Strip, Downtown and Booze ***long***

Ok, so the trip was a week and a half ago. I’ve been spending way too much time catching back up on work, so hopefully I didn’t forget too many details.
Trip was my brother and I, this being his first trip to LV. He’s not much of a gambler, so there was a bit of wandering involved. First was the flight. We decided to save a few bucks and take Allegiant. Not a horrible decision I suppose. Yes they charged for everything. If you wanted water on the flight, pay up. The seats don’t recline. There was no movie. The flight was forty minutes late or so. All that being said, I’m still very cheap, so I wasn’t concerned with all this once we landed. At the time of the flight, I was quite irritated, but in retrospect we got there safely. I’m a tall guy, so it was kind of nice that the seats didn’t recline. We did hear some bickering about this, but I was happy. They also did not try to charge us for our carry on luggage due to the size. We had larger ones, but nothing was said on either the trip out or the trip back.
As I mentioned earlier, we landed about 40 minutes late, which put us well behind our schedule. We landed at approx. 11 PM on a Friday night, but there was still about a 20 minute wait for a cab. I was surprised by this, as I had always gotten in fairly early and never had a problem with this. We managed to be given what was probably the oldest cab in the airport complex and it performed as such. The entire trip, it sounded as though it were gargling gravel. He was in the tunnel lane until we corrected him at the last minute. Got to the Flamingo at about 11:40 PM and there was another 20 minute wait. At first we were given a room on the 26th floor with a strip view, we were given the keys, then told to wait for a minute. Apparently the manager had reserved the same room at that time to someone who was probably paying for their room, so we were bumped and given a pool view room on the 11th floor.
For about a month leading up to the trip we had been talking about making Ellis Island our first stop. We like steak, we’re cheap, we like video poker, and we have a bunch of coupons from the ACG. In no way did we think the walk from Flamingo to EI was sketchy at all. Obviously the people on that particular road wouldn’t be mistaken for the Sunday afternoon Bellagio Brunch crowd, but in no way did we feel as though we were in danger. Again, we’re both larger men, but felt no danger. Anyway, we got there and were immediately underwhelmed. Waited 10 minutes for a table at the restaurant, then waited 20 minutes for our server to acknowledge our existence. We both ordered the steak special with root beer, which by the way was absolutely spectacular. My steak was decent; it was a consistent size and cooked pretty well. My brothers, on the other hand was not. It was half an inch thick and five inches thick on the other. No chef in the world can cook a steak like that, nor should a steak like that be served. It’s a setup for disaster. By the time we were done, it was roughly 2:30 in the morning, which is 4:30 our time, so we were exhausted. Still we had to use the ACGs. Went to the bar to use the four free drinks where we were told we needed a players card. We went to sign up and no one was there for 10 minutes. Eventually we got our card and our drinks, two double tequila sunrises, which by the way should never be made as four shots of well tequila and a splash of OJ and Grenadine, as we couldn’t even remotely palate them, then we won the matchplay on blackjack, not a bad way to start the gambling of the trip. On the walk back to the Flamingo there was again nothing to report. Several absurdly drunk people who were very talkative and one gay couple leaning on each other for the strength to talk, but no problems. We got back to the hotel by 3:15 and were exhausted.
Day Two:
I was up at 5:15, as my brother is a snorer and I had pure adrenaline coursing through my eager veins. I tried to fall back asleep to no avail, so I took a shower. In case anyone was wondering, the Flamingo shampoo/conditioner mix absolutely sucks. Fig and Berry extract my ass, more likely fat guy feet and horse milk cheese. Anyway, my brother was up and showered by 6:15, so off to the strip on two strong hours of sleep.
We found our way up to Casino Royale to play some craps. I love Casino Royale and my brother had never played craps (he’s not much of a gambler), so craps we played. One shooter sevened out, I hit two points, then brother got the dice. I know virgins always do well, so I was playing him pretty hard. I didn’t tell him this but was encouraging him to up his bets after he hit his first two points. He made seven points, I won 150 and he won 100. It’s now barely 7 AM and we’re both up pretty good, as by no means do either of us roll deep what so ever. Next, it’s the Venetian to find food. We walked around for half an hour in that stupid place; found their conference rooms and a bunch of other junk that wasn’t food, but never found anything that was open. Not only this, but we couldn’t find an exit either. Eventually we found an exit and left the Venetian with nothing more than an appetite. Up to the Wynn to find food, but I forgot how unnecessarily expensive that place is. Since I was not in the mood to pay 25 bucks for eggs and bacon at the buffet, again we left. It really is a nice place; I forgot how much I like that place. We went over to the fashion show mall for the food court; nothing was open. By this time we’ve walked roughly 1.5 miles and were getting very hungry so we went to Starbucks. The line was half an hour deep. Yeah, their coffee tastes like coffee and whatnot, but I’m not waiting half an hour to overpay for coffee and a danish, so off we wandered. We went through TI, found nothing other than a funky smell, went through the Mirage and found nothing but prostitutes working the I’m sure very profitable Saturday early AM shift. Over to Harrahs and found food, but again didn’t want to overpay for bland food, so off we wandered again. We found the Starbucks by Carnival Court, and to our spectacular delight, there was no line! We both got coffee and a coffee cake, which was really good. At last, sustenance, spectacular caffeine and sugar in all it’s splendid glory and exactly how Jesus meant it to be.
Next, we went to Bill’s, joined the players club, and immediately proceeded to win our matchplay bet. We watch EPL, so we placed a bet on Wigan, $20 each on the match the next morning. Our parents live in LV, so we decided to meet up back at the Flamingo at 11. They arrived and we drove down to the M Resort. We didn’t do any gambling there as the P’s are not gamblers at all, but I really dig this place. We had the Seafood Buffet, which was absolutely spectacular. Normally I am scared of seafood buffets and the revenge they tend to take hours later, but no such issues with this one. The sushi was awesome, the bamboo salmon was dry, and the deserts were creative and pleasing. All four in the party were extremely pleased. The next stop was Lake Mead and Hoover Dam. I thought it would be bigger, but still pretty cool, although I did not see the door that Chevy Chase stepped out of, and we didn’t take the tour through the innards. I’m guessing it’s a lot of concrete.
We were double booked between the Flamingo and El Cortez, so this is where they dropped us off as we needed to check in. Got there at about 5. We were placed in a Tower Room on the 9th floor and liked the room better than the Flamingo. The only problem was that they gave us a room with a King bed, and we don’t really snuggle with each other, so they sent up a roll away and all problems were solved. We pissed through 100 at the craps table there and decided to hit back to the Flamingo as we were going out on or near the strip this evening. The cab ride back was quite amusing. The driver was complaining about how no one knew how to drive in this town, yet he was tailgating and changing lanes without looking. I called him on his irony, which he did not appreciate. Showered up and prettied up ready to go by 7:30, if I recall correctly. We took the free shuttle over to the Rio, walked to the TR desk there and got free passes to VooDoo for that night. Walked over to the Gold Coast, used the matchplay and promptly lost. I don’t like that place. It looked and felt like a place where blue-hairs go to burn their money before they die. Took off and over to the Palms which I really wanted to like. The crowd was young, the women were clad very scantily, but alas they have no slot on my preference meter. We joined the players club, used the ACG matchplay and won again! We are 3/4 on those so far! At this point in the evening we still like the Palms, so we decide to slow play $50 to see how many free drinks we can get. Our cocktail girl found us after 20 minutes and roughly $1.50 in our slow playing efforts. She was about as smart as a girl in math class and looked like her nose was going to start bleeding from yayo consumption. One would think this would make her move much quicker, yet it did not. We each got three drinks and cashed out. This is the point at which the Palms went downhill in our books. When signing up for the players club, they gave us coupon books with $25 matchplay. We had a plan. We would go to roulette, he would bet red, I would bet black, and each of us would win $25 as long as the 0-00 didn’t show. Bulletproof, right? Nope, the pitboss said no, then gave us attitude when we asked why not and threatened to call security. Blame your genetics for being spit out as a dwarf, but don’t take it out on me short man. The whole time, the dealer had a smug grin on his face as though he was happy to see the casino do anything to prevent someone who figured out a good thing from taking advantage of that. I’ll never go back there.
Anyway, off to the Rio for what we claimed would be one drink at VooDoo. That place is really neat. I thought I was going to vomit on the ride up, and once I got up there I was sure I was going to vomit on the ride down. Well, as the song goes, one drink turns into three or four, which turns into 12 and the place is packed. We’re rockers, play in a rock band and have for years, so we are definitely not club people due to the music alone, but the music did not completely suck. He’s married and I’m engaged, so there was no game thrown down, but this would have been the place to do it. We stood on the rail for the entire evening and were approached by a good number of attractive females. This is something that doesn’t happen in regular bars, so I blame the elevation of the 52nd floor, as there must have been a lack of oxygen or something to that effect. Maybe it was the booze. Either way, the place is really neat and I wouldn’t hesitate to go back. We left just in time to catch the last shuttle back to Harrah’s, and to my surprise there was no vomiting on the elevator ride down. The stupidest gambling of the trip happened when we got back to the strip, where we wandered into IP and pissed through 100 at the craps table very quickly. At this point we’re going on two hours of sleep and not having eaten anything since noon we’re pretty drunk, so it’s off to bed. Elevator ride up to the room was either with a prostitute or a slutty wife. My money was on prostitute, but brother thought slutty wife. Regardless, it was bed time at 2:30.
Day Three
Up and showered by 7:30 and we’re ready to party. We had coffee and danishes downstairs at Flamingo then over to Bills. We walked up to the sports book to check our Wigan bets; they had no idea if the game was over or not, but they managed to find the score. Apparently they don’t get many EPL bets. The manager went to the EPL website, told us the score, we were up 3-2, then he asked what FT means. Full Time baby, the game is over, Wigan beat Arsenal! $20 won $140, and American book makers don’t know jack about soccer. Wigan was fighting not to get relegated, why in the world would the odds be that great? Thanks for the money. Over to Paris where we ate crepes at the little restaurant and they were spectacular. I forget the name of the place, but I would go there again with no hesitation. We slow played $20 in a penny machine for some Bellini’s then over to Planet Hollywood where we did the same. I’d never been in PH before and thought it wasn’t too bad at all. The slots were fairly generous and despite my best efforts, I walked out of there up, only a little, but still up. I wouldn’t mind convincing the lady to stay there next time, as I did almost no gambling at HET this trip so my free trips will most likely cease. From here we wandered over to City Center which was neat. It seemed unnecessarily dry in spite of the fountains in front. Nice place, probably not my style. It was neat though. We walked though the mall and over to Monte Carlo, which was much more my style. I won $40 on a quarter slot there. Our parents met us at NYNY and we had lunch at Nine Fine Irishmen. Everything looked great, the beer and cheese dip was good, and the corned beef sandwich was very tasty. We walked over to MGM, and boy do those lions look domesticated. Up to M&M World and I was disgusted. It smelt like burnt chocolate, anger, sweat, and capitalism gone haywire. I couldn’t possibly stay in that place for more than three minutes. We went over to the Coke store, which to my shock wasn’t nearly as bad. The place wasn’t packed to the brim with garbage or tourists as the other store was. We walked up to the Bellagio; I paid 9 bucks for two cups of coffee at whatever that stupid place behind the conservatory is. This is where the parents left us and we resumed our wanderings. We wanted to slow play more penny machines at the Bellagio but could find neither a penny machine nor a waitress. No worries and over to Caesars. We stumbled around for quite a while through their casino, but it just kept going and going. I found a quarter machine behind the ‘party pit’ and I won $50 on the second spin. Nice work me. I don’t know how they tried to pass their pit off as any kind of party. The females working there looked more like they belonged in a local stock car race pit than a party pit at a nice strip casino. And yes, it was apparent they were supposed to be working particularly in the party pit.
It was time to check out and go up to El Cortez for our evening downtown. We had been looking forward to this portion of the trip. On the cab ride up, the cabbie told us where the hookers stayed and that the local paper did a study recently that showed 100% of the known hookers in town have AIDS.
I liked El Co more than the Flamingo. The room was just as big, the TV was the same size, the toiletries were much nicer, and I didn’t have to walk a quarter of a mile once getting off the elevator. We were big fans. Didn’t have much luck in their casino, but it just felt good. We ate dinner at the Flame. I had the pork chop, and it was one of the best I ever had. We had a white wine with dinner, nothing special. It was very neat to see the owner of the casino eating dinner at the table behind us. I guess that’s how you know you’re eating quality. I forget what my brother had for dinner, but he said it was pretty good too. We were both very happy with our means. So, it’s off to downtown for an ACG coupon run. We started at the opposite end of the strip at the Plaza. My brother didn’t know it was Biff’s, and was very amused by that fact. Not only did we hit the matchplay for a cool $30, but we also won $7 on their free slot play. Next we were off to the LV Club, hit another $30 on their matchplay and this time $11 on the free play. We love downtown at this point. And then it went downhill. We should’ve known not to be so happy about our winnings so early in the evening, because nothing hit the whole rest of the night. It was almost amusing by the end of it. Perhaps it was all the booze, perhaps it was the toothless folk running around, but we weren’t too upset about losing. Normally we would have been angry about not seeing a single point hit at the craps tables all night as we saw the previous evening at IP, but we just had a great time down there. I’m really looking forward to staying downtown on my next trip out there.
Day Four:
We had been out drinking and gambling until about 5 in the morning, so that 10 AM alarm didn’t feel good. Not only that, but we had somehow forgot to get souvenirs for the ladies. Lucky us they’re not the picky type. Clearly not, after all they are with us. Anyway, there were no issues with the flight home. Allegiant managed to change our seats at the gate, so we went from the back of the plane to the very back row of the plane. We were right in front of the toilets. Most people on the flight just slept, but there were a few plane deucers, and their stomach problems were neither accepted nor appreciated.
That not withstanding, I’m looking forward to a return. Sorry for the delay in the writing of this TR, and I apologize for the length.

 

Great TR better late than never , and it wasnt that long , how come you know so much about real football.

 

Great report man! Thanks for sharing!

 

At last, sustenance, spectacular caffeine and sugar in all it’s splendid glory and exactly how Jesus meant it to be.

Hilarious. Great Report.

 

Excellent report! Speaking as an Arsenal fan, I'm glad someone got something out of the tame capitulation that saw our dream of winning the Premier League finally slip away.

(Also, if you'd checked the match right up until the 80th minute you'd have torn up your betting slip - Arsenal were winning 2-0 until ten minutes before the end!)

 

Very nice report on your Vegas adventure. Thanks for posting.

later, GVJ

 

Ha! I was just going to post this. 0-2 to 3-2 in the last 10 minutes. At 80 minutes Wigan were 1000-1 if betting in play!!

Great TR.