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TR 8/3 - 8/10 From N Strip To S Strip

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by tdhoier, Aug 3, 2015.

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  1. tdhoier

    tdhoier Low-Roller

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    My Trip Report

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    Back in January I attempted my first TR and made it through exactly one post. Then, like a fart in the wind, I vanished.

    I'm going to make it through at least two posts this time (as I type from the bowels of the Baker estate in my old Chicago neighborhood). After a weekend-long bachelor party I flew out here for from Charlotte, I'm headed to the Oasis from MDW for eight days...where I'm positive there will be a 0% chance of any profit...but the experiences will make it all worth it.

    Since I moved away from Santa Monica eight years ago, I make it to Vegas three times a year. I usually only stay for three nights (which is very, very ideal considering what I put my body through). I bring $2500 and no debit card. I think I have a PIN on a credit card, but I don't know what it is and I am proud to announce that I have only needed a cash advance one time in 100+ trips. The ladies at the cage at Mandalay were very nice that morning, btw. They liked my Charles Bronson T-Shirt and told me I shouldn't be ashamed of myself.

    I'm bringing $4000 and a bottle of indomethacin with me today. There are no set plans, as I like to wing it (to me, the spontaneity is the best part of these treks to Vegas).

    What I do know is that I will stay downtown at the El Cortez tonight and tomorrow (solo). One of those nights I will gamble. The other night I will gamble (before and after) I visit my girlfriends of the 702 (even if they don't really acknowledge that) at the Palomino.

    WED I check into my 2 BR - home away from home - Penthouse Ste at Vdara. Two of my lifetime college alumni buddies show up on THU - SUN (Toad & Andy). We attended Colorado State University, so you know how smart we are. I mean, I don't like to use a forum like this to brag, but when Dr Yates gave us those diplomas on Graduation Day in 1995, there wasn't a dry eye in Ft Collins / Larimer County....just knowing that you had conquered a curriculum that only Oxford & MIT students experience was mind-numbing. Still is to this day.

    SUN I accept the MGM's free offer and will stay there for my last full evening. Haven't stayed in that hotel in over a decade...when the rooms were the same as they were when it was constructed in (something like) 1992 and they had oddly framed pictures of celebrities like Peter Lawford staring at you, bedside.

    The only other 'given' on the trip is that I will take some time during these next eight days to venture to some of my favorite Off-Strip bars.

    The chip count in the juvenile visual aid here is probably accurate. If I can leave town with the twenty five dollars (pictured) out of the four thousand I brought with me....I'm really a winner in life.

    Have promised myself to update this report two times daily. Hopefully it brings me some good mojo.

    More when I check into the Gold Standard of American Lodging....Los Cortez.
     

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  2. macwjp

    macwjp Low-Roller

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    Good luck, looking forward to your updates
     
  3. Brick

    Brick Low-Roller

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    Off to an entertaining start. Looking forward to following along. Btw - love the Total Recall outcome. Just remember to breathe.
     
  4. breanna61

    breanna61 Super Moderator

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    Will be following your updates.....don't let us down!
     
  5. bshowell

    bshowell VIP Whale

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    Looking forward to these updates
     
  6. tdhoier

    tdhoier Low-Roller

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    My first win of the trip (I wasn't mugged on the way to Midway) uploadfromtaptalk1438620363645.jpg uploadfromtaptalk1438620382848.jpg uploadfromtaptalk1438620401616.jpg
     
  7. tdhoier

    tdhoier Low-Roller

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    Uneventful flight (the best kind).

    I feel like I improved all race relations by offering two free drink vouchers to the wonderful elderly African American couple sitting next to me on the flight (I'm white as Elmer's Glue).

    Landed and ranted the car. Never a pleasant experience at the rental center, here. I actually blame the customers more than any employees for the crazy forty five minute wait standing in line. I assume the people who work there know what's up while people, in general, are completely clueless (in this case, the other customers).

    It honestly takes two and a half minutes to rent a car, Amigos.

    Checked into the Lambeau Field of lodging (El Cortez) about an hour ago. Staying in a Design A Suite in the main tower (attached to the casino). They have a separate building across the street that has the cabana rooms (I believe). It's always guarded by a security guard who just sits in the front and plays dominos by himself.

    Not sure why they call this a suite, but there are pictures attached (if anyone can educate me on why the images don't seem to be incorporated into the actual text/body of these updates, I'm a quick learner). When I stay downtown, I always stay in this room type (there are four different kinds of Design A Suites...this one was the design that won the contest four or five years ago). There's a tumbleweed in the corner, a stone crocodile skull and no discoloration or dried fluids that I can see on the bedsheets (which is a wonderful thing).

    Going to eat and gamble in thirty.
    1.jpg 2.jpg 3.jpg 4.jpg
     
  8. tdhoier

    tdhoier Low-Roller

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    Only if Cohagen allows, Brick
     
  9. tdhoier

    tdhoier Low-Roller

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    Well, the first night didn't really disappoint (almost all of them don't).

    Finally got out of the room after getting situated around 7:30. Didn't get to gamble on anything for another hour. Not because I had gout and it took a real long time to get down from the 7th Floor, but because I met Ed from Milwaukee in the sportsbook when I was looking at scores. "The Brewers are complete shit" he tells me. That's stating the obvious, but I bit because I'm one of those Brewers fans myself. He proceeds to tell me that cancer is a man-made disease because a friend of his named Jonny Sombrero (or something) died of cancer when they were kids.

    We get to talking about the Green Bay Packers and, out of nowhere, some old dude with cerebral palsy runs up on the conversation and calls Aaron Rodgers a bum, stating he's never beaten a top-line defense in his life. Folks, I was ready to go all Lee Van Cleef on this muh-fuh'er, disability or no disability. You don't talk about the Chico Kid like that and get away with it around me. When I mentioned that Rodgers shredded the #1 defense in Super Bowl XLV he said it didn't count.

    I can't believe I got into a shouting match with a guy with cp so early into the trip.

    Mercifully I got the hell out of there, bought in for $200 in Blackjack (just to play) before getting some dinner. Pushed it up to +$200 with a dealer who looked like DJ Lance Rock from Yo Gabba Gabba (You know who I'm talking about), but then when the next dealer slid in it was an avalanche of losing and he took $250 of my $400. I left.

    Went to Le Thai across the street for dinner. If you're ever downtown, it's a block up from the Fremont Experience on Fremont. One of my favorite places for grub. Got the cucumber salad and the short rib fried rice, bomber of Chang. A wonderful experience...especially when one of the waitresses walked up to the bar and asked me what I would do if my daughter came to me and told me she was pregnant. Since my girl is 5, I said that would be very unfortunate, but the conversation quickly turned into her being a runaway at 19 and that her stepfather used to burn her hands on an oven when he was drunk. I enjoyed talking to her but I was ashamed of myself for drinking.

    When I walked out the door, I immediately grabbed a cocktail and went down to the casino at the Fremont. Bought in for $200 and walked out with $679 (double deck BJ). I had to take a picture of this castle as a token of my appreciation. Confidence was seepin' out of my pores as I walked down to the Las Vegas Club.

    That confidence got slapped in the face pretty good down there. Bought in for $200 in BJ and lost $230 (lost a double down when I was down to my last $40-$50 (whatever it was). Normally I would have left when things turned south, but the dealer there was so frickin' cute that I didn't mind losing as long as she was laughing at my horrible sense of humor. Have fun at the baby shower in San Francisco, girlfriend.

    The chandeliers in there (pictured) crack me up. I mean, these things are like something you'd find in the Château de Chillon...or a Menards, I guess.

    It was getting late, so I just wanted to relax and play a slow game for an hour or two. Played Pai Gow with a fun table at Binions. Had a good time, lost a little over a hundie.

    On my way to the bathroom and inevitable exit, I stopped by a roulette table where they have two balls rolling around and it's just confusing for a drunk person at 3 AM, but I put $5 on my numbers 4 and 9 and one of the balls hit 9. The disappointing thing was that, since there are the two balls, it only paid me $80 on the hit. But at the end of the day it's $80 and I can turn that into numerous Menards chandeliers of my own if I play my cards right.

    I think I'm going to take different pictures than are normally posted on these reports. I took a picture of the urinals at Binions because it is a flat out DISGRACE that heightism still exists in this country, folks. Every urinal in there had to have been installed by a dwarf and I think only our little friends can use them. They're built a foot off of the ground and when a 6'4" feller like myself tries to use it, the thrust of the release can splash back and soil up a nice pair of Guess jeans. I'm not saying that happened to me last night (as I don't use urinals that are so low)...but it did at Treasure Island years ago.

    Was in bed at 4 AM.

    New day.

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  10. TIMSPEED

    TIMSPEED !địt mẹ!

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    Fucking awesome report! LoL
    I think those urinals are for elderly... as the rooms at MSS/Cal also have "low" bathroom standards...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 7, 2015
    Palace Tower Suite!
  11. Flowers

    Flowers VIP Whale

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    Great report so far. Love your humor. Subscribed for the duration. Now win big and have a blast!
     
  12. vsop

    vsop Low-Roller

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    Very entertaining....when you landed and ranted the car, what did you say to it ?
     
  13. tdhoier

    tdhoier Low-Roller

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    It's a great thing not having a hangover when you demolish your liver the night before. The key? A little product they call Liverite.

    I'm not really sure what it's for (officially), but we experimented with it years ago and discovered you could go on a five day bender and never suffer as much as you normally would/should. Granted, there are most likely cysts and tumors all over my internal organs because of it, but I'll consider it all worth while right before they put me in the kiln, at the end.

    Very low-key day so far. It will not be a low-key night (which should start up in about an hour from now).

    Had to bet one of the games of the year for tonight (pic). A spectacle of sport to behold. Those are my bitches over there in the Minneapolis / St Paul metropolis, now. I love betting the WNBA...or, as I call it, the DUBYA-NBA...meaning winning wagers.

    Went to my brothers house to collect a couple of things and hang for a few hours. He just retired from Vice out here with Metro. The image below is from his 'gated community' off of the West 215. I always ask him how he got away with stealing so much cocaine and selling it to the local lowlifes to afford such a nice pad.

    Then I drove down to Westgate to make my annual Packers Super Bowl bet. Since they're about to go on a Eight-Peat, I consider myself up $1000 already. I'll rub this ticket in that handicapped dudes face from last night before I cash it in.

    Finally, the El Cortez is having some Beatles Extravaganza for whatever reason...and for whatever reason, they spent money on a 6' sign that doesn't even spell their drummers name right.

    Going to get a quick bite to eat and then put on some real suave attire for the evening. 112.jpg 31.jpg 111.jpg 32.jpg
     
  14. tdhoier

    tdhoier Low-Roller

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    I had tears in my eyes as it was a Korean Taxi (Hyundai Sonata). I used to have one before I sold it to an Armenian kid in Chicago.

    Still goes 0-60 in two minutes.
     
  15. SDSteve

    SDSteve Low-Roller

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    Great! Subscribed... I also scoped out the Liverite for my trip in three weeks...
     
  16. smartone

    smartone VIP Whale

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    I hear ya on this one! I've made it my life's mission to do whatever it takes to avoid standing in lines with the American public... IDIOTS! The worst I've ever experienced was several years ago in the line at Advantage in Las Vegas. No reservations... getting to the front of the line and asking, "yeah, what kinda car ya got"! Like they're at freekin' Taco Bell!

    I hope you have a GREAT trip!!!
     
  17. Lhammer28

    Lhammer28 High-Roller

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    So far, Very entertaining & Yes, Congrats on your future bet as I know the Pack will win the SB this year, Ill be placing my bet in a few weeks!
     
  18. tdhoier

    tdhoier Low-Roller

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    You're going to take two before you start drinking and then pop another two every two-three hours while still drinking...then two at the very end. Works wonders and I swear by it.
     
  19. tdhoier

    tdhoier Low-Roller

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    As I sit here listening to Iron Maiden's 'Moonchild', bags packed for my move to the Vdara, I'm trying to decipher exactly what all went down last night.

    I have to start off with a little rant. A little rant directed to my (once) shorties on the Minnesota Lynx. I put my trust and belief in your abilities to dribble and drive down the lane for a soaring layup. I put my hard earned dollars on your skills as back to back DUBYA-NBA champions. Your athleticism....the braided hair...and like Lee Donowitz says in 'True Romance', "YOU STAB ME IN THE HEART! F YOU!' I'd throw coffee on your faces like Lee does if I could. That was a disgraceful performance last night at the Staples Center and I just don't think I can trust y'all anymore. It was my first loss in eight attempts betting womens basketball and, not to be mean, but I hope you're all stricken with yeast infections.

    Anyway folks, I had to run over to Le Thai again for a quick bite before the evening began. Got the papaya salad, Thai-style wings and a lemongrass daiquiri. As the kids say on the social media, it was 'delish."

    I came back to the room, had a vodka Sprite and headed to the Oasis of Gaming, Jerry's Nugget. As you can tell from the picture, it's a rough looking crowd. It's North Las Vegas and you could be stabbed with a rusty screwdriver at any moment. I don't know what the gigantic black curtain is, but I was hoping it would drop and display some beautiful new renovation....like in the showcase showdown on the Price Is Right. I assumed there was just a pile of bodies back there, but I played a little blackjack for an hour, donated a measly $70 and headed across the street to the Palomino Club.

    Chris Rock does a routine where he basically calls people maniacs who walk into a strip club when there's daylight. I disagree with the observation. I have frequented this establishment two other times and I like going about an hour/hour and a half after they open because it's basically just me and four desperate girls trying to separate my wallet from my pants pocket and then my assortment of Andrew Jackson's from that wallet. I don't mean that as a bad thing or derogative...I like this place because the girls are not pushy, they don't have implants covering their bodies and they're, hmm, regular-naturally attractive.

    I basically bring $500 with me and not a penny more. Leave my debit and cc's in the safe at the hotel, and enjoy myself.

    The place wasn't too busy until about thirty minutes prior to me leaving, but I hung with a lovely young Lebanese lady....we'll call her T (because her name begins with a T...brilliant, I know). I had my A-game going (or she was high and liked to laugh a lot). A couple hours in, I can't remember exactly what the context of the conversation was, but she says, "...or maybe you can just get my phone number." Umm, I did...probably because I'm a maniac (Chris Rock is right, I suppose).

    I'll leave that at that, but I left around 9 PM and headed directly to Fremont. Played Craps at the 4 Queens and won a couple hundred. Whipped over to the Fremont Casino and played double deck BJ. It wasn't as kind as the previous night, but they took the hard-earned $200 I won playing across the way.

    I walked out to get a cocktail from one of the street bars and my phone rang. T was going to leave work and wanted to come over and hang for the three hours before she went to the Sapphire, where she's a cocktail waitress.

    I'll just say my night basically ended about three-four hours earlier than I assumed it would. I showed her the palatial estate that is the El Cortez, she got to see the gigantic mural of the desert in my room, and...international relations were made. I mean, it was like the United Nations n'shit all up in here.

    Packed up and ready to depart for the Vdara Penthouse. I have this very bizarre ritual where I will have to go to Costco and Whole Foods to stock up on some necessities, and then I will listen to a mix of death metal and soft hits from the 70's (Say, some Rita Coolidge and possibly some Dave Mason?) while I chop up shallots, brocolli & mushrooms for my eggs. Cantaloupe and honeydew melon for my side item. Lemon, limes and cucumbers (diced) for my cocktails.

    It's sad, I know. It's rather insane.

    Bye Bye El Cortez. XO 42.jpg 43.jpg 44.jpg 45.jpg 46.jpg 47.jpg
     
  20. ski-doo_rider

    ski-doo_rider Low-Roller

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    ".international relations were made. I mean, it was like the United Nations n'shit all up in here."

    Classic!!!! Enjoying your report, keep it up! LOL
     
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