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McGoo's TR: I did it all for her... kind of

Discussion in 'Vegas Trip Reports' started by McGoo, Aug 6, 2013.

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  1. McGoo

    McGoo Low-Roller

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    My Trip Report

    Last May in Las Vegas my beautiful wife actually said “I do”. Up to that point I thought it was all some sort of horrific joke and that she would answer with “Gotcha, I’m not marrying you, eewwww gross”. What better way to celebrate our belated anniversary then to revisit the place of so many poor decisions, hers included. I am lucky enough to visit Vegas 3 times a year, she is not so lucky. So for all the times she stayed at home and worked while I put on my degenerate jeans and strolled around Vegas, I felt she deserved the best trip I could give her (besides mushrooms). She has wanted nothing more than to stay at the Cosmo since the first time she saw all the shiny things inside. She loves the place, why she cannot have the same love for the El Cortez? Some things I will never understand. I told her repeatedly and profusely that I refused to pay the $2000 Cosmo wanted for the 5 nights, even showing her the website prices while shaking my fist and screaming “Who do they think they are charging these prices?” all the while I had already booked the Cosmo as an anniversary surprise. She thought we were staying at the Pho.

    I convinced her to pack for the 5 nights in a small bag considered to be a personal item on Spirit saving me $50. That’s quite an undertaking considering she packed different outfits for the days, the nights, the flight, the pool, the shows, Walgreen's and taking the taxi through the tunnel, all in one small bag. She took it on as a challenge and money savings aside; this almost guaranteed we wouldn't be spending much drinking/gambling time in a shopping mall.

    Here is my trip report for 5 nights in the city where all that glitters is guilt, so buckle up it's gonna be a ............relatively smooth ride.
     
  2. McGoo

    McGoo Low-Roller

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    Day 1, Wednesday – Yeah, it's nice!

    I had planned to work until 1:30pm, but I couldn’t take it anymore, I rather stare at the clock at home than at work. I oh so quietly packed my work bag and like a scene from Office Space, I perked my head up above the cubical walls, all was clear. I kept low, walking quietly down the aisle and rounding the corner towards the front doors. This is where I came face to face with my loud talking coworker (LTC). With my man purse over my shoulder it was obvious I was leaving for the day. He loudly asked:

    LTC: “Where you goin? You’re not leaving are ya?”

    McGoo (at barely audible level): “Yeah, have a good one”

    LTC: “You in tomorrow, or are you going on vacation again?”

    McGoo: “Umm yeah you know just a quick vacation, nothing big” (In hopes he would just accept the answer with a have a good time and let me on my merry fucking way)

    LTC: “Don’t tell me you’re going to Vegas again?!?!”

    McGoo (sighing in desperation to leave): “uh yeah, anniversary trip with my wife”

    As these words came out of my mouth another head popped up from the cubicle beside our conversation

    Cube head: “you’re kidding me? Again? Must be nice to go to Vegas all the time”

    If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been asked this, I could retire to playing the D’s nickel Loose deuces for the rest of my days.

    McGoo “Yeah, it's nice”

    And before another make me feel bad question could be asked I was halfway down the hallway to freedom.

    I drove home, impatiently waited for the wife, and then drove the 2.5 hours for my Spirit flight out of Detroit. I am always tense while going through the border, driving to the airport and parking the car. But when I lock the car and stride into the terminal I get that overwhelming feeling of relief and excitement.
    Have you ever noticed that nobody departs a plane into Detroit and yells “Fuck ya, DETROIT! Let’s do this”

    I booked the big front seats as a small surprise and my wife along with a bunch of mini Jacks watched Vegas Vacation. Most fun I have ever had flying to Vegas, of all the times I’ve watched that movie, this was best!

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    We landed 40 minutes behind schedule and searched baggage claim for our limo driver, no drivers. Using a limo was the only way that I could make the Cosmo surprise work. I had left instructions with Presidential limo to not mention we were going to the Cosmo, just take us there. My wife kept pulling me towards the taxi until I had to tell her I booked a limo. I went outside to the desk to inquire and was told he was waiting inside, I said no he wasn’t, and they supposedly called him. We waited 20 minutes or so, until I went back to the counter and said if I don’t get my limo immediately, I want a refund and will take a taxi. The desk pointed to a complete dufus looking driver who said to me “where you going? I could take you I guess” I turned back to the counter person and said I want my limo driver. Luckily right then another limo pulled up and the driver hurried around and said “McGoo” and off we went. All is well that ends well, positive thoughts.

    We cracked the champagne and drove down the strip direct to the hotel. As we turned away from the PHo, She asked “Why we are going this way? PHo is to the right”. I answered “You know Vegas, there is construction on the corner and he will have to loop around” She smiled with acceptance and turned back to the window, but as we turned into the Cosmo Porte Cochere she asked “Loop around through here?” the limo stopped and the driver got out and I announced “I have another surprise for you” she smiled as wide as a that annoying family walking 6 wide down the strip, it was a great moment. I find happiness through my wife’s happiness, and quads. I know some of you stay in much more posh places but this was a fun thing for us. Just so you know and what my wife would find out, this was the end of the surprises.

    The front desk put a sudden hold on our happiness by telling us our reservation had been cancelled. I explained that I had added an extra night when our plans changed and that was most likely the reason. She typed away and had to consult a manager who thankfully found the reservation under Mc_Goo (instead of McGoo). I very politely told her that was not cool. We ran upstairs, I couldn’t wait to show her the view from our balcony in the East tower, and it was spectacular.

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    52nd floor, room 5297, it lined up perfectly even with the fountains. We loved the room, beautifully accommodated with very nice furnishings. The bed was very comfortable, and the room was magically quiet, with such a heavy front entrance door my wife struggled to push it open. It was our own slice of paradise for 5 nights. People clamber in front of the fountains for a view, here we had our own. I couldn’t even hear the faint call of the D bags “YEAAAHH!!, WOOOOOO! Not even my personal favorite “Get it done son!” We marveled in the well appointed room and went for a stroll around the Cosmo. The plan was drinks and Volcano Nachos at Margaritaville, but after the delayed flight and limo, and Cosmo walk around, it become late Eastern Time. I showed her back to the room turned on a dime and excitedly skipped to the Book and Stage for some VP.

    Let it be known on this day that I am very aware of the poor pay tables here, and I expect to lose, its entertainment and damn good drinks. I knew I had limited time for gambling this trip and couldn’t afford to waste time getting to better pay tables or lower limits. I also do not have the ability to slow play. It’s a great bar with some of my favorite bartenders who always remember me, and I consider my friends. I saddled up for a 2 hours session losing a couple hundred but relishing in each press of the deal button.
     
  3. smartone

    smartone VIP Whale

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    I like your style... can't wait to read more! A couple close calls in ruining the "mood" with the limo and the room reservation... glad they were minor speed-bumps.

    With regards to the co-worker who says, "must be nice...", I HATE that phrase and everyone I know does too. To anyone on the board who likes to say, "must be nice..." STOP IT!!!! You sound like an ass... there's no point to the comment. Just say, "have a fun trip." Or don't say anything... but don't say, "must be nice..." UGHHHHHHH
     
  4. McGoo

    McGoo Low-Roller

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    Day 2, Thursday - Le Joueur, Cirque Du Soleil’s celebration of the music of Kenny Rogers

    Bed at 3:30am, awake at 6am, the night before’s dark and stormys still had a hold of me. Threw myself in the shower and we were in line for the opening of Wicked Spoon. It was awesome, could have been the rum talking but it was excellent and I needed the food. We took our time having breakfast drinking a bloody Mary’s and talking about the day’s plans. That first day you can really destroy at a buffet, after a couple Vegas days you’re lucky to finish a plate.

    Her plan was to go shopping at Miracle Mile, and mine was to join her and drink a couple huge beera from ABC. But as it turns out the mall doesn’t open until 10am, how rude. We stocked up on beers at Walgreens and hit the room for a few on the balcony.

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    I was in the mood, shopping mood that is, it’s a rare occurrence fueled mostly by beer and sleep deprivation. I have made some of my worst buying decisions in exactly this type of situation, the morning after. ABC store, huge can of Asahi in hand, and its sunglasses shopping for the Mrs. I see the only store in the mall I care to visit, the Penguin store (Men’s clothing brand). Shirts were flying everywhere, the deals were too good and after over an hour in the fitting room I had a bag of 8 shirts and the realization after I had packed only a small backpack on this trip. This was a Monday McGoo problem, my empty beer requires immediate attention.

    After more time at the mall and some thrilling conversation at the sunglass hut I was getting hangry (hungry + angry brings out the worst in McGoo). I said Volcano Nachos!, she said Pizza, so we went to Five50 at Aria. I had a MyVegas voucher for a slice and a beer, and I shall provide a tip to those with said voucher. The comp is good for $17.50 each or so, so it’s my understanding you can choose to spend that comp value any which way your heart desires. For $3 more you can get 2 slices each and a beer, we both chose Goose Island 312 Urban wheat. In case you’re wondering, if I preferred it over Secret Pizza at Cosmo, I did not. In case you’re wondering if I am worldly pizza traveler, enthusiast and noted pizza authority, I am not.

    Watch out for the big ass killer butterflies in the Aria Lobby, MGM you gotta do something about these!

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    During lunch I spotted the Beach Boys machine and took Ms. McGoo to play it as she has been on a serious beach boys kick recently. I’ve been eating my dinner to the Beach Boys every night for 3 weeks, “Wouldn’t it nice” if she’d find something else to listen to. I’ve been on a Rage against the machine kick lately, “Honey, would you prefer to listen to Bullet in your head or Killing in the name of for dessert” how do you think that would go?

    I start anticipating the morning beers and lack of sleep turning ugly, we needed a serious dose of…..the Book & Stage, yes bourbon will surely fix this dilemma. This would be my wife’s first experience at the Cosmo’s Book & Stage, and one objective of this trip was to take her to the places I love and show her that I am in a safe place when visiting Vegas solo. The day crew was as excited to see me as I was to see them. It was nice to have them meet my wife and tell her all the great things I had told them about her (big points!). We drank, we laughed, my wife hit quads on the third hand, I lost my ass, great times!

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    It was time for the Cosmo slot loss promo, and we are ripe to play stupid on some machines. I ask the slot attendant where I may find a $1 Top Dollar machine. Mrs. McGoo gets a few deals but I’m greedy and always take it to the last pick, soon after she hits three 7’s for a $150 win! The same slot attendant sees her excitement and comes over, my wife hugs her, tells her she loves her freckles and we all cheer together.

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    We had our big show of the trip tonight, Love and we were both getting pretty sloppy. She needed water and a nap pronto and I suppose I did too. I don’t nap well even on a lazy Sunday at home, let alone a killer day in Vegas. But when I hit that bed with all dem pillows I went deep.

    3 hours later, a jug of water, we are refreshed and ready for dinner. I suggested Volcano Nachos, and she said Holsteins. Downstairs to Holsteins for burgers and drinks, she orders her burger with the vegan patty and when the waitress assumingly asks “so no bacon, right?” my wife responded “no, I want the bacon” she’s a weekday vegetarian, I refer to her as an Optionarian (Someone who thinks they are vegetarian but will eat meat if it tastes too good to pass up).

    We were both very much looking forward to Love. We saw it last year, and she absolutely loved it, I on the other hand fell asleep. She loves the Beatles and ever since last year she has taken it upon herself to make me a fan. So I ate dinner to the Beatles for about 6 months. With my new found love (brainwashing) for the Beatles I couldn’t wait for the show. Love sells 32oz beers for $10 with the choice of Stella, New Castle, Bud light and something else; this is a deal! Love, of course was amazing and I declared it the best thing I have ever seen.

    Show wrapped and I suggested we hit Margaritaville for some Volcano Nachos! she wanted to relax in the room, I took her up and beat a hasty retreat to the Book and Stage. The drinks were going down nicely at the bar and next thing you know I find myself smoking a $10 cigar I bought from the cigarette girl. A $10 CIGAR!, they charge $10 or more for a pack of cigarettes, and I bought a $10 cigar, what was the actual price of this stick like $2, only the best banana leaf cigars for me! Eventually after going quadless on Boner Deluxe (thanks for the addiction Flusher) I was down $200. I had a hankering for some Blackjack, mins were high for me but I still found myself buying into a $25 table for a whopping $100, my money lasted exactly 6 hands, lose, lose, lose, Win! (trigger glimmer of hope), lose, lose, S.O.B! Some special words came to my mind from the immortal Kenny Rogers "You gotta know when to hold'em, know when to fold'em" I think what he was really trying to say was "You gotta know when to stop gambling and go to fucking bed"
     
  5. McGoo

    McGoo Low-Roller

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    More tomorrow y'all
     
  6. BlueSkadoo

    BlueSkadoo VMB Sweetheart

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    Love your writing style and your obsession with the volcano nachos is hilarious yet understandable. Those are the best!!! Looking forward to the rest of your report!
     
  7. breanna61

    breanna61 Super Moderator

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    I am loving this report; please sir I want some more!
     
  8. thecarve

    thecarve Misanthrope

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    Gotta love a gal with a tall boy! (She also has much better taste in music than you.:poke:)

    Good stuff McGoo. Looking forward to more. :thumbsup:
     
  9. sam_marques

    sam_marques High-Roller

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    Loving this TR:nworthy: more please!!!
     
    Mommys Solo Trips
  10. Piech

    Piech Tourist

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    Bummer about Presidential - the same thing happened to me several years ago when I took my son and his 21 year old girlfriend for the first time - didn't show up - we stood in 105 friggin heat for 30 minutes before someone finally showed up - completely destroyed my surprise and their 1st impression - I will never use them again - too many other options :Þ to Presidential.....
     
  11. kel3420

    kel3420 VIP Whale

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    I am loving this!
     
  12. Blonde_4_ever

    Blonde_4_ever "The Welfare Queen of Windsor"

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    Hmmm.....you fly Spirit out of Detroit...which is what I do every 6 months.
    And you cross the border to do this...which is what I do, too.

    Sounds suspiciously like we live in the same city![​IMG]

    You have a fantastic writing style.
    Really enjoying this!
     
  13. ATXSooner

    ATXSooner Tourist

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    I too lack the ability to slow play, so yeah, I feel your pain, man.

    I totally agree with everything you said about Book & Stage. Love that place. I genuinely don’t care that the pay tables suck, and that I’ll end up dropping $100 to $200 on VP for what amounts to four to five drinks (strong, delicious drinks). Of course, that’s all offset by a trip to the Stage Door. Where you can spend a fraction that playing VP, walk away with a great buzz, and a (surprisingly good) hot dog to boot.

    Also, this: “as wide as that annoying family walking 6 wide down the strip”. That might be my favorite metaphor ever.

    Looking forward to the rest!
     
  14. Kickin

    Kickin Flea

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    Haha you sir are hilarious. Looking forward to the rest and sure hope you eventually got your volcano nachos!

    “Fuck ya, DETROIT! Let’s do this” LOL :beer:
     
  15. SBTX

    SBTX Tourist

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    100% agree!!
     
  16. McGoo

    McGoo Low-Roller

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    Thanks for all the great comments, I suppose my writing style is abrupt, with most likely many, misplaced, commas.

    Blonde: If it takes you about 2 hr and 20 mins to get to DTW, I think we live in the same city! which is probably why we go to vegas so often.

    Basically I try to take what I and others refer to as "stealth" trips. I know I should not let it bother me, but I really don't like people making me feel bad about taking so many vacations. I know it is not intentional, nut I AM SORRY THAT I LIVE WITHIN MY MEANS and can afford a couple vacations a year. Hell I'm just trying to squeeze them in before we squeeze a little one out.

    Another reason for stealth trips is people asking me if they can come to Vegas with me. I love my family and my friends but I don't really want to spend my vacation playing the "what do you want to do, I dunno whatever you want to do" game. On my vacations I just do whatever my wife wants to do, its easy, ahaha.

    Day three coming immediately
     
  17. McGoo

    McGoo Low-Roller

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    Day 3 Friday – Apologies to Volcano Nachos, we ran out of time

    It was not a good feeling when I awoke, I needed to throw myself in the pool and let the water sink in. The Boulevard pool is beautiful with great strip views; it’s small in size but real designed. I put my shit on a chair, and rolled myself into the pool. After beaching myself in the shallow end I started coming around soon becoming aggressively hangry. We got the most incredibly delicious $5 croissant from Va Bene, and from then on it was my wife’s requirement each morning, I could’ve had 5 sausage McMuffins for the same price, but I did it for her.

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    I was the one who got into the sauce yesterday and by 11am it looked like today was my wife’s turn. We had a couple beers at the pool and a couple more in the room while getting ready for lunch. I had a MyVegas voucher for 2 lunch buffets at Aria. This buffet was much better than expected; I was impressed by the solid selection of specialty foods. My wife opted for the all you can drink option for $14, and she got her money’s worth and that waiter earned his tip.

    They rolled us out of the buffet at 2pm and we waddled back to Cosmo. I wanted her to take another shot at losing a hundred. Back to the same Top Dollar and half way through the $100 she hit the 7’s again, cashed out and took our money to the Book and Stage. The whole day crew was there, the stars had aligned and t’was to be a magical afternoon. We not so proudly announced that we were planning on getting full on day drunk and Heather, the excellent bartender was more than pleased to make to oblige. We put in a solid 4-5 hour session, not entirely sure how long as things got pretty blurry. We had a great time hanging out with them, trying to drunkenly learn Hawaiian and hitting a few quads to keep our money stretching far enough to get more cocktails then anyone truly needs.

    Kalama making cocktails and teaching us Hawaiian, and don't worry he faked taking a drink for the picture

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    It became obvious that we should save the embarrassment and cut ourselves off. Up to the room to relax and get ready for the night, we were going Margaritaville for Volcano Nachos and Paigow. We chilled in the room with more beers eventually causing my wife to pass out on the balcony chair and I in the bed. I awoke at 11:30pm once again very Nacholess! We just kinda looked at each other and without speaking, decided to just keep sleeping.
    The Volcano nachos were starting to feel like Matt Damon on the Jimmy Kimmel show.
    Sleeping was the right decision, it was Friday night, the Strip and Margarittaville would have been packed and I didn’t feel like dealing with mosiers, 4 wide walkers, D bags and baby strollers. We needed our rest for Downtown the next day!
     
  18. zephyrm

    zephyrm Tourist

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    Heather is a great bartender at the Book and Stage. She comes up with some great mixes once you tell her what you like.
     
  19. Blonde_4_ever

    Blonde_4_ever "The Welfare Queen of Windsor"

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    Nope...I am right across the border.
    You have a longer drive than I do.
    Please continue!
     
  20. Pattie

    Pattie Low-Roller

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    Yes, please continue! This is such a fun read!
    The pictures are great as well.
     
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