw the oceans bottom
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  3. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    A few years ago, a friend of mine heard a local newscaster get tongue tied talking about Detroit, calling it Detwat. My friend said it was even funnier watching him trying to recover from that mistake.
     
  4. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    That joke was deep, BlacklabberMike.
    Really deep!

    I'd grade it an "A", but it's fitting to give it a "sea"...:poke: :D

    RICHARD
     
    The Alperts Take Polo Towers!
  5. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    One of my minions found Peniscola on the Florida map as we were on vacation last summer. Easy to do I guess, especially given Florida's shape!
    If the city was up North, it'd be named Penispop, though!

    RICHARD
     
    The Alperts Take Polo Towers!
  6. GeorgeandTheBear

    GeorgeandTheBear High-Roller

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    A recent survey found that the iPhone is the number one hand held device.

    The penis has slipped to second [​IMG]
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  7. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    I guess you've never been to Pen Island.
     
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  8. Ty

    Ty ?

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    Is that near Pensacola?
    What kinda map you showing the minions?
     
  9. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    My bride goes a few times a year, but her trips are few and far between...

    RICHARD
     
    The Alperts Take Polo Towers!
  10. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    A couple of old bumper stickers I always thought were funny:

    #1 (in small print): I f you can read this, you are too damn close!

    #2: Beam me up Scotty. There is no intelligent life down here.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  11. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    Wow, almost 600 posts on this thread...
    No GROAN button yet, I see. So here goes:

    Q: What were Mama Buffalo's last words to her male offspring?
    A: Bi-son.

    RICHARD
     
    The Alperts Take Polo Towers!
    • Like Like x 1
  12. alanleroy

    alanleroy Click my avatar

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    A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a buffalo sitting next to him.
    "Are you a buffalo?" asked the man, surprised.
    "Yes."
    "What are you doing at the movies?"
    The buffalo replied, "Well, I liked the book."
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  13. David Grant

    David Grant Low-Roller

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    My girlfriend drew hew eyebrows on too high.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    She seemed surprised.
     
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  14. Ty

    Ty ?

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    Q: Why did the buffalo cross the road?

    A: To prove to the possum that it could be done!
     
  15. David Grant

    David Grant Low-Roller

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    What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    You can't wash your hand in a buffalo.......
     
  16. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    I once saw a list o things to do in case of a nuclear attack. The best one was:

    Bend over, put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.
     
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  17. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    I'm not that flexible! :eek:
    Perhaps smooching both knees would suffice?

    RICHARD
     
    The Alperts Take Polo Towers!
    • Funny Funny x 1
  18. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    I am in shape. Round is a shape, isn't it?
     
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  19. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    Knock knock!

    Who's there?

    Theodore.

    Theodore who?

    Theodore's locked so I knocked!
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  20. VegasGroove

    VegasGroove VIP Whale

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    Just read this one:

    "I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing - except at a funeral.
     
    • Like Like x 2