Alright after 3 times I will post elsewhere my MM2013 report. Let me also share that I’ve never posted something like this, but I will not conform and add more that I remember lol. Well here goes, Wednesday march 20th woke up and ran 3.5 miles and was just like any typical trip to begin. After months of anticipation and you all know how much I was planning on this trip and excited I was. It was finally time. Drop off at the airport and short line until Security check. Good thing I had my headphones on. I’m waiting in line and this girl is literally in my back pocket. I try to move up and she literally is on my heels. I’m only thinking man good thing I didn’t eat any cereal today. I’d clear this place out. While I kind of enjoyed her close presence, the line was moving and once clear I had an hour to go. So what better way to pass time and start Vegas tripping off with a double Tequila Sunrise. Ok well 5 minutes later I go sit down and talk to an old-timer who is going to celebrate his 72nd bday. I’m saying to myself this is what it’s all about. Will I be here in 37 years? If I am alive then most likely. This is my 15th yr in a row and it was is 28th. He kept getting birthday calls and was saying “ do these damn people know I’m going to vegas, stop calling me” Then he spots a friend and he starts calling him a cheap **** and then the guy comes over to say hi lol. He then says OH ****. I am laughing so hard. The plane gets delayed 30 min, so naturally we look at each other and go WTF! He had tee time and I had to meet JoeyD and get the fun started. 1055 slowly comes and we board. As I sit down I say let’s make some fn noise, it’s vegas! The two guys immediately say do you have gas? I’m like WTF? No let’s have some fun. They both laugh and go phew. So as I sit down naturally I want another drink. The guy next to me who blurted the gas statement says “they don’t take cash.” I’m now very annoyed and as I look at him he is pulling out 2 airplane bottles of Crown Royal. Immediately I’m like WTF? I do guess they are under 3oz and who would have thought. Note to self for future planning. So as I jealously watch him pour them out I thought should have brought the credit card, then again 7 dollar shots WTF? I’ll just wait. As the flight began this guy repeatedly kept saying “ would you look at that”. I mean I did, how could you not when it’s in your face. I’m on the aisle seat and she must have bumped me like oh 47 times. He did keep the flight entertaining as I am always up for people watching. The short 50 minute flight ended and I texted my friends I’ve arrived. I get my luggage and head for the taxis. I sit down and tell him Ballys. I then go to text JoeyD and my Droid wont slide. The screen is frozen and it won’t do a damn thing. I can’t access it. I take the battery out, power it off, curse it to hell and back. Nothing. The poor taxi driver tries to ask what is wrong I simply tell him to shut the f* up and get me to Ballys. WTF! Now I’m fuming it’s a bit after 1 and now I have just a few hours before I’m to be at HH. I do notice a short 8 person line to check in and it goes fast. Thankfully. I ask the front desk lady to call my phone and she gets her cell. Front desk phones can’t. I’m like they cant dial out? WTF? She is so baffled and tries to clean my screen, ask a co-worker, my phone does not do a thing. I appreciated the help so Bally’s get 2 thumbs up for front desk service this trip. I go to my room and call Verizon. Now I don’t want a new contract as I’m thinking of switching. I just need a phone. Seriously 5 minutes into my trip and my smart phone is stupid. WTF! I get estimates for a phone and calculate taxi costs and I’m like I don’t want to drop 300 on a crap the first hours I’m here. I have 3 hrs to get a phone and to PH. So what’s next? I hit the tables for a power play. Goal is 300. I start at $15 and quickly get up to $50 and within 30 minutes I’m up $490 and cash out, throw a hundo on LIU and head for Verizon. With tip its about 15 bucks so not too bad. However, I have to get back and wait for taxi so I send him off. I get in Verizon and every phone is like $109 or higher and every one requires a new 2 yr contract. WTF! I said no. At this point I’m about to literally fly off the handle and bite my tongue. The tell me I can get a refurb down the street. Initially I’m like sweet, where? They say a few blocks. No name, no phone number, no crossroads. I’m a visitor not a phone book and I have no working phone! WTF! I run out the door as I see more victims come in a taxi and just jump in it. This guy had no idea what was in store for him. Poor SOB. I give him the same vague directions and he goes well UNLV is on the right so you look left. We go 4 lights which if I were walking would have taken me 40 minutes! Stupid Verizon. We double back and see nothing. Then I said turn in and we’ll ask someone in a store. Literally about to run in starbucks and I tell him to turn around and park I see something. He does an illegal U-turn into the road of oncoming traffic and I get excited. I go in and they have 2 phones. Woohoo! I tell him to hang out. After 45 min of trying to charge the phone and switch the woman cannot import contacts or get it on Verizon. GREAT! I have to go back to the store. Seriously thank you. But WTF! I have a barely charged phone and get back to the store and meter is at just 40 so I’m not flipping yet with that. Taxi driver was the best ever. We pull in and I tell him to just wait. After 20 minutes my phone issue is fixed, but now I have to charge it. It just shut off. However, not all the info transferred over and I lost all contact with JoeyD and internet was jacked on the phone. Go back to Ballys. I pay the guy 70 bucks for the taxi with a 15 dollar tip since he was like a damn chauffeur. I get back and still have some money, but figured LIU could help me recoup that debacle. I walk into the sportsbook and see them down 10 under 2 min. WTF! So lost that. I put another hundo on Boise St and go to the room to assess the night. I’m still up like 50 bucks after all that and am charging the phone. It’s time to go to Wynn, but I don’t know anyone’s phone number, where to go or who anyone looks like. I get ready and head down. Seeing my options are well F*d. I hit the tables. Literally in like 30 minutes I’m down 500. WTF! Every double down pulled a MF 2 or 3 and dealer drew to 21 it seemed every hand. So naturally I buy in again. I now battle for 4-5 hours on the table and end up down another 2 while getting the worst drink service ever! I really needed a drink and ordered one on the drop every time to see she never came back with one. Never! WTF! Bally’s drink service gets a wet terd rating from me. Now it’s almost 11 and haven’t even spent 12 hours in Vegas and literally think I should go to bed or maybe eat. So naturally I find this odd table called Double Attack BJ. I am not one to play gimmick games like +3 or stuff, but I needed to recoup. I buy in for that last 300 and I battle with another guy showing me the games. We have a good run and still can’t get a damn drink. After a few hours new people join and then I get cold. I have one more shot and do not want to go to ATM on day 1. I end up switching seats to 3B and I go on a gimmick streak. If you ever played this game it’s on the bust card in 3 cards. I must have hit every other one at least for an hour. I got some back down about 600. Then a “baller” comes over and drops 3k and loses it in 10 secs. He hits 14 against a 6 and I’m like why don’t you just give me your damn money instead. WTF! His second hand is 1800 and has 88 and vs another 6. I have my biggest modest best of 100 out there and he can’t spilt or hit. Nobody can. Dealer flips an 8, 2, 5. Awesome. He leaves. I then go ice ice baby cold. WTF! The pit boss is sweating me off the table and I leave the table around 4am. I head over to regular table and battle with my last 400 and get about 300 back and now its 7am. I set a time limit and amount of next 100 I win goes on Mich St. By 830 I get it. Run down put it. I go back to the tables and get pummeled. I look for the Double Attack to open and its not. I go put in some parlays with last few bucks. It’s now 10 and Mich St looking good. I hit the damn ATM. WTF! Not even 24 hours! I’ve never experienced this before. I play some more BJ and watch the games so I’m in and out. I see some people from the night and say he is still at it look at his eyes. I’m like thanks to you F*n idiots now I have to play conservative until Friday. Should have just went to PH! WTF! Well I don’t look back and play on. I go on a run and get about half back and decide to go to Flamingo. I netted the Mich St, and lost all the parlays. So close to a wash. However, a chip and seat it’s on. I decide to play the “gimmick” as to hope I win by any means necessary. I hit a 456 suited on my 3rd hand for $10 bucks which was like 30 to 1. I was so happy. The cards were up and down but I hit the gimmicks often. I’m now gimmick addicted. Not good. After 4 hours of Flamingo I came out about even. Back to Ballys. I notice Double Attack is now open and I perch myself. Within 2 hours I was still holding my own. Then this couple comes in and this girl decides the gimmick is better than her bet so she starts betting like $25-50 on it. She wins little ones and loses quite a few for about an hour. The after several rounds of 8’s coming and just missing I knew it would come. Now 888 pays 50 to 1 same color and 100 to 1 or so same suit. After almost a whole day I got the whole table playing this gimmick and she has 30 on it and no doubt 8 clubs up, 8 clubs down and boom 8 spades. Well I almost crapped myself as I had $15 on the gimmick. The table exploded. Everyone had money out there and 50 to 1 paid. I was now just down a few hundo and could somewhat start to think it was turning. However, a friend texted me 30 times and to meet him at Mandalay Bay. I was at bally’s so I figured sure I’ll walk there and be there in 10 minutes. WTF! I was wearing sandals and when I got outside I said what was I thinking! I had to be clocked at like 10-15 mph as I was blazing through the sidewalks. I did make it in like 20 minutes. I got 2 nice blisters on my feet to prove it. Idiot. My friend just stopped in and had a truck so he takes me back to Ballys. I see I’ve missed a few games and now pissed. WTF! This was my whole plan. Should have just went to PH! I run up and change shoes as my feet were killing me. I didn’t make my morning jog with TofT but I did have sneakers. 1st time in 15 yrs I have sneakers and boy was I glad. Thanks T, and Sorry, we will run next year I promise. I shower up and go back down for the Cuse game. I see they are blowing Montana out and I want to do something. I hit the Double Attack briefly and see everyone is gone. I play for about an hour and can’t win at all. Drop another 300. Still in decent shape relatively down a G or so. I want to go out, but my friends arrive in 4 hours. I meander around and run into these girls and they stop me as I am certain I was in the way too lol. I ask them where they are going and they say Haze. I’m like I can get you in. Earlier I just broke down and bought a bottle of Captain Morgan since Ballys service sucked. I walk them and text my dude to let them in quickly. Um 6 girls me, why am I not going to Haze? WTF! You go change your shirt and say I’ll go and walk you in.. Idiot. So now confused and well 3 hours until friends arrive I decide I want to dance. I hear the band playing and I start acting a fool dancing through the crowd sitting down seeing that I really don’t want to dance with anyone besides the waitresses lol. I am committed to staying off the tables. I make 4 trips to the room to keep my drink full and polish off half the bottle in 4 hours. Good job. I try to be a good person and offer some girl falling off her chair a water and some suit walks over and says I got this. I’m like WTF? She is obviously beyond hammered. I wish I was there. I was trying, HARD. My friends arrive about midnight and we go up and then decide to gamble a little. I hold off. They go to bed I stay down. WTF! I walk my idiot self over to Double Attack again and I get to down just 200 again. I’m slow playing and ask the dealer who is leaving should I just go to bed. I have not yet and I’m close. The pit boss and him both disagree he says get there and she says go to bed. While I knew they were trying to close me again, I felt I could. New dealer, man if there was a ringer. Not only I’m playing a bust prop, but she couldn’t even lose. I must have lost 15 hands in a row with 4-6 up almost every time. I’m now so irate and yes dropping several unkind words to nobody in particular. Mostly WTF! I save my butt down to what I took out of the ATM. It’s 4am I need to eat. I woof down a turkey sub from the deli shop which was awesome and made to order. I head to bed. Seeing I had not slept I woke up at 7 and went down for Friday lines on came back up. I see some girl standing in the mirror and messing with her eyes. I’m likely a bit tipsy still so I ask if she needs any help. She looks at me and says “ how about a 150 quickie” . I’m like WTF? It’s 7am and I’m about to check out. Honestly the thought I had to think a second, but my top head was smarter than my bottom head. I let her go. Where were you last night at midnight WTF! Timing is just off I hope. I get the others up and we begin to check out and head to MGM. We’re driving around trying to park and their valet opening is so hidden we miss it. Great job MGM! At 850 we park and get in check in line. Games start at 915 and I’ve been saying Ole Miss and under for like an hour. Realizing its not likely I am pissed because I needed a big day turnaround. We check in and somehow my friends sister in law got us an upgrade to executive sweet queen and now are rooms cannot connect. We had connecting rooms the previous 4 yrs. It makes the room feel bigger and people can go in either one to do whatever. We decide to eat. Yes I’m eating twice in 5 hours, twice more than I ate the previous 36 hours. I get comped a buffet with my room we get another one just because we wanted one. We find the buffet and we’re like F* this line it was like 100 deep. I want to get the next games in. So for those impractical joker fans this one is for you. We walk in the out way shouting a random name pretending to look for a friend. We grab plates and load up and sit down and start eating. Only 2 of 3 had sat down. After 5 min a waitress comes over and says “these seats are in reserved section”. WTF? Reserved Buffet seats? Who does that. When asked for receipts we just say we have free buffets and front desk said just go eat. So we did. Then the manager comes over and now I am almost done with plate 1. Same story she takes my ID and passes comes back says ok and then my other friend finally sits and says “we were meeting someone here” lol we quickly tell him to shut up. we get drinks finally as I am sooo thirsty and I slam my OJ and water and begin 2nd water. I get more food and when I return the mgr comes back. damn I forgot she still has my ID! She cleared it up and thanked us. Yes, thank you idiots who didn’t pay and didn’t wait in line and sat in reserved section. We all say thank you back and laugh. At the same time were done. We go check out the pool next and Wet Republic and I’m on the list the day is shaping up good. However, as buffets usually go for me I need to find a restroom. We all do. First one is full. Seriously must have been a synchronized poop fest. We continue walking as we have no room yet since its just 11am. I’m literally in the bathroom and my other 3 friends arrive. My phone mind you this is a refurb and I’m trying to quickly learn it is blowing up and I’m like “ dude, I’m in the bathroom.” Now, this friend has a low patience level and is never satisfied unless it’s his way. I then get like 5 calls and 6 texts in 4 minutes. Is that even possible? WTF! Each text is increasingly worse blaming me for the room and get out there and more. I’m not furious because can’t a guy take a poop in peace? WTF! I get out quick as possible and give him a piece of my mind. One for being an idiot since the rooms were already checked in. 2 for being an idiot, and 3 for being a complete F*n idiot and pissing me off! I hit the check in and the guy is like your friend is he ok? I laugh. He was ripping this guy for not connecting rooms, but we did have a room ready at 1130. We could hit the pool now. I clear it up and we go to the room. Realizing its big enough for all of us, we barely used the other room. Hence we need connecting rooms. We head down to the place some bets and hit the pool. I’m committed to lay off the tables here and just have fun. We get in line for Wet Republic and my friend J forgets his ID. For anyone who has been to Wet it is fun, but it’s like TSA getting in. I also see my intense friend has a flask and is going to put it next to his junk and get in. 25 minutes were in no issues. Wet was fun, but my feet killed. Stupid walking to Mandalay! My other friends had some pain relievers so we had to go to the room. We go up see that my bets are losing 2/3 in parlay is so typical of this trip now. WTF! I realize I should put the house on Minny and NC parlay, but decide to go $50. Seriously what was I thinking as I was selling this hard to everyone. But whatever my decisions were f’d this trip. We go back to the pool and my 2nd time here was just as fun. Get in the guest list for half off and avoid the sun line in a smushed walkway. We bail out about 5 and head back. My friend B goes down for bets and I give him a hundo for Minny. He comes back later with pizza and doesn’t get the game in. My friend J starts throwing up. Like every 10 minutes. WTF? Literally like 20 times in a few hours. He is thinking he may have to sit in. The rest of us get ready and even J a few hours later feels maybe he can make it. Being sick in Vegas is simply awful. He decides to go down and get food and a few go down to gamble. J comes back first and throws up in the hallway. Now were near the elevator so it’s almost unavoidable. At 10 everyone is in the room and B says he stepped in something in the hallway. J stays in and the 5 of us head down. I’m thinking leave MGM and go to Cosmo. Nope. They all want to gamble. Ugh. I just want to get the *out of the gambling world. I have a little to play and I sit down. Things go up and down for a little bit and I want to just leave. I take a walk to find the crew and can’t find anyone. WTF! I go back and play some more as it’s just 11pm. I hit a good run and decide to press finally I throw up a few hundo and it, so I let it ride. If I hit I’m almost even, if I lose I’ll be back to where I started. I get 18 vs 6 and I’m feeling good. This young kid betting table min gets 20 and splits. WTF? All of us say no no no. I am the most vocal. He gets a 10 and a 9. Naturally I’m like good for you, but you just f’d me! 6 up 10 down, 3 comes out. I literally go off. I know it’s a game and it’s all luck, but he didn’t improve his winnings. And when the whole table is saying no, wouldn’t you at least hesitate and think? I start jawing at this young ****** and he says “ The cards are what they are” I’m like you’re a mo f* idiot. He says in a more stern voice “ Drop it, I’ll do what I want”. Now I’ve played a billion hands in my life and I know better, but had I been drinking more it would have been ugly. Instead I simply stare him down, grab my chips and stand up. I say “I got to up before I drop you on your head and bounce you the f* out of here”. I was dead serious ready to put his face through the floor. I take a stroll to cool off and people watch. Ok let’s be serious I women watch. None of this would have happened if we just went to Cosmo! WTF! I try to go to Tabu and it’s so small I literally lap the place in 10 seconds. Seriously MGM that should be a bathroom with a bar. Gone are the days of Studio 54 or something where I can get some good base thumping and get drunk. I am ready to have someone join me and get lit, but the crop is weak. Granted it is march madness, but where was all the pool ladies at? Probably at Cosmo! My feet hurt from the stupid Mandalay walk and after a few hours decide to call it night. Seriously when it rains, it pours. I’ve never been so out of sorts in Vegas as I was this moment. I go bed and lay there lamenting it’s just 230am and I should be out. I am tired so let’s make the most of Saturday. I can’t sleep and others are loud coming in a few hours later and finally get to sleep at 430am. Up at 8am need to eat and get some water bad. I am so tired. We think about going to Wet again, but now B is sick and I don’t know what to do. I have about a G on me and in all I’m not doing that bad just down like 1500 after 3 days is not bad. However, it just never felt right from the jump on Wednesday. Then sick thing was depressing. I decide to rest a bit on Saturday and cash in my parlay ticket and throw some more in. I take St.L, Syracuse, and Harvard. Feeling good. I could not visibly see past the 12 seed Oregon and how overrated the MWC was. I get back to the room and watch Harvard literally not score at all. Just sad. Then the others start chiming off how they had monster parlays of cal, Oregon, Arizona. I’m like WTF! Naturally I go 0-3 and they go 3-0 and hit. He wants to take us all out for drinks, but B is sick, I’m over it and J isn’t feeling their vibe. So 9p I call it a wrap. Come to find out that the others went to go play poker and lose it all. Seriously? I had 3 things that would have avoided all of this and the first was get to the M&G. Thanks to the Droid, yes I blame the phone as if it just slid on I could have been eating wings and drinking beers at PH with JoeyD. Then the night goes as planned. Second, was to go to Wet, which we did and that was actually good. The third was to go to Cosmo and venture to Marquee. Did not leave MGM. Seriously? That was derailed by some bug going around and bad timing. Well, there were some good ideas that came from this and a lesson learned. I was proud I didn’t go overboard, I didn’t get arrested and I didn’t get robbed by a hooker. So who is ready for MM2014? This guy is ready to bury this and begin planning. First, let’s close out the summer with a little vegas labor day to erase the sting. Thanks for reading this novel.