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Bad joke of the day

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by wormhole, Jul 14, 2016.

  1. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    60th High School Reunion

    He was a widower and she a widow.
    They had known each other for a number of years
    being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.

    This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles.
    They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high.
    The widower throwing admiring glances across the table.
    The widow smiling coyly back at him.

    Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

    After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes,..... yes I will!"

    The evening ended on a happy note for the widower.
    But the next morning he was troubled.
    Did she say Yes? or did she say No?
    He couldn't remember.
    Try as he would, he just could not recall.

    He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.
    He remembered asking the question but for the life of him he could not recall her response.
    With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her.
    First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to.
    Then he reviewed the past evening.
    As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her.

    "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say Yes? or did you say No?

    "Why you silly man, I said Yes. Yes I will ! And I meant it with all my heart."
    The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

    Then she continued. "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me!”
     
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  2. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    Years ago, I heard about a TV news blooper that was hilarious. I have no way knowing if this incident actually happened, but it was a reporter doing a live remote. He supposedly said he was coming to you direct from the county whorehouse....er, uh.... county courthouse.

    If it did happened, it was one heck of a freudian slip.
     
  3. blue808

    blue808 Low-Roller

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    Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
    God says: "So you would love her."
    "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
    God says: "So she would love you."
     
  4. alanleroy

    alanleroy Click my avatar

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    A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Saran Wrap for shorts.
    The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
     
  5. tmoney25

    tmoney25 High-Roller

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    There was another freudian slip by a news reporter. This was talked about before everything was put on video and posted on the interwebs. The female anchor was leading up to introduce the weather man and mentioned that it didn't snow that day and she said to the weather man "What happened to the 5" you promised me?".

    Can't prove if it actually happened, but funny to picture it.
     
  6. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    And the weatherman said, "I'm not cutting it in half from anyone."
     
  7. bluesdude

    bluesdude VIP Whale

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    I believe this did happen because I think I have seen the video.
     
    Maybe not this year. Looking forward to 2021!
  8. The Stig

    The Stig VIP Whale

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    This is a couple of clips from the quiz The Chase and host Bradley Walsh not being able to hold it together.





     
    Last edited: May 17, 2017
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  9. mickyblueeyes

    mickyblueeyes Low-Roller

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    Why don't blondes use vibrators?.....they chip their teeth
     
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  10. LV_Bound

    LV_Bound VIP Whale

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    Reminds of a similar one....
    A couple who were avid golfers with custom clubs and all were sitting around the breakfast table when the wife asked, "When I die, would you let your new wife use my clubs?"
    The guy replies "No way."
    The wife gets a nice warm feeling and continues to ask "Why, is it because you love me and don't want to see another woman use my clubs?"
    To which the husband replies " No, its because she is a lefty."
     
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  11. donfairplay

    donfairplay High-Roller

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    A scientist sets a frog on the floor and yells "jump!"
    The frog jumps 4 feet.
    The scientist cuts off one of the frog's legs and yells "jump!"
    The frog jumps 3 feet.
    The scientist cuts off another one of the frog's legs and yells "jump!"
    The frog jumps 2 feet.
    The scientist cuts off another one of the frog's legs and yells "jump!"
    The frog jumps 1 foot.
    The scientist cuts off the frog's last remaining leg and yells "jump!"
    The frog doesn't jump.
    The scientist yells "jump! Jump! Jump!"
    The frog doesn't jump.

    The scientist writes in his notebook:

    Frog with 4 legs jumps 4 feet.
    Frog with 3 legs jumps 3 feet.
    Frog with 2 legs jumps 2 feet.
    Frog with 1 leg jumps 1 foot.
    Frog with no legs becomes deaf.
     
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  12. WHITEJACKET73

    WHITEJACKET73 High-Roller

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    Question: How do you communicate with a fish?

    Answer: Drop him a line.
     
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  13. loonytoony

    loonytoony VIP Whale

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    Whats the difference between a teacher and a train?


    One says, “Spit out your gum” and the other says, “Choo choo choo.”
     
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  14. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    You had me hook, line, and sinker on that one! :D
    Fishing jokes are normally hard for me to tackle...

    RICHARD
     
  15. Richard Alpert

    Richard Alpert LOST

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    Four out of five teachers approve of this joke. :thumbsup:
    I'm one of the four! :D

    Actually, I've been so busy confiscating fidget spinners and fidget cubes lately that
    I haven't noticed if my students have been chewing gum or not... :faint:

    RICHARD
     
  16. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    A true story ...

    A woman in Florida was arraigned on a murder charge for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. She was asked by the judge if she was "a first offender" and the reply was "no your honor first a Gibson, then a Fender" !

    Hey, it has to be true. I read it on the Interwebs! (Yeah, it could have happened, so it must have happened.) :)
     
  17. deansrobinson

    deansrobinson VIP Whale

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    You said 'Florida'. So that alone constitutes verification of being factual.
     
  18. The Stig

    The Stig VIP Whale

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    I went to the Library and asked if they had a book about self help. The attendant said.

    "It would be defeating the object if I told you."
     
  19. Big dan

    Big dan High-Roller

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    Ooh my god! I read this 5 days ago and just got it. Lol no I'm not blonde and I don't use vibrators I'm just stupid. Hahaha
     
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  20. The Stig

    The Stig VIP Whale

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    I have been watching re run's of Only Fools and Horses and in one episode Del buys a video recorder.

    Del: It records your favourite shows when your on holiday.

    Albert: How does it know your on holiday?

    Del: You send it a postcard don't you.
     
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