Get your affairs in order!

After losing two brothers and a SIL in the span of 17 days in April, I am trying to get my affairs in order. I thought I was well prepared for my wife to take over if I died. I had a spread sheet where all the accounts were, telephone numbers for each account and the balance in each account. And also all the log-in info.

After a very long talk with my nephew, who is handling his dad's estate, I realize I am not and have been working on this the better part of the morning. My brother had auto-pay on some things, but not all, even when it was available. His wife is now getting past due notices and is in a panic. My nephew is handling it, but it got me working.

Besides all the account info, I am working on what is auto pay, what must be paid with a check, etc.
There are a lot of accounts I never thought of. Newspapers (3) magazines (4) the water bill, water softener bill. The list goes on. Where all the checks for the different accounts are located. Little stuff like that.

Anyway, make sure you have all that info available if your spouse suddenly passes away. I hope that doesn't happen to anyone, but make it easier on the surviving spouse to provide the needed info. Yes, I am in a dark mood the last 6 weeks.

 

That is sad you lost so many people in such a short time, sorry.

My folks both passed about eight years ago, and they were super organized with all the things you mentioned but my sister and I just closed out the estate. It is amazing the complexity of day to day life from a "legal" point of view.

We found all these little things along the way, the oddest I think was a few shares of a stock, worth under a hundred dollars total that needed a password to move or liquidate. It didn't turn up until three years after they were gone, and took what seemed like hours of phone calls and emails to finish. Copies of death certificates and estate docs, all for a hundred bucks or so.

The preparations go far beyond just having a Will that is for sure.

 

Good advice.

My mother passed away last week, 10 days after being diagnosed with cancer. She has no will and I am not even sure where to start. Estate lawyers and inheritance taxes are going to eat so much it makes me think she would have been better off not owning anything.

With that said, I am clearly going to be organizing my own life. My children/husband don't deserve to deal with paperwork while grieving.

Sorry Joe for losing so many in such a short time.

 

I had my will and my own funeral arrangements done recently.

 

I plan on just being broke going into it so just look for the coffee can under the bad.

 

Thank you for this reminder.

Here at my work they were trying to get us to sign up for some service called Cake - an online service, basically covering aspects of death and "end of life preferences." It's all kind of overwhelming and I haven't done much with it, but at the very least, I can slap together a list of accounts, bills and passwords for the next of kin to consult. Not planning on going soon but you don't always get notified of the plan! Sorry you have had so much loss in your life now.

 

Don't be afraid to leave a copy of this stuff somewhere else. Your spouse is liable to be overwhelmed when you die. Leave it with a kid or sibling you trust, or someone like a lawyer. At least the list of accounts and bills you pay. You may want to control the account passwords for obvious reasons.

Or, say it is in the safe deposit box and make sure your kids know to take your wife/husband/executor/whatever

Also it's not a bad idea to make sure you have enough cash in checking for people to float some initial expenses as they come up

 

If you do that, make sure there are other names on the account (spouse, kid etc) so they can access the funds without waiting for probate....

 

As someone who specializes in estate related tax matters, I can't possibly stress how important things like this are. It is a very difficult time for loved ones even when things go as smoothly as possible. When they aren't well orchestrated it is very overwhelming and stressful. No one wants to think that their time may be ending, however it is much better to plan in advance than to leave your loved ones scrambling.

 

Also pass the list of passwords/accounts to your executor as well, especially if family isn't in the local area.

 

Such good advice Joe! My Dad passed in 2012. He and my Mom got everything "organized" in a trust in 2007. That helped, but I learned a lot! Dad paid all the bills on his bank's bill-pay, but we didn't know the password. I use the same bank, so I recreated everything on a new bill pay with a new password and as the bills came in Mom read the info to me over the phone (I live 4 hours away).

I had to put Mom in an assisted-living memory-care facility last year, but that gave me a 4 year head-start on combining accounts, closing accounts, liquidating assets (properties, motorhome, boat, etc.) while Mom was still able to sign things. Now that she's been declared (per the trust) as incapable of managing her own affairs, I've had to use the Power of Attorney papers, etc. It really is quite an undertaking submitting copies of the trust, death-certs for Dad, etc. for Social Security, insurance reasons, sale of the properties and on and on. Now... all I have to do is pay for Mom's monthly fee at the facility and a few Dr. visits for her here and there out of the trust's checking account and visit her as often as I can before she doesn't recognize me anymore. I have the balance of trust safely and conservatively invested and this really isn't much of a chore anymore, as I sold their primary residence a couple months ago. It sure was a lot to get me arms around early on though and they were pretty organized.

 

You know, dying doesn't scare me, but ending up in a home with Alzheimer's scares the crap out of me. Not knowing my wife or what is left of my close family, is terrifying. I don't obsess over it, but it is scary. We both decided we don't want to be on machines to live, but healthy and losing your facilities could be worse.

We did establish a revocable trust 10+ years ago and put my nephew in charge when he was young. Because my brothers were 12 and 15 years older then me, I went with a smart nephew. Holy crap, he is now 53.

 

Also, I didn't see it yet, putting transfer on death on houses, cars, accounts, etc. can ease probate costs and disputes.

You can get almost everything set up to where probate is just a rubber stamp.

 

I left it all to my sister, but she is going to jump through fiery hoops to get anything she isn't the beneficiary of, such as my house and my bank accounts. Those are to be held by the executor until I am safely in my nook in Arlington.

 

Sadly, not every state permits TOD on real estate, though it is becoming more common.

 

Good to know. my frame of reference is where I live.

 

Confused here Breeze. You say you left it all to your sister, but then you say she won't get anything she isn't the beneficiary of, including house and bank accounts. So where is that going?

 

Losing those you hold dear is hard enough, but then taking care of all of their affairs is tiresome and daunting. All you want to do is grieve, but you're forced to close accounts and provide death certificates, etc. My mom's been gone over a year and half and there are still things ongoing. So much is left out of your control when things aren't arranged/outlined/in order before their death. We thought we were prepared - TOD for her home was our one saving grace, but there was much overlooked. I have had to forfeit far more than I ever imagined. The greatest gift you can give a loved one is having your estate plans in order and advance directives in place, etc. I am very sorry for your loss.

The only sure thing in life is death, but gosh it can be cruel. My father in law was healthy as can be, but suffered from Frontotemporal dementia for nearly ten years before his death at 59. My mom had her wits about her, but cancer destroyed her and she was gone at 57. Either way just doesn't seem fair.

 

The executor, my lawyer, will release those when my final wishes are completed. It is in the will.