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Spring Break Trip: Bare A**es, "Elvis" Vow Renewal, and Cleavage-Dipping

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by DrGPadgett, Mar 18, 2015.

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  1. DrGPadgett

    DrGPadgett Tourist

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    Location:
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    My Trip Report

    All -

    After our successful July and August trips to Fremont Street, Suzanne and I spent our Spring Break on a Vegas Trip. (Search "13 Days" in Trip Reports for a long-form Trip Report.) WARNING: Long post, featuring nudity, bad behavior, and "cleavage dipping for good luck".

    Token Intro: Retired USAF Captain; Suzanne is a mathematics teacher. We drive to Las Vegas from Mississippi, seeing the Route 66 stops along the way. We love Fremont Street, and the El Cortez is my home base.

    We left on Friday at the end of the schoolday, and we finally escaped snow and ice when we got into Oklahoma. We arrived in Las Vegas Sunday afternoon...gaining two hours for time zones and losing one for Daylight Savings Time. It goes without saying that the Vegas weather was amazing beyond belief.

    Suzanne and I got four free room nights at the Palace Station through MyVegas, but somehow the rooms on Sunday the 8th were massively expensive. (Did anybody else notice that the Four Queens rooms suddenly bounced from $25 to $75 on those nights?) We got the best deal at Texas Station, where we love the buffet, anyway. So Sunday at TXStation, Mon-Fri at PalaceStation.

    I agreed to give TXStation a chance. We always use the American Casino Guide BOGO coupon; by arriving before 11AM, you pay breakfast prices, just as lunch is being set up. Two of us for $6.48, including tax. Gaming at TXStation was mixed...some good video poker. When I approached an empty $5 Blackjack table, I directly asked the dealer "Is this a good game, with 3:2 and Double-After-Split? The dealer said "Yes". I should have been suspicious, since that would be the best game in town, but I got a Blackjack on the third hand and received six dollars. boo. gone. I did get into a better Double-Deck game, with a dealer who was loaded with personality. I played there for two hours; what a blast!

    OK, I hear many of you saying "I don't read any bare a**es yet... and what the heck is 'cleavage-dipping'?" Patience, friends. Texas Station is NOT Fremont Street. Good stuff on the way.

    Monday morning, we checked out and drove down Rancho to the Palace Station. Nice. Tenth-floor room, looking toward the Strip. The MyVegas disclaimers said we would pay the Resort Fees, but we DIDN'T! Hoo-rah, Palace Station. Even so, as soon as Suzanne got to the room, she fell asleep and I sneaked away to the El Cortez. (You didn't expect me to hang around the ROOM, did you?)

    ElCo!! The stars are aligned, and the birds sing. You must have a room key or Sapphire+ card level to get into the attached parking garage. Got mine, went right in. Time to take El Cortez inventory --

    Hoverounds? CHECK
    Oxygen Tanks? CHECK
    Best Blackjack in Town? CHECK
    Dealer's Angels Machine? CHECK
    Hookers in Place? CHECK
    RoboCraps Snoozer? missing
    Cafe Cortez? CHECK
    Unique Decaying Smell? CHECK

    I must sadly announce the death of the RoboCraps Snoozer, a long-time fixture. RCS was a 300+ pound gentleman who spent all day, every day, occupying a player's chair at the Pop-O-Matic Craps machine with the irritating girl squealing "Push the Button!! Come on, Push the Button!!" Over at least five Vegas trips, RC Snoozer could be seen here, fast asleep, resting his head fully on his own bloated chest. RIP, RC Snoozer... after all, if I didn't see you anytime over five days, you MUST be dead. That is proof, worthy of CSI.

    Since Suzanne sleeps for awhile, I had time to stroll Fremont Street. The East Fremont area is getting busier each trip, especially on the south side of the street. The Griffin and its neighbors are packed, while Insert Coins and its neighbors seem to be painfully empty.

    Under the canopy...YES!!! More tip-hawking buskers than ever. (All five days of perv-watching are summarized here; these didn't all happen at ONCE.) KISS buskers were nicer, and WITH costume. Good job, guys. KISS faces and thongs are a bad combination. I was offered "Cannabis" at least three times....nope. "Money for Beer"? Honesty is respected, not paid. Safe Sax guy - whatever. Forget the "Stop Human Trafficking" and "Save Your Soul by Repenting Now" crews - the growing trend here is NUDITY. Afternoon or evening, there were always a dozen or more thonged "entertainers". Once with Suzanne, two overweight girls with pasties and skirts ran in front of us, and then one of them bent over and flipped her skirt up, to show more full moon than in a Twilight movie. NO!!! Bad!!! I tell you, that THONG was fully consumed, digested, and totally out of sight. Somehow, the word got out that you can get dollars on Fremont by wearing a thong... at least I never saw the soiled diaper dude. The Chippendales booth cleverly invited a MAN into their booth. This young man was clearly muscular enough; he shed his shirt, and they put a bow tie on him. The girls went crazy! He even got tips, himself! hmmmm ...I now have a goal to achieve.

    PUSHUP TIMEOUT

    OK, 25 is not bad. There is a Marilyn Manson clone who stands around with a guitar, looking for tips. He only knows two riffs: "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns N Roses, and "Eruption", by Van Halen. Good, but I think he needs at least three. Well, Marilyn Manson married Dita von Teese, so maybe he is on to something.

    The Superman zipline, which goes all the way to Main Street, is cool, but your ride too frequently ends BEFORE the platform, and a SlotZilla attendant has to slide out and "rescue" you. That is not a good way to support your Superman fantasy, is it?

    Fremont Street Casinos:

    Fremont - I love the table games pit... although I do my playing at ElCo and GGate. Mental note: I HAVE to figure out why their tables are so full.

    Binion's - LOVE the cafe/grill inside the front door. Sadly, they are tight with the parking validation.

    Mermaid's - I am required by "Husband Law" to stop at Mermaid's, every time I go to F Street with Suzanne. Her beads collection was enhanced by four, total. We never won the "Jackpot awarded every 30 minutes" (shocker, right?) , but Suzanne FINALLY got her deep-fried Oreos! Remember, last July, they closed down for two weeks, right when we were there. The tray contained three D-F Oreos, covered in powdered sugar. Suz said I had to eat one, but after she tried the first bite, she looked like she didn't want to give me ANY of them. We ended up going back for more, on a different day.

    Girls of Glitter Gulch - That would be STUPID. There's more nudity out here!

    Vegas Club - Still sad. How can you NOT make a good casino, when the model is right in FRONT of you? ...reminds me of what my Air Force friend said, when told that fathers' genetic material determines a baby's gender, and that most babies are born female:

    "Of course! The pattern is right in front of you!"

    Well, at least the Vegas Club is better than the Plaza, which STILL smells like my Grandma's old couch. They have good games and Hash House A-Go-Go. Nope, Can't do it.

    Golden Gate - I absolutely LOVE this place! (in case you wondered, this is the "pattern that is right in front of the Vegas Club", in the paternity joke...sorry.) FreeBet Blackjack is FAB-U-LOUS!! This whole place is a party zone. "How good is it, you say?" Golden Gate is SO good that Suzanne, the world's most FRUGAL consumer, was totally happy paying $4.99...EACH!!...for two slices of pie at DuPar's.

    The world gasps in utter shock, at Suz' unconscionable display of unbridled spending fun and dessert debauchery. I thought it was fabulous.

    Golden Nugget: Yep. It's nice.

    Four Queens: GREAT video poker, right in front of the cashier's cage. BEST gaming moment of the trip: Suzanne and I each played 25-cent video poker, $20 stake apiece, Double-Double Bonus game. I played for awhile, broke even, and my "sixth sense" to quit kicked in, so I cashed out. Suzanne was playing with a determination to get four-of-a-kind. The distinguished older gentleman and his wife right next to us got 4OAKs, so she HAD to get one. As she played out her twenty, I stuffed my TITO ticket for $20 from my game, and insisted that she play on. (welcome to my deep mind, where silent words move around, and prayers are communicated at Volume Zero: "Oh, Dear Lord, please get this girl a 4OAK. She's about to cry, and her night is going to be ruined. I have faith in You, and I would not ask it for myself. Amen." Back to regular writing.)

    No, really. I honestly did pray for her to get a four-of-a-kind in a casino.

    Then, she got four 4s! WOOF-WOOF, Mississippi State is in the HOUSE! YES! One Hundred US dollars! One of her best hands, ever.

    We played Deal or No Deal at 4Q. Ripped of about 40 of those dollars. Sigh. I can see that you can really win on that, if you stay long enough and play enough money. Not me...never again.

    The D: It is all about Sigma Derby. Out of order for four days, it finally was active on the last night! We bought two rolls of quarters and got busy. We won some, lost some... and then the Derby characters started to arrive!

    Positions 1 and 2, on the side: Gene and Suzanne
    Position 3, on the side, and position 4, beyond the finish line: A young man and his ample-bosomed date. No, I wasn't looking....not much, anyway. Call them "Tito" and "Buffy".
    Position 5, beyond the finish line: An older man of no personality, other than the occasional eye-roll.
    Position 6 and 7: A married couple that looks surprisingly like Arsenio Hall and Oprah Winfrey.
    Position 8, on the side: The Golden Girls. One was sitting, but they all were asking goofy questions. "Bea Arthur" was the one in the chair, dropping quarters.
    Position 9 and 10: Players came and went, without much real action.

    Oprah's position was the only one that was ringing the bell with a winner, so I bet every combination to get a winner and test my bell. No ringing, and I lost 8 quarters by winning the "2", which was the favorite. Arsenio drank beer and bet one quarter per game. Oprah was yelling out loud, with profanity-laced cheering. nice. Bea Arthur was lecturing the game, but she would not bet on plastic horse #3, because it was bent sideways. Recognizing this key bit of intelligence, we stopped betting on #3, as well. Tito tried to impress Buffy by commenting about betting on horses who took "big dumps". We rejected this strategy, thinking that Tito was just trying to score. Of course, Oprah won the next race, getting all rowdy in our faces and stuff. We noticed that Tito was dipping his quarters in Buffy's cleavage, "for luck". The Golden Girls were offended by this; SO offended that they missed a race watching him do it...twice. Cleavage-dipping for luck: only at the D!

    Tito was betting like crazy, slapping the buttons over and over, until he had scattered 25 quarters, with 12 on the 200:1 combination. Old man rolled his eyes. Oprah said "Don't do dat! Remember that 3 is all bent and sh**." She ordered a Bloody Mary, which she can get free, because she is betting quarters. Tito lost 20 very warm and happy quarters on that race.

    The cheering for the race was legendary, including Bea Arthur's two wing-women pounding the glass with their purses. Tito ran out of money, and then Bea Arthur did, too. When Oprah declared that "This is all BullS**t", she stood up to leave, with Arsenio following meekly. We were near the end of our quarter rolls, and all the personality was leaving, so we felt compelled to leave, too. The old man rolled his eyes and deposited a quarter.

    The one Strip joint we visited, ... no, that didn't sound right. The one Strip CASINO we visited was the Riviera, to say a sad goodbye. I took pictures of each of the performer portraits on the second floor, near the showroom. From Sinatra and Dean Martin to Charo and Olivia Newton-John, I knew all of these performers. I will cherish these photos, from George Burns to Engelbert Humperdinck.

    The real reason we went to Las Vegas was to have a cheesy, yet serious renewal of our wedding vows. Suzanne and I have been married for 25 years as of 2015, and she was the rock that supported a family as I pursued Air Force missions. I adore her, and our renewal ceremony was amazing. At sunset, in front of the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign, an Elvis impersonator performed the ceremony. We got about 40 excellent pictures in our e-mail, with me in my desert uniform and Suzanne in the "get-away" honeymoon dress she wore in 1990. 25 years. Remarkable, since she is only 29. We have so much fun together, and she even goes to the El Cortez and to Sigma Derby with me. What a trooper.

    Thank you all for putting up with all of this, and I'll see you on Fremont Street, as soon as I think I can sneak away.

    Captain Gene!
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2015
  2. BlacklabberMike

    BlacklabberMike VIP Whale

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    " When I approached an empty $5 Blackjack table, I directly asked the dealer "Is this a good game, with 3:2 and Double-After-Split? The dealer said "Yes". I should have been suspicious, since that would be the best game in town,"

    you didn't read the felt and/or the little sign? bad on you. :rolleyes2:
     
  3. topcard

    topcard Older than the Stardust!

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    Nice report! Enjoyed it...
     
    Finally have the room booked! Look for me Feb 21-23
  4. smartone

    smartone VIP Whale

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    Great report Dr. G.!!! especially enjoyed the El Co Inventory
     
  5. breanna61

    breanna61 Super Moderator

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    A very fun read. Congratulations on 25 happy years!
     
  6. news423

    news423 Tourist

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    Great report, Dr. G!!!

    Truly appreciate the Downtown update. I've stayed at the ElCo the past three trips, but will be giving the 4 Queens a try this go around.

    Hope Mermaids' garbage food isn't as bad when I get around to trying it.

    And it will happen. :evillaugh
     
  7. DrGPadgett

    DrGPadgett Tourist

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    Thanks for the nice words...I do love writing about Las Vegas.

    It is true that I should have checked the felt at the TX Station. That one IS on me.

    I did forget to mention our heavy lunch one day at Pizza Rock. Very cool place, and I love the pizza. It still didn't get me into the Downtown Grand though.

    Gene!
     
  8. Collins

    Collins Newbie

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  9. weluvvegas

    weluvvegas Vegas Slot Junkie

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    One week ago today that was my view as well. Saw every single one of them. My favorite? The bulldog with the pouty tongue who sat patiently and calm as his owner played the drums. His owner is a guy with an arm deformity who can really play well. That dog tho...he was awesome.

    Be glad you missed the diaper guy. He was nasty!
     
    40th Birthday Bash!
  10. gotskilz77

    gotskilz77 Newbie

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    Awww, love the vow renewal... sounds like you two are a match made in heaven! CONGRATS!
     
  11. tringlomane

    tringlomane STP Addicted Beer Snob

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    Great report! Congrats on the anniversary!
     
  12. abrolsma

    abrolsma Low-Roller

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    Really enjoyed reading your report! Thanks for sharing...

    I've had those deep-fried Oreos.. washed back with a beer in a plastic football. :)
     
  13. DrGPadgett

    DrGPadgett Tourist

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    NICE! It was Diet Coke or tea for us, though. On that second trip to the Nathan's (within Mermaids' Casino), we had to wait almost 15 minutes for the fabulous deep-fried oreos. We started out about 20th in line. For Suzanne, that was no matter. So we waited!

    Back in Mississippi now, I would love to march up to the front door of Mermaids to accept beads and a ticket for a "drawing held every 30 minutes"...of course, being ME, I would probably sneak away to go play at the Golden Gate.

    Gene!
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2015
  14. badazzcop

    badazzcop Tourist

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    Great report and congrats on 25 years :beer:. Im approaching the 20th year myself in December :kiss:.
     
  15. Blonde_4_ever

    Blonde_4_ever "The Welfare Queen of Windsor"

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    "KISS faces and thongs are a bad combination. "

    Agreed!
    Thanks for the report.
    I love downtown!
     
  16. FullBoat

    FullBoat VIP Whale

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    Thanks for the report. I always like reading what other people think, and do downtown. That's where I've normally stayed.

    I STILL need to get some of them Oreo's. Always forget about them when I'm walking past.
    There were a few people out tip hunting last time that I wish I could forget. Like the older lady with just electrical tape on her chest.... and the tape was about even with her belly button. :vomit:

    I need to get down there to ElCo. Over the past 3 trips, I still haven't made it for some reason. But, that's on my "Monday to-do" list.
     
  17. TomTWI

    TomTWI High-Roller

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    Great writing style enjoyed your trip report.

    TomTWI
     
  18. dvandentop

    dvandentop VIP Whale

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    Congrats on the 25 years and also love the trip report very entertaining.

    Wish you had pics of legendary sigma players
     
  19. Pizzaman

    Pizzaman Low-Roller

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    Great TR! I love Downtown Vegas!
     
  20. DrGPadgett

    DrGPadgett Tourist

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    Ten days after returning, and I still have the "Vegas Hangover". I still wake up, thinking I am going to Fremont Street after a shower.

    Fortunately, this is not alcohol-induced, so no headaches and no regrets. No In-N-Out Burger here, and no El Cortez....on and on.

    ...sigh...

    Gene!
     
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