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Bad joke of the day

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by wormhole, Jul 14, 2016.

  1. luridludicloco

    luridludicloco High-Roller

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    A guy reading the news about the shooting at McCarran's Airport,

    "I thought the only shooting that went on in Vegas was craps".
     
    • Wow! Wow! x 1
  2. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

    So that when the ships come back into port they can Scandinavian!
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  3. flyguyfl

    flyguyfl VIP Whale

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    Vanna White once asked me out.


    I was in her room.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Informative Informative x 1
  4. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    An ‘ol salt swaggers into a bar.

    He has a ship’s wheel stuffed into the front of his trousers.

    The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a ship’s wheel in your trousers!”

    The ‘ol salt says, “Aye mate and it’s driving me nuts!”
     
  5. flyguyfl

    flyguyfl VIP Whale

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    I finally figured out why my golf pro keeps telling me to keep my head down.

    It is to prevent me from seeing him laugh.
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
  6. booker

    booker VIP Whale

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    I tried donating blood today.
    NEVER AGAIN!
    Too many stupid questions. Who’s blood is it? Where did you get it? Why is it in a bucket?
     
    • Like Like x 1
  7. progrocker2112

    progrocker2112 Watch out for this guy

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    Q: What kind of potatoes come from the ocean?
    A: SCALLOPed potatoes

    (thought of whilst I walked by the seafood section in Kroger)
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. flyguyfl

    flyguyfl VIP Whale

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    Vanna White asked me out once.

    I was in her room.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Informative Informative x 1
  9. Guardian

    Guardian Low-Roller

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    You're getting old flyguyfl:poke: You seem to be repeating yourself. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  10. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    A boat carrying red paint crashed into a boat carrying blue paint and the crew were marooned.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  11. flyguyfl

    flyguyfl VIP Whale

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    Got me. Too much wine last night.
     
  12. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    Too much dreaming of Vanna.
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  13. flyguyfl

    flyguyfl VIP Whale

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    A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once!
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  14. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    45.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
  15. dmr

    dmr Registered Abuser

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    I guess you could make this a drinking game as well ... :)

    [​IMG]
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  16. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, “Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!”

    The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can.

    The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, “Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast.”

    The sailor replies, “Well, you’d drink that fast too, if you had what I have.”

    The bartender says, “Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?”

    “Fifty cents!” replied the sailor.
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  17. bubbakitty

    bubbakitty Doing retirement again and happily so....

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    Fitty cent :beer:
     
    NY giants vs Cincinnati-- y not?
    The tax man cometh and i goeth.
    • Funny Funny x 1
  18. OddsWrkin

    OddsWrkin Low-Roller

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    I thought this one sounded familiar.
     
  19. wormhole

    wormhole VIP Whale

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    52.jpg
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
  20. Breeze147

    Breeze147 Button Man

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    A sailor brings his boat up to a restaurant dock to eat lunch.

    The dockhand says, “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t let you dine here today. This establishment has a necktie policy, and you are not wearing one.”

    “Of course I don’t have a tie on,” replied the sailor, “I’m on a boat!”

    “Well, go down below and put one on,” said the dockhand.

    “I don’t HAVE one!” shouted the sailor.

    The dockhand, not wanting to turn away a customer, said: “Well, why don’t you just find something that approximates a tie. That should be OK.”

    After some time, the sailor comes out with a pair of jumper cables. “This is all I could find to put around my neck,” he said.

    Sighing, the deck hand said: “OK, I’ll let you in with those, but just don’t start anything.”
     
    • Funny Funny x 2