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Bad joke of the day

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by wormhole, Jul 14, 2016.

  1. loonytoony

    loonytoony VIP Whale

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    A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow.
    The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand.
    Her friend asked her with surprise, “What is going on? Why aren’t you playing?”
    The blond girl replied, “I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!”
     
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  2. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    Spock: Captain! A Klingon cruiser has just been sighted!

    Kirk: Denny Crane.
     
  3. alanleroy

    alanleroy Click my avatar

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    Boy: "I love you so much, I could never live without you."
    Girl: "Is that you or the beer talking?"
    Boy: "It's me talking to the beer."
     
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  4. Rush

    Rush MIA

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    Guy walks into the gas station and asks to have his phone fixed.

    The attendant says, "This is a Marathon, not a Sprint".
     
  5. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    Please post link.
     
  6. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    Link to what?
     
  7. booker

    booker VIP Whale

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    Told to me as a TRUE story by a blind acquaintance who has a seeing eye dog:

    A blind man took a walk with his newly trained dog. Standing at the street corner, he knew by the traffic sounds that the light had changed but the dog didn't move. He gave the command to walk. The dog didn't move. He gave the command even more loudly and still the dog didn't react.

    Behind him, he heard a woman say, "How sad. A blind man and a deaf dog."
     
  8. alanleroy

    alanleroy Click my avatar

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    Link to what?
     
  9. Sonya

    Sonya Queen of VMB

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    I'm guessing an echo emoji.
     
  10. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    The link to the joke that is being repeated.
     
  11. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    In this thread, page 11.
     
  12. Nevyn

    Nevyn VIP Whale

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    Can we really get complain-y about the originality of a posted joke that is the subject of its own book?

    [​IMG]
     
  13. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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  14. Hoofy7

    Hoofy7 VIP Whale

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    Still think my koala eating bushes and leaves is better! Bwahaha
     
  15. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    I wasn't complaining, just noting that we have an echo in here. :)
     
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  16. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    This thread is long enough that repeats are bound to happen. I have caught my self starting to type one and thinking, "did I tell this one already?" Did a quick search, and yep, I did. Hopefully, I didn't repeat any of my own.
     
  17. Earthman

    Earthman Tourist

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    Three engineers were discussing the nature of God.

    The first said, "Look at the human musculoskeletal system! All of the bones, joints, and muscles - all of the tendons, ligaments, and cartilage - clearly, God is a mechanical engineer."

    The second engineer said, "No, look at the human neural system! All of the voluntary, involuntary, and reflex impulses which run on microvolts, the complex interactions of neurons in the brain, the intricate tendrils connecting all other parts of the body - clearly, God is an electrical engineer."

    The third engineer said, "No, you both have it wrong. God is obviously a civil engineer. Who else would put a waste disposal pipeline right down the middle of a recreational area?"
     
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  18. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    I had the best ever joke to tell about Jonestown ...

    ... but the punchline was too long.
     
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  19. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    Some celebrities' take on sex:

    You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither. - Steve Martin

    Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. - Woody Allen

    Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. - George Burns
     
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  20. GeorgeandTheBear

    GeorgeandTheBear High-Roller

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    One lazy Sunday morning, the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table, when I said to her unexpectedly, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately."
    "Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
    "I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don't want some other idiot using my stuff."
    She looked at me intently and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another idiot!!..
     
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