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Prostitutes and Gelato

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by Habanaman13, Nov 28, 2009.

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  1. Habanaman13

    Habanaman13 Tourist

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    My Trip Report

    This was my 25th trip to Vegas. My brother and I had picked the weekend of the Iowa Ohio State game (November 12-15) as we had in mind a great weekend of college football, drinking and gambling. If nothing else it would be a bad weekend of football, drinking and gambling, but it still beats the alternative. We got a great deal at Barbary Coast (Screw you Bill, it’s the Barbary!) and a good flight price so we were set.

    We got to the hotel and check in was a breeze. Our room was 122. It faced the Fountains. With the bathroom window wide open, you could watch them dancing. For those of you who have never been, the bathroom is on the outside wall (Like the Orleans) and has a little window that can open to vent stream out and let in fresh air. The room had a nice sized flat screen on the wall (which came in handy Saturday) and was clean and comfortable. I really liked staying in a small hotel. The MGM is fine for glitz and I will be there for NYE. But, it was nice to be less than 1 minute from the casino floor and you can’t beat the location of the BC. I will definitely be back!

    After we got settled in we walked east to the liquor store with 21 years left on their lease for some Captain, soda and Gatorade. We also bought a Styrofoam cooler which was very handy. Although when we got to the room I realized it was too soon after my last shipwreck to take a ride with the Captain again. So my bottle remained mostly full all weekend.

    Dirk and I traditionally make our first meal the California Pizza Kitchen at Mirage, so we headed north. They had fresh squeezed lemonade which was tart but refreshing. I went with the Thai Chicken pizza. It was good, but next time I will probably go back to the Thai Chicken Pasta.

    After supper, we wandered Mirage and dropped a few bucks and hit the tram to TI and eventually meandered our way to Encore. Dirk hit for a quick win at Encore and we decided to leave while he was ahead. Our original plan was to watch Saturday games at Legasse’s Stadium (Formerly SportsBar and before that 40/40) at Palazzo. Last year it was great. $50 minimum per person to sit in the stadium area and they accepted the free drink coupons from the sports book. With the change in ownership we wanted to know the new rules. The young lady behind the counter told us, “Well, usually people make reservations. Then it is $50 per person.†I said is that per hour, while they are there, what? She responded with per game. $50 minimum per game??? That is not worth it in my opinion. I would not be trying out Emeril’s latest venture, and we would need a new homebase for Saturday.

    At the end of Day One the gambling was soooo bad that I broke my cardinal rule. Never tap into the next day’s funds. But I was down to the felt early and it was day one and I was not ready to stop “having funâ€.

    We wandered south and visited P. Ho and Bellagio before ending up at Napoleon’s between Bally’s and Paris. They were OK, but really seemed to be whoring for tips. They would play some god-awful stuff from Les Miserables until someone would give them a tip and request something else. The highlight of the night came when they played the Safety Song or Safety Dance (I can’t recall the title). There was this scantily clad woman who they noticed was doing the dance so they called her up front to show everyone. She left shortly there after. About a half hour later, someone requested it again. So they started playing, but no one was doing the dance. The one guy piped up. “Come on people the hooker showed you how it was done!†That got a roar of laughter. A little later we were back out on the Strip headed north. We wanted to get to the Venetian before the “drunk parade†really hit its stride. Around 1:00 am we made it back to the bottom of the escalators and took our seats. This is one of my favorite people watching spots. Smokin’ hot scenery combined with folks who were unable to walk without a little help from their friends. I decided I probably go there too often when I actually recognized a few of the regulars. Not night over night recognition, but trip over trip. But I am not yet ready to admit I have a problem, so I will move on. There is something you will hear Nascar Drivers say, “I was wrecking all day, but I never crashed.†Meaning they had no control, but somehow managed not to actually crash. Well over the course of the three nights, there were a lot of folks wrecking! Thursday night was mostly about the scenery. But there were a few crashes to be seen as well. One scantily clad lady was being corralled by her two friends. She crashed between two slot machines and looked like she was hurling. Around 4:00 we gave up and walked back to the room.

    We woke up later than usual Friday and slowly got ready for the day. Around 1:00 we headed to the Ho for the Spice Market Buffet. This has traditionally been my favorite buffet. It always had good selection and ran about $15 for Lunch. After this trip I won’t be back. It is now $18.99 and they had some of the sections closed down. No Prime Rib. The fried shrimp was buffalo style, which is not my thing. Needless to say, I left a full but not satisfied.

    On to the Mirage… There was poker to be played. I got a table immediately (Seat 2), but Dirk had to wait maybe ten minutes until we knocked a player out of Seat 4 and Dirk took his place. In past trips we loved the Poker Room at the Mirage. The tables were fun and we both took a lot of cash off the tables. This day would be a mixed bag. About half the table was fun, two guys were solid players, but a few others were absolute sheep needing to be fleeced. By about the third circuit around, I had everyone figured out except the old guy at Seat 9 (and I am not very good, so that should tell you how obvious the play was). I played tight and maximized my good hands against the sheep. I really only had to make one play all day. I looked down at pocket rockets and called. There were four of us and I was second to act after the flop. The flop was rag-rag-Ace, rainbow. We checked around (the two good players were in the hand which I why I actually tried to disguise my hand versus betting into the calling stations). The turn brought a king. I checked and called, one player dropped out. The river paired a flopped rag and I was sitting with Aces Full. I bet into Mr. Trip Kings and got raised. I re-raised and he paused to look at me. He was priced in but now had a good idea of my hand. He called to see the proof and he got what he paid for.

    The other memorable hand was one that crushed Dirk. I had AQ. Dirk had KQ and the old guy I had no read on also had AQ. Flop came 9,10,J rainbow. Dirk had flopped the straight. Seat 9 and I came along and the King fell on the Turn. Seat 9 started betting and I raised. Dirk called and we both saw a re-raise. Now I was in heaven, I could not be beat and I was facing two players, with one of them pushing the action. I wish I could have waived Dirk off, but with the other guy out there, there was no table talking. The River was a rag and the raise fest began again. In the end, Dirk got the short end of the stick and Seat 9 and I split most of his chips. Dirk racked up what he had left and I played until the blind reached me. Overall it was a fun table to play at most of the time, but did not hold a candle to the last trip Dirk and I had. That being said, we will be back.

    At this point Dirk wanted to get his drunk on as the “sober gambling†was just not working. He found a Pai Gow table at the Mirage and I went to find a bathroom and look at the lines again. I found him at a Pai Gow table waiting for a drink and losing some more. He lost half his buy in and left with a $50 bottle of Coors light. We hit a few slots and then hit the door for TI. TI has always had good Pai Gow for me and this is where we where going to make our mark. Both Dealers looked equally mediocre in the few hands we watched, but one table looked to be having more fun, so we say down to join the fun guys. Turns out they were accountants from Phoenix. Nothing says fun like hard drinking accountants! So Dirk was lucky enough to be locked into a table for the next 3-4 hours with a bunch of accountants. I am sure it was the highlight of his trip. They busted on me for not playing the sucker bet. They busted on me more when I got dealt quads. But I figured if they offer the option it must have a big house edge, so no thanks. We had a great time though. The Malibu w/ Pineapple Juice tasted like ass, so I started in on the Pina Coladas (complete with whipped cream). This went over really well at the table and I caught more crap! We played for a long time and I eventually got dealt four Pai Gow’s in a row. The last of which was a Jack high. So I stopped playing, but the cocktail waitress was nice enough to keep bringing me Pina Coladas. I cashed out but a half hour later I put more money out and started playing again. Damn peer pressure!

    Eventually Dirk had lost half his buy in and said he was done. I told him to order a beer for the road and we would take off. He said he had had enough drinking too. I had not been paying attention but looked over and he had four empties that they had not yet cleared. He had about 10 napkins sitting there. This is when the fun really started. First he tried to organize the napkins, but his coordination was off and he just kept pushing them around the table. Then he got up and asked where the cage was. We pointed across the pit. He proceeded to walk straight there. He got in the middle of the pit and we yelled at him and so he started walking down the pit to see what we wanted. The Dealers and Pit boss set him straight and he eventually found the cage. I played a little bit longer and he eventually found his way back to the table and we headed back to the room. On the way there, we took two detours one to the Walgreens at Venetian so Dirk could procure the “Vegas Tax†and a Gatorade. The second stop was at Panda Express/Chipotle beside Harrah’s. I told Dirk supper was on me he said, “Yeah, but you’re buying with my money!†Apparently he was not drunk enough to forget the Mirage. We eventually made it back to the room. Dirk hit the bed and he said he needed to “Work shit out†before the drunk parade.

    I have a real bad habit of making parlay bets and having the very first game blow it for me. So I decided to get “smart†and bet the Friday night Cinci game on my parlay card, so that if my bad luck struck, I would have a chance at a “do-over†Saturday morning. So while resting and watching Sportscenter, I found out I had to get up early in the morning since Cinci had not covered.

    I woke Dirk up at around 12:30 a.m. and he got cleaned up so we could go to Venetian. The Drunks were out in force, but the talent was a bit lacking versus Thursday night. The highlight was the drunken guy sitting on the floor by a pillar “working shit out†while his girlfriend was pissed and calling for reinforcements. The best part was when he tossed his cookies twice and the four security guards standing 15 feet away could not be bothered because they were too busy tossing this guy who was not dressed like he belonged at the Venetian. This was actually a common theme. They tossed a couple guys out who were dressed shabby while we were there. I get it; corporately you want to keep a certain element out (the element that does not gamble or buy bottle service). But as a patron, I was more disturbed by the vomit on the carpet than I was the “dirty guy†sitting at a slot machine. But that is just me I suppose.

    Well, after the parade slowed down we headed back to the BC. My head hit the pillow at 4 and I was back up at 7:30. Off to the Bellagio to make my bets. On the way there I saw a few folks doing the “Walk of Shame†which gave me a good chuckle. The Sports Book had already started to fill up. I filled out three parlay cards. I had three sure things and I then some not as sure things to go with them, so that is why I had three cards. My sure things were Iowa +16.5, So. Carolina +17 and Houston -4.5. How could I go wrong? On my way back to the room I made my “big bet†of the weekend over at the BC. You got a free T-shirt with any bet over $25. I put $100 down on Houston -4.5. Then it was back to the room to snooze in front of the early games and dream of hitting my big bet and one of the parlay cards to get even on the weekend. Well, for those of you who follow these things, Houston (the early game on ALL of my parlay cards) lost outright to Central Florida, crushing all my parlays and my “big betâ€. Well, at least I got a T-shirt.

    I was not a happy camper. We got cleaned up and headed over to Le Burger Brasseries to watch the Iowa-Ohio State game. Nice place and the Iowa game was on the main screen. There were three bartenders. Two very attractive ladies and this big guy who thought he was part Brian Flanagan (Cocktail) and part Cedric the Entertainer. The ladies were wearing these bustiers which came in handy for them to store their enormous… bottle openers. What, did you think I was going somewhere else with that?

    Thank god the big guy got to wear a camp shirt; that could have gotten ugly! When he wasn’t dropping cocktail shakers and shooting beer caps to the ceiling, the guy was cracking jokes and getting on the microphone. “This is a public service announcement. Gentlemen, the ladies pictured on those cards they are handing out on the Strip are NOT the ones who show up at your door! Thank you.†But some of his finer work was not over the PA system. “Miller Lite, that’s like sex in a canoe… It’s Fu**ing near water!†Then the guys he had been partying with all night showed up and he really got into his groove. At once point he was on a rant about how the PAC-10 was so much better than the SEC because there were some crappy teams in the SEC once you got past the big four at the top. Seriously??? There are some crappy teams at the TOP of the PAC-10. Case in point the beat down that USC was taking at that very moment from Stanford. But he had a great argumentative style. You see if you yell loud enough and don’t let the actual facts get in the way of your point, you can win! His buddy and I were busting on him and suggesting various clinical treatments and prescriptions he could try to help with his delusions. Needless to say, he kept us entertained during the lulls in the Iowa-OSU and the Florida-South Carolina games. After they were done, I called him over and said, “Before you go another one of your delusional rants, we gotta get going, can I get my check?†That got him riled up again and he started back. Aww, good times!

    Well we were both feeling a little downtrodden still from the Houston game and even more pissed that both Iowa and So. Carolina kept it close enough that we would have still been alive if not for Case Keenum and the boys. So we wandered aimlessly for a bit and eventually ended up back in the room to watch more games and rest up before the all-nighter that is our traditional last night in town. After dozing in front of the TV we got packed up, cleaned up and headed out to find some fun. We ended up at the Rio for the buffet. We had $5 off coupons and so the bill was the same as that crapfest we had at the Spice Market Buffet. But it was SOOOO much better. Prime Rib, check; Shrimp, check; Gelato, check! (I had to fit Gelato in someplace or the title and homage to Chuck Lorre would not have been right). During the meal we were getting updates on the Pacquiao-Cotto fight from the guys at the next booth. Once of them was getting texts from someplace. We decided we would root for Cotto for a very scientific reason. Which groups of drunken fans would we least like to see pissed off? And the outcome of that fight matched the rest of our sports betting that weekend!

    After getting absolutely bloated at the Rio we walked around there a bit and then caught the first free shuttle to arrive and ended up at Harrah’s. We roamed around some more and nothing really exciting happened. Neither of us wanted to invest too much in any of the machines and neither of us wanted to hit the ATM to refresh our bankrolls for Poker. We ended up Back at our home base to catch the second and third Sets of The Crashers. These guys are great. They play at Carnival Court Tuesday-Friday and then at “Bill’s Lounge†on Saturday. They are a rock cover band and will play about anything you can come up with and they have mad skillz. Their show is much different on Saturdays. At Carnival Court they have a bucket out for tips and they play the songs you ask for and they are backed up by this big sound system and it is a huge party. I love it! On Saturdays it is like a jam session with your buddies. No bucket, they just ask for the names of Artists and play something. It was way more intimate and I dare I say, I had a better time. We sang along with them for the chorus and on one song I think this other guy and I were about the only ones who knew the words, so it was the two of us belting it out. Good times for us, maybe not as much for the other folks.

    The crowd was a great mix and they were all about the metal, so the evening turned into a lot of AC/DC, Metallica, Green Day etc, with some Skynyrd and Aerosmith thrown in occasionally. A group of drunken bachelorette party-goers kept requesting Brittany Spears, but that never made it very far. Now the reason I love this band and try to see them whenever in town is they are not your average cover band. I mentioned the mad skillz. The lead guitar player can play, what sounds to me, like complicated stuff. The first time I heard them play he stepped up on one of the speakers at Carnival Court and pulled off Thunderstruck. I wanted to hear that again. So bucket or not I pulled out a $20 and walked up front and made my request. He looked over at the bass player to see if his voice was up to it and “Frankie†took a long pause and said why not. For those of you unfamiliar, the hard guitar is one thing, but the person who has to sing it is another. You have to pull out this screaming falsetto for about 5 minutes. Frankie made it about 4 and a half when he stepped up to the mic for the next verse and absolutely nothing came out! He tried again and nothing! Everyone had a good time at his expense and with hindsight I feel kind of bad at the pain he had to go through for our entertainment, but it was classic. He was laughing so hard he was in tears and we all finished the song for him.

    By now it was 1:00 and we wanted to take our seats for the drunk parade, so we headed north. Again, the talent was a little off, but the entertainment value was there. One of the funny things that happened repeatedly is that for whatever reason, the drunken girls get on the escalator and that is the moment they want to take off their shoes. Some sit down others lean against the rail, but at least half of them misjudge the task and run out of time. The lucky ones get off without falling and are hobbling with one shoe on and one off. A few are walking on the side of one shoe since these half boot things seem to be all the rage. Some have their strappy sandals trailing behind them. And then some don’t quite make it at all and fall onto their friends sending a scrum of scantily clad ladies scurrying to stay on their feet. It kind of looks like a 5 year olds’ soccer game. Good times! There were a few “pros†out Saturday, but overall that element was not very visible this trip. The LV Sun did report that in the $500-$700 range times are tough right now. (Oddly enough business is still booming in the $300 and the $1,000+ range.) So maybe that tells us the range the Venetian’s usual cadre of ladies work in??

    Well, after the drunks could no longer entertain us we headed back south. I have a tradition that the last night in town I like to say my final goodbyes at Bellagio. I wanted to take one last shot at what I call a “mini-runâ€. I put $20 in a Dollar Double Diamond and if I hit anything more than a cherry I move to $5 Double Diamond, etc. I cashed out with $43 on the $1 and found a $5. I cashed out with $60 and wandered looking for a $10 Double Diamond. Nada. So I cashed out the $60 and took the $3 to a Nickle Texas Tea. I hit for $7.65 and went to find another one. The last one played for a long time, but never made it high enough to warrant finding the $1 Double Diamond again. So I left the Bellagio and headed to the BC to take a “whore’s bath†and refresh myself for the flight home.

    The rest of the trip was uneventful. I landed back in Des Moines with $100 in my pocket and ZERO ATM receipts, so it was a good trip overall on the wallet too. And as per usual, Monday morning at work, I was out on Allegiant’s website looking for deals. I kind of liked the shock on people’s face when I told them I had three countdowns going, so I want to find another deal. Nothing so far, but at least I still have two in the hopper.

    Thanks for reading,
    Hab
     
  2. VegasDiva

    VegasDiva VIP Whale

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    Great report ......

    sounds like fun in the lounge with the Crashers MIght have to check that out on my next visit!
     
  3. jpw711

    jpw711 VIP Whale

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    loved it! I really think the name of that liquor store is "we have 21 years left on our lease" liquors, and their second name is "and we will never remodel".

    It's always fun to watch the drunk walk until it dawns on you that you used to be one of em!
     
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  4. breanna61

    breanna61 Super Moderator

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    Great trip report......we always enjoy the "Drunk Show" at the Venetian too; Vegas has the best people watching entertainment!:eek:
     
  5. DBear

    DBear VIP Whale

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    Thanks for the TR. Can you confirm the price at Lagasses' Stadium? Is it $50 per person per hour or $50 per person per game?
     
  6. gmoney590

    gmoney590 VIP Whale

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    Great report. We love the drunk watching late at night...sometimes we are those drunks. I was thinking of hitting Lagasses' when we are there in December but those prices seem a little steep.
     
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  7. Thor

    Thor Beer Drinker

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    i gotta get to the venetian to watch the drunk walk...with a beer in hand of course!!!

    great trip report! :beer::beer::beer:
     
  8. zerofan

    zerofan VIP Whale

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    Nice report. I think a lot of us come back from our Vegas trip and start looking again for the next one. It is quite a rush to even book the trip.

    Going more than once a year, no matter where you live, is also quite fun.
     
  9. Royal Flusher

    Royal Flusher Savvy Gambler

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    Great read! Thanks for posting!
     
  10. sherrice74

    sherrice74 Tourist

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    Great trip report. Sounds like you had a very entertaining time. Hopefully mine is just as entertaining next weekend.
     
  11. xplosivo

    xplosivo Tourist

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    where exactly is the drunk walk at the Venetian? Heading out in 2 weeks and this sounds like a blast. (Even though I will likely be looking at these people while drunk myself, but I digress...)
     
  12. sarah9nascar

    sarah9nascar VIP Whale

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    Spice Market has always been my favorite buffet too until this last time when they had two stations closed down at dinner.

    I tried hard to get my husband to go to Lagasse Stadium. Good thing we didn't because we would have both refused at $50 a person.

    Loved your trip and can't wait to get back.:beer:
     
  13. Blonde_4_ever

    Blonde_4_ever "The Welfare Queen of Windsor"

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    I love this line...

    "we got to the room I realized it was too soon after my last shipwreck to take a ride with the Captain again" :evillaugh
     
  14. sailor53

    sailor53 Tourist

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    Well done. A very entertaining read. You sure know how to squeeze the most fun out of Vegas. Thanks for posting!
     
  15. jpatter471

    jpatter471 Low-Roller

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    Great TR. When I was at the "we have 21 years left on our lease" store in the first week of November, I had to stop in before going home to pick something up that my husband wanted from the store and it was a mess. I asked what happened and the cashier said the bathroom caught on fire the night before. I was wondering how long it would take before they got the place back together. I guess not long. LOL
     
  16. booker

    booker High-Roller

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    Drunk Parade

    Loved your report. Now I am normally an earl-to-bed guy (who gets up early to fleece the tired all-night poker guys who are tired), but I just may have to hit the Drunk Parade!
     
  17. BeeeJay

    BeeeJay President of The Red Lobster Hostess Satisfaction

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    great report---definitely planning to hit that Venetian drunk section if I can find it!

    same experience at Spice Market---it sucked for me, I've had better meals at the Big 80 truck stop.
     
  18. Big Tip

    Big Tip VIP Whale

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    The Drunk Walk is at the bottom of the escalator that is bringing all the patrons down from their night at Tao.

    I stumbled on this (pun intended!) one night. It grabbed my attention immediately. I felt like such a perv though. I just sat at a slot machine pretending to play. I laughed when a cocktailer showed up and asked if I wanted a drink. Drinks and a floor show! Friggin' cheap entertainment. lol.

    Thanks for the report. Y'all sound a lot like we do. Sports, poker, getting the drink on. Great fun.
     
  19. BeeeJay

    BeeeJay President of The Red Lobster Hostess Satisfaction

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    I can't seem to find it on this map.....any help appreciated!

    http://www.vegascasinoinfo.com/images/propmaps/venmap.pdf
     
  20. alexanbo

    alexanbo High-Roller

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    I think it's the escalators near the Oculus Lounge, if i remember correctly Tao is right at the top of those escalators....
     
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