1. Welcome to VegasMessageBoard
    It appears you are visiting our community as a guest.
    In order to view full-size images, participate in discussions, vote in polls, etc, you will need to Log in or Register.

My 90yr. old Mother

Discussion in 'Non-Vegas Chat' started by LucyR., Jun 28, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. LucyR.

    LucyR. VIP Whale

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,871
    Location:
    Los Angeles,CA.
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    20
    My sister and I went to visit our Mom today. She likes to live alone.
    Her cleaning lady/care provider is planning to leave for one month to visit
    her Mother in another country. She brought over her 18yr.old daughter
    to train her on how to care for Mom.

    I asked the gal if she knew how to cook oakmeal cereal and she said, "No".
    I asked her if she knew how to make pancakes. She said she would ask her mom to teach her how to cook.
    The young gal failed our interview. Her main job is to take good care of mom and to also cook for her because our Mom will not eat if someone
    doesn't cook for her.

    We noticed that Mom's care provider has been asking Mom for money and for some of her things. The woman has gotten spoiled by Mom. So we plan to replace her and not hire her daughter who can't cook and doesn't have the mature experience to take care of Mom.

    Our Mom also has a 30yr.old man that shows up asking her for money. He said he needed $5.00 and would do yard work later. But needed the money today he wanted to buy a lottery ticket.lol.
    We all said, "No". So he asked for $2.00. I said I had a one dollar, but he said,"No Thanks". lol. I think he is mentally challenged. When he decided not to take the dollar from me I knew there was something wrong in his thinking.

    Our Mom has chosen to live alone and doesn't want to live with me or any other relative who have made the offer. She is still of sound mind but I think she needs protection from the scammers.
    Mom is poor so there is nothing people can take from her. She doesn't own her place, doesn't have money in the bank because a nephew takes care of her money which is just social security. She is in okay health which is good and the whole extended family keeps an eye on her. We all visit her and take her food and gifts. My nephew buys her "Meals on Wheels".

    Mom is really lucky to have us to keep an eye on her.

    I don't need any advise.... I just want people to know my experience with my 90yr.old Mom today. It was an interesting day for old senior me. Lucy
     
  2. robert m.

    robert m. High-Roller

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    649
    Location:
    texas
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    30
    I have had four close relatives ( one generation above me ) with dementia.

    In retrospect, the first thing to go is their judgment. In their prime, they would never have responded to phone solicitors or requests for cash. Once this cognitive deficit develops, it will never improve. You can implore the person to cease their behavior, but they will not.

    It is a good thing that her nephew controls the bank accounts.

    Also, if she has become very particular about what she eats, that is not a particularly favorable sign.

    I am sorry to be negative, but I suspect ( based on experiences with my elders ) that you are in for some increasingly irrational behavior in the future.

    Best wishes!
     
  3. LucyR.

    LucyR. VIP Whale

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,871
    Location:
    Los Angeles,CA.
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    20
    Dementia

    My old Mom does have signs of dementia. She only likes to eat certain
    foods. She gets memory loss at times. She doesn't take good care of herself. This is why we have a care provider for her to keep an eye on her.

    She has a bad heart and doesn't believe in any kind of surgery. She doesn't like doctors.
    Our family doesn't expect her to live much longer because of her heart.

    She does have a mean personality towards me and my sisters but loves her nephew who is in charge of her needs. He is responsible for her funeral too.
    She pushed me out years ago from being responsible for her needs. I took care of her and my dad's needs for many years. When my dad died I was relieved because he had already becomed mostly demented. He was still lucid at times which was great for the family members who visited him on his final days.

    Our Mom never showed us love because she was too self-centered and selfish. My sisters and I have already told her we would not clean her butt
    if she loses control. We will have to hire a nurse to take care of her for her final days. Our hearts have gotten cold towards her. She caused it by being so mean to us all of these years. We do care that she has shelter, food, and care. The adult grand-children are the ones that give her love because we
    sisters can't due to her being so mean to us. She says really mean things to me to hurt me. She has always been that way and now that she is getting demented she has gotten worse. But it's okay because I don't visit her much.
    My Mom created self-centered, selfish, solo me. I hope I don't cry much for her when she dies. I think I will cry more for my old loving doggie more.

    Robert, thank you so much for your response to my post. It made me think about my relationship with my old mom. The only person I really care about in my life is my adult son. Lucy
     
  4. robert m.

    robert m. High-Roller

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    649
    Location:
    texas
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    30
    I empathize with your feelings. It is probably good for you to openly express what you feel.

    It is very difficult to have positive feelings toward a relative who has always been selfish.

    You are just being honest. A lot of us feel intimidated to tell it like it is!

    I know that you said that you are not seeking advice. But I would encourage you to do things that you really enjoy ( like going to Las Vegas! ), and forget about trying to be a martyr! Especially for
    a person who would not have sacrificed for you. Best wishes!
     
  5. wigwam_salesman

    wigwam_salesman VIP Whale

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2011
    Messages:
    2,468
    Location:
    Manchester, United Kingdom
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    9
    My granddad insisted on living alone until he died about 18 months ago. One of his near neighbours was calling round and asking for money and stuff. I called at his house to ask him to explain himself, he denied it and said my granddad was imagining it. Next time we visited I found out it was still going on so I called at his house and made my request a physical one. After that he stopped asking for things.
     
  6. LucyR.

    LucyR. VIP Whale

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,871
    Location:
    Los Angeles,CA.
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    20
    The word "sacrifice"....

    Robert, you opened up my eyes to the word "sacrifice". Our parents never sufferred for us. They were lousy parents and never once sacrificed themselves for us kids.
    We kids had to go to work as young teenagers to buy the things we needed.
    Mom and dad were party people "grass-hoppers", who enjoyed spending the extra money with their party drinking friends.

    It was our grand-mother who taught us kids the social graces, home arts,
    creativeness, how to survive in this world, kindness and love.
    It was my favorite aunt who taught me the importance of getting a formal education. My favorite college professors were my mentors in college.

    It was the outside world that nurtured me through out my life.
    I went for therapy for years. I am okay now and I don't let people tell me what to do if it doesn't feel right. I try to be assertive and not agressive
    with others.

    I saved my money all of my life and I do travel a lot to Vegas, and go on
    cruise ships during the year. I also like to stay home in my beautiful condo
    that I bought for myself.

    I am so lucky that my Mom has the adult grand-children who like her a lot.
    It's their turn to care for her.

    I am presently trying to have the best time of my life and taking good care of me. Lucy
     
  7. LucyR.

    LucyR. VIP Whale

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,871
    Location:
    Los Angeles,CA.
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    20
    Just say, "NO"!

    Wig-wam, that was good that you talked to that neighbor begging for money.

    My sisters and I tell our Mom to just say, "NO", to people begging for free money and things.

    My Mom is very stubborn and thinks she has to be nice to beggars.
    She thinks I am the villian and the beggers are the nice people.LOL.

    When I visit her I tell the beggars that my mother has protection. That she is not alone. Mom has cheap friends going to her place to eat her food and they act like guests and don't clean up after themselves.

    My Mom has a lot of food in her pantry and frigerator. She buys a lot of food like if she still has a large family living at her place.
    I throw them/visitors all out when I go visit my Mom. Lucy
     
  8. Candy Apple

    Candy Apple VIP Whale

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,993
    Location:
    Cleveland
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    20
    Your mom had you when she was 18, right Lucy? I don't know of any young girls (and yes, I consider that a girl) that would get Mother of the Year awards. Still, we only have one mother. My mom was a wonderful Christian lady, a great baker, who put everyone before herself. I really miss her.
     
  9. LucyR.

    LucyR. VIP Whale

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,871
    Location:
    Los Angeles,CA.
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    20
    My Mom was born a bad seed....

    Candy, Being young is no excuse for my mom being so mean to me. She should be wise now that she is older but she is getting worse in her behavior towards me.
    My mom had plenty of role models in the family. But she learned as a little girl to be a manipulator.
    I don't plan to cry much for her when she dies. I am already keeping my distance as much as I can from her. Nobody here wants to read my dirty laundry of how bad she treated me and still tries.

    I have a neice who got married at the age of 18yrs.old and she can win
    the Mother and the grand-mother of the year Awards.
    She had three kids and had to raise them on her own when she got divorced.
    She worked as a nurse and adopted a little boy with aids. She took care of him until he died at the age of 19yrs.old. She had to pay for the funeral by herself. All of his relatives showed up to the funeral and didn't give her a penny to pay for the funeral.
    She is now a grand-mother and takes her grandkids to Disneyland all the time and she bakes cakes for their Birthdays.
    I am going to leave her some of my money when I die. I am really proud of her. Lucy
     
  10. Candy Apple

    Candy Apple VIP Whale

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2004
    Messages:
    1,993
    Location:
    Cleveland
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    20
    Your niece sounds like a terrific woman. I'm sorry your mother didn't/doesn't treat you kindly.
     
  11. Shelbymae

    Shelbymae Low-Roller

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2012
    Messages:
    192
    Location:
    Middle of a snowbank in North Dakota
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    3
    Im sorry you have a strained relationship with your mother, I would give anything to have mine here on earth again. She passed way to early, and was a good woman and mother. I lost my father at a very young age, but I had grandparents that were the best. Memories are all I have of them now, but I would not trade them for anything. Family is EVERYTHING to me, and I would do whatever it took to forgive.
     
  12. LucyR.

    LucyR. VIP Whale

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,871
    Location:
    Los Angeles,CA.
    Trips to Las Vegas:
    20
    Family

    Shelby, I am so happy for you that you had a wonderful family members.
    I am sorry you lost them so early in your life.

    I have forgiven my mother all of my life for her being so mean to me.
    Each time I visit her I take her gifts and food.... and I try to talk to her in a nice loving manner. I do nag her about those beggars that come around begging for money. I don't think it is safe to allow them to come around.
    I fear they may harm her someday. I told her that.

    But....this is what she said to me when I recently visited her. She said that the neighbor across the street asked who was the old fat ugly lady that visited her recently. My mom tells me she told her it was me her daughter
    who had visited her. "DUH".... Why did my mom have to hurt my feelings that way? She said it to be mean to me. I came home crying because she says mean things to me every time I visit her.
    I am not ugly at all.... but she said it just to hurt me. The lady across the street has never seen me at all.
    I never answer her back.... but next time I am going to slam dunk her.
    I am tired of forgiving her each time she is mean to me. Lucy
     
Tags:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.