An Oldie But a Goodie

This one belongs in the TR Hall of Fame. Originally composed by Sevenout, I still laugh when I think of it:

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This is the first time that I have written a trip report and hopefully you will enjoy the trip report more than I enjoyed the trip. My wife gave me the OK to go to Vegas for 3 days with my friend, the first time that I was without her on the trip. My buddy Ben and I are both decent looking men around 28 who like to drink and party so it is amazing to me that she let me go, but on to the trip. Our plane gets delayed out of Minneapolis so instead of getting into Vegas around 11:00 it ends up being close to 1:00. It takes an excessive amount of time to get our baggage and then it is off to the Dollar counter to get our car. They don't have any cars left. My buddy recalls an episode of Seinfeld and wanted to go ballistic on him but we take a cab and check into San Remo. I know, a dump, but it was cheap and we just needed a place to crash. They only have a couple of rooms left and they are all smoking, not what we reserved but we figured that we probably won't spend much of the night in the room anyway. I told him that with our bad luck we should just go to bed and start fresh in the morning but he was determined to gamble. It was his first time and he didn't want to see anything, just gamble. We headed over to the $10 BJ at Mandalay I lost $100 and he dropped $300 in about 2 hours. He only brought along $600 so 1/2 of it was gone in 2 hours. Back to the Hotel around 4:00 without drinking more than 4 drinks and bed time.

Day 2, we get up, change into a non-smoking room, they give us a couple of tickets to the Showgirls of Magic for our trouble. Then we call the Car rental, get a ride and pick up our car. I ask him what he wants to eat, I say cheap like 99 cent shrimp or a nice buffet for $10-$15. He says cheap since he is running out of cash. We drive down to Golden gate for some 99 cent shrimp and gambling. He dropped another $100 at the BJ table and I came out $10 ahead on the $5 Let it Ride. We then head down to El Cortez for some cheap BJ and both come out up around $10. Now it is around 5:00 and ask where he wants to eat I tell him about the Ellis Island special and he says that is too expensive, so we eat the shrimp again. I like shrimp and all but this is getting old fast. We make our way over to The Palms since he works for the Timberwolves and knows some of the people that work for the Kings whose owner owns the Palms. Anyway he has VIP tickets to Rain, I was interested in going there since this would probably be the only thing that he would contribute. We get there and the line is outrageous, we start bypassing the line, and someone offers him $100 for his VIP tickets he takes it and runs. There goes my idea of hitting a club. He quickly loses $80 on the BJ and we are ready to go, I didn't even play anything since I was kinda pissed. We start heading back to San Remo and I ask if he is interested in hitting a gentleman's club, he says no, they are too expensive. We get back and head over to NYNY where he loses $100 playing War, I won $20 playing BJ. Back to the Hotel around 2:00 am.

Day 3, this is the last day/night in Vegas so I am decide this is where I turn it up and drink more. I ask what he wants for lunch since it is 11:00 when we leave the Hotel, yup you guessed it 99 cent shrimp. I said OK but after this we are not eating here tonight too. We both sit down at the Let It Ride for about 4 hours, they were very good about the drinks and I was starting to get a buzz or maybe it was because the shrimp just didn't fill me up. I leave the table up $750 hitting a 4 of a kind and a straight, my friend who stuck his last $100 down walks away with $300 hitting 2 flushes and a full house. Now he finally wants to hit a gentleman's club, I said how about we wait until tonight when the better looking dancers will be there as will more patrons. We walk into Olympic Gardens, 2 of 6 guys. The girls were ugly and we left after 1/2 hour, he says I don't know why everyone says that Vegas has the best strip clubs since that place sucked, I tried to explain that if we were like most people we would go there at night, not the middle of the afternoon. We then head over to Orleans. I am very hungry so I said lets eat the Buffet, he said that he isn't that hungary and is not paying over $10 for a meal. Then we eat Subway instead. 3 days and nights in Vegas and no buffet, I didn't know that I was going to Vegas to start a diet. We both lost $100 each on the BJ table. We head back to the San Remo and he plays 3 card poker and loses $100 in the time it took me to go to the bathroom and get a drink from the bar. We then head over to the Tropicana where he lays his last $100 on the let it ride table, I play some slots loose my butt and head over to the San Remo where I drop another $100 on craps. He comes back broke and heads to the room. I stumbled to the room after winning $20 playing let it ride.

Final day, our plane leaves in the afternoon so we get up, I give him $100 spending money for the day and so he can eat for the rest of the week and eat McDonald's for lunch before heading to the airport. I have learned that, I will never go alone with Ben again anywhere, after 3 straight meals of 99 cent shrimp you can lose 10 pounds in 3 days talk about a miracle diet, San Remo's rooms are nothing like Mandalay Bay or Treasure Island, and never play 3 card poker.

I am counting down the days until I go back in March for my buddies bachelor party, and no Ben is not invited.

 

How could I forget it?! Truly one for the archives!

I especially like how his friend refers to the steak special at Ellis Island as, "too expensive." Yet he's suckered into Casino War for a hundo.

LMAO!

I wonder if he has been back to Vegas since?

 

hehe

That is a good one...thanks for sharing it.

That must have been frustrating.

 

Awesome.

Just goes to show that the most important factor in a Vegas vacation (IMO) is who you go with.

 

But I thought he got it right. I thought the whole reason you went with your buddies was so you could tell them to shove off when they started to hold you back. I don't think I would have made it past the second shrimp cocktail episode.

 

Talk about your bad karma. I would have left his ass a GG & found some positive mojo somewhere. That is a funny story though.

 

The only thing that would make this legendary tale of warning better would be if it started out "Not having been to Vegas before we booked Circus Circus as part of a package deal..."

 

Blasphemy, I say!