Drunken post-meeting tomfoolery

So had boring medical bullshit to attend to in the Valley of the Whores this week. Time to party. Logged in to take care of some emails now time to details the path of destruction.

I was done at Valley Hospital just after the click of noon. Hit up Broadway Pizza for a couple of slices and Italian ice then went to a call for repetition (aka Encore) for check in. If the ball and chain was here would have a parlor or salon suite but no need - this is solo (not counting hookers and other hookups) trip so no need.

Took a nap until 4. In the spirit of Nate head to the roulette table with 1000^-2 on 17 and 20 and ungatz - so switch to my numbers and I felt like a stunad. Rinse and repeat a few times and I am down five bills before my drink came. Headed over to the video keno that netted me $1175 a few month back and a deuce disappeared without anything to write home about. It was early and was hungry so head to Sinatra for a meal on my own. Was there a few years ago with my pops and was still not disappointed. I am not from his era but enjoy the music. I thank the cow that gave his/her life for my continued survival. Had an overpriced bottle of Chateaux I Don't Remember but it was a worthy Bordeaux indeed.

I have always had a soft spot for Mirage so took a cab for the distance over there. Hit the single 0 table. Quarter on my ten numbers then spread another $250 splitting them and first roll hit 16 which I had straight up and split for $1300. Double my ten and say that single digit has not hit so hit them hard and BOOM SHAKALAKA 5 straight up for 4 quarter and 2 split for just under $4500. I know this streak is not going to end. I have a crap load out and come up bubbles. Repeat and 10 hit for me for 3 straight up and 2 split - one with 7 and one with 11 - for a tad under $3500. I press some on the next spin and come on nada. I cash out up a ton and head over to the other side of the high limit slots to blow me hold em bonus or whatever it is. I hold my own through an hour of nonsense with the here and there trips until I switched from screwdrivers to hurricanes and the all of a sudden it is boat and flushes out the ying yang. Each one is like + $2-300 but when in a string they are muy bueno. I can't recall the specifitiies but my buy in of $500 is rturned with a yellow and some smaller blacks and green - I am assuming $1350 or so. I love the game because you can squeeze the cards.

The night gets hazier and a few hookers in between and I know I am up a few Gs. I head to Wynn not knowing I am at Encore. I hit random penny/nickle slot along the way and don't think I lose or win much. In between the walk between Wynn and Encore an Asian (later found to be Korean) lady of the night hits me up. I have rheumatoid arthritis so can always use a good rubdown.

She joins me and gets curious when I stop at then shorts - nonetheless she gives a nice rub. When it comes to the end she did not make the move for Mr. Little Cardiologist and I encouraged her to do so. When she was done - she gave a push to join me for the weekend.

I gave the push back. That did not turn out well. So Mr. Happy did his thing and I could not get this broad to leave. I heard stories of poverty and a pet she could not afford to feed. It was gut retching.

She offered to stay the weekend. Heard stories of her and her car. I am a person who loves profit but falls easy for the sob story. I told her she has got to go but that maybe I would see her tomorrow (not). Then as talking she played the suicide card. Maybe I would be better off dead. Now on the surface, I am a right wing, help yourself, do unto yourself - but I can not ignore the desperate. So I talk to her a bit - maybe I will see you tomorrow and kick her out.

So here I am - with a few extra bucks in my pocket - a few less seamen in my balls - feeling sad for those on the lower end of society - and ready to hit the shit tomorrow!

 

Ttom, always enjoy your TRs and posts.

Questions about your roulette strategy, how many numbers do you lay out there per spin? Do you only press when you hit? By how much?

You are also very brave in sharing your extra-curricular activities!
I edit those out because who knows who reads these things

 

Epic start for you minus the awkward sob story lol

 

Great to see an HONEST report that doesn't skip over some extra curricular activities that we participate in Vegas.

Looking forward to the rest.

 

I lay 10. Long time ago I had 6 numbers that I liked and noticed they were centered on one side of the 00 wheel. So I added the gaps in so now 8 are consecutive on the 00 wheel and the other 2 are by themselves like the losers at the high school dances.

If I win I will split some of my numbers with each - where possible. Two of them are on opposite sides of a street bet so may add that in. If I get on a roll then start just randomly adding crap since if you cover all the numbers you can't lose - right?

 

So I forgot to make standard precautions for room intruders and the maid popped in and out a couple of times while sleeping. I don't know if my balls had slipped out from under the blankets but I did not get any lucky tickle. Felt like Alan from Hangover as I fell out of bed. My bowels did the best to make me ask just how bad does beer shit smell? A curly black hair came out of my mouth as I brushed my teeth. File that under no explanation. Almost went for a spill walking to the bed from the shower on those marble floors - damn slippery when wet. Check the clock and see I am a few time zones away from anything close to breakfast food so decided to go find some lunch.

I saw the big sign outside advertising meatballs so went to Maggiano's. I know it not authentic or exactly Italian but I need some macaroni. Ate at the bar - shocked at how busy it was. Managed to not get any sauce on my shirt which is like hitting an 8 number keno! Wanted to play some poker so headed down to Aria. Took a bit to get into a 2-5 game. I swear these kids are fucking annoying. Each decision is like they are playing out the end of the Cold War. I mean come on - it's $50 - not the end of the world. I find these kids played with scared money a lot. And I find them predictable as can be. I'll play ATC and don't give a crap. I am bored as can be like two hours later and cash out with $1300 n change.

I take my time to get to the pits as each penny slut along the way was calling my name. As each of those whores blows through a C-note I move on down the line. Make it to some Pai Gow poker and sit down with some Asian girl who likes early 30s so she is probably 47. I probably should have asked if she knew the lady from last night. She is betting black so figure that is good and get a stack. Choppy with mostly pushes. Had a run of three pair that won me a few shekels. No bonuses. The Asian chick was having none of the conversation so I moved on.

Hit the craps table. Guy makes a point of 4 - put full odds and bet inside - 7's out immediately and there goes like a grand - screw you I am outta here. Try some 3CP betting green since I just got bitch-slapped. First hand is a flush just missing SF. Next was straight. I am liking this. Bump it up and the run of horseshit comes. See ya.

4 card poker - more like bend over and let me lube your ass with some glue as I shove this elephant dick up your ass.

My buddy from LA finally gets into town as I feel like the Monopoly Man with the empty pockets. Head back up to Palazzo and meet him. Head up to his room to get cracking on the wine be brought. I forget what we had in his room - Chateaux Pussy for all I know - but it met the requirements - wet and alcoholic. It was actually good and he told me about it and frankly I could care less. He was into the basketball and I said why are we wasting time with these carjackers in shorts? Thankfully our reservation at Carnevino was early and it was time to chow.

The waiter wanted to do his whole we are so wonderful presentation and I was like listen here Alberto - my cheap ass friend has his wine but I want the wine stooge to come over and pick me out something fabulous and bring out some salty, cured meats while I wait. The sommelier came. Asked what I was looking for and I said Ch. Margaux for $300 a bottle. Since that was not in the works I got some Tuscan nonsense that 34 generations of greasy guineas dipped their dicks into. At least Italian ball sweat is good because that was some good vino. Damage was only like $400 but Jimmy was saying how it is really a $100 bottle and they are overcharging. And if the dog didn't stop to take a shit he would have caught the rabbit. So drinking wine with salty meats and my beef comes out. I rarely deviate from sirloin but got the filet tonight. So having consumed my liver's weight in wine and being told by my buddy that the boyfriend of the hot 25 yo broad wants to kick my ass because I asked for her phone number - we head elsewhere.

I tell Jimmy we need to go drink without *****s around so we go to the bar at MO. Great spot. Had to get some edamame or as I call them - Japanese beer nuts. Did not realize they comes with a shit infusion or as they call it - essence of truffle. Truffle my ass. That is sumo fart infused. Thankfully the alcohol is good. When we decide its time to win a million dollars I realize I am at the scene of the crime from earlier where I got ass-raped by Barney. I am not going to Monte Carlo so I take a wad of vaseline, shove it up my inferior orifice, and head into Aria.

Decide to hit the craps tables again. Then I remember why I hate ******bags. I hold my own and a pressed hard 8 put me into happyland. We make a couple of circuits of the pits with the occasional cradle robbing attempts on my part. Black jack was beneficial with one notable split that got doubled on both sides and the dealer busted contributing to the cause. Roulette blew but all in all I left with a few extra yellers in my pocket.

Jimmy said he was done for the night so I assume he lost his fifty bucks the pussy. I get back to the Wynn Estate and decide I am not done. The four card is right by the entrance and this time I beat that like a red headed stepson. Pulled out with $2500. I always get confused at this game in Vegas since I started with the AC version of it. There you can raise on brown shorts. Here it is like aces or better. So that fucked me up a few times but they always let me get away with it. Anyway, have seen that many three of a kind since Kaitlyn Leeb in the Total Recall remake.

I putz around with some slots and VP in a way kind of looking for the suicide chick. Nothing having so I grab a couple of beverages and head upstairs. Up a little less than 5g's for the day and would have been closer to 8 if it was not for the crappy Aria run earlier.

Now to go get some hand lotion to ummmm - get soft hands.

 

Posts like this remain "finding black pubic hairs in your mouth" and "using glue for lube before an elephant cock fucks you in the ass"

THAT is all OK.

But god forbid someone post some news links from credible sources that don't align with the site admin on political views....

Nice....................

 

Granted this one is over the top, I have to agree with the mods here: regardless of its left/right orientation, talk about politics don't really have a place here. All they do is get people fighting and off the topic of LV.

I've got no problem with the language on this one, but I could definitely see how it could bother others. Maybe we need a "view discretion is advised" symbol.

 

The language in the story doesn't bother me at all. I can stop reading it whenever I want.

 

I don't expect to come to a Vegas message board and read (gasp) profanity!

Come on, now!

That's fucking ridiculous.

Whoops.

Santé,
TL

 

Why does it take so long to finish trip reports?

 

I love this shit.

Not only is it excellent action, but the writing is witty and engaging. sure its a little edgy, but hey this is Vegas our boy is talking about, not a church ice cream social (or Trip Advisor)!

more power to you TTOM!!!

 

Insert gratuitous Joe Pesci clip to lighten the mood here.
I find this TR F'in hilarious, of course I was taking swigs out of the sacremental wine bottles as an altar boy, so my moral compass is in the cr@pper.

[YOUTUBE]IWINtUCshxY[/YOUTUBE]

 

Awesome shit!! I wish more TR were like this.

 

Sorry - did not confirm but that was the end of the fun and excitement. Had huge headache and made my way to the airport the next morning - thankfully late - to catch the flight to Detroit. Just thankful it was in wide ass class and came with free alcohol. Only two extra nights in No Honey I Did No Sin City.

 

Carjackers in shorts?

Italian ball sweat?

LOL!

 

You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

 

I did find this trip report to be a little offensive but i chose to read it. I think u could have left some of the details out and not be so explicit. But hey its your report and like i said i chose to read it. If people dont like it, dont read it. Im just a bit surprised the admin would allow it. Maybe a suggestion would be to put viewer discretion advised in the title. Just my 2 cents.

 

LOL. I like the rawness of it. This is what vegas is about. JMO

 

I enjoyed this report. If someone finds it too graphic or in poor taste, respect their right to their opinion but easiest solution is to stop reading. It is Las Vegas after all - its not playing Parcheesi at the penny social. But in the words of Dennis Miller, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.