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Professor Willy's Vegas Vacation

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by alanleroy, Dec 27, 2015.

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  1. alanleroy

    alanleroy Tourist

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    My Trip Report

    WARNINGS AND DISCLAIMERS

    Portions of this trip report are not suitable for work. It contains language that may offend. It contains a video featuring a man in a giant inflatable penis costume. Some things you just can’t un-see. Then again, sometimes you just can’t not look.

    PROLOGUE

    Beginning November 16, 2015 Fremont Street Buskers were confined to 38 6 foot circles and limited to 2 hour stints. The performer's actual circle and time slot are determined a day in advance by on-line lottery.

    The City and the Downtown Casinos have been trying for years to remove those they think are negatively impacting the business of downtown Las Vegas. That would include everyone from panhandlers to legitimately talented musicians to people dressed up in costumes to those waving signs proclaiming our inevitable damnation.

    Three times over the last decade, the courts have ruled against the City and Fremont Street Experience because Americans have the constitutional right to freedom of speech. All of the various people they tried to remove had the right to dress as they please and say what they want in the public square. Of course there are limits to Freedom of speech. You can't threaten people. There are laws against Obscenity and Sedition. While threatening is straightforward, Obscenity is not....there are no exact definitions of obscenity and reasonable people can have greatly different opinions on what is and is not obscene.

    Even though the new regulation was developed in cooperation with the ACLU, it could limit freedom of speech and may not pass constitutional muster. What happens when there are more people who want a ‘Performance Circle’ than are available? What if someone were to insist on exercising free speech without a circle? Can the Government limit what they say and how they dress? Who will enforce this? Fremont Security or Las Vegas Police? What if hundreds of downtown employees who don’t like the Street Performers sign up every night for a circle and block the buskers? What does any of this have to do with me or you?

    Well, I’ll tell you. I decided to check out the whole circle scene for myself on my December Vegas trip. I would attempt to reserve my very own performance circle in my stage name “Richard Head”. Head’s performance was intended to consist of standing there dressed in a giant inflatable penis costume while telling penis jokes interspersed with the First Amendment. He would pose for pictures. He would encourage donations. He would provide inappropriate commentary whenever possible. He might even have one leg outside his circle. At least that’s what I envisioned.

    I just needed to convince my traveling companions that this was worthy of Vegas time. What could be more worthy than pushing the envelope of our constitutional freedoms while challenging those who might stifle those rights? Ok. Maybe getting drunk and gambling. Perhaps I could do that too.

    PREPARATION

    Well of course I already had the costume (It’s a long story). The next step is to register on-line and print out your registration. This scanable document must be placed in your circle.

    [​IMG]
    My Registration

    The nice thing about the registration process is you don’t actually have to give your real name or address. At least I didn’t.

    You just sign up here at the city government web site.

    http://www.lasvegasnevada.gov/faces/home/planning/fremont-street-pedestrian-mall-registration-information?_afrLoop=1265367124186141&_afrWindowMode=0&_adf.ctrl-state=vje0gfmul_276

    December 19, 2015

    The big night was Saturday December 20. On the 19th we moved from the Cosmopolitan to the Plaza. If you want to get your very own Performance Circle, it’s critical that you log into the City Web site with your Performer ID and select the times you’re available. This must be done between the hours of 2:00 PM and 8:00PM the day before the performance.

    I was assigned Circle D from 9:00 to 11:00 PM. It was prime territory. Right in front of Mermaids and next to the Fremont Street Stage. That night, we did some reconnaissance work on Fremont street. We plotted my path from the Plaza to Circle D. I also acquired two Mentors who gave me some solid advice about my pending performance.

    Mentor 1. Chris Farley.
    [​IMG]
    Farley’s advice…”Just have fun with it. And it doesn’t hurt to be a little drunk”.

    Mentor 2. Melissa the Chain Smoking Dominatrix.
    [​IMG]
    Melissa’s advice…”Get drunk and Poke ‘em in the butt.”.

    I got a feeling those are Chris & Melissa’s answers to all questions.

    Who am I to argue with such sage advice?

    December 20, 2015
    We spent the day on Fremont visiting all of the Casinos---betting Matchplays and playing free slot plays from the Las Vegas Advisor & American Casino Guide and drinking heavily. Heeding the advice of my new mentors, I was getting very drunk. I had many beers and untold Bombay Sapphire Martinis. We set a cutoff of 8:15 PM to be back in the room so I could get into my costume and walk the walk. That costume barely fits me. It kind of chokes me and I’m sure it cuts off some of the blood flow to my brain. I slightly tore it squeezing into it. I feared the giant penis would no longer perform, but it stiffened up nicely. I was ready for my 34 minutes of fame.



    And so…without further ado…I give you….

    Professor Willy’s Vegas Vacation

    https://youtu.be/OceVaSLySUs
     
  2. Electroguy563

    Electroguy563 Over-Fried Gambler

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    :poke:Glad you had fun being a dick on Fremont St.
     
    Going to Hawaii's 9th Island!!
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  3. Lovegas95

    Lovegas95 Low-Roller

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    Too funny.
     
    Must...Go...To...Vegas!!
  4. br549

    br549 High-Roller

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    Funny as shit. Good job.
     
    Last Trip of 2016 - Trip moved up 3 days
  5. smerrian

    smerrian Low-Roller

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    The penis costume may have been an exaggeration, but I think the balls were just about the same size as yours!
     
  6. breanna61

    breanna61 Super Moderator

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    Dammit, I get to view the title,Professor Willy's Vegas Vacation but get a this video not available message!
     
  7. alanleroy

    alanleroy Tourist

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    Apparently my video is banned in one country....because of copyright issues. Funny, the song being claimed is one that was being played in the background by the Fremont Street Experience, not one that I added. Sorry. Professor Willy's Vegas Vacation may not be available in Canada or on certain mobile devices!
     
  8. CALELLA

    CALELLA Low-Roller

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    This was hilarious and the adding of Benny Hill as background music was genius. :nworthy:

    Am interested to know how much tips you made in your time on Fremont Street.
     
  9. alanleroy

    alanleroy Tourist

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    I made $56 in my 34 minute career. I packed It in because I was drenched since penis costumes don't breath. I was choking because my head hole was too small. Ok. I just petered out.
     
  10. irishdave

    irishdave VIP Whale

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    Should have used some of PT's blue pills!
     
  11. JeJas

    JeJas VIP Whale

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    That's nice report!
    Where did you get the costume?
     
  12. mrem3200

    mrem3200 High-Roller

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    $100 an hour isn't bad, and is about 10x more than the disgusting Mini and Mickey (or whatever they are) meth heads that camp out by the Flamingo make.
     
  13. alanleroy

    alanleroy Tourist

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    Do they come in Extra Large?
     
  14. alanleroy

    alanleroy Tourist

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    Chris Farley said he makes about $100 a day, but I think he works 4 or 5 hours. There were 4 Darth Vaders. They weren't getting any takers.. There was a plump woman with duct tape on her breasts. She said she was struggling and doing it to survive. She wasn't getting much business. I believe I was fulfilling some bizarre niche market. I really think most people thought it was just funny and a little naughty, but not obscene or dirty. I tried to portray a likable giant penis. It's an art.
     
  15. luckylinda

    luckylinda Low-Roller

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    Pity you wilted too quick
     
  16. sammowhammo

    sammowhammo VIP Whale

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    That is funny and memorable
     
  17. KyleB

    KyleB Low-Roller

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    Hilarious, especially loved the jokes that were inserted in. What the hell was up with that idiot who hit you in the head a couple of times?
     
  18. alanleroy

    alanleroy Tourist

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    He was acting like a punk. Can't hurt a giant inflated penis with a blow to the head though. I got even. He'll be associated with that last joke as long as there's a youtube.
     
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