Bad joke of the day 2020

Was that another mess up by me? I can't remember them all. Maybe time for me to leave this thread to the experts.

 

Uh-huh, it sure was. Kinda like me re-posting photos in the random photo thread. And no, you don't need to delete them. A good joke is worth repeating.

From back last year:

 

Don't leave, we will take all we can. Might moan though.

 

Knock knock!
Who's there?
The doorbell repair service.

 

@Sonya How do I yuck emoji?

@dmr groan

 

A desparate plea.

This entire thread has been wonderful. So many of us love it.

For two reasons:

1 - Awesome jokes and a good laugh.

and most important

2 - Not filled with endless (but well meaning) comments. Just jokes. Nothing else.

Sorry I messed it up with this post - but it was in danger of going downhill. Since you can not click a disagree button (bottom right), maybe just WOW or AGREE or LOVE)

 

The Urinal Is Too High


A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one holding onto their "wee wees" to direct the flow.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade."

"No, ma'am, " he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the seventh."

 

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

 

My wife and I were driving through Texas and passed a sign pointing to Ponder, Texas. My wife said "I want to go to Ponder!" I said, "I'll think about it."

 

How do we know Helen Kellers dog was blind also?
Helen Kellers leg was yellow.

 

An older woman was in the hospital and in a coma. While the nurse was cleaning around her "area" a small blip came up on her monitor. Seeing this the nurses informed the Doctor. They called her husband to come in to try something. The Dr asked him if he would have oral sex with his wife to see if that might help her come out of the coma. He of course said yes, but only in private. They agreed and left the room, but watched the vital sign monitors from the nurses station. After a few minutes the nurses were alarmed that the woman's monitors all went flat-line and they ran into the room to try to revive her. While doing this the Dr asked the husband what could have gone wrong. His reply: "I don't know. She must have choked."

 

Q: What do you call a fly that does not have wings?

A: A walk.

 

Bubba goes to his small town church for the first time in many years. He was so impressed with the sermon that after the service, he tells the preacher, "That was a damn good sermon you gave, damn good."

The preacher thanked him, but asked him to restrain his language.

Bubba says, "That was such a damn good sermon, I put $100 in the collection plate."

The preacher says. "The hell you say!"

 

That's what she said!!!!!!!!

 

When is the only time you split 10's in Vegas?


When the table is full and your buddies need a seat!!!!!!!

 

Naa not even then.

 

Guy walks into the pet shop ...

Can I help you?
Yes, I would like to buy a pet snake.
Uh, we don't sell snakes, our specialty is small dogs.
Well, I assumed so, since there's a big fat snake in your front window.