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Trip Report #13: BeeeJay & Gaggles Put the ROYAL in Casino Royale!

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by BeeeJay, Jun 25, 2009.

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  1. BeeeJay

    BeeeJay President of The Red Lobster Hostess Satisfaction

    Joined:
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    My Trip Report

    Four weeks had passed since my early May Vegas trip, seven weeks filled with ROYALS!!!!

    ROYAL pains-in-the-ass, that is.

    The never-ending Chicago rain was constantly beating on my house, just like my wife was constantly beating on me.

    The pitter patter of rain drops was only drowned out by the pitter patter of tear drops and constant whining from my kids.

    My twin set of W-2G’s from May was no consolation for the bottle upon bottle of WD-40 I needed to remove my wife’s boot from my ass on a daily basis.

    Work had replaced play, pain had replaced joy, and that my friend is no way to go thru life. It started with a drunken text from an old friend. Well actually a young hot bartender cum paralegal chick who wanted to know when my next Vegas trip was, cause she needed to get away!!!

    Like a marshmallow under the gravity of 1,000 dying stars my will crumpled in upon itself and I turned towards my computer and meekly mouthed that spellbinding word that has launched a thousand divorce proceedings: vegas!

    A week later I had reserved 3 Vegas trips, the first being set for mid-June. After some back and forth with various friends it turned out that all were ill-prepared for a trip on such notice and I would be headed solo on this trip. A few last minute cohabitants fell thru, and this was likely for the best, as they were nothing but trouble.

    So I was off to Midway airport on what the local weather skank described as one of the worst days of the year. My attempts to watch the US Open via slingplayer mobile on my phone were thwarted by hail and lightning back north hitting my satellite dish. But there was a god and that huge miles long cloud ended a few hundred yards short of the runways at Midway.

    Despite a slight delay of 90 minutes I was able to slip into an aisle seat with the middle open. I winced as each member of the “never met a buffet I didn’t like†crowd moved past my seat. Then, just as King Kong Bundy himself was about to grab that middle seat, a skinny little thing slinked her way from that back and said “Excuse me, this is my seatâ€.

    Guess she had to hit the pisser. Well King Kong’s loss was my gain as I enjoyed space, sweet perfume, and adjacent hotness all the way to Vegas…..it was a good omen!

    Upon arrival in Vegas I headed on down to baggageville and met up with Chris from Prez, probably one of the best limo drivers ever. I didn’t have a free ride as I was staying at Palazzo so I used the airport round trip special from Prez.

    We stopped at the liquor store and grabbed some supplies, Chris dropped me at Palazzo where I dropped him a $20.

    There was a lengthy wait at 5:00ish? at the invited guest line but I used the time to study the crowd. Things moved quickly and I was up at the counter in no time. I pulled out a $50 and slipped it to Mr. Blagoyevich behind the counter and we danced the quid-pro-quo dance all the way to my receiving the keys to a lovely 3rd floor “Hospitality Suiteâ€. I hadn’t heard of this room (see page 3 of this thing):

    http://www.lctshow.com/uploads/ILCT/files/SuiteInfo.pdf

    It wasn’t a big deal as I was by myself and I am thoroughly satisfied with the basic Palazzo Luxury suite, but why not check this thing out. I did not really overly enjoy the Murphy bed and small bathroom and lots of extra open space, but it was all worth it for the incredible 1,000 sq ft patio with a great view of Wynn and Encore (see pics).

    This trip was a planned 4-day weekend, staying at the Palazzo on the $250 freeplay with 3 nights comped room on a Fri, Sat, Sun…heading back home Monday around 2. My plan was to watch the golf and hit the pool by day, and hit the tables and VP machines by night.

    In addition to the Palazzo, I had set up accommodations as follows:

    TI, Petite Suite, $200 freeplay
    Gold Coast, $100 freeplay, $100 food credit
    Luxor, $500 freeplay
    PH, $100 freeplay, 2 buffet comps

    After getting settled into my room and unpacking, I popped the cork on my 750ml of Grey Goose L’Orange and mixed a few shots in with some SF Red Bull and enjoyed the patio.

    Soon enough I was off via foot to TI. On the way I passed the Club Grazie and decided later would be better for free play activation as it was packed. I took the overpass by Wynn towards the mall and then over again to TI.

    I quickly found VIP where Mark has told me to check in, and was just as quickly booted out and sent to check in at Invited Guest. No one at either, but I guess they have to maintain decorum. Idiots.

    As I waited at an empty line I vowed to play the $200 in free play, get some pics of the room, get out, and never come back to TI. And that is exactly what I did. The freeplay yielded good results, can’t remember now but it was $280ish. Played it off on a $1 bonus poker.

    The room was adequate, nice actually, but the small window was probably a lot like being a sailor in the gallows in the 17th century. No sun is no fun and I am far too spoiled by floor to ceiling windows everywhere else to spend over 3 minutes in this dungeon.

    So I bailed and jumped a cab over to my next stop, the Gold Coast. Ahhhh, the GC, quick efficient check-in, no intention of even looking at the room, tipped the check in chick $10, another $10 to the other one for laughing at my stupid jokes.

    Off to the Club Coast to get my freeplay activated. Hit that quick enough and friendly service as always. Headed over to where Jason and I play our nickel VP 10-play STP battles right by the line. The $50 went quickly and it went nicely. I played quarter 10-play and hit 4 Aces on double bonus, as well 2,3,4 4OAK twice, once with a kicker. I played some off trying to get the multiplier, when I finally did I got stiffed! Cashed out $305 on my $50 freeplay though which is about as good as it gets.

    Off to the buffet, closed down 15 minutes ago and they take the food away in 15 minutes. Jumped the fence and bribed the ladies who hadn’t shut down the register and were able to room charge. Grabbed some grub, Chinese, pizza, whatever whatever, stuffed it in the ole gullet and left in a total of about 10 minutes.

    Out of the GC and cab to the Luxor. Cabbie drops me off down low in back, head into VIP, quick check in, again chicks are kinda bitchy, but not as bad as TI. Head up to get freeplay $500 activated. While they were activating it a host gave me his card, I said I already have Brian as my host. We discussed the relative advantage of freeplay over promo chips now that Luxor started making the promo chips play and lose. Woman agent does NOT get it, tells me they are the same. I try some expected value explanation, a couple examples, blah blah, she isn’t buying so I quit selling. Tipped her a quick $10 to try to slow down Natural Selection a little and headed for high limit.

    Once in high limit I looked for the $1 blue game king, it is not there. Settled on the $5 version and played some double bonus. Double bonus was a HUGE bonus as my highest play of the trip yielded W2-G #1 for a $1,250 payoff 4OAK 8’s (see picture). Also hit for some full boats and flushes and cashed out $1,425 out of my $500---NICE START!!!!

    After this I cabbed back to Palazzo and got into some really good craps games with a dude named Con. He made out nicely and cashed 7 of the Yellers. I made some money. During this whole time playing freeplay I had blown some here and there on BJ and roulette. Another time on the craps table at Palazzo this middle eastern dude popped on for a $1K throw down on the field, I had a $25 high-low and we high fived it after my 12 roll as I collected $362 and he collected $3K. I finally headed up to bed, not really too late and called it a night.

    I woke up Saturday and watched a little golf, had some breakfast orange juice and by orange juice I mean orange grey goose and 7. I headed for the pool around 10am and being a loser by myself easily found a seat even though it was fairly crowded.

    The old ladies I sat by dispersed quickly enough as 11am neared and they plotted their 4-hour plans to hit Walgreens for blue-hair dye, mothball perfume, and tennis balls for their walkers in time to make the 3pm early bird dinner special at The Riviera’s Casa del Muerto.

    They were replaced by some younger couples and a five-some of early 30’s mom’s on staycation from their local jobs. These ladies quickly bored of my incessant banter and headed to Tao Beach. Meanwhile the cocktease waitress stopped by and I got a quick order of a double grey goose seven and a pina colada WITH Meyers floater.

    I double fisted those bad boys while struggling to keep my Compound W band-aid on my arm and avoid baring my bright white wart/mole to all. The only thing whiter than that is my daughter and ghosts are scared of her she is so white. She makes an Albino look like Dikembe Mutombo. You can almost see through her, and definitely easily can pick out the major blue veins.

    After enough time at the pool I was ready to hit the tables again. It had been a few hours and I needed to get checked in at Planet Hollywood, get some grub, and prepare for my 6pm meet with Gaggles at the Palazzo tables.

    So I hit the shower, the shower in the weird room at Palazzo was the second best thing, along with the terrace. Anywho, it has 3 massaging sprayers besides the large rain shower head. This can be a punch in the nuts for the improperly trained, as it was for me. Once I tamed that beast it was off to PH.

    Check-in at PH was pleasant as always. I took my coupons over to their g-A-y club desk and waited while some dudes argued with the guy about having to pay for their Peep Show tickets and then the host calmed them. He looked like a smooth guido so they must have been big shots, even though they both looked like Turtle from Entourage.

    I got my freeplay activated and headed towards the buffet to use my coupon. About 10 people were in line so I took the VIP line as the check-in had said VIP check-in I figured I was a VIP. Wrong. I was a douchebag. So I went back up and played thru my freeplay of $100 cashing out $122 before heading back down. The line was gone now.

    I was sat and headed up to the buffet. This is supposedly the highest ranked buffet in Vegas---the Spice Market Buffet. I found a more apt name to be the Scary Spice market buffet, and the meat on the bone reminded me of Victoria Bekham as well. I actually enjoyed many of the same items I had at the Gold Coast buffet, pizza, Chinese, etc. Gold Coast was better. Seriously. No way this dog track can compare with Wynn or Bellagio buffets. First you got all the retard teenagers in this place, then the beotch whooooore check-in gashes, and the crab Rangoon is cold and tastes fishier than the brail menu at the special Olympics of porn after-party.

    I gulleted down some basics and left this Shiite hole for better climes ASAP. Back to Palazzo on foot for a quick shower….hot as hell and sweating my ass off. Third shower of the day in that awesome shower. Text out to Gaggles and he is playing some poker at Bally’s. I head down to craps and end up meeting him there a little after 6.

    After a short intro we blew the Palazzo-sickle stand and made Casino Royale our destination. And here the LEGEND BEGINS!

    Lucky for us the two end bar tops are open and we are seated and served strong drinks ASAP. I am going with Bacardi diet and I believe Mr. Gaggles is going with maybe a crown-7 splash of roses lime or something along those lines. Well that lucky SOB gets 3 hands in and does it. He holds 2 and hits the F’n Flippin F’n ROYAL OF DIAMONDS!!!!

    I had to do a few double takes, I mean really how can you get a royal THAT FAST!?!?!? Ok so according to my camera this happened at 8:45. My machine was pissing me off for multiple reasons. We were surrounded by sketchy locals, it would not take my 100’s. I pumped in the $200 in tippin’ $20’s I had and sat for a while. Next drink I asked the bar maid for change so I could play. She told me 100 things I might be doing wrong, all of which I had tried….I had tried 9 different $100 bills, 900 different ways. Just give me a drink and the $20’s.

    She checked the hundo for a counterfeit and gave me my drink and 5 $20’s. That wouldn’t be the only hundo she would hold that night. As I bitched slapped my way through the $80 in credits (one $20 didn’t take), I got down to $25. Not even paying attention and held 3 high spades and BOOM MO FO----IT HITS!!!! THE BIG ONE. The big dog. THE KING, QUEEN and JACK of the hill, with his little bitch friends the Ace and 10!!!! THE $4,000 ROYAL!!!!

    I just sat in shock. After 50 plus Vegas trips, and in the early days often centered on nickel VP, I had hit maybe 4 Royals on single play, 2 on hundred play. And now here I was hitting the best of all, the $4,000 $1 VP Royal two trips in a row! And actually I hardly played but a few hours of VP these last two trips. Certainly didn’t have to wait the requisite 41,000 hands. I did have to wait a looooong while for Pokeyhontis and The Gimp to handpay me. Meanwhile I slipped the bar maid a hundo for her efforts with the $20’s and I slap jacked the hand payer a hundo and we got the hell outta there! I don’t think those dudes are used to big tips and thank God that dude didn’t have his other hand on the gas or he would have popped a wheelie on his scooter!

    Sidebar please: Yes I overtip. I intend to cut back. But I don’t. Just like I play stupid and act like an ass. Just like I started laughing out loud minutes ago when my friend said my picture of the Chicago skyline with a cell tower in the foreground looked like I was getting a blow job from R2D2. No SELF CONTROL. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

    Gaggles suggested we retire to the Flamingo for some craps. I found a craps table and was raring to blow thru some of my winnings. He said no this table sucks. $1,000 later I agreed. Off to another table. Now here it got weird.

    There was a dude in a Devin Hester jersey. I am from Chicago. I am like yo whaz up DH…..lets see some of that speed with the dice. We need a runback for 7 on the come out roll Doooooooggg!

    After a quick crap out that dude left, later him and his boys in Cubs gear came back. We talked Chitown, they said they live in Palatine and are here for a bachelor party. I was like yeah I used to live out that way in Rolling Meadows. They say they graduated from there. Well turns out they were best friends and one even went to rehab with this kid who OD’d on heroine and died in our 6-plex parking lot---small world!

    OK so getting damn drunk now and need to piss, spent like an hour at video poker on various machines for some reason after that. Next thing I know I go back to craps table and Gaggles is long gone. This is where it all starts to get fuzzy.

    I only remember bits and pieces but I know I went to the gold coast and played my second day $50 freeplay. I also know I hit back to back 0-00 with $60 split for $1,020 each and had trouble at the cage cashing in 4 gold coast $500 chips.

    Then I was at Café Bellagio, I think. I got in a food fight with two Hispanic kids? Who were with their mom and grandmother. I got hit with a piece of broccoli with ranch dressing all over my black shirt. That is the last thing I remember before waking up in a room at Bellagio with a couch. Not a penthouse. Total fog, headache, nausea. I walked outside, it was morning and hot. I felt like ass and throat was scratchy. My penis was a bit sore. Weird. Ok just kidding about that part! Haha.

    Anyway I had a cigarette and got in a cab to Palazzo. I got long-hauled the dude knew I was incoherent, he tried to talk me to a massage parlor called flamingo massage where he said I could get a $65 “pull job†whatever the hell that is. No thanks dude I think I just got a free “pull job†from an 65 yr old lady at Bellagio.

    Got back to the room at Palazzo, total walk of shame thru Palazzo casino, not sure why, but I definitely felt SHAME SHAME SHAME!!!!

    My wallet was full though, and that along with the remaining 375ml of grey goose were the perfect Sunday morning medicine. I needed food though and was in no shape to go out and too nauseous for the pool…so I ordered some room service burger that was incredibly overpriced. Took some medications to help the situation and all was well after food, a few hours nap. Watched some golf and laid out on the terrace a bit but I was too hungover/sick for much sun and it was hot.

    After a while I got bored of all this crap so I sent Gaggles a text. He was at Mirage playing poker. I showered and headed over there.

    I was dry as the desert still. Feeling like I needed a 2 liter of diet coke. I sat and played a hundred waiting for cocktail service, and another. Finally got my order taken and offered a pack of stoges by this crazy blonde chick cocktail waitress. Either I accidently gave her a hundo instead of a $10 tip or she is a cheap easy ho. Anywho Gaggles found me and we got a couple rounds of drinks and talked smack to this chick who was just a big tip flirt but trying to make us think she was up on the jock. I hit a 4OAK and cashed out with minimal losses and we headed to Bellagio.

    I am not sure if I was ever NOT drunk as I had gotten wasted with Gaggles Sat night, refired thru a half bottle of grey goose during the day Sun, and was now around 6pm firing up the Bacardi diets. I was thinking an early night.

    But oh no, the service at the Bellagio bar top video poker was faaarr tooo good for that. My only complaint is hitting the damn 4OAK Aces on quarter rather than dollars but I guess that is nitpicking. We had fun sitting at that bar and roaming around a bit. Ended up the bar opened up and I was able to sit at a dollar machine in the middle with Gaggles at a quarter machine right beside me.

    Some old ladies were playing near us and I got into way tooo long a convo with them. It was funny they were ripping on Asians in general taking over Cali while the asian bartender was an inch away spitting in their drinks.

    Decided to ditch the mothballs and told Gaggles I was hitting a wide open $10 craps table I had seen on my way back from the buffet pisser.

    Not 30 seconds had passed and the empty table was full from a group on mid 20’s annoying dbags. They were ok and we played and talked smack. They were a little too Gen Millenial for me though. This is where I did have a nice hit though. I pounded out a lovely $1,000 gain on this table due to two rolls. When I finally got the dice I went $50 hi/lo and hit a 12. Two rolls later I hit a $50 hard 6. I also hit a few numbers.

    After my roll I was about done, I think I made it threw Gaggles roll and I decided to cash out and head for my room. Said my goodbyes to Gaggles and his buddy had arrived. Unfortunately somewhere between the pisser and the cashier a $100 BJ table interceded. I vaguely remember Gaggles seeing me and saying hey want to head to Bally’s? as I was in a drunken stupor there, that drunken stupor went up and down and honestly remember nothing except when I got up I had enough to go to roulette and do 2 straight losing $500 spins and still cash out something.

    I had come to town with about $1,200. I had taken out $500 from an ATM. I was going home with about $2,700. I know I paid for a lot of crap in there somewhere. So basically I got punked for about $3K if it wasn’t for that ROYAL!

    So I guess I’ll call it a $1,000 win but after VOWING to stop gambling Sunday morning with a $5,100 profit booked it really feels like a loss. But OOOOOOO WELL!!! Nothing ventured, nothing gained. No guts, no glory. No balls, no babies!

    Cab back from Bellagio to Palazzo. Stumble to room. Order room service. Pass out. Get food. Pass out. Wake up 3 hrs later eat some cold fried mozzarella.

    I woke up and watched some golf until it was limo time, limo to airport, burger king as usual, flight back had a old Vietnamese lady literally laying against me sleeping with her arm around my arm rest……UGH……she was nice though so I couldn’t berate her. Fell asleep and woke up feeling good and excited to see the fam.

    To summarize the trip---I had an absolute blast partying with Gaggles and it will be awesome to have another great dude to party with in Vegas. We are both drunk fools and like to play VP and Craps, that will fit in well with Jason as he likes the same.

    I had budgeted a $4,000 loss for this trip and so I came out $5,000 the other way with a $1k win. Still though it could have been a lot more and was at one time so honestly it still felt totally like a loss. It would have been nice to have that extra money to go big budget in July but now that trip is in question due to work schedule so actually the late loss may blunt the pain if I have to skip it.

    As for rooms, the TI was pretty nice, but not enough light in that place and they don’t treat you that well and they have nasty ass cocktail waitresses. Palazzo was great, wouldn’t do that room again, it could sleep a lot of dudes but bathroom too small, no fridge or mini bar, no ice on that floor, kinda beat up. It would be really good for a wedding though, I think they market them that way.

    PH, GC, and Luxor I didn’t look at the rooms….I did hit the buffets, and I did enjoy my freeplay at all, assuming I am persona non grata at those dumps from now on.

    Well hopefully I’ll be back in 29 days and back with another report shortly after!

    I’ll try to attach a link to some pics later tonight or this weekend, not a whole lotta pics anyway except the rooms and our Royals!

    I hope you enjoyed the show!
     
  2. sporty8705

    sporty8705 VIP Whale

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    yea I wanna see pics with that...
     
  3. jgates8

    jgates8 VIP Whale

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    I will be there close to your July trip. Would love to watch you burn thru one of those hefty amounts of free play, LOL.
     
  4. BeeeJay

    BeeeJay President of The Red Lobster Hostess Satisfaction

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    Interestingly that trip I have only one bet of freeplay, a $500 chip at Bellagio....the main thing I'm using is an RFB at Encore IF I can go.
     
  5. BeeeJay

    BeeeJay President of The Red Lobster Hostess Satisfaction

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  6. Beach Crazy

    Beach Crazy Hostess With the Mostess

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    Another great TR! Always love the photos. I see what you are saying about the room but that patio rocks! :thumbsup:
     
  7. jgates8

    jgates8 VIP Whale

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    Ugh. One $500 chip - not exactly exciting. (Unless you win, LOL).
     
  8. Meghuney

    Meghuney Tourist

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    Awesome!
     
  9. pipper9

    pipper9 Tourist

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    Very cool report.

    Congrats on the RF!:beer:

    No issues double booking @ Luxor and TI is good news too.
     
  10. michigander

    michigander Tourist

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    Loved all of your Trip Reports except this one.

    I'm calling you on it, WHERE IS HOT BARTENDER CUM PARALEGAL CHICK, That we all know you went ther for,... Please

    And W-D 40 Does NOT Come in "Bottles" like you suggest, ONLY spray cans like men who do work around the house would know. Sorry about your wifes foot up your ass.

    Time to tell the truth,

    Loved all your other stuff, and if your wife doesn't read this , spill.

    Lot of BS in this report. Sorry just comparing to all your others, my favorites.

    Where and when happened when you hooked up with paralegal chick.

    Don't breastfeed us in the beginning, and take the tit out of our mouth.

    Your favorite fan.
     
  11. BeeeJay

    BeeeJay President of The Red Lobster Hostess Satisfaction

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    ok thats a legit call out.....i had zero plans to go to vegas for a while til I got some texts from that chick. then started looking at possibilities. we have some other friends from the same job who couldn't go due to work, so that crowd will go later.

    Yes that chick is very hot. The other chicks from that job are hotter. We are all just friends, and even if I wasn't married we would be just friends.

    Vegas is not for going to with hook up chicks. That is a waste of Vegas. My wife is one chick too many anyway. I took care of all that shit nicely when I was younger, now it is time to eat, get fat, gamble, golf and not deal with any "imperial entanglements" of any kind from the ladies.

    as charlie sheen once said...you don't pay them to come, you pay them to leave.
     
  12. teambeam

    teambeam Tourist

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    Er, um....WELL SAID ...Bravo
     
  13. Afikoman

    Afikoman Newbie

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    Your TRs are always a hoot. I would love to see you in action one of these days. You are lucky the wifey is cool with your solo trips.

    Thanks for taking the time to write these mini-masterpieces!

    -KK
     
  14. gotavegasjones

    gotavegasjones VIP Whale

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    Very good TR. Thanks for posting.

    later, GVJ
     
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