anybody else have this problem? cat owner rant-vent

I'm hoping I can find somebody in here who can relate to what I'm saying (and maybe have some suggestions) since a good number of us are pet owners.

I told you guys my husband got rubber arm twisted into taking a kitten July 2012. His name is Jack. He was so damn cute, he's still so damn cute. We used to wonder if maybe he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer but it turns out he's pretty smart...just a total klutz. I had no idea a cat could be that much of a klutz.

Anyhow. Here's the problem with the guy; he treats me like crap. He's basically the worst boyfriend I've ever had. I'm good enough to feed him and sleep with him and the odd cuddle...but that's it. He loves my husband and anybody else that comes in the house. They get the best of him, I get the rest of him.

The only time he's ever been cuddly is when he cut himself (being a klutz) and almost lost the use of his right front paw. Which is a whole other story. He's fine, you can't even tell it happened. But, it was a very rough week. You know how some people react to morphine and it's like John Belushi on a bender? Yeah, cats can react like that to veterinary morphine. Guess how I found out? Anyhow, he was a mama's boy during that time and as soon as he was better...he gave me a little kitty screw you. No more cuddles.

I've tried everything I can think of to make the little bastard love me; food, treats, meat, toys, sweet kitty condo in the front window etc. I've tried ignoring him, making him come to me which was probably a vacation for him. I've tried stuff I've looked up on the internet. He just looks at me like I'm pathetic and he's too smart to fall for that kind of shameless manipulation. Although he's not above manipulation because he manipulates the hell out of me.

I feel like a missed out on the kitten experience. Our 6 year old cat Max is still a mama's boy and cuddler. He's actually mellowed out quite a bit in the last few years. At least I've got him. We have a 2 kitty policy so getting another one isn't happening.

 

Cats tend to pick a human to be their "mother" and that's that. It seems that Jack has decided that your husband is his "mother". There's really not much you can do at this point.

 

Ha! I don''t have a suggestion or solution... only to commiserate a bit. We have a 3 yo male cat named Cooper. My daughter got him from Petco or PetSmart... he was a rescue kitty and we're guessing under 6 weeks old when we got him, cause he was awfully small and underdeveloped. Anyways, he's a complete indoor cat and he's our only pet. We've had 3 cats before (2 at a time), but we got Cooper after the last one was put down. He's the classic "scaredy cat" and flinches or jumps at every sound and has been that way since we got him. My wife has tried everything to make this cat love her and want to cuddle, but he likes to be close, but not too close. When she leaves in the morning for work, she tries to find him to give him a kiss. He sits a couple feet in front of her and when she bends down to pick him up, he moves like 2 feet. This continues for 4-5 tries before she finally picks him up. Then he does that Pepe Lepew cat "thing" of acting like he's all put out when she's given' him lovin'.

She's the one who feeds him, changes the litter box, puts special areas for him to chill around the house and he just doesn't cuddle.... with any of us, but she's the one who wants it most. He's a very well-behaved cat... never heard him hiss, he doesn't scratch the furniture, etc. He just walks around and runs when my wife tries to pick him up!!! My wife puts him on our bed every night and he lays there till she gets in, then he leaves!

The one thing he does LOVE and I'm the only one who does this for him... is that I have a massager from Brookstone. It's like a foot and a half long T and pretty powerful. If he's anywhere in the house and I turn it on, he comes running' and will do anything for me to run it on him and will stay as long as it's on... soon as it's off... he takes off! The other weird thing about him is he'll ONLY eat Fancy Feast dry cat food... and I mean only!!! Get Whiskas, he won't touch it, nor will he touch wet-cat food or ANY people food. I've put a little plate of some salmon down... walks right by... shrimp or tuna... no thanks. Our other cats used to LOVE that stuff, but he won't do anything other then smell and try to bury it.

 

Bummer. I agree, there isn't much you can do. Unfortunately, you can't change behavior. Like our first kitty Josie - not a lap sitter or cuddler at all, and always much preferred my boyfriend to me. That didn't change in the many years that we had her. Luckily the 2 boy cats that we had as well, were big mama's boys.

Beyond tuna juice behind your ears, you will just have to live with it.

 

Our relationship is all on his terms basically. Like I said, he's the worst boyfriend I ever had. I never put up with crap like this from a guy, like ever.

Oh Smartone...exactly! I'm Pepe LePew and he's the cat. I also do Tyrone from Laugh In (if anybody remembers that one). I think he likes to be chased to be honest with you. When he finally lets me grab him, he goes limp, purrs like crazy and lets me smooch his face and belly and cuddle him for about 20 seconds. Then he starts the desperately trying to get away from me routine. But, when I put him back on the floor...he stays at my feet. It was so terrible but he still doesn't leave.

 

No advice. I do feel you pain.

I have one cat and live alone. He was a recuse. Afraid of everything and everyone including me. He even scares himself. He must forget from time to time he has a tail.

He is 9 years old and some days I don't even know I have a cat in the house. I can't pick up him up and I'm lucky if he lets me pet him. I feed him and clean his box. He is 100% indoors. I do see toys moved from time to time but I rarely see him play. He looks out the windows a lot and sleeps.

I've given up trying and try not to let it hurt my feelings. But it still does. He has a forever home and I just have to deal with it.

Since I live alone he doesn't have anyone else to hang out with. In your case I can see he favors other family members so that has to be hard.

Have you tried ignoring him? Cats always seem to go to folks who don't like them.

Good Luck

 

so, to sum it up so far...ignore him, then use a vibrator on him.

 

LOL!!!!

 

Hey Now!

Catnip.....
We have 4 rescues, all inside. We call it Kitty Heroin.

 

I think I don't have it as rough as some people do. It's just not the relationship I was hoping for with him.

All our previous cats (including foster cats when I was helping out with animal rescue) have been lap cats. I've tamed 3 feral kittens, Max included. I'm also not used to being the red headed step child in the house. They've always preferred me over my husband. We even had one cat we had to re-home because he worshiped me and hated my husband. Like pee and poop in his motorcycle helmet, clothes drawer and pillow.

 

I've yet to have a cat who will let me pick it up and carry it around. But they've all at least cuddled on my lap. At their instigation, of course The cat we have now (stray who adopted us) splits her lap time between me & my husband, mostly evenly but me a little more. But she gets more outdoor time with my husband - they go on walks by the pond. One thing this cat does like a LOT is my husband's electric throw - she loves to sit on his lap in the winter when he has it turned on.

We watch a lot of My Cat from Hell (this is the first pet my husband has ever had - he really has no clue) and they do a lot of work getting humans & cats to coexist and sometimes love. Might want to check out Jackson's website to see if there are exercises you could try that might be specific to your case, but I'd just keep on keeping on the way you are....

 

We've had similar problems in the past and right now we have one cat, Neffi, who acts totally afraid of us. She'll come to me very rarely for the occasional petting, but she won't even let my wife get close to her.

For us usually its just patience, showing them some care and affection like when you walk by them, not trying to force things on them (IE: picking them up and pinning them down to your lap).

Another thing to note is: when you take the cat in to get it fixed it is very likely its personality will change and the cat will become more docile and might change who it loves and who it'll avoid. We've had a few cats go through some big changes after they got fixed:
Caesar: he was never really a snuggler when we first got him, but once he was fixed he started sleeping in our bed and needed to be snuggled up to at night.
Cali: she would avoid me, like she was afraid of me and only let me pet her once in a while, but once she was fixed she changed and was now all over me. Been a few years and she is still like that: if it looks like I am at the computer doing nothing she'll jump up on my chest and try to roll on to her back so I can scratch her stomach while she lays in my arms.
Cinder: she liked attention, but wasn't a sleep in the bed type cat. Now she is in bed all the time, either sleeping on me or my wife or trying to burrow under our blankets to sleep. This morning when I got up I wound up bumping her out of bed because I was awake when she left so when I woke up thought she was gone but she came back.

But in the end: some cats are snuggly, some cats aren't. Some cats will sleep in bed, some won't. It sounds like you were doing OK with all the others and getting attention from them, maybe this one isn't going to be like that for you. I'd just think you can give it time and see how it goes.

 

We had a lap dog. Which is fine and dandy except this was a 75 lb. black Irish Setter. You had to finally dump her on the floor and then she would sit there and look at you with real tears in her eyes until you would give in and let her back up.

We have had many cats through the years. Some will love you to death and some will hate you. Every cat is different, even ones from the same litter. We had one cat that would sit at the top of the stairs and stare kitty death rays with it's eyes at me. Another cat from the same litter is the most lovable animal you could hope for, except she only drinks water from a tap and will sit for hours on end staring at water going down the drain.

Another cat would drop it's toys at your feet and then when you tried to play with him, he would just walk away with a disgusted look on its face.

All cats are different. But they all have one thing in common. They will come running when they hear you opening up the food drawer.

 

We added two kittens to the house full of cats we have last year. They both seem to have favorites. The male cat loves my wife to death, me not so much. That's fine because his sister won't give my wife the time of day and follows me around and will sit on my lap at the drop of a hat.

I've had cats all my life and I can say that they do change over time. We've had cats that are super stand-offish and as they've gotten older they've been total lap cats. So all hope is not lost if you're looking for a change.

 

Auggie, he was fixed at 12 weeks.

Maybe things will change over time and he'll be more affectionate with me. It's not like he hates me.

I guess I have to accept that he's just not that into me.

 

My wife says, "Get a Border Collie."

"I" have a 12 year-old cat. "We" used to have a kitten. The cat loves and adores me, and it's reciprocated. The cat does all sorts of things to annoy my wife.

She'll knock my wife's things off tables and nightstands. She'll climb onto her nice clothes (not mine) when we're dressing to go someplace and, so help me Hannah, the cat runs away so pleased with herself with my wife cursing. Of course, it's "all my fault!"

My cat enjoys knocking pictures that my wife loves off the wall. The ones I like stay in place. Even I don't get that one.

Now, when I'm away from home, like on a solo Vegas trip, the cat immediately loves my wife and becomes a perfect, well mannered pet. I'm guessing that she doesn't want to jeopardize her food supply.

 

Love your cats for who they are.....I just lost my cat of 12 years this past Monday. I spend thousands of dollars over three days to try and save her...I could not. I had to let her go.....she chose me to be her mother..cats will choose not much you can do about it.

 

So sorry for your loss. It's really hard to lose a beloved pet.

 

Yes... I'm very sorry for your loss. The family pet is indeed, in every way, a treasured member of the family! When I had to put our previous cat down after 14 years, our family really struggled with "would we get another or not." We were SO heartbroken over the loss all we thought of was going through that hurt again at some point. My wife immediately got the litter box, food, water, etc. all removed. She couldn't look at anything that was a reminder.

Then 2 months later my daughter got Cooper at the rescue van at the pet-store and that 5 week old (I guess) kitten lit up our entire household again! What's the phrase..." better to have loved and lost then never loved at all." Sounds great, but sure awful tough to remember at the time of the loss. Cooper's still a poop-head, but he's our poop-head!

 

We had 4 cats at the beginning of June, we are down to 1 and she is 16 years old. But anyway, they were all different. One was scared of his own shadow, but would let you hold him and would lay on your lap and want to be petted all the time. That one was a male, the other male was a pretty mellow cat and would let me hold him and would let anybody but kids pet him.

The 2 females are different. It is up to them if they want to be a petted. The one that is still with us has been a one person cat, that is me, since I got her. She hides from just about everybody else. The cat-sitter never sees her the whole time we are gone.

I got a little knick-knack that says on it "every cat owner knows, no one owns a cat" and that is the most true thing I have ever heard.