10/25-10/30 Footballs and StoliMonsters

After my seemingly now mandatory 2 week recovery from the annual Vegas excursion, I am finally getting to the keyboard for some reports and ramblings on my trip. It was a doozy, or should I say, boozy, and now after spending 5 full days in Vegas, I've realized that it's still hard to take in everything that you want to see.

And yes, I can't wait to do it again!

Well, I flew out a day earlier than the rest of the fellas, just to add a little fun the trip. Like the cellphone calls I made while cruising the Strip in the girlie man PT Cruiser convertible I got saddled with after all the other little cars were taken. At least it wasn't pink. So it wasn't until I passed the Bellagio fountain show that Jerry finally believed I was actually here. His response was, well since I am already there to lay $100 on the Chi-Sox for game 3 of the series. So I ducked into the Paris parking garage and meander over to the book and see they're laced with +170 for tonights game. Feeling as if the Sox were on a roll I decided throw down an extra $50 just as well.

I hung around a little bit, but decided not to play until I was well fed and well settled. So I grabbed the PT, threw the top down and shredded asphalt to the nearest In-n-Out. Well maybe not the nearest, because I felt the one on Maryland Pkwy might be easier to get to than the one across I-15 at the moment. Boy was I wrong. The entrance and exit suck at this one. But I finally got some animal style food. I liked it on the fries, but I could pass having it on the burger.

Being fed, I decided to work it off by cruising the Strip. Surprisingly, traffic didn't seem to heavy. But the pedestrian traffic was, a bitch. I could not believe the amount of people out here on a Tuesday. Passing by Imperial Palace I thought there was a parade going on with all the people. Nonetheless, I made my way South, threw a U-E at the Klondike and made the full trek to my next destination Downtown and the LVC. And on the way of course, called a few more people to tell them they're late and I hope they're enjoying their day at work!

This would be my first experience staying DT and I gotta say it will not be my last. I loved it! I winged the PT into the valet, grabbed my bag and walked into the lobby and within minutes I had room 811 in the older non-renovated tower. (Can't remember North or South at the time.) It had a nice view of Binions roof and the shower had a nice...window...that opened. The room was clean and functional, just what I wanted. The pampering would come later in the week when we would be seated at the North Tower in Bally's. Where the Tequila flows and the hookers are plenty.

I settled in and then made my way to the casino, which, not surprisingly was fairly empty. I stepped up to the craps table with the cute looking stick"girl" and bought in for a hundo. I couldn't resist. She was standing there, looking bored and all, nobody at the table, I had to do it. Well after about a 1/2 hour and a couple of Coronas, we started having a little fun. I scored a few pass line bets with odds for the dealers and things were gently rolling along. The funny thing was people walking by would stop, look and then keep walking. No one would buy in at the table. It was the first time I would roll by myself for almost an hour before I decided to walk after setting the point and seven'd out about 4 times in a row. Of course when this happened it was when I decided to go $10 on the line with full odds and about a $12 6 and 8. So I walked with a little less my buy-in and out into Fremont St which was empty. I mean it was like 4PM and nobody was around. Except for the girls in front of Mermaids who roped me in for one of thier gimmicks, but I let 'em know I just wanted a banana slurpee with liquor so they pointed me in the right direction. Personal record for me...on the grain train after 5 hours. Nice job, Don. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Who knew that Game 3 would go into extra innings?

So I walked around DT for a while with this yellow slurpee and feeding a really good buzz while searching out a place to watch the game tonight. So I kept it simple and decided on taking in the game at Casey's Bar in the LVC. Actually, I was on my way to the room to grab a Cohiba I imported from Chicago, when I noticed this little bar and decided that it would do. Using the VP technique I managed to score a boatload of Cap'n and Cokes before calling it a night at this bar about the 9th inning. Reflecting on the banana slurpee, who knew it would go into extra innings? I walked outside and realized I was heavenly smashed.

Feeling refreshed, I ducked into Binions, grabbed a Corona and waltzed over to the book. Which BTW was a melting pot of gamblers and bums. Yes. Bums. I had to stay put for the entertainment alone. No less than 3 guys passed out in chairs of the book and at least 2 offered me deals on drink tickets. And then they had the balls to tell me to keep it down when I accidentally let an F-bomb fly.

So after the Sox win and I'm celebrating a nice payoff courtesy of the book at Paris, I decide to grab a Steak and Lobster special from the coffee shop downstairs. However, the 2 security guards at the stairs were turning people away for some reason or another so that was out. So in the midst of my blurry state I realized that I have never had a meal at the Gate. So I stumble into the Bay City Diner and order up a nice cheeseburger for my meal. Not bad for late night fare. For dessert I went with some $5 shoe dealt BJ to cap the evening. Which was mostly a game of tug-o-war. This place definitely has that old-school feeling to it.

I get up the next morning and enjoy an eye-opening shower with a view. Get my stuff together and head down to the valet and grab the PT for my trip down to Ballys to meet up with the gang. While on the way I noticed I was victim of the fill-the-tank-up-until-the-line-moves-to-the-full-mark on the rental car. I drove about 20 miles and it says I'm down to 7/8 of a tank. Not risking the penalty I duck into a gas station and throw a couple bucks in and grab a Gatorade/RedBull concotion for some wake-up juice and a cigar cutter.

The dollar dop-off at Ballys/Paris is nothing easier as long as you enter from the Paris entrance. While going up the ramp you see a sign for Dollar drop-off. I parked the car, made a note of mileage and spot number and grabbed the luggage and trekked it to the Ballys rental counter just right of the casino. Thanks to the connector, it's not a long walk at all. After handing over my paperwork, my phone rings and it's Jerry and Nick telling me they just checked in and are heading to the rooms.

"Where are the rooms?" I ask.
"North tower rooms 1948 and 1950. Where are you at?"
"By the the North tower elevators waiting for you fools!"

As I'm asking this these 2 look up to see me waving at them by the elevators with the winning Game 3 ticket in my hand.

"Where do you boys wanna eat?!"

So we check the rooms, drop the bags and head down to Johnny's Deli for a sandwich and of course to collect $405 from Bally's book. Plentiful sandwiches with killer potato pancakes. After munching, we walk over to catch up with John and first timer Kevin, who are to no surprise on a craps table at the Flamingo. So we join in and begin to celebrate our grand arrival by nailing a few points as well as making a union wage on the 6 and 8. After about an hour Kevin says he's starving, so what's this, it's our first day together and we haven't been to Margaritaville yet? We bail off the table when things started going cold and found ourselves at the same table again for like third year in a row at Margaritaville. I swear they must have our pictures on file with a warning to seat us in the dark corner around the entrance by the ramp to the kitchen. We get conch fritters and a nacho platter and a bowl of corn and crab chowder for me and Kevin absolutely annihilates a cheeseburger. When the waitress asked him how he wanted it he just said, "Now!" He was that hungry. A couple of foo-foo drinks and some more food and we're ready to tackle the Strip.

We go out the door and head North taking in the scenery and walking off the food we've devoured and somehow end up at Casino Royale. I've had some fun in here in the past, but now this place does nothing for me anymore. It's always crowded. You can almost never get on to the craps table and when a few of us did no one had the balls to throw down 100x odds. Then I noticed what seemed to be the beginning of multiple types of BJ rules. Single deck paid 6/5 and BJ switch paid even. Even the $1 margaritas got smaller. So I grabbed a Michelob and tried my hand at a terrible game that I've never played before, but wanted to try once. Caribbean Stud. After about 20 mins I hit for a flush which gave me a $50 bonus , but of course the dealer did not qualify so I only got the bonus and the not money from the regular table as well. You think I hit the progressive because it took like 10 mins to get the pit boss over and for the dealer to sign the paperwork to pay me $50. After which, I walked.

The consensus was to get the hell out of the Royale and find a book to watch Game 4. When someone mentioned the cavernous Hilton with a pre-game party of smoking drinks from the Quark bar with a scenic monorail ride. Well, we were sold. We also called our friends John and Barb who me and Jerry work with who were in town earlier as well and they met us there. But the best was the look on our faces when we got these goblet sized smoking drinks from the Quark bar...And we got the small ones! Nick was the first to start showing signs of having a little too much fun and started messing with the Borg walking around, and well next thing you know this guy is tearing up Nick left and right. "Who's the little guy with the big mouth and the small drink?" still has to be my favorite."

We find the book and grab a couple of comfy seats and manage to get a waitress to hustle us some drink service after placing a few bets and I begin to pick up where I left off the night before. It wasn't until the third inning of the game I realized I had no money on the line. That's alright. I was in a sportsbook in Vegas watching the World Series and getting hammered along the way.

Well after the Sox win and we celebrate Jerry and Kevin's payoff victory courtesy of the Hilton sportsbook we go find John, who is absolutely wasted while leaning on the craps table. He's sh*tfaced. He can barely see. He can barely walk. He can barely organize, check that, he can't organize himself to even throw the dice. We decide that it's time for him to go to bed. He surprisingly agrees and says he was wondering when we would come and get him. He goes and cashes in, with some assistance.

As we are walking out, Jerry spots an empty roulette table and buys in for $20 for a "quick spin" and then we'll go. Well as the ball is spinning I decide to go big and throw down a Benjamin on red and yell out money plays. Wouldn't you know it a red number comes up. SWEET!!! The look on Kevins face was priceless and said it best, when he says, "I just spent 3and1/2 hours to win $100 bucks and you did it in 15 seconds." I reassured him that I've done that probably 4 times and this was the first time I hit it.

We ride back to the Flamingo and drop John off and then we head over to Barbary Coast to catch up with a couple friends of mine who were in town just for Wednesday night. Dean and Scott were heading to California the next day so they had a "layover" in Vegas when they heard we were all going to be in town. We all get together and then invite everyone over to the Tequila bar at Ballys to celebrate my red hit on the roulette table. I tried a shot of Cabo Wabo and washed it down with a DosEquis. Wow it was harsh, but the next one I had was really smooth and tasted great, I just can't remember the name of it. figures. I find a tequila i like and can't remember the name.

By now, I'm on autopilot as well as the rest of our crew. For the life of me I can't figure out why some of us decided to go to Caesars and some of us went to Paris. I think it was to see how many hookers we could spot. Yeah, that had to be it, and yes, they were there in spades. It was like Cheech Marin in from Dusk Till Dawn, hawking the girls outside the bar. If you know what I'm talking about then you get the idea. After about another hour or so of drinking with a little bit of slot play. Me and Kevin call it a night. As I'm walking in thru the door of Ballys I had no idea what I was about to see. It was like a hooker buffet on the circular sofa at the entrance to the lobby of all places. Unfreakingbelieveable! Right in the lobby! God Bless America!

I wake up the next morning about 8, because yours truly set the clock. The clock consists of leaving the curtains open all the time. Me and Nick get up, I call Jerry next door and then call John and Kevin at the Flamingo and throw out the orders of breakfast at the Peppermill in an hour. I call Dean and Scott, but there was no answer. Last I saw Dean he was hammer down at a $25 BJ table and was not being courteous about it. "I'm here for you're money!" He was telling the dealer. Upon which I noticed a very nice mixing of black and green in front of him.

So we meet at the 'Mill. Bloody Mary's all around. Let's see, there was the standard breakfast orders, Jerry gave the Mexican omelette a go and I gave the country fried steak and eggs with gravy a whirl. Damn, was that a lot of food. I ate a lot of it, but when I was done, there was plenty left. Always had a great meal here. For 5 of us, nobody finished their meal. But we did finish the bloody mary's.

Leaving the 'Mill we started walking towards the Riviera, probably because no of us have ever been in it and took a stroll thru a Vegas landmark. Naturally, someone has to goose the brass broads at the entrance. None of us really feel like gambling just yet, so we just decide to walk over to, get this, CircusCircus. Apparently, in the adventuredome, they have a couple of Bowlingo games. Picture mini-bowling with bocce type balls with pins on strings. So we kill a little time there. While walking thru, I checked out the steakhouse. It is not like the rest of the place. the menu is small and to the point. Steaks, Chops, Lobster. Two pages, that's it. Affordable too. As for the rest of the place. I doubt I'll ever return. The place looked like a ghost town and I couldn't find a decent BJ game here either.

Walking out of there we strolled by Slots-o-Fun, I had to try and win the Saleen Mustang out front, guess those results. Said our goodbyes to the W-Ho which BTW is looking like a Ho afterall. Face down and in the gutter. Tales of the Ho dog lunch we endured 2 years ago, surface when Spewey ate one with all the fixin's, cheese, chili and sour kraut when lo and behold Jerry's phone rings and it's Spewey who's just landed and will meet us at Ballys in about 1/2 hour. Define irony. He bumped his flight from Thursday night to the morning without telling us. Nice move.

We meet up with Spewey and spent the majority of the afternoon bouncing between Ballys and BarbaryCoast and the Flamingo. None of which were being generous with their money. All of us were getting beaten down with the ugly stick. As dinner rolled around, John and Kevin had previously made reservations to eat with some of his relatives at some place in the Mirage. So myself, Jerry, Nick and Spewey decided to go over to the Stardust and eat at Sushi King. No reservations, we were seated immediately. However, when dining after about 7PM they might be a good idea. It was getting busy as we were leaving. It was a very good meal indeed. Definitely would do it again.

We head over to the craps table at the Dust and jump onto a game. The rolls were going good and once again i up my bet an go full odds and press my numbers just in time to have the shooter 7 out. It was a pattern that I would be victim of the entire trip. Craps was not the game for me this trip. However BJ was. After bailing off the craps table I found a $5 shoe game that would benefit my wallet. After about an hour I was able to slowly grind out twice my buy-in. They also had enough tables running so you weren't shoulder to shoulder with your neighbor. I walked away with a little extra spending money after that go round.

After bailing the Dust we go back to Ballys to regroup and plan our attack. Which would then become my plan to get everyone and I mean everyone completely trashed. I found out there's a Fat Tuesday next door in the Aladdin. We walk over there pasing the pron slappers along the way. Now I see they have extra shirts with them to sell to nutty people like us. We walk thru the Aladdin and this place is jumpin'. We squeeze onto a crap table just long enough to rip thru a few hundred like that.

"Wow! Anyone get the plates?"
"What?"
"License plates, off the truck, that just ran us all over!"

So we go over to Fat Tuesdays to, well get hammered. It's usually just a walk-up bar. You walk up, you get your drink, you walk away. Simple as that. Unlike us who think it's a tavern and just sit there for 3 hours getting wasted! Even the guy working there, Biff, couldn't believe it. He told us that we were the only ones he has ever seen just sit there and drink up and just hang out for all this time. Plus it's amazing what some people will do when 151 rum is introduced into your system. Me and Spewey both relished the fact that we were drinking football sized slurpees with 3 extra shots of 151 rum. It started out like,

"I'll have a football hurricane."
"Do you want an extra shot of 151 for a buck?"
"How about 2 shots for 2 bucks?" Spewey says.
"Or 3 or 3 bucks?"
"Oh hell yeah! Set me up!"

So he fills the football up with the slush, then he pours 3 test tubes of 151 and shoves them upside down in the football. Now if that's not enough he pours yet another shot right down the straw of the football.

"Oh yeah, someone's blacking out tonight!"

It looked so good, I had to get one. Damn I'm a sucker. Well more drinks and about 6 RedBull and cranberry with vodka later and we're getting loud. The whole place is like an amplifier so it sounds really loud. Next thing you know employees for other stores who are just getting off are coming by to see what the fuss is about. Then they start hanging out with us. It was just to damn funny. We met a lot of fun people that night, some of which were going to some off strip bar and invited us along but we were starting to feel like a complete eve of destruction. After Biff closed up shop, we called it a night and headed back to Ballys.

On the way back while crossing the street in front of Paris, Nick completely went Midnight Cowboy on some cabbie. Complete with the screeching tires and Nick slamming his hand on the hood of the cab and proclaiming to the driver, "HEY! I'M WALKING HERE!" In his most southside Chicago accent you could possibly describe. Funny as it was the police on the street didn't look too enthused about us walking against a red and let us be after we chased down Nick and hustled him off with an arm under each shoulder trying to look as sober as possible while doing it. Then after laughing like a bunch of school children the creme de la creme was the toothless hooker that said she'd do all four of us outside the elevators to the North Tower of Ballys. F***ing priceless....and it was only Thursday.

More to follow...

 

Don--

This is a f*cking beautiful trip report! And I think any Vegas trip is enhanced by having a buddy named Spewey along.

Like KC said to the Sunshine Band...Keep it comin' love! I can't wait to read the rest of this.

Mikey

 

Nicely done, Don.

 

I agree. Phenomenal read. I'm amazed at how long this Cessna 172 can sputter along maintaining altitude in ever worsening "conditions" before a either a soft landing or a downward spiral ensues.

Looking forward to the next installment...

 

...continued...

Okay so the wind over here knocked out the power a couple of times, one of which wiped out the final 1/2 of my TR while in progress. So now that it's a good 18 degrees outside. I really feel like reliving the rest of my Vegas journey.

So it's Friday morning and I feel like sh*t. Hangover to the Nth power kinda sh*t. Thank God I took a Alka-Seltzer Plus and a few glasses of water the night before to "try" and ward off the evils of the next day, however they were proving to be futile. The 151 had other plans. So I manage to fall out of bed and throw the drapes closed. It will be a sleep in kinda day. About an hour later my phone rings and Jerry says he's ordering room service. So I find the menu and throw down an order of some kind of omelette, a bottle of Stoli and a quart of bloody mary mix, waking up Nick wasn't too difficult and he goes for the same. "A bloody mary sounds so good right now." Afterwards I tell him to call us when it gets here.

So room service arrives and the phone rings. The maid outside thought it was some kind of slumber party or something because here's me and Nick walking down the hall looking like death, in pajamas. "Too much of this last night," I told here, pointing to my Guinness pajamas. She didn't seem to amused. So we fall into Jerry's room and devour breakfast. The Stoli however would go by very lonely, as the bloody mary's would not prove effective to rouse us from our hangovers. We would have to set that aside for later.

I really got to give it to room service at Ballys/Paris. The food has always been very good, well presented and taking in the conveinience factor, affordable. In fact we would get so roughed up the rest of this trip, we would order room service a couple more times.

So after eating breakfast and slowly coming around, as well as re-living Nick's version of cabbie abuse with the ensuing laughter, we managed to lay out a plan. Spewey actually wanted to check out the Wynn and since we figured we wouldn't be able to afford the level of play that would be expected of us there, we figured some good walking and checking out this new joint would be a way to kill some time until we get back on the job.

So by probably about noon, we rolled out of Ballys and into a cab which took us to the Wynn. Man this place just smelled rich. I felt priveledged just to walk around. Very nice place indeed. We thought about playing craps just to say we did, but at $15 we passed. So we opted to throw some money at a few dollar slots, where Nick would hit for a extra bucks. After deciding we had enough of this place, we strolled outside and marveled at the grass that was around the sidewalk on the way out to the Strip. We are still not sure if it was real or astroturf. It was like putting green short, but not as thick.

So now we're starting to come around when I see the sign for the old New Frontier. I know Gilleys has some killer bloody mary's so I get the guys to follow me on over also with the allure of $5 gaming. Well Gilley's was closed so there were none of those. We did find our way to a $5 crap table that once again proved to be my downfall. It was a pattern that was set for me the whole trip. Save for the opening night at LVC where I went solo. As soon as I would feel confident, I would jump to full odds and press the 6 and 8, just in time to see the old 7 rear it's ugly head. When I was at double odds with a $6 6 and 8 I was able to tread water and slowly stay in the game. But you know how that goes, if you want to win big.... So as soon as I would press my bets, "Seven, line away." It got so bad, at one point I upped my bets and my friends took theirs down. Guess what? Yup. It wasn't even funny anymore. It was like a bad dream. So I walked because I needed a drink, so I spotted the little cantina next to the casino and ordered a shot of Jack and a Lite.

Feeling refreshed, I walked around a bit. The last time I was here was 10 years ago on my first trip to Vegas. From what I can remember, it was about the same. The crowd was a mix of young and old and was not very crowded. I sat down at a $5 shoe game that let you DD on any two cards but only let you split A's once and you couldn't double after splitting. C'mon guys, give us some kinda chance. The dealer was friendly and the table had a good vibe going for it, the one very attractive older lady basically told me to sit down. When I mean older I don't mean Betty White either, more like Kim Cattrall older. Turns out they were all related, she was the mother of the daughter who just got married and here was her other son both with their respective spouses of course. I couldn't luck into a table full of single bridesmaids, no not me, never. Just the older lady whose husband was still sleeping because he got drunk the night before. But anyway, we had a helluva lot of fun. Although I lost my buy-in after about an hour and had to throw in for some more action. Always in the presence of an attractive woman, you just can't walk away can you? It was a good thing I did too, because I got rolling and made back just over my initial buy-in. Before it started to go south again, when I decided to walk and get a margarita from the cantina after wishing the best to my fellow gamblers.

Jerry, Nick and Spewey were walking away from the craps table at the time, up naturally, and we all went to the cantina for some drinks. When as we were walking up, this girl walks by with nothing but shorts and a bikini top on and she's very, well, she'll probably have back problems when she gets older. She caught me red-handed staring and walked up and nicely said that since I just happened to be checking her out that if I would buy her a drink. Now at first, I'm thinking I'm getting played, because if this girl ran this routine for a couple hours at any bar, she could get drink all day for free. I mean come on, who's not gonna try and spend a few minutes with some quality hooters, er I mean conversation. I take my chances, plus one drink isn't gonna put me in the poorhouse. So I get her a beer. Then she seems to go like zero to bitch in the next 2 minutes. She started off sweet, but then showed us she had a mouth that could drive a Kenworth. Then went on to say how all men are pigs, blahblahblahblahblahblah, but I bought her a drink, right? Plus her boyfriend shows up and then they start arguing right in front of us. Yeah honey if I'm a pig, then you sure as hell are no princess. Not seeing any benefit to this except for some pure white trash entertainment. We walked over to a LIR table that was getting pretty rambunctious, plus we had a good view of the ongoing Jerry Springer show that we somehow got blamed for inciting.

So a couple of us play LIR. I never played before and really could not get into it at all. So after a few hands, even a couple of winners, I bolt. With an even $50 I pass by a roulette wheel and throw it on red. Lets just say I didn't have to go to the cage before I left.

We decided we've had enough of this place and head over to the Flaming-O and find out what John and Kevin have in mind, to which they reply with dinner at Pink Ginger. We all agree to try something different and have at it. It was Asian type food and it turned out to be very good. I had some steamed shrimp in a lobster sauce with veggies and rice. Some others had the orange chicken, teriyaki steak and the chicken wrap appetizers were very excellent. Drinks, appetizers and a course only cost about $40 a man too. It wasn't bad at all.

Now after eating dinner, I was done. I needed a nap. So I took my ridicule like a man and walked away with my middle finger in the air aimed at my buddies and headed to Ballys where I would get a 2 hour nap. Which turned out to be a godsend because I felt so much better afterwards. I called the boys and found out they were still at the Flamingo and were trying to decide what color paint they were going to spray their names with at the craps table. So I tell 'em to stay put and I'll be right over. So as I'm croosing over Flamingo Blvd I was surprised to hear my phone ring and these guys telling me they're were waiting outside between Barbary Coast and the entrance to Flamingo.

"What about the craps table you guys were burning up?"
"Someone had other plans?"
"Who?"
"Somebody that didn't like us taking all their money!"
I don't know what the hell happened but I got the rest of the story in front of the BC. Turns out after I got off the phone with them the first time, somebody upstairs made the call to the pit boss to bounce the minimum up to $15. Personally, I have never seen it go beyond $10 at this joint. Needless to say, no one was happy. There was no grandfathering in wither. So basically half the table colored up their chips and walked. I guess another player went out in a blaze of glory, scattering his chips and telling the pit boss to go do something with himself and well you get the idea. Jerry put it best by saying on the way out, "That's okay. I've won enough of their money already. They just lost the chance of me losing it back, because I'm thru with that place."
"Hey Jerry...Where are we staying?"
"Oh sh*t I forgot they got their hands on that too. F*** me! That's okay they can pay for room service later, bastards!"

So now we're all back together we agree to bask in the LED and neon glory of Fremont St. which was loaded with people. First stop, I don't know why, it's just been our tradition downtown, is the 4 Q's walk up bar. Where you can get a generous RedBull and Stoli for $6. Of which I would partake in about 3 or 4. Jerry as well. The footballs were giving me flashbacks, yet John went brotha' style with 55oz of brew. So after catching a show and downing some cocktails as well as spotting a few people who have already fallen victim too much liquor, we head inside and I find a $5 doubledeck game with room for 3 of us. This turned out to be choice,for the next 3 hours we had a blast, got hammered and won some money. I don't know what it is about this place, but for me I'm just comfortable in it. Maybe because I like Hugo's, which we passed on for some reason or another. Time could've been a factor or the amount of booze we ingested had something to do with it. Or because you see some really interesting people in here. I dunno.

Anyway, we would walk away from this table, up yet again to enjoy some night air and a cigar and check the place out a bit. One thing that really made me chuckle was the fact that I don't know what Al started but I spotted at least 2 college kids hanging out with theirs heads in a can at different points in the street. One of which got the are you alright questioning by the bike riding cops. I swear to God I couldn't make this up. You guys had to have been a damn riot that night.

We cruise thru the Golden Nugget and cram onto a $10 table that's jumpin', well at least until I got on it that is. We all get creamed. And I mean all of us. When we walked the whole table cleared. Unreal.

We go to Binions across the street and the clock cleaning continues and now I've had enough. I swear off craps the rest of the trip. If it wasn't for some good BJ runs, craps would've broke me by Thursday. Plus we had Breeders Cup tomorrow and Buffet Saturday night and I know I'm gonna drink there. A couple of us go downstairs to eat which didn't run out to be a great experience either. I mean the food was good, I went with a cheeseburger and a bowl of onion soup, but the service was slow. We just figured it was one of those nights where someone called off or something because I've always heard good things about this place. oh well, there's always next time.

We go back upstairs and John is managing to stay alive on the craps table. How I don't know, the boxman was lighting cigarettes with our hundreds earlier. He finally caves and we call it a night. Downtown anyway. But not without seeing a nasty black hooker score a deal with some old dude right out in front of the corner of Binions.

"C'mon baby, I'll treat you right."
I swear he was Nick Nolte. Picture the mugshot. You know it.

So we fly back to the Strip and pour our asses into Paris because we all know that Jerry and John make all their money at the Paris craps table. That might have worked the last 2 years but tonight they were laughed at with that freakish French tisk that they do so well. It was not to be this time. I just stood by and witnessed he demise. It was almost like watching a car accident. You shouldn't look but you can't help but stare. I on the other hand stumbled back to Ballys to call it a night when I noticed a multiplay 100 hand vp machine. I don't know why but this thing hooked me like Robert Shaw hooked a little fish called Jaws.

So I'm playing .01 credits, 100 freaking hands maxxed out and giggling at all the little sounds coming out of this machine when BAM! I get dealt 3 to a royal. Now you think with 99 more hands to go, I should score a few royals. Uh-huh. One. One f***ing royal flush. Yeah it pays 4000 credits, but it goes fast when you're playing 500 credits a deal. I was thrilled and yet disappointed all in like 10 seconds once I did the math. Now if you get dealt the royal on your main hand, well then there'd be cause for celebration. After playing it all away, I pass out upstairs.

Saturday morning and the suns up, Nick's sleeping backwards on his bed, I just can't wait to find out what happened there and I'm staring to reflect on the past days in town. I managed to do really good at BJ, yet experienced far worse happenings around the dice. At least I had a good roll at LVC tuesday night, so at least I had that moment of glory. After getting up and showered and take a quick inventory of the vault I woke up the neighbors next door and tried to figure on where we were going for the Breeders Cup races. So I walk out the door and into the hall and crash into the room service cart someone had gracefully parked in front of our door. What pricks! Some people could be so inconsiderate. Yeah, those people were my friends next door. It seems after I left Paris, Spewey and Jerry followed me over and then destrcutively rampaged the roulette wheel downstairs at Ballys.

"What the hell are you talking about?"
"We followed you back to Ballys and while you were playing that VP machine, me and Spewey wasted a roulettle table."
"You gotta be kidding me."
"You mean you didn't hear me say WE'RE GOING TO SIZZLER last night?!"
"That was you?"

Unf***ing real. I vaguely remeber all that and was too drunk to have the presence of mind to realize who it was. Apparently I was pretty drunk. So I at least entertained the guys with the big news of hitting my first royal, which prompted celebration and laughter when I told them how it had happened. Nick told me he's never seen one person go thru so many highs and lows in one trip.

"One minute you've got a couple hundred at BJ the next you're MFin the dice at the craps table. Four hours later, you're doing the same thing. If I were you I'd staick to BJ."
"Don't worry, I decided that last night."
"Yeah well apparently, you need to stay away from VP because you can't even win a good paying royal flush."
"Thanks a lot guys."

So I decide to go down to the book and pick up some racing papers and figure out some picks for the races. On the way back up I stopat the Pepsi machine in the hall and lose $1 in the bill changer.

"Guys, you're not gonna believe this, but I just lost money in the f***in' Pepsi machine."

I thought 3 of my friends were going to die from laughter.

After evn more jilting that I recieved, oh yeah it wasn't over yet, because I guess I told them to go f*** themselves last night when they ordered room service...and called me in the middle of the night to see what I wanted. Me, drunk, awakened in the middle of the night. Not a very cheerful person. They should've just left well enough alone.

"BWAAHHH I don't want no f***ing chicken wings! Let me know when it gets here so I can sh*t on your plate!"

Yeah I was slightly perturbed. Where that all came from, I'll never know. But one thing was for sure, that when I ran into the room service cart they knew somebody was awake in the room next door.

The book was absolutely packed, being Breeders Cup and college football orgy saturday that we decided to have our own party in the room and watch the races from the comforts of our rented beds. Room service was called again and a host of appetizers were ordered. Quesadillas, potato skins, chicken fingers and of course chicken wings by special request of my drunken babblings the previous night.

Spying the bottle of Stoli, still barely touched and knowing there is a conveinience store right across the street, I take order as to what everyone wants to drink. Me and Jerry both get the same idea and says, "That bottle is going down!" So I cross the street and grab a shopping basket and head straight for the cooler and grab about 14 cans of Monster. The girl at the counter was brilliant.

"Stocking up for the weekend, huh?"
"No just for the next few hours."
"Wow! I wanna party with you guys!"
"Well come on over, we've got room. We're not leaving 'till morning."

All she did was laugh at me.

So I return with the supplies amidst laughter and when I threw down the Monster, everyone was speechless.

"You're sick man."
"Hey man, it's go hard or go home time and I know I'm going home tomorrow."

That bottle of Stoli didn't stand a chance.

So as we're pounding energy drinks and vodka, Jerry tells me about the Northwestern game that's a "lock." So while getting some horse bets in line I go huge with his advice. So I throw $150 down for the win, the over and the parlay. I should've just throw that money right out the window. So we spend the majority of the afternoon, running bets down to the book and back. One trip netted a young couples surprise when I swear they were having sex on a bench down on the pool level by the flower shop. I turned the corner out of the elevator hallway and seen this girl straddling this guy and the look on their face was priceless when they were caught. If they weren't doing it, then they were doing something else they shouldn't have been doing, because when I did a double take I turned around in time to see the two whisk into the elevator hall, her sans panties. God I love Vegas. Hope he didn't use the Pepsi machine I used too.

Gotta go. Will be back for a quick wrap-up.

 

Outstanding...no-

MEATNORMOUS

 

We continue the course of the day leading an all out assault on a bottle of Stoli and pounded copious amounts of energy drinks into our systems. It never stood a chance. We managed to not only lose every horse race we wagered on, but watched Northwestern totally f*** up our football pick. We were not alone because the talk the rest of the day was, "I can't believe Northwestern got smoked."

So after we polish off the vodka we go back downstairs to try and gamble. We split up into various groups and I manage to find a $10 BJ table and hold my own for about an hour or so, unitl Kevin calls me up and plan to meet at Ballys before going to see Jimmy Buffet at the MGM. After finding out he was going to be here the same wek as us, we had to get tix again. Last year was too damn fun, it needed an encore presentation. We'd get it too.

Me, Kevin, Spewey and Nick go to the concert while John and Jerry stay behind to totally get retribution of the bastards at the Flamingo. we opt to take the monorail to get there and that turned out to be a hoot. It was nothing but, hawaiian shirts, beads, straw hats and grass skirts going to the MGM. Beautiful. The monorail should have just had a sign that said next stop the Carribbean.

We get to the MGM and naturally have to hit FatTuesdays to "prepare" for the concert. JaegerBombs and foo-foo drinks around, in smaller cups this time so we can take them in. Not like the football squeezing effort we had to endure last year and then join the masses to enter the GrandGarden. I don't know if it was just me but there were some drunk people here this year. Even Jimmy said he was going to go out and get "F***ed up tonight," being the last show of the year and all.

We wound up sitting in a section opposite corner from last year surrounded by about thirty women....who were absolutely nuts. It was like the cast of desperate housewives were around us and they were letting loose. I had a really good time. We're dancing around, beads are getting tossed everywhere, it was nuts. I really had fun. By the time the show was over and I ducked into a bathroom after making it halfway thru the casino, I noticed I had lipstick all over my face. I looked like a WarnerBros cartoon character with pucker marks all over my face. It was hysterical.

After ensuing laughter when I finally came out amidst a wave of high-fives and celebrating we made our way out to the strip and took the walk north to find John and Jerry, who were, were else? The Flamingo craps table. Jerry wanted retribution and was getting it in a big way. Turns out the pitboss apologized from the night before and explained the situation and that he had nothing to do with raising the minimums. He also said he knew that we we're going to walk as well, much to the dislikes of the dealers who at the time were making killer tokes as well. So he talked him into a table. Where these two guys were intent on taking as muchmoney as possible off the hands of the owners. Nick and Spewey bought in as well while me and Kevin went and got steak and eggs from the Victorian Room next door.

This was the first time I've eaten here and it was excellent. I always forget about this place, but they're open 24 hrs and always have some kind special. So for the 2 of us we got steak and eggs, a couple of drinks and the damage was $21 with T&T. It hit the spot.

Well, afterwards we start walking back to the Flamingo and decide to have one more Corona for the trip. Wouldn't you know it the rest of the crew is still shooting the dice and making a mint in the process. At one point Jerry called like 5 of his throws. When he hit like the third hop bet in a row, I couldn't resist and chimed in telling the dealers, "Pay my friends, pay my friends, pay all my friends!" It was like some sort of magic show. When I decide to call it a night I glanced at the rail in front of everyone and it resembled that pic someone posted a few months ago with the title of casino porn under it. Absolutely beautiful.

I had to run. I needed to get some sleep to cathc my flight that left at dawn. So I got back to Ballys, stopped to check out the sofa buffet out front and headed upstairs to pack my sh*t. Thankfully for DST i got an extra hour of sleep.

So I got up four hours later, slightly blurry and made way for the hallway where I observed yet another room service cart outside. Heading for the cabstand I also noticed two pros getting into their new SLK 430 in the turnaround. Myself however would be riding shotgun in a yellow crown vic.

Into the airport and the whole sattle call system that is Southwest. I score a window seat on the wing. About 1 hour into my flight my best score of the trip would be the cute brunette who sat next to me passing out on my shoulder. When she did wake up and get over the embarassment of falling asleep on some complete stranger we introduced ourselves and had a great conversation on the way back to midway. She turned out to definitely be a keeper. When we landed, we grabbed a quick bite to eat, threw down a brew and exchanged numbers. She went north, I went south, but at least we're in the same state. Hopefully things pan out in that area.

Final thought...

The Strip has become way too crowded for me. Even on tuesday afternoon I couldn't believe it. It only lets up around 2AM.

DT is the sh*t. I'm staying here next time for sure. DT has everything I want. Plus less people. It was empty in the morning and afternoon. The palaces on the strip are nice, but I'll take DT.

I missed out on the brewpubs, I didn't hit one.

Aside from the pool and Margaritaville, the Flamingo has nothing to offer for me anymore. High minimums all the time. I only seen a $5 craps table during the day and not on the weekend.

Ballys turned out to be a surprise. What's not to love about a hotel that has a tequila bar?

The colorful drinks at FatTuesdays come out the same color as they go in. I thought I needed to go to the hospital before Spewey confirmed my suspicions.

I didn't go gourmet this trip. There are so many restaurants that I want to try I don't know where to start. I'll compile a list for later. But it's nothing short of a bakers dozen.

Cheap BJ on the strip is next to history. If you do find a $5 table chances are there some strings attached, like not splittling cards on tuesdays and thursdays.

A convertible is the only way to cruise the strip. Unless it's in a limo stocked with booze and broads.

There is a noticeable presence of security on the strip. In previous years I could go 5 days without seeing police. Saturday night after leaving Buffet, I saw no less than 4 cars pulled over on the strip and a dozen bike cops. I appreciate that. I could've been victim to countless crimes while in the state I was in most of the time I'm in vegas.

Mermaids! Yes! Thanks for you guys for the funk report on LaBayou otherwise I never would've gone in here. I passed on the deep fried twinkies though.

I seemed to meet a lot of women this trip. Most of them left me with some great memories. Others reminded that some girls deserve what they get or got. The women at Buffet were the best, as was the cutie on the plane.

5 whole days and I had a freakin' blast. I got to stay DT which I always wanted to do and now I'm hooked. I also managed to hit the Riviera and Frontier, 2 casinos I haven't been in in 10 years and said goodbye to the Ho. Bourbon Street looked like a crime scene with all the police tape around it.

Hopefully I can say goodbye to the Boardwalk in March, oh sh*t that'll be closed in January!

 

Fun read Don.

 

Another DoubleD classic

Fantastic report Don!! Looks like you've got a good Vegas crew to do damage with. Your trip reports are always a blast to read, that's some funny stuff. I stayed downtown for the first time on my last trip as well and like you, prefer it over the strip. Thanks for the great write up and good luck with your new northbound friend