Bad joke of the day - 2021

I guess I got a 2 for 1 deal here!

 

As @dmr has often asked, where is that groan button!

 

He (waking up): I just had a dream that I was in Europe.
She: I just had a dream that I was in bed with 3 guys.
He: Was I one of them?
She: No, you were in Europe.

 

A bigot returns to his doctor for his test results.

The doctor says, "I've got some bad news and worse news for you. The bad news is that you nave an incurable disease. The worse new is that it's sickle cell."

 

Two lions escaped from the zoo, and split up to increase their chances but agree to meet after 2 months.

When they finally meet, one is skinny and the other overweight.

The thin one says: “How did you manage? I ate a human just once and they turned out a small army to chase me — guns, nets, it was terrible. Since then I've been reduced to eating mice, insects, even grass.”

The fat one replies: “Well, I hid near an IBM office and ate a manager a day. And nobody even noticed!"

 

Ok, I've been staring at computer screen too long.

There is a computer command in SQL called EOMonth(). It gets the last date of the month you enter.
So if date is 03/14/2021, EOMonth(03/14/2021) will return 03/31/2021
Really helpful for stuff I have been doing.

Started thinking "Hmm, what is the reverse command to get the beginning date of any month?"
BOMonth, BMonth, BegMonth nope none of those work. Search after search fails.

Wasn't until I said it out loud.
"All I want to find out is what is the date of the beginning of a month?"

Bing!, oof. Umm the first date of any month would be 1 dumbass.


I need a beer.

 

also not a joke:
https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2021/07/nbcs-ultimate-slip-n-slide-tainted-by-explosive-diarrhea-wiped-from-post-olympics-schedule

 

I'm pretty good with the analog method for both ends.

 

You gotta love Gary Larsen!

 

Spent a whole lot of time in pools when I was young. Fortunately, this possibility never came to mind!

 

. I thought I would quote this here, seems appropriate eh?

 

I don't have a nine-to-five mentality. More from ten to three.