Airplane SeatMate Stories

Another post reminded me of this flight.
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THE HOT FLIGHT ATTENDANT
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It may have been the first flight my GF ( now my wife ) +
I took together, to Vegas.
I'm in the aisle seat. --- wife in middle seat.
This female flight attendant was all smiles + looking after me.
( My wife is much younger and people don't "put us together" much. )
I don't think the FA knew - we were a couple ?
She mentions she wasn't doing anything after the flight to Vegas.
Anyway -
At one point the FA is in the aisle next to me -
I'm getting a free body rubdown -- as she's helping another passenger across
the aisle from me !
I mean, all of her body parts are landing against my arm/shoulder.
My wife is watching this.........I'm so stupid.....I don't think anything of it........UNTIL......
The FA bends down ( to attend the passenger ) --
and her well formed @SS is right in my face !
This @ss comes into my seat !!!!......into my face !....I can't even get my hands up !!!
All I see is blue pant suit @ss !!
Nice @ss, too........I got the whole look !
My wife/GF was SO PISSED !
I would guess, I had a red faced, sh*t eating grin on my face ? at that point.
After the face planted @ss was removed --
the FA turned around and giggled --- "sorry".

 

Not exactly a seatmate story, but on my recent flight I had the pleasure to be in the middle seat with a huge(not fat) prob 350LB guy to my left and a huge(fat) 300+ lb woman on my right. I felt like a hot dog between 2 giant buns.

 

I have a few good stories but will save the R-rated ones for another time. Waiting to board, there are these two men in full on orange Buddhist type of garb. I was very curious about them but refrained from striking up a conversation with them. Lo and behold, I'm sitting next to them on the plane. After about 30 minutes of me sort of peeking over at them to what they're reading and praying and eating and whatnot, the man next to me leans over and says, "how are you, Leo". I reply nonplussed, I'm doing well. How are you? He says, you might be wondering how we know your name. He explained how they can't sit next to women so they asked for a man to sit next to. I assume the gate assumed my name to be a man's and shared it with them. They were nice guys to chat with during the flight and taught all about their religion and invited me to their church.

 

On a flight back from Vegas to Pittsburgh (lived in Morgantown WV) I had an aisle seat and there were just a few middle seats left. This smallish guy takes the middle seat next to me. I'm not exactly small (6'5" and about 310 pounds) and this guy looks at me and says, "We should switch seats halfway though the flight." I always take the aisle so I can let one shoulder be in the aisle so there's more room in the row. Thinking he's joking I said, "No, my seat is fine". We talk a little bit. Turns out he plays for the Steelers and is wearing a giant ring which, upon further inspection is a super bowl ring. He was a backup safety whose name I was vaguely familiar with. He starts asking about my ebook saying he's never seen one before. I keep reading and about halfway through the flight, he mentions it's about time to switch seats. I say something like I thought you were kidding, I'm not sitting in the middle seat. He gets pretty pissed, not yelling or loud but just gets an attitude and goes on and on about how I should switch seats with him. He said his agent flew him out to Vegas for March madness and put him up the Cosmo and he just wants the aisle for a little bit. I don't remember his exact speech, but he ended with, "come on man, I'm a super bowl champ." I responded, "and here you are sitting middle seat in a Southwest flight, next to me, who is actually a bengals fan." He didn't say a word to me the rest of the flight.

 

Don't f*ck with an offensive lineman.

 

I've had from good to bad......

Bad? One of my last rides on Midwest Express before Frontier drove them into the dumps - I had an aisle seat & next to me two very large sized people. They were large enough that they should have actually probably purchased two seats - I had basically only half my seat & was pushed out into the aisle - I had bruises on my right side from the armrest & the drink cart hit me a couple of times for a few more as I could not in anyway pull myself back in from the aisle. I ended up at the chiropractor for a few adjustments as it pushed me out of shape so bad sitting in a curved position for 4 hours. I did ask if there was a seat change I could do, but the plane was totally full.

Bad? I have very low tolerance to perfumes - two years ago on way back from Vegas I got mom settled into her seat (she takes front row if she can to get out to her walker easier) & went one or two rows behind her (I keep her stuff under seat in front of me so I don't want front row). A lady who evidently decided to use perfume vs. water in her shower that morning sat next to me. I basically had to pull my coat up over my face and breath thru that for the trip (luckily a plane change in Denver). She came in with C group - so by the time I realized what was happening I couldn't change seats - full flight. Eyes were red & watery & swollen by the time we landed there.

Good? SW on way to Vegas - we had a stop but no plane change. After getting mom settled in, the FA evidently felt I was trustworthy enough to help her watch the young 5? or so year old boy who was by the window in 2nd row. He introduced me to his pokemon stuffed critter. We had his backpack sitting on the middle seat while he got settled & ended up with no one in that seat. So as we were getting ready to go I helped him buckle Pokey into the middle seat so he stayed safe and my little buddy curled up by the window and I got him covered with his blanket and he took a nap for a couple hours. He was a great travel companion & smiled at me often before & after nap.

 

I wouldn't bother on this...The man had a bum leg so needed assistance and probably pre-boarded. Southwest boards those passengers first, not last.