Sometimes it's hard being a parent - WWYD?

So my 15 year old son thinks it's the end of his world because I will not buy him the new Grand Theft Auto game that came out last night. I almost was going to until I read the game content and rating. I was beyond shocked.

Now I am officially the worst mom in the world because "all" of his friends have this game and he doesn't.

I would list the content here but some of it I can't even type. We do allow him to watch rated R movies that we have pre screened and he is far from living a sheltered life - I just don't believe in exposing kids to things that aren't really necessary.

Do you think that game is appropriate for a younger teen? I'm just curious if I am in the minority here or what.

Edit: Oops sorry Sonya, I posted in the wrong one - can you move to non-vegas chat? Thank you!!

 

The GTA games are awesome so even though I'm over twice the age of your son I can sympathize with him, GTA V is one of the biggest game launches in history. I got rid of my gaming consoles during an overseas move but I would buy one again just for this game.

Then again if I were a parent I probably wouldn't want him playing GTA at his age either. It is a game where morality isn't a virtue. Whatever you do though, don't try to make it up to him by buying him something else. There are enough spoiled kids with feelings of entitlement in this country already. You laid down the law and he'll have to get over it.

 

You are not sheltering him he will get to play the game everytime he leaves your house to go to a friend,the fact you deemed the game too " naughty" for him makes it even more attractive .

You know at 15 he's already seen it all, when it come to sex and violence

even in my day thats before internet/cellphone we had seen it all by then

 

As others have said, you aren't doing anything wrong and changing decision will only increase your kids level of spoildness and entitlement. Even if you were prone to think about it, throwing a fit and giving you grief should have solidified your resolve.

Parents should be given "don't bow to peer pressure" PSA's just like kids.

 

If he truly thinks this is an appropriate game, ask him to come up with 5 solid reasons why that game IS appropriate for him and require him to have sources and do his research, logical typed responses and such. ("Other kids do" is not a real argument). Most kids will balk at the work and realize it's not worth it. Who knows, maybe he could find a way to convince you!

 

Oh I know that, I have read his text messages. Yes - I read my kids' text messages...because I pay the phone bill and because I have that right as a parent of a minor.

When I said "all" his friends...I was being sarcastic. I've already spoken to the parents of the kids he hangs out with at their houses. Only one of them was allowed to have the game and that's because his parents are totally clueless...and because of that - and many other reasons, I don't allow my son over this kid's house.

I'm not blind, nor stupid...I was doing some things at 15 that I'm not proud of but if I can keep from being an enabler, then I will try my hardest. My son and I have a really good relationship and I can honestly say that he knows my decisions are because I love him and want what is best for him. I had him when I was 20 and barely out my own house myself so it's like I've grown up with him. We have some pretty good conversations about things.

Not saying that will keep him from doing stupid s*** but I'm hoping it will be enough that when faced with a decision he will stop and think about out conversations etc...and that fact before he proceeds. You get to a point where you have to trust that they choose what is right and hope you've brought them up right. That's all I can ask for.

BlueSkadoo: that is a great idea. Normally the reason I get from him is "because". Might have to try that.

My suspicions are by the time I get home he'll already be over it and bugging me about what's for dinner.

 

(First, I’m not a parent. So, take this however you choose.)

I don’t know how I’d feel about this. I’m certainly not one who buys the argument that he’s going to turn into an awful person because he has to “play” one in the video games. And I’m sure that even at his age, he can distinguish between what ideals one should respect in the real world and those that one embodies in the virtual world as a means of escape and entertainment.

But, 15 is a pretty impressionable age. And I can definitely understand you not wanting your son to have a game that glorifies violence, drugs, misogyny and the like. And the GTA games most definitely do just that, even if there is a significant degree of satire involved.

Either way, despite what he surely thinks, you know what’s better for him than he does. He’s still a kid. Some choices you just have to make for him. So, hold your ground whatever you decide. He’ll eventually understand.



Having said that…despite the fact that I only play video games about two or three times a year, I do think I’ll have to pick this one up. It does look pretty bad ass.

 

There isn't one blanket answer for that question... it will depend on things like upbringing, past exposure and maturity level, among other things.

But that said, I think its hard for parents to shelter and protect kids like they could in the past and so perhaps it would be better to bring something like this in to home voluntarily where you know its there, you can monitor it and discuss something if you feel something needs to be discussed, as well the game might have in game settings that let you tone down the sex, drugs and violence.

And that is largely because with the internet and cable TV its to where anybody can pretty much find just about anything out there, plus I also think making a big deal out of something or labeling it "taboo" or "forbidden" just makes it more interesting.

As for this game specifically:
The "M" rating on this game means 17+ and unless your kid just turned 15 that means they are maybe roughly a year and a half from being able to buy this game on their own.
But as well, if some of his friends have this game he can probably just end up going over to their place to play the game or just borrow it from one of them and sneak it in to the house when they are done or taking a break from it - to where maybe it is better to know what he is playing/seeing/doing than forcing him to have to sneak around behind your back to play the game.

 

I don't think it's about what he's seen and hasn't seen by the age of 15. It's about respect. Your house, your rules. If you don't want a certain thing in your house, then it's not in your house. My other thought is that by 15 he can earn the money to buy it himself if he wants it that bad. A lot of us were doing something to earn money by the time we were 13. If he does earn the money for it and buys it, it has to be played on your terms; with headphones so you don't have to hear it, played only certain hours etc.

 

You have made some wise choices. Good for you for reading the texts as well. Here is something that too many parents today don't seem to understand. Many times there can be a difference between parent and friend. It is better to error leaning toward the parent side and kids more often than not appreciate it later in life.

 

I'm going to have to disagree with you: Sometimes its EASY being a parent. Pretty much every other time its hard as hell...LOL

Seriosly though, Kudos to you for using your head and trying to do what's right by your kid.

 

Good post... I agree. I am a parent and I don't shelter my kids from this kinda stuff. We talk a lot... they don't run in their room and hide for all hours a day like some families we know. I also haven't and wouldn't read their texts at 15, unless there'd been some real disciplinary issues previously.

But that's what works for me and our kids... I urge you to do what works for you and your family. I respect that you have rules and boundaries, though stricter than mine, that's OK... it's your family. So many kids today are on "automatic pilot" and are being raised by TV, video games and movies.

You sound like a great parent to me...

 

I thought the game just had violence...some drug use and language - which, not that I'm OK with it but I know he sees that on TV and we have conversations about stuff. I know that he's not mentally unstable and that he knows it is just acting.

The sex thing - yeah we've had that conversation too so that's not shocking. What was shocking was references to necrophilia being featured in the game, something about characters wiping s*** on each other, male characters doing something with their genetalia and some other things that included a feature where the player actively would participate in different types of tourturing techniques etc.. All that I think is just unnecessary and over the top.

I agree that this probably could've been a pretty cool game (and I would've bought it for him) but why they have to include some of that stuff is beyond me. I just don't get it.

Thanks for the kudos - I will be the first to admit (and proudly) that I am all up in my kids' lives..all the time. Neither of them feel smothered - they feel loved. We have a house and family of love, positivity and support...and because of this I hope it helps as they get older.

 

This reminds me I need to go get GTA5 asap! Thanks!

 

Did you know legally you can not go through a kids text messages or fb messages without their permission. Kids have taken parents to court and won as a violation of their rights. Owning the phone does not matter. I get around this by asking my kid to log in for me and let him know i am going to check on things, he has a mouth with other teenagers and i just check to make sure he is being appropriate but only a couple times a year.

As a parent there is no clear cut answer, you do what you feel is right. You can not back down now though, you can do as one pp suggested and make him do "home work" for it if you choose.

My son worked a catering event with me and earned his own money and his uncle took him to buy it. The one thing i told him when he agreed to work this event was that it was his money to do with as he chooses so i could not go back on my word to him either. I am not a fan of the content but i could not add conditions after the fact, that would not be fair to him. He is also 15 but i am pretty sure he will be more interested in the cars than anything else.

 

Good points. I don't have to sneak around to check their texts. I just ask them and they hand it over. It's harder with my daughter. She is more apt to be sneaky and hide stuff (I think it's a girl thing) but my son is just out there. He knows what is on his phone - cuss words and all - but he has no arguments letting me check as a spur of the moment request. My son can get himself in enough trouble just by opening his mouth -- he tends to tell me just about everything at times...which includes telling on himself on occasion.

I'm glad he feels comfortable enough to do that.

 

My son was trying to convince us last night to run out at midnight to pickup a copy for him so I can totally relate to your situation.

My advice, don't ask for advice! *YOU* are the only person that knows if he is old enough for the game or not. Every kid is different, and what is ok for one kid isn't for another. My son is more mature than his older cousin or many of his older friends, but we still set firm limits on him (which he likes). This is clearly not designed as a kid game, but many parents will buy it for their kids with no question.

Our son has been allowed to play (multiplayer only) a previous game in the series. I suspect this new one will be ok as for multiplayer as well, but the storyline is clearly NOT going to be allowed. He wouldn't want to play it anyway.

Our son would "die" if I read his text hehe but he's always offered to let me if I ever want to. However, the thought of reading male teen text is NOT my idea of fun.

 

My son is 14. He is an A student. He is respectful, athletic, bright. He is well liked, well behaved, well adjusted, etc.

He has a few GTA games and I have watched him play. I see him smash human skulls with bricks, chainsaw hookers into little pieces, and ram old ladies crossing the street with his car driving 70MPH. What great fun for a 14 year old boy.

He understands it's just a game. Like most normal people, he can separate the game from the real world.

When I was a boy, I would play with my friends. We would "kill" each other dozens of times each day. My son just kills images on a TV screen. Same thing.

Each kid is different. Each parent is different. Do what you think is best. Monitor and adjust as needed.

 

Just make sure he understands this. ^^^ He is already exposed to it on TV and movies.

BTW, in the older versions you got points for screwing and bashing prostitutes.

Did they take that out of it? That was the biggest problem for most the parents I know.

 

Your kid thinks you are the most stupid parent in the world.....


of course by the time he's 24 he'll wonder how you managed to learn so much.


you've already drawn the line in the sand. now its up to you to find an appropriate way to defend it or negotiate.

I wish you luck but its your kid - I'm sure you know what you need to do.