Chong Li Wins in Vegas 3/20-3/25

Backstory:

This was my 6th trip to vegas but first alone. I had always dreamed of doing this but it would probably never had become a reality without needing to go out on business. I play a very sophisticated style of slot machining (Play shit tons of games and pray for wins), an even more sophisticated style of BJ (Put money down and generally lose it and chase losses), and a very fruitful style of all other games (I don't play them). I love to drink a lot with my preference being at least 2-3 shots to start the night followed by numerous beers and the occasional double fisting if it is allowed (Love vegas for the lack of people giving a craps about getting you a drink when you already have one). I will end the use of parentheses at the end of every sentence starting now.

Location, Flights, and transport:

At the Hard Rock all week in a Casino Tower room. I had looked online prior to the trip and was intrigued by the french doors leading to the outside as I am a smoker but am not into a room full of smoke. I flew out of Hartford on Southwest leaving at 5:15am on 3/20 with the flight back being at 2:30pm on 3/25. I rented a car just because the rates were cheap and I appreciate the convenience and lack of having to pay for parking off strip. I ended up taking many, many uber/lyft rides due to the drinking though.

Pre Trip Plans (To be followed by what actually happened)

I strongly considered using a two nights free offer at the shittier of the MGM properties so I could be on strip and had some slot and food offers tacked onto it but just could not really justify the parking fee plus resort fees when I already had a free room. Also planned to drink a lot in the room followed by drinking a lot at places like Casino Royale mixed with heading downtown 2-3 times for good BJ. I planned on going to stage door to drink a lot, maybe see a show, eat at a few buffets I never care to pay for (had a work stipend each day for food), hit the peppermill, and have some really fun sessions of BJ. My gambling budget was right about $1200 for the week but I knew work was going to be a huge time commitment.

The Day by Day:

Monday
First leg of flight:
Woke up at 3am with little sleep and right about 28 degree weather. Got right in the car and left to an off airport parking place. $43 for almost a week was decent I thought. Shuttle to BDL and I'm ready to roll about 30 mins before boarding. I was equipped with a phone, tablet, beats wireless headphones, one of those 4 port USB portable charging things, and a few movies to watch. First flight they announce is barely half full so the recommendation was spread out and enjoy.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/153380094@N04/33309472550/in/dateposted-public/

I watched "The Edge of Seventeen" based off its ratings and it was a pretty awesome and fun movie. I then watched some of that free Directv while trying to doze off but that didn't really work. I switched to some downloaded podcasts of Joe Rogan followed by some Radiolab. Somewhere in the I caught prob 45 mins of sleep before landing in Chicago for the layover of about 90 mins.

Second Leg of flight:
While in Chicago I thought oh crap my flight is gonna be leaving soon and then realized the time difference so I decided to crush 2 sausage egg mcmuffins and two hashbrowns. I was seriously concerned about farting up the plane so I forced out a crap to try and avoid (Yes I still am using parentheses and yes I talk about my crapping). Second leg the plane was more full but I got into a window seat and tried to look extra fat to avoid people taking the middle. I failed. Then I queued up a second movie, "Starred Up: but the damn english accents were so strong and I couldn't turn on the subtitles so that mission was a fail. Then this dude next to me starts laying out the most terrible SBD burps and it smells like kielbasa over and over. I know you all know that hot dog dirty putrid smell and it was just unbearable. I started with the groans and huffs then moved on to the putting my shirt over my nose move to hopefully and non-confrontationally get him to turn that shit off but it didn't work. At this point I was saddened by my consideration for others and wished I could unleash farts from the deepest depths of Mcdonalds hell on him. I failed at that too. So alas I struggled and just pulled the hoodie over my head and dreamt of Vegas until we landed.

Some photos from my second leg:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/153380094@N04/33309474320/in/dateposted-public/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/153380094@N04/33652700176/in/dateposted-public/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/153380094@N04/33309475660/in/dateposted-public/

Arrival in Paradise:
Upon landing I laughed as usual at the drones immediately getting up and crowding the middle as if people are not going to go out in the orderly fashion that is getting out of the plane. Off to baggage and the shuttle to rental madness. No lines at EZ and I had my Kio Forte Extreme Edition within minutes. BTW it is the extreme edition because I am driving and I am EXTREME. Then I had a few decisions to make. Should I hit the Hard Rock and try to check in, should I hit the packie (I had 10 nips of fireball in my luggage), or should I hit a casino.

The Gambling begins:
High tailed it to the Orleans just because I hadn't been there in a while and immediately hit the gift shop for a 24 oz. bud light. I am an IPA man mostly but I am also pretty cheap when it comes to alcohol so that did just fine. Could not resist the first machine:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/153380094@N04/33537249322/in/dateposted-public/

I threw in several $20's and what I thought was going to be my awesome start was a bunch of OMG I'm filling the screen followed by results of $5-6 with my $2ish bets. Moved on to a WOF machine and this guy was just lit up behind me cheering my on to this less than epic win:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/153380094@N04/33309482380/in/dateposted-public/

I decided it was time to get to home base.

Arriving at the Hard Rock I quickly checked in and requested a casino tower smoking room with 2 queens. I like to have the second bed to lay out all my clothes cause F drawers. Here is what my room looked like.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/153380094@N04/32850758184/in/dateposted-public/

And here is my fridge for medication

https://www.flickr.com/photos/153380094@N04/33693605715/in/dateposted-public/

Once that was done I left and hit the Lee's on E. Flamingo (I think that is right) to pick up some more beer and a bottle of JD. From there I hit Tuscany just because I like the place (nothing exciting just a few lots) then my virgin trip to Ellis Island. Holy crap, I love that place. I made it a go to each night of gambling. Decent slot selection but more importantly the $2.25 big ass beers and the good BJ conditions had me. Then I start to get friendly with the dealers and shit bro they are awesome. One guy in particular, Gary, who looks like some stud from Grease, was just awesome. When I got home I told my wife about him and she def had the look of wow you really have a Vegas man crush on this dude. Yep.... and then she said she needs to meet him on our April trip. I am betting $20 at 2 hands up and down and I come out about $100 ahead on a $100 buy in so that puts me even from Sharknado Fartnado. The other stuff in between was neither here nor there. The other dealers were also great but one nice girl was pregnant and with me having kids and seeing all the smoke (no I am not that asshole) had me thinking. That is as deep as this report gets though.

Back to the Hard Rock for some work on those beers and peeps from my job wanna get down for dinner so next stop is Culinary Dropout. We order a stupid amount of appetizers and I get anything that has the word mule in it from the drink list. Food was fine enough but nothing to write home about. I and another dude from work go back to the room and start working on that JD and those beers. I show him how to roll his own smokes using a:

https://www.amazon.com/PREMIER-Supermatic-Cigarette-Injector-Machine/dp/B001115JIK

We start to talk work but that quickly turns into action scenes including: Braveheart, We Were Soldiers, Saving Private Ryan, Tom Yum Goong, Brotherhood of the Wolf, Distrcit B13, and others. It then turns into music videos including:





So once that has run its course we get to gambling. He said he wants to play BJ and I suggest we team up on slots. Short version is we hit and run on everything losing more than winning while hitting the bars and just taking in everything we can ingest. We then hit a BJ table and I realize immediately he has no idea what is going on (it is all 6/5 but i'm planted and want to play at this point so no other options). Not to say he was too drunk but I play a pretty strict basic strategy so if someone I am with (not others unless they ask) is having decision trouble I step in. He calls me the BJ wizard which as you prob all know is hilarious when you are just playing basic. In the end he loses about $200 and I lose about $400. End of night, I am down $400. It is 1:20am so holy shit I am bent and have to work.

Day 2 To come...

 

Great start to your TR, pultzar!

Ba da ba ba bah, I'm Lovin' It!

RICHARD

 

Man this was a monster start. Pretty good so far. Please don't leave us hanging.

 

Fun read so far. Hoping the OP didn't die after Day 1 as I kind of wanted some more mayhem first!

 

Lol

 

Good start! Look forward to reading you "breaking" Vegas!

 

Paging Chong Li... Chong Li???

 

Frank Dux must have gotten to him.

 

liking the Bloodsport references in here

Jackson's lost bandana needed retrieval again

 

LOL... Leaving us hanging here...

 

It is going to take me at least a week to write this out.

Day 2

This is by far going to be the most boring part of the report so I will keep it shortish. I wake up in that haze of where the F am I. Oh wait this isn't my bedroom... I'm in a hotel room, my alarm is going off, what has happened. Oh right, duh. As I stumble into the bathroom to take a shower there is a gleaming light on the counter. An empty big ass bottle of smart water with 2 empty pedialyte strawberry lemonade packets next to it. I remembered dammit, I REMEMBERED!!!!!!! After basking in my uber responsible post drinking greatness, I shower up and realize I am actually feeling pretty darn good. I get dressed and head off to work. Zero work details of course need to be in here.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Boom it is 6pm

I end up going to Level Up at MGM with some people. I had had quite the night as we know so I took it easy knowing my gas tank was needed for the rest of the days. The place was ok I guess but feel it was kinda half assed. I think it is a shame they threw sigma derby in there to drum up some attention and the big stadium BJ area was a ghost town. We have the golf simulator thing reserved and proceed to start with this mini golf game. I was underwhelmed until the entire floor shifted so all the putts were going to have some actually strategy in getting them in. There was the silliest bennie hill type music playing each time it was someone's turn which got stuck in my head for the rest of the night. We ordered every appetizer that could be served and 15 or so minutes later the 2x2 single coffee like table is covered in apps. Well that was about 1/4 of what was ordered so next thing you know every available space around the playing area has food on it. It would've been quite the odd panoramic shot but alas I was in no mood for pics. Next up is the driving range sim and it was ok but ogre strength yielded several drives that would not have made it past the ladies tee. Pitchers of beer and the occasional shot are going around but I took off at a very reasonable time and headed back to the room. Pretty epic I had a night in Vegas without gambling but do not fret my VMB friends... this will be made up in the following days.

As I return to my room I notice my DND sign is gone (hulk smash mad when this happens). Of course housekeeping has been in the room which I feel bad about because I left it a wreck. After I throw my clothes on the second bed I look down and see my only quasi gambling win of the bed. In my pocket dump process the night before I dropped a black chip on the ground, and housekeeping either didn't see it or didn't take it. Either way I am pumped!! Then I throw on Sportscenter and proceed to crash in the stupid comfy bed. I must say I am generally into a hard mattress but enjoyed the soft, fluffiness of that one. After waking up a few times to Lebron getting interrogated about that college players father being a dbag and seeing the 5 second fight between Lopez and Ibatka I almost had the entire sportscenter memorized... with a bennie hill music backround. 9 hours of well needed sleep later, I prepared for what would be my most fruitful day of gambling ever (I am not exactly captain High Roller so there will be not $3000+ wins.)
X < $3000 > $500 for Wednesday so I will give that teaser. Day 3 story of total fun to come! ETW tomorrow or Friday.

 

GREAT start to your trip report and then I was cracking up when you disappeared for a bit. Sounds like you had a great time. Looking forward to the rest!

 

You sound like my husband and his friends- they would be right at home with you on the plane.

 

Lucky they didn't interpret that black chip as a nice tip!

 

Great writing and trip!

TomTWI

 

Great update so far... Glad to see your black chip wasn't taken by housekeeping!

 

Nice update! Look forward to the next part!

 

Day 3.5

Day of Vegas Days part 1

Preface: Prior to this fantastic day my 2 largest wins were a night a few years ago downtown where I won $900 mostly playing BJ and a handpay day at Mohegan Sun where I hit one of the 3 wheeled Wonka machines for $1600. I am satisfied winning any amount but there are just those days where you feel like you can't lose. I find they almost always start with a nice win, and that theory would prove true.

Morning:

Wake up fully charged after my epic sleep and begin to shake bennie hill off of my head. I decide it is the day to look my best at work so I put on my formal attire (Polo and Jeans). The gambling itch is hitting me so hard at this point but I know I need to muscle through the day to get my fix. Work and >>>>> 6pm again

Early Evening:
As I return to my room I had decided to not hit the strip or downtown once (besides going to level up but that doesn't count to me) because I would leave that for my upcoming trip with wifey. We haven't been for two years when it had been a yearly honeymoon for the previous 5. I say honeymoon because when we go to Vegas it is like the 1.0 version of our marriage. No kids, no responsibilities, she drinks a fark ton, I drink a fark ton and there is not a care in the world.

Soon as I think I am ready for my journey I notice there is a calendar invite for an all hands work dinner. The look of utter disdain on my face is probably similar to when Frank Dux sees chong li crush harley davidson mans face with his foot (may or may not be my only JCVD reference of this day). Fine, whatever, I exchange one polo for another and take an Uber to Firefly tapas restaurant. Now I don't do tapas in general, I do man plates of food. I am efficient with my eating meaning give me a big plate, I stuff my face, then I leave... hopefully in the span of 20-25 minutes. This calendar invite says 7-10. No chance in hell.

I shit you not there was at least 10 rounds of food before I left "early". Overall, I would give it an 7.5 out of 10. Here are the plates I recall with my scoring on a 1-5 basis.
Apple and Machego Salad > 9 (I crushed so much of this shit. I could not stop. I just kept filling my 3 inch x 3 inch plate with it over and over). In total, I prob had a 12x12 plate of MANchego.
Artichoke Toasts > 7 (Solid).
Bacon Stuffed Dates > 15... MFer these damn things, these morsels from the heavens. I was so blown away I strategically moved to different spots at the large table solely based on the number of bacon dates left in the plate and inconspicuously crushed all that I could.
Bowl of Stupid Olives > -10000 I absolutely despise olives and watching people just mow through bowls that had prob 30 of them each was sickening.
Ribeye > 8. They took ribeye and sliced it up tapas style and it was pretty good all things considered.
Some kind of chicken in sauce > 2.4 I don't know how you f up chicken but they nailed it. Dry but sauced. How. Why. What. FAIL.
Paella > 1.2 This looked pretty darn awesome. It had shrimp and some mystery meat in it but was dry as hell. It kinda reminded me of gumbo from Golden Corral. If they had gumbo. Or that random weird dish with shrimp you see at buffets that hasn't been touched.

We had a couple of drink tickets for free drinks but after ordering another thing with "mule" in it they informed us the tix were only good for well drinks. I asked what type of well vodka do they have and it was smirnoff. Then I proceed through the other major liquor categories and my recollection of their response was fart, terd, booty, and feet. So I went with Smirnoff and had a vodka cran pineapple. I don't remember much of the other dishes but no one cares anyways as I hit the highs and lows. Service was slow and robotic (in a 1970's computer way). I find a female who wants to leave so of course I will go back to the hotel with her because that is what gentleman do (evil gambling laughter)

Post Bullshit Evening:
I hop in the rental and head to CVS next door. I purchase the following

They were actually all Chardonnay but whatev

24 oz stone IPA

Upon returning to the room I flush 2 fireball shots down the hatch and fire off 2 beers. It's go time!

I head downstairs with the intention of double fisting the oddly sized box of wine and a beer. I locate a good CW traffic area and sit down on a top dollar machine and throw a hundo in. First couple spins I'm up $20ish and then I decide to up it to $1 a line and the party gets going.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/153380094@N04/32880306143/in/dateposted-public/

That was $360 I just had changed the denomination before I snapped the photo for you head scratchers (See total of $483)

Ok so let us do some kind of math ticker. I was -$400 on trip then I found the black chip so -$300 overall. Add the wins on top dollar and I am officially in the green at +$83. I get my dos equis from the waitress and then spin a few more times at $.25 and hit the bonus. NO, NO, NO, $22.50 sure. Ok now I am +$102 (not doing the change thing)

Disclaimer: I am drinking now so my math is slightly off but I have the winning pic later.

Up to the room, shove another black box in my pocket and grab the stone ipa. Hitch a ride to Sam's Town. Why? Why not. I ask the driver if it is cool for me to give him this $10 bill before we even start. He says yes and I show him what I have brought and in some strange accent he says "YES MAN" so I oblige and in the 15-20 minute ride to Sam's Town I have cleared them both. I enter with a slight stumble and throw on the winning slot radar. Well it worked.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/153380094@N04/32850764694/in/dateposted-public/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/153380094@N04/32880308873/in/dateposted-public/

Ok so with a few other slots mixed in I am now.... F the math ticker... I am doing well. I grab another ride and decide to go to one of the truly shitty places I have heard of, The Longhorn. Now my expectations were low... I mean real now. Possibly the lowest ever for a casino. And it was even below that. There were prob just as much security as there were patrons, the smoke even for a smoker was like a day in Delhi, and the slots were down right toxic looking. I head to the bar and ask about beer specials. Dude points into a cooler and says $1 for anything in there. Ok we are talking my language. I grab a brew and find slots I have never seen. I swear there were strange chinese clones of slots I am used to playing (not the clones we all see) I took no pics here because frankly I start to really suck at doing that when getting drunk. Then some BJ where I find a local and ask him about the place. He says no tourist ever comes here. I end up winning $50 from a $100 buy in and decide to cash out. The cage, aka single window with a line of ratchet ass looking locals cashing in their $5 chips takes a few and I feel like royalty when the lady has to reach into a separate box to pull out a $100 and a $50. Goodbye Longhorn forever.

Next stop is Tuscany. I proceed to the bar and ask how much their $8 beers are. "We do not have $8 beers". Win. I asked how much their $6 beers are. "We have no $6 beers." So then I ask how much for a shock top and a shot of jack and she says $9 so I take that and tell her I'll be back shortly. This bartender was so dope. I'm not into tattoos in general but she has every category covered in the most non creepy way. Slot radar is on and:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/153380094@N04/32850763564/in/dateposted-public/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/153380094@N04/32880307453/in/dateposted-public/

Ok so things are really looking up now. I trip my way towards a blackjack table, drop a $100 down, then realize I did not fulfill my obligation to hot bartender numba 1 and return. So I leave the table (without my $100 or chips and any acknowledgement) go back up, get the same, and proceed to look for said table in the wrong area. I started to sweat, doubt myself, wonder if that really happened, sweat more, swig of beer, swig of beer, what do I do. Then, a tap on the shoulder. "Umm yes." "Sir, this way please." Now I am really confused and wondering if I'm being escorted out. Well of course not, it is Vegas, I am being escorted right to the table I left with chips ready to go. Tuscany Casino, you get a +1 in my book. 10 or so minutes later and I have doubled my buy in. Generally my BJ rules when I'm not looking to stay long are double the buy in or walk with half. Well we know how that worked.

Shitty math calculation says I'm up............. lets call it +$600.

Second half of day 3 to come (i'm spent and am craving some video games)

 

Loving your report! After Smirnoff you hear the same things I do!

 

Sadly I thought of the actor's real name (Donald Gibb) before the character's name (Ray Jackson). Been awhile since I've seen it on cable...haha

Good installment. Next time you hit up Tuscany, hit up Pub 365! Bunch of craft beers comped if you play VP!