Hate To Say This.... My In-Laws Have Now Included Me Into Their Insanity

I have eluded this for an incredible 20 yrs......since I first
started dating my wife.
I have always been able to "distance' myself from their true, medical insanity.
Yes, there are "meds' involved here.
But.......
the connection came w/ my MIL caring for my 3 yr. old.
She has done a wonderful job........but I find out since Xmas --
my wife's family ( and family factions )have been on the warpath toward me.
Culminating with a "slight" - I supposedly gave my MIL last week.
I was told by my wife -- "Mom said you slighted her with some words + actions last week -
she's upset + crying."
I apologized immediately.....even though...I'm NOT EVEN SURE WHAT I DID ?
Today, the father called my wife and was talking bad about me !
There is depression + even paranoia on that side of the family ---
So, I can't just be myself + say "Buck up !stop w/ the over self sensitivity ! take it with a grain of salt - we'll all live on !"
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What a crappy week I've had........
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I just needed to vent.....
That side of the family has lousey Xmas'....and Tax seasons....like clockwork !
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So, yesterday, I told my wife "Next Xmas i don't want to hear a word about what your family
is going thru at Xmas.....they just seem to want everybody to be miserable,too. And Tax Season
is upon us.......I don't want to hear about their money problems....while ALL year they don't
care about saving money or being financially smart."
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Anybody else....with the In-law insanity ?
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I just can't believe I've stayed at arms length this long ?

 

I feel for you. My ex-wife is an alcoholic. My therapist told me that I had 3 choices:

1)Live with her alcoholism
2)Support her through recovery
3)Walk away

I tried #2 for 3 attempts, but she never acknowledged what I believe to be the root cause of her issues, so I got custody of my 4 1/2 year old and did #3.

You did good by staying away for 20+ years.

 

Wow, Joe, that sucks. Sorry. Wish I had some sage advice to tender. We're lucky 'cause there's nothing toxic on either side, and we both see the little quirks of the respective in-laws so we're ready and teamed up if there is a hiccup. We wish you strength and your wife the wisdom to know her side is with you.

 

For me it's my mother's side of the family. Extensively documented bipolar in numerous people, and my mom raised me alone on depression meds which actually exacerbated her bipolar disorder. I bet your thing is harder because I just distanced myself, whereas you can't do that because of the wife you obviously love very much.

 

We're pretty much even, I have a brother that I haven't talked to in over ten years. Supposedly he's on meds and under a doctors care, but I'm done with him. And my wife has a sister that we both agree, should be locked up. So ya I know how you feel, we just don't let negative people into our life's.

 

Yep btdt, crazy narcissist MIL was a real estate agent , hasnt worked in 7 years
just sits around moping feeling sorry for herself
oh and sponging rent money off my wife! ( this causes lot's of tension in our marriage)
And medically crazy BIL who keeps skipping his meds when feeling good
and losing jobs/ getting into trouble with police

I've have had it with everyone in her family and never speak or even see them
the one thing I've demanded and gotten, is that neither are alone with our kids
EVER, not gerna happen

 

Made the HUGE mistake of letting relatives borrow money a few yrs ago................I'm sure I don't need to say how well that turned out.

 

Best to distance yourself, you've got your own family and child to watch out for now.

I've broke off contact with more than one family member because they were a very negative influence on my immediate family. At the time most the rest the family were pissed at me but eventually they did the same thing.

 

You didn't let them borrow money, you paid for an education :wink

 

same here,,my BIL never ever be with my son by himself ,,and he has been told that by me with a look in my eye that he knows the consequences,,

 

I am the only sane one - the rest of you are the crazy ones

 

I deal with my psychotic family by going to Vegas

 

I'm not qualified to say anything but, when have I let that stop me?

When my father started to lose his marbles (dementia), there was the kind of thing you're talking about happening. Honestly, it was his moods that went first. Crap like this can start years before you start connecting the dots that dementia is happening. It can go fast too. Every case is different. But, I'm reading this and I'm that's where my mind goes. Like she was fine until fairly recently, hasn't been a shit disturber, and now the drama is starting.

Not that it matters. The whole situation sucks and I'm sorry you're going through it.

 

So sorry to hear about your family problems. I hope you can at least avoid serious conflict by distancing yourself.
My immediate family is pretty stable, but I remember incidents in my childhood that made me feel uncomfortable, and I was only a child.

Now most of my cousins are parent-less, (or have lost one parent, as I have.) we tend to get on much better. I like to think we all learned well from the problems our parents had.

 

The only real valuable episode of Oprah I've ever watched was the one on divorcing family members who make you unhappy. When someone starts acting toxic, I make sure they can't track me down.

 

I guess family is not all it's cracked up to be.....

 

I wasn't allowed in the in-laws house for 6 years (1 year of engagement and 5 years of marriage). What did I do to deserve this? Date/marry their daughter. They are borderline abusive. Their method of control over my wife was instilling fear in her if she didn't do what they said. For a long time they had a monopoly on thought. She didn't drive until 21 because they told her not to. Went to law school rather than MBA for psychology even though she knew she wasn't a fit and failed out 2 years later. When I was another voice, and to my wife's credit a voice she was open to listening to she was able to move past their control. They could not handle losing their monopoly on thought. We didn't speak or spend time in the same room during those 6 years. Frankly, not having to deal with their BS was rather peaceful for those six years. My wife talked to them and visited some, but nothing relative to what it was before. What changed? My son. It's amazing what happens when she told them her son wasn't going anywhere her husband wasn't welcome. In this situation, kids provide an opening to stay civil. Will we ever have a close relationship? no. Have we learned how to be civil? yes. I would say hang in there, but I don't know your relationship with your wife and that family beyond a couple of paragraphs.

 

One thing you wont be able to do is change them, crazy(and stupid) cant be fixed, you can tolerate it, you can try to change the subject, or you can do what you're afraid to do - tell them you dont want to hear it, tell them the truth(whatever that is), stand up for yourself, etc. I feel for you.

 

these people sound toxic, I wouldn't want my kid around them at all, especially if your wife is still not completely out from under their mind control yet
ive been in early child education / treatment field for 24 years, youd be amazed at how much personality is formed by osmosis, tread carefully