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Midget tranny hooker and snow in April

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by Cowgo, Apr 17, 2009.

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  1. Cowgo

    Cowgo Tourist

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    My Trip Report

    DAY ONE

    Flight
    I miss the days when Allegiant Air flew direct to Vegas out of my hometown, Topeka, but other than a plaintive longing on the way to Kansas City International, the flight was uneventful. No crying babies, no behemoth seat mates, no chronic whiners. I was able to read, undisturbed, all of Anthony Bourdain's "The Nasty Bits" on the way there, so it was a good start even before deplaning.

    Car

    With a Dollar Express rental all lined up, and only carry on luggage, I was out of McCarran and cruising the strip within 20 minutes of landing. Unfortunately I was bumped "up" to an underpowered PT Cruiser with loud crunchy brakes. There're several thousand rental PT Cruisers out and about LV. I actually tried to unlock two different ones that looked exactly like mine in the hotel parking garage.

    Hotel

    Check in to the Imperial Palace was a breeze. I hit the counter at 5 p.m. and had no wait. The IP is old and outdated and the king sized bed sagged, but the price was right. Those who bitch about the buffet....the horror....the horror....or to mix movie metaphors, to quote Lily Von Schtupp, "It's twue, it's twue." Faux food from industrial size cans dumped into steam tables for the masses.

    Out and About
    Jackpot! I was able to score a midget tranny hooker right out of the gate, wearing a clown costume no less. I know what you're thinking...that's totally awesome!!...but let me tell you, that red fake nose honking at every twist and turn got to be a distraction real fast.

    OK, I actually only scored 70 bucks playing the slots and 30 bucks at the BJ table, but still, a good first night.

    DAY TWO

    Gambling
    I have plenty of poker parties at home for nickle, dime, quarter games, but I've never played poker in Vegas. Boy howdy, there is a huge difference. In a display of amazing ignorance I chose the poker shark Mecca, Binions, as my first attempt at Vegas poker.

    That was a $350 lesson hard earned.

    Tail tucked, I limped back to the strip to down Heinekens while stretching the remaining bankroll on BJ and VP.

    Shows

    The day was salvaged by getting a discount ticket to the Fab Four Show at V Theater. They were fantastic. Great likeness of the Beatles and superb musicianship. Highly recommended show. Caught some good comics at the Improv in Harrahs to end the day.

    DAY THREE


    This was the day that is the reason for my yearly trip. Every April 15th I head out to Red Rock Canyon, where my dad's ashes were scattered, get out the bagpipes, play a little Amazing Grace and anything else that pops up and pour some Glenfiddich on the ground for him and a shot for me. It was a cold day and actually snowed on the way out there. I was really wishing I'd brought a jacket. Walked back to the car and found a couple other cars
    pulled over to listen. I should have passed a hat.

    I took in the Vinny Favorito show and was impressed. He's basically a very blue Don Rickles. He mercilessly and hilariously skewers audience members so I tried not make any eye contact in the small Flamingo theater.

    DAY FOUR


    Up early for the return flight. Again uneventful. With the cost savings of a down economy, I'm planning a longer trip next year, which I am already wistfully looking forward to.
     
  2. Dougie

    Dougie I am IN!

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    I know you are new, but the midget hooker is my intellectual property.

    Big leap from the kitchen table to the poker table. Untuck that tail and get your money back.

    Awesome way to honor your Dad. You can have the midget hooker from now on.
     
  3. SH0CK

    SH0CK Stylin' and Profilin' Quasi Tech Admin

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    Now that is just cool :nworthy:

    Do as Doug says though, get back in there! Just remember though, if you look around the table and can't spot the fish, then you're it. Time to move tables!
     
  4. hammie

    hammie VIP Whale

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    props for playing the pipes to honor your dad!

    PT Cruiser....a colleague rented one and I met up with him on my only trip to Vegas, what a piece of s***. I was telling another (female) colleage about this car and offered my opinion that it was a Dyke-mobile, she proceeded to tell me that she (and her husband) owned one......wow, did I just want to back up the tape on that one....
     
  5. texas_aggie_girl_93

    texas_aggie_girl_93 VIP Whale

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    I too hate those PT Cruisers. I rented one once in Vegas and absolutely hated it...no pick up whatsoever! Scary getting on the freeway. I'm used to a car actually moving when I floor it! lol

    What a nice way to remember your dad every year. Great report thanks for posting! Better luck with poker next trip.
     
  6. rlhendrix

    rlhendrix Low-Roller

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    Thanks for the TR and enjoyed reading how you honor your Father. Although I am a broken record on this board when talking about Fab Four Mania, it really is the best show on the strip for the money. Especially if you were born after they started touring and never got to see the greatest band in the world live. I've seen Paul and Ringo live, but never the best talent in the band, John; or my actual favorite George.
     
  7. sailor53

    sailor53 Tourist

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    Great way to honor your dad. I salute you! Thanks for a great, entertaining report.
     
  8. weluvvegas

    weluvvegas Vegas Slot Junkie

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    Great TR! BTW....I own a PT Cruiser....no I'm not a ....you know what and yes, it is a piece of S***!! Biggest mistake I ever made was buying that car.
     
    40th Birthday Bash!
  9. pebbles

    pebbles VIP Whale

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    Thanks for your report.

    PT Cruisers should all be destroyed. We had one for a few days last year, and I realised why I have never seen one in my corner of England. Crap is being polite.
     
    First trip of 2017.
  10. zerofan

    zerofan VIP Whale

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    Great trip report but why would you go from home poker games of nickels and dimes to the big Bellagio stage? Thats some big step my friend. It's like playing Little League baseball and saying you are ready for the Major Leagues! Good for you for having the guts to try, but you could have lost a lot less somewhere with less sharks around.....
     
  11. gotavegasjones

    gotavegasjones VIP Whale

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    Thanks for the TR. Really fine way to honor your dad. Encourages me to pour a can of Lone Star on a golf course next time I'm in Vegas.

    later, GVJ
     
  12. Beach Crazy

    Beach Crazy Hostess With the Mostess

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    Very enjoyable read, thanks for posting. I'm sure had I been in Red Rock that day, I would have pulled over to listen too. :peace:
     
  13. paulalovesvegas

    paulalovesvegas Tourist

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    my mom and my sisters ashed are at the welcome to vegas sign under the palm tree... my mom would never get on the plane to come to vegas with me she was afraid of dying (sp?) in a plane crash .... its ironic she died in a car crash .... anyway my sister had never been and after my mom died I got her to go with me to put some of the ashes there and then 6 months later my sister died so I returned and added some of her ashes.... I wish I could play an instument that would be great so instead I just stop by and say hi.....

    what a great tribute to your father.......
     
  14. gmoney590

    gmoney590 VIP Whale

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    You had me going with the midget tranny hooker; but, then, who hasn't been to Vegas and had a little too much to drink and the midget hooker sounds like a good idea.
     
    Back where we belong
  15. LVLady

    LVLady Tourist

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    Great trip report....Very nice story about your Dad's ashes. Some of my Mother In Law's ashes are at the Bachus (sp?) statue in front of Caesars. It was the best we could do, she would have preferred the statue of David, but I don't think there is water there. The look she used to give that statue still makes me blush....
     
  16. Snickers

    Snickers Low-Roller

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    Classy respect to your Dad! We too have been complaining about the departure of Allegiant from Topeka ... free parking and a ten minute drive from work on a Friday to be in Vegas in less than three hours was great! Oh well ... flying Southwest this time and the new numbered advance boarding passes should be okay.
     
  17. ghetto71

    ghetto71 Tourist

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    Nice TR and great way to honor your dad. My dad has always said that when he dies, he wants his ashes scattered over the strip.
     
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